why does he make me feel like nothing???? help

why does he make me feel like nothing??? - this is me
March 29, 2008 7:20am CST
well where do i start, i feel like i am nothing because my fiance keeps puting me down he calls me a fat cow, sl ag, jabba the hut, says i am not worth anything! i feel really hurt and very low about myself. he says he loves me but he has not bee showing it . he thinks i have cheated on him but i havnt, i feel really depressed i want this to work but i cant keep geting made to feel like scum, ugly, worthless, never good enough. he wants me to lose weight i have tryed and still trying,i am overweight but not buy alot . its dosnt help when i have no confidence. when he is drunk i get called all the names under the sun. its not fair, i want to feal like i am wanted,loved, that he fancies me!! but i dont. i cry alot because of this. why dose he always mention my bad points why not say good things about me? hes aload out to pubs but if i dare to mention going out he says u need to get a babysitter as he aint watching our daughter,and if i cant get 1 i dont get out. i have only been out 4 times by myself in 5 years.its his way or the high way. i had a bebo page and he deleted it as i had a friend on it that was a guy that i hadnt spoken to or seen for 6 years, which wasnt nice. he has hurt me emotional aswel as phisicaly somtimes i would rather he hit me then sla g me as it hurts so much inside.he hasnt ever punched me hes pulled my hair pinned me againt the wall a couple of times and threw me to the floor.what should i do???? i know i ld leave him but i dont want to. all i want is to be made to feel special,wanted, needed and loved is that so much to ask for?
12 people like this
36 responses
@pphdpphd (36)
• United States
29 Mar 08
First off I am a guy and i will say this because all the woman that have been in my life have always told me i treated them well so here is why i am responding. I have several woman friends who have gone through this including a sister. Men should treat woman like there own mothers and if this guy is doing this it is not you it is him and his issues. I enjoy it when my girlfriend goes out with her friends and i am not with her, why it is called trust and your fiance doesnt have trust in himself or the self esteem in himself. If what you have written is true you need to get out of the realationship for yourself what you feel is not love stand up for yourself and tell him where to go and move on there is someone out for you dont let someone take your character and the person you want to be away from you. You are missing out on wonderful things in life for what. Also keeps this in mind you have a daughter do you want some guy treating your daughter this way i bet he doesnt. hang in there.
4 people like this
31 Mar 08
it defently is his issue and i have told him i will be going out regular with or without him as i need some time for myself and to spend time with friends without him beng over my sholder.thank you for ur advise x
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
29 Mar 08
**LEAVE HIM NOW!!!** No one deserves what's been done to you. This is sickening! You do have the right to be loved and cherished, not to be treated like refuse. From what I've read it seems like he's not your lover but an abusive family member.
3 people like this
@eladmj (127)
• United States
30 Mar 08
drop that zero and get your self a hero, he is just using you
31 Mar 08
hi i am reading the responses i couldnt get time to do it as he has been of work the last few days and if he seen me on this tealing everyone what he has done i dont think he would be very happy with me! we have talked and he is not aloud to drink and has to treat me like i am special and make me feel wanted, he was good ith me last night the best he has been for about 5 months maybe he has just realised that he will lose me and that he has relly knocked the confidence out of me! thanks for yoor dive appreciated
@diansinta (7549)
• Indonesia
29 Mar 08
why such a man treat his women like that?! this is really making me angry! dear, angelaglass2008, well first of all we cant stop people including your fiance saying rude thing and un support word and calling you ugly. In fact you are beautiful in your picture.Believe me if you come to Indonesia you can be a movie star with you appearance. I ma not liying. I thing he made it up so that you wouldn't have such dare to cheating on him with another man, not that serious, but he will take in charge to control you. He made it this way so tat you have a low self esteem. And i believe that when a man drunks, he turn out to be the really truth he is(I use to be a waitress so i know lots type of people generous, rude, stingy, twisted lots of type. Don't let his words hurt you. My mother always said to me, Dian, love your self first then somebody else. I know its sound selfish, but it is necessary. Loving our self means we are greatful to the God, for everything that he gave me until to day. I still have my eyes to see, all part of my body. Your fiance can't made eyes like yours or hands that can type this discussion. Only God can. I am pretty sure too that Madonna wouldn't wants him either. If you still love him, deal with him with a cold heart, don't lets any word of him hurt you. but out there lots of better man waiting for you. As long as you happy.
