Loosing Friends Today (Get Ready for my rating to go down)

United States
April 2, 2008 6:22pm CST
For the first time in fourteen months I got a rant!!! I have never been spammed here in MyLot before. I don't know what I did to avoid it, but I did. I have been in discussions before where people were complaining about friends sending them links about programs they weren't interested in. I decided right then and there that if I got any unrequested links in my messages, I would respectfully warn them that I don't take these type of messages, and if they were to continue I would delete them. Again, respectfully. This seemed to be a good solution then. Works only in theory. Today I got smacked with two links from two different friends. I sent the first one a respectful message, saying that I didn't accept these type of messages if I haven't requested them, and if it was to continue, I would delete them so please stop. The first person got all heated, saying that I was being nasty and that I could just go ahead and delete them right now. I told them that I wasn't being nasty, I was just explaining the concept of spamming to them, in hopes they would understand and just stop. But I deleted them as requested. I thought it was over, but I got yet another message from another friend. I sent them the same reply, please don't or I will delete you. This one came back saying he doesn't take warnings, not to expect him to join anything that I am doing, and that I have to be a newbie. I have quite a few post than this person, rarely do my posts get deleted while a good portion of his are everyday, sometimes before I can even get to them, yet I'm the newbie??? What is the deal here? Am I wrong for voicing my wishes to these people, not to get asked to join this and that program everyday? I want to keep my friends, but if that is what you are here to do, I want to nip that in the bud first and foremost. If I want more information about a particular program that you have, I will ask you for a link, you won't have to spam me with it. Sending links to unsuspecting people isn't the way to get referrals anyway. Most will just end up the trash. The best way to have someone sign up with you, is to FIND SOMEONE ALREADY INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU HAVE!!!! Okay, I'm finished with my rant, I know that my rating will go down one or two stars by tomorrow, mostly by people that think I am talking about them specifically. But I'm not worried. I can raise my rating back up just like I did before. Posting interesting discussions, and thoughtful responses. I just had to get that out though.
35 people like this
44 responses
• Canada
2 Apr 08
I don't feel that what did was wrong. You were just asking them to not send you any links to sites. If you were at all rude in any of those messages I could see why they may have been upset. But if you were perfectly kind, then they must have just taken it the wrong way.
7 people like this
• United States
2 Apr 08
They both took it wrong then. I used very plain english, not rude at all. I said to "please take this as your only warning. I do not accept these type of messages here. You are a good friend and a good poster, but if you continue to send me these type of messages without my request I will delete you from my friends list." I felt that I was polite, yet firm, just to make sure that it didn't happen again. But still it didn't work. They both deleted me. Its not that I am hurt that I lost them as friends, its just that I got mad. Here I am, letting you know what I like and don't like, requesting nicely that you don't send me messages like this, and all of a sudden I'm being nasty??? I am the one coming out on top, because if they continue to do this to their other friends, their list will end up shrinking way more than mine. All I did was request that this not happen again, and state the action that I will take for it not to happen again. If they didn't like it, I am better off without them.
5 people like this
• Canada
2 Apr 08
Well its good to see that you were being nice. They sure overreacted!
4 people like this
@the_ruler (1444)
• Turkey
2 Apr 08
I am really amazed to see that you are recieving that kind of messages. I am so happy that no one is sending that kind of messages without my approval. Personally, I am interested in that kind of sites a little but I used to be interested in them much more in the past, so I still listen to my friends' advices when I am in the mood to sign up for another website. However, If I had been constantly spammed by anyone, I would be very disappointed too. I don't think your rating will go down for that kind of a message. you have the right to choose what kind of messages you would like to recieve from your friends and they shouldn't be doing that if it is just not for you to sign up for their programs. And I just don't understand why people send their links to other people who are not really interested in that kind of websites. They all should know activity is everything when it comes to GPT sites and if you just sign up and stay inactive it will never bring anything to them and if they know that they shouldn't throw their links all over, or at least to the people who don't like it SO MUCH. As I have just said, you have to be very active in that kind of sites and it means you should be interested and determined in them SO MUCH. how can they be that sure about it and keep sending links to you.. That's bad. Don't mind about your rating though, I gave you a + to shield a few -s :) but as I have just said, other mylotters will also support you and that wouldn't effect your rating at all,because you are not doing anything wrong. If you had insulted those people instead of mentioning "you are not interested" then it would change the case,but in current one there is nothing wrong in my opinion.
@uath13 (8200)
• United States
3 Apr 08
That's one of the reasons I screen my friends requests so carefully. I don't just let anyone on my friends list unless I feel they deserve it & aren't just going to be spamming me with junk. I have 2 pending freind requests right now. I've looked over their profiles & neither of them actually warrent me accepting. For now I'm just kind of watching to see what other activity they do to decide if their worth adding. If I don't see something interesting within the next week they'll be declined. Hopefully you won't have to weed out yours any further.
