I Went To See My Grandmother Tonight And It Broke My Heart
By dfinster
@dfinster (3528)
United States
April 1, 2008 8:50pm CST
I am now and always have been extremely close to my grandma on my dad's side. I lived with her for a few years when I got divorced and we used to talk every single day. She's like my mom and one of the smartest and sweetest people I have ever known. 2 years ago she ended up having to go to an assisted living facility which is still very close to where I live but we don't talk as much as we used to. I went to visit her tonight and my mom thought she had the flu at least that's what she said when her and my dad visited her last weekend.
She doesn't have the flu, she's depressed. One of my sister-in-laws works as a nurse there and she confirmed my suspicion of depression. It tore my heart out. I love her more than anything in the world. When my mom used to be hard and abusive my grandma always made me feel better. When it seemed nobody believed in me, she made me believe in myself. I can't stand that she's feeling like this and having to be there all alone. I made her a promise that I would be sure to visit her at least twice a week. She told me how much she misses me and I want to do everything in my power to lift her spirits. It's so hard for me to see her like that. She's now 88 but totally with it mentally and sharp as she's always been but it seems like her spirit is crushed. I don't know what else beside visiting will help her. if something were to happen to her it would be like losing my mother and I can't stand it.
I guess I'm not sure what to do or how to handle this but I just needed to talk about it because it really hurts me. Thanks for listening.~D
3 people like this
15 responses
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
2 Apr 08
My grandmother is 87, close to your grandmother's age, and she is still pretty shrap. She lives in a retirement home and she comes over to my house whenever she can, she can still drive, so she drives whenever she feels like it. It is depressing for elderly people if they are trapped in one place.
2 people like this
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
5 Apr 08
My grandmother has had to have her eyes and heart fixed several times. I do not know if I ever want to get old. I know what I have to look forward to and I do not like it.
1 person likes this
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
2 Apr 08
I'm sorry about how your grandma's feeling. I hope she will be better soon. Maybe you really need to see her more often. She probably misses you that much. It's just so sad that she's feeling depressed and maybe lonely where she is right now. Maybe after you've constantly visit her, she will feel much better.
2 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
2 Apr 08
Is there any way to get her in your house for a few hours? Could you take her to lunch somewhere? My grandma was in the rest home, and she too was depressed, but you could see her spirit rise when we would go get her and bring her to the house for a while. We only did it about every two weeks and she did not stay over 3 hours and was ready to go back so she could sleep. Going to see her more is great, take her outside for fresh air. My grandma was 86 when she passed last Oct. and a week before that, we had her here for a birthday party for my grandson and I am glad we did.
2 people like this
@blackbriar (9076)
• United States
2 Apr 08
Why don't you try taking her out of that place for the day. Maybe the park or the mall, back to your house. Anywhere you can just relax and talk like old times. She's been there for you when you needed her, now she needs you even if just for the company. It doesn't have to be daily or even weekly. Make a special day at least once a month for just the 2 of you. That's what your grandmother is wanting in return. Your time! I know cause I was there with my own grandma and sure do miss her.
2 people like this
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
2 Apr 08
It is hard to see anyone in a nursing home let alone someone who is so close to you. Both of my grandma's spent some time in a nursing home. I think being in a nursing home crushes some peoples spirits. They get lonely, depressed, and unfortunately forgotten about. Try and visit her as much as you can and encourage other family members to do the same.
2 people like this
@summta (65)
• China
2 Apr 08
I am very sorry to read your information,all of us will become old,and what we will be when we become old.In fact,the elder need more care,more communication than the younger,what we can do is try to satisfy him or her requirement and make his or her life happy.I think your grandma will feel gratify if she know how much you want to give her all your care. Best wishes to your grandma!!
2 people like this
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
2 Apr 08
I am so sorry. Try to visit her as often as you can, call everyday. Take the kids to see her, talk about old times. Look at pictures together. If you can, get her out of there on some outings. Spring is coming, when it gets nice get her out in the sunshine and fresh air. Tell her you love her. Live as each day might be her last, then you won't have any regrets. Take care, I hope you have her for many many years and that she gets to feeling better.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
4 Apr 08
that is so sad, I very bad for your grandmother. I know that I would not like to be in assisted living either. I would want to be with my family. It is not something to look forward too. My mother is now 73 years old, my grandparents have already passed away.
1 person likes this
@KKKBsmom (1092)
• United States
2 Apr 08
I think you are right... Depression... probably a lack in all she use to do... that is a big move for an elderly person!
You going and visiting more I am sure will up her spirits...
Good luck with that... take care and tell Grandma... Hi from everyone at mylot!
:0)
1 person likes this
@mbs730 (2147)
• Canada
2 Apr 08
I am so sorry you are having to watch this. I know its awful, because when you are old you cannot take care of yourself. I felt the same way, my grandmother was the only one who understood me. My mother was never abusive by any means but she was harder on me than she was on my brother and expected a lot out of me. My grandmother always made me feel better and made me feel okay about things. She has been gone for almost 10 years and I still wish she was back.
2 people like this
@havfaith (174)
• United States
2 Apr 08
I'm so very sorry to hear about your grandmother. I had worked in a nursing home for 12 years. And I found out they do get depressed.
Visit your grandmother as much as possible and if she is able take her to your house for a visit. Older people don't accept change much. You have to realive when someone is put in an assisted living or what ever all they feel is everything they own is taken away from them. If someone would take me out of my home and put me somewhere that would depress me. And it is ashame nothing you say or do will make them understand being in the assisted living is the better place for them.
And some will put a guilt trip on the family and that makes it harder for the family.
havfaith
1 person likes this
@Deea48 (1166)
• United States
4 Apr 08
Well it sounds to me you are on the right path, so go ahead visit her more often, get her out. Go for a nice walk in the park, maybe do a little shopping. Plan things together so she has something to look forward regulary. It is good you went, I am sure in no time you will be telling us stories about how your day with grandma went. Most of all, enjoy your time together. Best of luck, have fun.
1 person likes this
@wnbwnbwnb (426)
• China
3 Apr 08
Don't be sad,sweety.
I love my grandparents so much, so I understand your feeling now.
I think there are no better gift you can give to your grandma than visiting her as much as possible. I visit them every other week,and they always so happy to meet me.
You should know that they don't expect anything from you,but do wish you could visit them regularly.
1 person likes this