3 people like this
31 Mar 08
thanks for saying i am beautiful! and i appreciate your advice very much and i hope to solve it once and for all else he is out for good xxx
1 person likes this
@diansinta (7549)
• Indonesia
1 Apr 08
HUG
29 Mar 08
I'm so sorry hun, but your guy is a total loser, a control freak and a pig. You really need to get away from this guy before he destroys you and your daughter. Please hun, get away while you can, he isn't worth the pain and the suffering he causes you.
31 Mar 08
i love him so much ands its not worth the pain buti need to give it one last chance and if he dosnt changs he is away out my life for good! thanks for ur response
• United States
29 Mar 08
because hes a jerk!
2 people like this
31 Mar 08
he is but one chance he mwkes me feal like that again and he is away x
@Razzles (566)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I would get out of this relationship fast. He sounds like a no good bum to me. You can do better. You need to be with someone that loves you for you and doesnt try to change you. Everyone has faults, but you just have to learn to live with the flow. This guy that you call your fiance is bringing you down and you have to have the guts to tell him that he either respects you or its out on the highway for him. He knows he has control over you and it is only going to get worse. If not for you, get out for the sake of your daughter. She deserves a better life as well. You say that all you want to is to feel special, wanted, needed and loved. You can get more affection from a dog than him. I don't know you, but I have seen things like this happen and I do watch the Dr. Phil show. I can see Dr. Phil saying, "What were you thinking?' Please get out before he harms you anymore and he may even take his frustration on your daughter. You can get out. Slavery days are over. Pleasse give yourself a chance and think positive for the future. Your daughter deserves this.
31 Mar 08
i know i can do better but this is his last chance and he will be booted out the door for me and my daughters sake,thankou for the advice its appreciated
@gratitude (181)
• South Africa
30 Mar 08
Angelaglass! If that is a pic of you at the bottom of your post - lord! girl what the hell is wrong with your confidence??? Get out of this relationship man! Whether you are overweight or not LOVE DONT SLAG YOU GIRL! SIMPLE WORDS YOU NEED TO REPEAT OVER AND OVER UNTIL IT SINKS IN IS...LOVE DONT HURT...Take a step back a while and think about things. sit in front of a mirror and LOOK AT YOU...JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF. Your confidence is ..in my opinion...non existent and you 'think' you love him girl! It's no excuse to stay with an oxygen thief like this just because you have a child with him. Do you realize that your child feels all your hurt? even though she may may not be showing it? You say you dont want to leave him? WHY..WHY???? Do you hate yourself so much that you feel you deserve such treatment? Take your daughter and get the hell out of that relationship. When a man lifts his hands to someone he proclaims to love!!! girl read between the lines..thats manipulation!!! You think you unhappy now...you stick around and ALLOW/ENABLE him to carry on making you feel worthless..in hope of him changing??? girl that type of oxygen thief dont change..they see how desperate you are/or seem to want to hold on..and they carry on the abuse!!! YOU ARE SIMPLY HIS PORT IN THE STORM - HIS DOORMAT HIS LIVE-IN MAID...need I say more????? are you only worthy of been that??? ONLY YOU can STOP this...
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Whoo, i cannot understand this girl,not wanting him to leave? I would kick him out...If i knew where he was i would go beat him up for her,man..if this is love ,I don't want any!she don't have to worry about him getting anyone else,No one would have him....