4 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18292)
3 Apr 08
I too screen my list very carefully. OK I have been spammed but it happens rarely and never twice, lol blessed be
2 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
I do a good check, but not as deep as you. If I get a friend request, I look at their profile immediately. First thing I am looking for is if they have responded to a discussion that I started, or also responded to. If I don't find any, then I will look at their posting style and interests. Too many about their programs, or not any good content, I won't add them. You are good, giving those people time to come up with some good posting, but honestly I don't a week will change things. When people join here, they fall into a routine, and rarely do they come out of it. What you see now is what you'll get if you decide to add them, but I doubt that.
1 person likes this
@uath13 (8200)
• United States
3 Apr 08
No 3 strike rule there. One spam & your gone... Your probably right. I give these the benefit of the doubt because they haven't really given me any reason to not accept them either. Call it friendship limbo... What they do in the next week decides their fate.
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
3 Apr 08
Hon you didn't do a single thing wrong. If those people can't handle someone politely telling them that they don't want what they are trying to offer, then those people are just a bit too testy and sensitive. If your rating goes down because of this rant, I would be highly surprised. It even says in the guidelines not to spam the other members here. So don't worry about it hon. Just keep doing what you're doing.
• United States
3 Apr 08
One thing about me you don't have to worry about. I am always going to be me, and do me. If my rating goes down because of this discussion, then so be it. I have enough friends and interesting discussion that it won't be for long.
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
3 Apr 08
Awesome attitude hon. YOU GO GIRL!
3 people like this
@mysdianait (66044)
• Italy
2 Apr 08
I have been lucky like you so far as to regards these private messages with unrequested links. I have rarely received any and if they do come then it is usually from newbies who I inform not to do such a thing in the future, The people on my friends list know what I'm involved with and when to send links and if I get any uncalled for ones then I too warn them. I agree with the way you handled this and think that if the people concerned got cross well it's their loss not yours. They obviously can't handle frienships, Friends help each other out on a give take basis not on just give, give and give even more. Don't worry about yur ratings because as you say they will return to normal again. I don't count them hardly at all because many users seek revenge by doing negative ratings so they are not really a reliable situation anyway.
4 people like this
• United States
2 Apr 08
Yeah, I guess they figured I hadn't gotten any yet, so I was the perfect one to beat up today. Neither one of these people were newbies either, one had over 8000 posts, the other just under me, probably about 40 posts off. So they have been around here long enough to know that you shouldn't be sending those type of messages here, the majority of people will not appreciate them. I don't pay much attention to my rating either. Because it more often than not at a 10. When I started this discussion the thought crossed my mind that they may come back and rate this discussion negative, possibly have other people do the same. I'm not worried about it at all, because if it does drop, I know that it will be right back the next day lol.
4 people like this
• United States
2 Apr 08
You know what Mooch, I don't have my comments space up on my profile, never really have, and that is the reason. I saw on MySpace how the comments never really pertained to the page. I wasn't really that concerned with it, just didn't want a whole bunch of junk on there. So when we went through the last upgrades, I closed that window (Before that it was way at the bottom of the page, and no one commented.
4 people like this
@sergeantrom (5721)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I certainly dont care about a freaking rating. But I do care about SPAM. I get enough of it in my email. I get spam, I delete. It comes again from the same person, delete profile, no questions no warnings. No need for an explanation when it comes to spam. I wont even waste my time. They should know the deal. People who spam dont want to hear what you have to say anyway. They are going to take your words wrong to make themselves feel better.
4 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
*Sigh* You are so right Sarge, but I feel that I am doing them a disservice if I don't at least warn them first. But I guess that's just my nice nature. I need a good reason to delete a friend, and that is a hot button people don't want to press. But I think I will continue warning people. If anything, it shows me what type of person that I am dealing with. I learned that tonight.
3 people like this
@alexsis (2149)
• United States
3 Apr 08
You was not wrong for voicing your wishes. I hate it when they send spam. I don't even warn them that I will delete them, I just delete them without warning. Your just so nice to send them a nice message.
4 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
I guess I am nice. But I feel like some may not realize they are offending people by sending these type messages. That coupled with the fact that some of these people are actually decent posters, I want at least give them a chance by telling them that I don't want this type of message first. If they blow up like this, I don't want them as a friend anyway. You see here that most wouldn't give a chance at all.
