First time my baby was away from me by his father...

@Kaeli72 (1230)
United States
March 24, 2008 1:30am CST
My baby boy is only three months old. He's my last year's Christmas present and he's been with me every day of his young life. But, today hubby and I had a fight and he took the baby and the 2 year old toddler with him to see his mommy. After he left, I was so depressed I couldn't eat or drink. My 12 year old daughter was so loving to me, she wouldn't go ride her bike like she really wanted to. She stayed with me because she didn't want me to be lonely. I felt like crying everytime I thought of my babies. When hubby finally came home, I held my fuzzy headed infant for a long time. I can't imagine what it's like leaving a child that young to go to work. Have you had to leave your child for something like that and what happened? Did you cry when you and your little one/s were reunited?
3 people like this
10 responses
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
24 Mar 08
Hello Kaeli, I felt so bad reading your experience and though I am not a woman and definitely could not experience the bonding of a mother and an infant, I could really feel the remorse you had felt. I mean I saw it happening to my mom who took care of an infant 3 years back and she took care of my neighbor's child while her mom went to work. From the moment she was born right up to when she was about 3 years. Then, suddenly the baby's mom had to relocate to another place and had to move out, and therefore, my mom's service was automatically terminated. It was not the pain of losing the extra income, but I saw her suffering and her missing the child, though it's not her own. There is definitely a bonding that I could not see but could felt. I am rarely at home and usually when I came back, the baby would be there smiling and my mom would be playing with her. But ever since the baby is no longer under my mom's care, I saw her having that missing and longing look. It is really saddening and I think it a sin to be separating a mom from her child and this is definitely sad when it happens to divorce cases. I pray that you will always be happy with your family. Fret not..
@Kaeli72 (1230)
• United States
24 Mar 08
Great response. I know about this because of being around women who have been nannies, babysitters and grandmothers. When a friend of my mother's left the state, she (friend) cried and cried because she was leaving this little girl she was a nanny to. I read your story and it was very well written. I could feel and see the pain that your mother experienced. Hopefully that mother is sending pictures and updates on the wee one.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
25 Mar 08
Thank you so much Kaeli .. really appreciate your token of appreciation to my response. Yes, though I'm a guy, I could really see the pain through my mom's eyes...now I'm trying my best to contact my ex-neighbor and trying to get some pix of the baby. Hopefully my mom get to see it... Thanks again ;)
@akotalagato (1335)
• Philippines
24 Mar 08
Having your baby taken from you by your DH after a fight is a totally different situation than having to go to work. I imagine the fear you must have felt for your baby since you and your DH werent in good terms when he left. But when you go to work, its different because you have to think that you are working for the future of your baby. It is very hard waking up every morning to go to work knowing that your little angel will be left behind. I used to work after I gave birth up until my son was almost 2 years old. I hugged him tight everytime i got home since i missed him tremendously the whole day. but i eventually had to stop working when he had asthma. I had to stay at home and take care of him full time since my in-laws had a very hard time taking care of him. the miracle is that since i stopped work and started taking care of him myself, he didnt have any asthma attacks any more! now i truly believe that a child needs his mother to take care of him.
1 person likes this
@SilPhil (267)
• Australia
24 Mar 08
My daughter has been going to daycare 3 days a week since she was 6 months old. It was very hard in the beginning, being away from her. But as time goes by, it does get easier. It enables you to cherish the time that you have together even more, and makes that time together even more special. Even on days I don't have to work and my daughter is home, my husband regularly takes her out with him, he takes her to visit his parents, go to shops and whatever. I trust him completely, and I know my daughter is perfectly safe with him, and I can enjoy the time to be on my own, and to do things that I would not be able to do with her around. I can pick up my knitting and forget about everything else for a small period of time, knowing that she will be coming back to me, and that we can have fun when she returns. She has now been going to daycare for a year, and I am perfectly comfortable with her going. She enjoys the time away from me, and at daycare she gets to experience things that she wouldn't experience with me at home. It is hard in the beginning, but remember that one day you're baby boy will be going to school, and going to friends houses to play, having sleepovers, and one day, will grow up and move out of home. It's not something you want to think about now, and I think its great that you have bonded so strongly with your son, but be careful not to loose sense of who you are. It's not a crime to be away from him if he is in good hands, and its not a crime to enjoy yourself while you are away from him. It does not make you a bad mother, and it does not mean you love him any less.
@Swaana (1208)
• India
24 Mar 08
Though I would not have allowed DH to take infant away from me. But still I had to leave my daughter when she was young with a day care as I got a temporary job offer. A part time job for 15 days. Though it was just for 15 days, and my daughter was one year old, I cannot bear of being away from her for 6 hours. After coming back on the first day, I really cried by holding her close to me. I was couting the days and was waiting for the 15 days to over as fast as it could. After that I made sure that I am not away from my kids for a long time. And also I am going to work only after they become quite old enough to take care of themselves really well.
@madlees (1381)
• India
24 Mar 08
Dear Kaeli, That's very difficult dear, to be without your darling baby for even some hours. That too when the father takes them away after a fight. Atleast you had your eldest with you and she was old enough to understand your plight. Think if she been younger and was with you. She would have wanted attention and she would not have been of help at all. She would have been pestering you and you would have got upset. Try to think about this. Anyway your hubby came back after sometime.. About going to work one has to do that for the career and lively hood. So those mothers are given enough mental strength by GOD to bear the pain. Don't you think so??
1 person likes this
• India
14 Apr 08
Yeah i know xactly how you feel, when my baby was just 6 months old, me n my husband had a fight and he took the baby away , no rather snatched my baby and took him off for almost less than an hour, but that was the most horrible amount of time, felt like foreva, i cudnt eat, drink or even stop crying. I just cudnt stop crying and hugging my baby when he returned....well i have 2 say, that was so cruel...
• United States
7 Apr 08
ohhh that is so sweet, when I have my own nobody is gonna take me away from them jeje
@chrysz (1603)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
I know how you feel because I just arrived from a three-week job hunting in another country. Worse, my eldest has to stay with her dad because she was still attending school and my 5-month old baby has to stay with my granny since there are more people who would look after her there. Even before I left the country, I have already cried a river but I told myself that I must do it since opportunities will not be coming to me unless I seek for it. Instead of extending for another month in Singapore, I decided to just come home and be with my children. It was really hard and I can't help but cry most of the time. I now try to spend more time with my babies. As much as possible, I want to be there to take care of them. For now, I will just wait longer before I go away again and try my luck in another country.
• United States
25 Mar 08
I think...and it's just my opinion...maybe your depression came from not knowing if he'd come back with the children or not...that is a completely different separation that going to work...i understand and have been there,it's not a good feeling.The only time in my life i thought i would have a nervous breakdown is when my oldest son thought he wanted to go live with his dad...i understand your pain...i am glad you all could work it out.Much Love and many Blessings to you
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
25 Mar 08
You didn't say how long the hubby and kids were gone, but not being able to eat or sleep indicates some sort of problem. I went to work when my son was 8 weeks old. It was not easy and I tried to schedule my work hours to maximize my time with him, it was tough, but I never got symptoms of depression from the separation time. I was very happy to see him.