31 Mar 08
thanx you for your advice the pic is me lol thanks, we talked last night and i told him how i felt and i am very unhappy an all i want is to be treated with resapect feel wanted and needed and he said he will change i have gave him a warning and said no drinking or puting me down and if he does i will be away and he will never see me again . thank you again very appreciated xxx
• South Africa
31 Mar 08
Angelaglass The ONLY WAY that person is going to change as he says he would is to experience a bit of his own dealings out - back at him! That is what all abusers say when they are cornered my friend! "I will change"..last famous words!!! I still cannot understand how you can want? need? desire? to still be anywhere near such a person after what he has already done and put you through. It's men like him that are the cause of me being still single. I'd sooner be lonely, have a good sob cuddle up to my pillow, pick myself up dust myself off and find something to take away the loneliness than be subjected to such degrading and self centredness! I wish you well though in whatever CHOICE you make...remember that whatever the outcome may become..IT WAS YOUR CHOICE ONLY!
• United States
30 Mar 08
You ask for help, but you don't want to leave this poor excuse of a man. You can't change him. He's not going to say or do anything to make you feel special or loved. Wake up and smell the coffee, sweetie. It's okay to be alone until you meet someone you can have a good relationship with.
1 person likes this
31 Mar 08
i know its ok to be alone but iam scared of it . thanks for the comment really appreciate it x
• United States
31 Mar 08
In the end, it's your choice, angela. I've read the other responses. Other women here have been through similar situations. I truly hope you're listening. I saw your picture. You are a beautiful woman. Even if you weren't you wouldn't deserve to be treated like he is treating you. I don't believe for one second that he's going to change.
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
30 Mar 08
He is never going to make you feel special, wanted, needed or loved. If you think he's going to change forget it. He won't. They never do. Get out now while you can. Go to an abuse shelter if need be but get away from him. Trust me on this, he's only going to get worse. You do not want to be raising your daughter in that sort of environment. He will treat her like he is treating you. If you won't get out for yourself at least get out for her sake. This is not a good relationship. You need to think of yourself and your daughter and if you marry him it will only escalate from here. Break it off while you can and get clear. Run don't walk in this instance. If you have any family around ask them for help to get away. I've seen so many instances of this and the men only get more abusive as time goes on. You don't deserve that. You deserve to have someone who does treat you special and loves you for who you are. Tell him to hit the road. You don't need him.
31 Mar 08
thanks you very much,i know i dont need him in my head i think that but the heart tells u diffrent. xx
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
31 Mar 08
I understand but it doesn't sound like he's very good for your heart either. Love should not be something that makes you miserable like that.
• Canada
29 Mar 08
You are not going to get what you want and deserve from this man. He is insecure about the relationship and putting you down is his way of feeling superior to you. He is abusive and does not deserve you at all. If you stay with this man you probably won't make it past your daughters 10th birthday. The violence will only get worse. I had to live in an abusive household growing up and the last straw for my mother was usually when the guy tried to kill her. The last that I can remember clearly, was my mother having her head put in the toilet, The SOB was trying to drown her. The day I saw my mother fight back was the proudest I had ever been of her. Your daughter should not have to live in this kind of environment, it's not fair for her to see or hear your fiance beating or calling you down. She will get to a point where she will think you are all the things he says you are and she will start to disrespect you as much as he does. You must get out ASAP!!! He is a loser and you can do so much better sweety your beautiful and do not let anyone EVER tell you any different. Hugs P.S. if ya need to talk at any time just send me a PM
1 person likes this
31 Mar 08
thanks for ur advice,your mum is a strong women it takes alot of guts and will power to get out of a abusive relationship and i will take everyones advice onboard thankyou again.
• Canada
31 Mar 08
Yes I agree she was very strong to get herself out of that BUT she has put herself back into the same situation over and over again. Even now she is in an abusive relationship. She went from one extreme to the next she is now the kind of woman that abuses as much and she is abused. Its really very bad. Now that you know the signs you should be able to pick up on them in the future and save yourself the heartache of being abused again. Good Luck hun Huggerzzzzz
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
29 Mar 08
You may be able to get help through al-anon! It is an international group and you can even find online groups! After that you will understand more about what to do with your situation!