3 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
3 Apr 08
I think it was very respectful of you to request them not to send you unsolicited messages, drknlvly6781, and I am really amazed that they took it as offense even though it were them doing the offensive gesture. I have gotten few messages in my time here and I did tell them through messages that it's not what I am looking forward to for a healthy friendly relationship. I am glad, and lucky, that my friends never took it as offense as such and almost never sent me such messages again and our friendship remained in tact too. I think you got a bit unlucky there for receiving negative response for the respect you showed to them by requesting not to send those types of messages. I wish you best of luck for your star and I do hope it doesn't go down in first place and if it does, I believe your quality contributions will bring it back!:-)
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
Luckily my rating hasn't budged an inch since I started this discussion. But I am not worried about it anyway. As you said, if it does go down, I know that my posting will bring it back up. I was really rather shocked that I was responded to that way when I all I was trying to do was get my point across politely. You must have a knack for smooth rejection, because what I got was anything but smooth. I hope that a lot of my friends see this discussion, so they won't send me spam messages, or at least be prepared for the response they will get if they do. I hope that I don't run into these type of people again that cannot handle rejection.
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
3 Apr 08
Ratings are updated once a day, drknlvly6781, and I hope you haven't lost any, at least your star is still blue!:-) Yes, I think it was not a proper reaction from those friends when you asked politely. And, I do hope that this discussion will preempt any such future occurrences! Best of luck!:-)
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
20 Apr 08
Thanks for the best response, drknlvly6781!:-)
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr 08
I have had "friends" invite me then spam me with reflinks. I have had the links sent to me via PM's and some posted in my comments. Which in my opinion is flat out spamming. I delete the messages as soon as I read them. I have also deleted repeat offenders without warning. If that is the only reason they asked me to be friends then they really were not interested in anything but spamming to begin with. I have had the same thing happen to me at MySpace. Friend invitations then if I accept they post reflinks as comments...grrrr.. I try not to let it bother me and just delete as needed.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
The only reason this bothered me is that I thought that I was being polite and doing the right thing by warning them first. As you can see, most people would delete without warning. These two, outside of this spam, are good posters that have interesting discussions. I didn't want to delete them right off, because they both had been good friends up until this point. But I did find out what type of person the one was. I am glad that I did that, because I got to see what type of attitude one of the "friends" carried.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr 08
Well, that makes a different if they are good posters. Then I would probably think about it also before deleting and may not say anything. The ones that I had never responded to any of my post. They invited me to be friends and after approving I was spammed. Which I think is rude and deceiving. But, that is just how I see it. My ranking goes up and down..after stating who I would vote for once, my rating went down. That's sad to think someone is that vindictive to give a person a negative rating for having a different political view.
1 person likes this
@tops76 (289)
• India
7 Apr 08
Hi, drknlvly6781, don't lose heart. What you have done is right. I would have done the same thing. Don't feel blue about it. As you have said, you will certainly raise your rating back. Concentrate on this area. and yes, keep posting interesting discussions and thoughtful ideas. Regards.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Apr 08
Thanks tops, but I wasn't really feeling blue about this. I just needed to touch the base of MyLot, and make sure that I wasn't the only one that felt that way. I really did that too, according to the response that I have gotten. My rating has been fluctuating back and forth between an 8 and a 9, but I will have my 10 star back soon enough. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@sanell (2113)
• United States
3 Apr 08
do not worry, it is okay. YOu have every right to do what you did, if they get super upset with you just because you are requesting not to be spammed, well then they are not friends you should have anyway, it is ridiculous that they get so mad because they need to just relax, so what, you know most people on this site are looking to spam anyway, they are just trying to get money too...but in the end, they need to respect your wishes, sometimes I send out a link and i Get messages back and i just say Hey so sorry move on no big deal... anyway, hope you know that you will not get a bad rating for this at all, at least not from me!!
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
At least you don't blow up because someone doesn't want your link or to sign up. Its like a waitress getting mad because you said no thanks when she offered you coffee. Everyone here is trying to make money, but you should take care of how you do it. There is a right way, and a wrong way to promote whatever you are doing. Sending links to random friends in your list is definitely the wrong way.
1 person likes this
• Canada
3 Apr 08
I don't think you are in the wrong at all hun. you have the right to request this of people that want to be on your friends list. I myself usually just ignore them if it's just a couple but if they start sending a ton I delete them without warning LOL. I totally agree with you people should look for people that actually WANT to join their programs or sites rather than just throwing links in people faces. If your rating goes down because of this then people are pretty childish on this site. Hugs & Good Luck StrawberryKisses
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
In a way you are more lenient than I. I don't want any ref links in my message box. NONE. If I didn't ask you for it, either I haven't heard of it, I've already signed up, or I don't want to sign up. Even if I haven't heard of it, I don't want my first contact to be somebody gushing over it and saying I must join now. When I do sign up for things, I take my time investigating the site itself, then I come here and look to see if anyone else has joined, and what their feedback is on it. If that is all satisfactory, then I will ask a friend to send me their referral link. That is the only way that I will sign up under someone.
1 person likes this
@saundyl (9785)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
What you requested wasnt wrong..in fact it was more wrong of those friends not respect your request not to be sent referrals...and to get mad about you letting them know you didnt appreciate it was disrespectful on their part. I agree - only send them to those who are interested not to everyone they will just end up upsetting people or in the trash.