31 Mar 08
i will phone someone for some advice just incase he dosnt change just to know where i stand if i need to get out of this,they will help i think.thanks for the response
1 person likes this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I hope that you will be fine.
@Calais (10898)
• Australia
30 Mar 08
Why on earth do you not want to leave him ?????????????? You and your daughter deserve better than that, Be strong and get out of that situation before something goes wrong..
1 person likes this
31 Mar 08
i hope he can change one last chance and he is out, thanks for ur message appreciated alot x
@sanell (2113)
• United States
30 Mar 08
First of all, the whole baby sitter thing is CRAP. That is also his responsibility. I feel bad for your poor daughter it is not a healthy place to be, I think that if I were you I would be picking up my daughter and taking her away from that atmosphere. Perhaps that would show him....I think he knows he has you where he wants you and he obviously is unhappy with you but at the same time he gets jealous if you have any guy friends. He may love you but again not healthy.
1 person likes this
31 Mar 08
its not healthy and i do think he loves me he told me last night how sorry he was lets see if he changes, thanks for r advice x
@ltmoon (1008)
• United States
30 Mar 08
You use the word "fiance", so you are actually engaged to this person and planning on marrying him? Wake up and smell the coffee!
1 person likes this
31 Mar 08
yes we are engeged but i have no intention of marrying him in intil he gets help and change if he ever does. x
• China
30 Mar 08
My suggestion is to be yourself!THIINKING.
1 person likes this
31 Mar 08
i will be thanks for ur response
@Savvynlady (3685)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse where as the abuse last a whole lot longer, and you call him your fiance? uhh uhh, you need to drop the man and move on. You can do a whole lot better. Love is for good, not bad and again like I said before, THAT'S NOT LOVE!!! move on while u can.
1 person likes this
31 Mar 08
i would rather get a punch then mental abuse that seems to effect me more i think. he has never punched me but somtimes i wish he would as i would rather that. thanks for ur response xxx
• United States
30 Mar 08
He makes you feel like nothing because your too good for him and he doesn't want you to see that. Because if you do you might leave him for someone better. I think you should because your in an abusive relationship. It may not be physical, but abuse is abuse. You want someone to love you for the way you are not, because of how you look. Even if he wanted you to lose weight he should encourage you, not put you down. If you want someone better, and will give you the love you deserve, you should get your daughter and leave as soon as you can. If you think he will get violent because your leaving him, then don't tell him. I wish you all the best and I hope you find the loving person you deserve.
1 person likes this
31 Mar 08
thanks for the advice appreciate it alot
• India
29 Mar 08
its a true fact as per ur sentences that he doesnt love u......i really pity at ur situation........dont worry think cool and come up with a bold decision i think u can do it good luck...may god bless you...!
1 person likes this
31 Mar 08
i am trying not to worry,i dont want to finish with him but i told him how he makes me feal when he say nasty things and he promised to change and not to drink,time will tell hopefully he does. thanks for your advice x
@anniepa (27655)
• United States
12 Apr 08
My God girl, you've GOT to get away from this jerk! I hope this doesn't offend you, but you did ask what you should do. You're not even married (thank God!) and he treats you like this? Run, don't walk, out of there as fast as you can. You've got to consider your daughter to, Hon, this isn't good for her either. I don't know you but I don't have to - nobody should ever take this kind of treatment from anyone. Annie
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
8 Apr 08
Dump him. You can't loose weight when someone is calling you a fat cow. You can't stop being depressed when someone puts you down. He doesn not love you, he loves power. He loves having someone to put down. Find someone who loves you, really loves you, that person will make you feel loved. Don't date drunks. If they cared about themselves, they wouldn't be drunk, if he cared about you, he'd quit drinking. Date someone who either doesn't drink or drinks only 1 drink an hour. His way or the highway, the high way sounds really, really good to me. 6 years is too long to be with him. He pinned you against the wall, and threw you on the floor, what should you do? If you live in the US, call Stop Domestic Violence when he's gone or passed out and plan your escape!