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
3 Apr 08
Well it is 14 hours later and you still have your blue 10 star, so I guess no one took to much offense to you telling them to not spam you with links. I've been spammed with unwanted links before and I just delete them.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
I actually did drop a little. Very little. Yesterday my rating was 97/100, now its 96. I am so hurt lol.
1 person likes this
3 Apr 08
Star ratings go up and down like yoyo sometimes, and all you can do is continue to post good quality discussions and quality responses, soon the rating will change again.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
That is what I figured. That is why I went ahead and posted this discussion. I figured that I post well and often enough to cushion any blows that my rating may take because of this. But even if it doesn't, I am not worried.
1 person likes this
• India
3 Apr 08
Sweetheart way to go!!Though I have recently joined Mylot but I have been on other websites and forums where people just keep sending you all these spam mails one after the another and taking a stance against is the best you can do to avoid discomfort!!It's good you told them clearly what you want out of them and did that sensible without using anything which could be termed disrespectful or nasty.So you have nothing to worry about.As far as you're doing what you're supposed to do and participating in interesting discussions and engaging other people to do the same you sure will get a raise in your rankings!! Most of the people are of the opinion that discussions boards are only about writing one liners and striking a conversation but what they don't understand is that most of the people do not think on the same lines whatever minority they might be in. So good luck to you and a pat on the back for voicing what you felt was right!!
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
Welcome to MyLot and thanks for the pat on the back. I felt like I was doing something wrong when these people got so mad. After having this discussion, it seems that the only thing I was doing wrong was giving these people notice lol!
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22908)
• United States
3 Apr 08
"Am I wrong for voicing my wishes to these people" HELL NO!! You did exactly what was right IMO and if ppl are going to get all snotty about it then I personally would delete them right away. Not to mention the fact that I am a firm believer that if I HAVENT ASKED DON'T WASTE MY TIME..meaning if I've not asked you to send me referal links, dont bother sending them to me becuase i'm NOT INTERESTED..
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
You are so right. But I have to add this. I may be interested in the program that you are doing. I may be truly interested, but let me decide that I am interested, then come to you!!! Being hand-jammed into anything promotes apathy, and how can that help you in a business?
2 people like this
@subha12 (18444)
• India
3 Apr 08
I think what you did is totally justified. May be i would have done so. i have seen here many people just join to scam this site. or they are here to promote few referrals.Its really bad here. Its good to lose those friends.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
You know what sub, I actually haven't lost them. While I was commenting on this discussion, one of the friends re-requested friendship with me. I re-added him, only for the curiosity of why he would ask to be my friend again after all the things he said. He was still talking out of the side of his neck, saying that I need to think more like a marketer and to quit being so childish. I ended up deleting him again, don't want someone with an attitude like that as a friend. The other ended up responding to another discussion of mine. I think that she understands what I am getting at when I told her about the spam. I am going to reply to her in that discussion, give her the link to this one to let her know that its not only me that feels this way, and then I will re-add her as a friend. I never wanted to delete her in the first place, I just didn't want to get spammed with links.
1 person likes this
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I don't think you did anything wrong. You were polite and honest. I have had to delete one or two people due to spam myself. I was getting them in my comments area. This is the only reason I have ever deleted someone. I make it a point not to sign up for a program with a spam link. This just encourages them to spam more. I will either just go to the site on my own or I have been known to go through my friends profiles a time or two to look for a referral link. From looking through the comments; there seems to be a general agreement that nobody really likes to be spammed. I don't think you have much to worry about with your rating.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 08
Yes, I thought that my rating would go down a little. Thought that I had created a couple of trolls to follow me and flame me with negative ratings. But I see that my rating hasn't budged an inch. I wasn't too worried about it, just thought that I would have to deal with it.
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
4 Apr 08
There are a lot of sensitive people here on mylot and maybe the way you said "I'll delete you" first off in your reply might have gotten them all fired up. I know you didn't mean any harm by it and it doesn't rattle me when I read that, but maybe not adding the "I'll delete you" bit, you might have gotten a different response to what you received. I don't like spam emails and when I receive one I reply saying "thank you but no thank you, i am not interested". They leave it at that. There was only one that kept sending them to me and I know they were not reading my replies so I deleted them without telling them and they requested for my friendship again LOL
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I was going to be nosey and ask who it was but I see I don't have to ^^^
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Apr 08
Yes maybe, but I feel like I have to let people know the consequences as well. Oh well, that's just me. Oh, and I wouldn't have given you any names had you asked. I was trying to keep it on a confidential level until someone outed themselves.
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
4 Apr 08
hahaha yeah I usually don't ask but when I saw the comment above I thought I would be cheeky hahaha
1 person likes this