My Darling Son
By Gabs
@gabs8513 (48686)
United Kingdom
April 3, 2008 6:13am CST
As most of you know my Sons relationship broke up a few Months back
Briefly I spent the Weekend with him to be there for him and to help him as much as I could
Anyway I rang him yesterday to see how he was doing, well he has now lost Job due to being absent through all of this, he did not like the Job, in his own words it was a boring Job and he was not active enough in the Job, he needs to be on the go all the time well in this Job he wasn't, so he has been looking to go back into his trade which is Painting and decorating
Well he told me on the Phone yesterday what I had been dreading when he was younger, I thought it would never happen, he has told me he is seriously thinking of joining the Army. I was an Army Child and an Army Wife, I have seen a lot, when his 2 of his Friends joined the Army I was worried about them, I have known his Friends since they where 9 years old and they to me they where my adopted Boys, the same as my Daughters Friends where my adopted Girls. They all used to come to me with their Problems and I used to advise them. I did ask why they would not go to their Parents and they always said, Because we can't talk to them like we can to you, you always understand and talk it through with us, you always have time even though you work.
Anyway that was a bit of trip down Memory Lane, when I did not have the worries I have now
I do not want him to join, I am scared for him, I know what it is all about, I know that I could loose my Son, I feared as a Child, as a Wife and now it looks like the Army is taking again, this time it will be my Son
I can't stop him, he knows I am scared, but I have told him that it is up to him he is an Adult now, he told me not to be scared, that he is still thinking about it, but this time he would probably join.
Well I can't stop him, I cried last Night, I cried a lot, lol, while I was talking to Friends on Messenger and they where not aware how much I was crying, I could not talk about it last Night
Some might think I am being silly, no I am a Mother, I am also a Person who has lost Friends in the Army to death, I have seen it, I went through Bomb Scares, kept my Kids safe from it, taught them to never go to the Car before I checked it, I have seen Friends Husbands go on Detachments and either not return or needing Counselling because of what they saw, so I am not being a silly, clingy and emotional Mum
I am like any Mum would be specially if she has been through it
I am still hoping that he will not do it but I do not know how much hope there is I really don't
7 people like this
18 responses
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
3 Apr 08
awwwwwww GAbs hugs!!!!!!
DOnt know what to tell ya and like ya say its up to him.
Thought he was going to a job across the Channel what happened to that?
Sounds like he was ready to start something new to work at.
am Hoping he just makes a job change and not to the Army as you had such bad time with it.
hugs loves and blessings
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
3 Apr 08
Oh gosh gabs, I know just how you're feeling and yes it is pretty scary to be a mom and watching your son grow and make his own decisions about his life. My husband just retired from the US Army and I was so excited that it was all done and over with. We've seen a lot of things happen as well such as a helicopter crashed and killed 5 people in which hubby knew a few of them. That's pretty scary to say the least and being at home, not knowing if my hubby was a part of that crash til hours later. I'm so glad those days are so over. However, all you can do is put it in the Lord's hands and pray for his saftey. You can't let it get to you because you'll not have a life of your own to live so put it in God's hands and let him take care of him AND you.
2 people like this
@LilacMoon54 (106)
• United States
3 Apr 08
Oh Gaby: I do know how you feel about the Army or any part of the service. My son-in-law is in Iraq right now has been there a long time. I pray each night for his safe return. He has been like my son. And when he married my daughter it just felt so right. Then shortly after he married her he joined the Army. Yikes my fears took over right away. Because of this war going on. Ohterwise it is not a bad career move. He has learned so much. But being as the war looms on forever for all of us it is so scary. And you growing up an Army child makes it double tough on you. Cause you know what it is like. I have seen my daughter be so lonely and sad at times. But she is a great Army wife. Once they make up their minds to do something it is so hard to change it the way we want it to be. I don't know if England sends their boys off to this horrible war, I pray they do not! But if he does join the Army see if he will join the Military Police end of it. That is what my son-in-law is and it is a little safer.
And my son in law wants to make the military his career. I want them all home so bad. But like you said they are adults and it is up to them. All we can do as Mothers is pray they make the right decisions and always have their backs.
And you seem just like that kind of Mom!!! I think you are one hell of a Lady!
God Bless your son in whatever he does.
Love ya
Julie/Lilac54
2 people like this
@abbey19 (3106)
• Gold Coast, Australia
3 Apr 08
Oh gabs, I know how you must be feeling about your son thinking of joining the Army. Your stomach must be in knots.
However, your son's feelings are still raw after the breakdown of his relationship, and he is hurting so much; once he has had time to think about his decision he may see things differently, so don't give up hope.
Whatever decision he makes regarding the Army, you must respect that in spite of how you feel about the Army. He knows how you feel, but it may be something he just has to do.
He knows you are there for him gabs, that's the main thing. You are not being a silly, emotional, clingy mother - you are just being a loving, caring mum who cares about her son; perfectly natural I'd say.
I will be thinking of you honey.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
3 Apr 08
Abby I will always support my Children no matter how much it scares, hurts or worries me and he knows this they always have known this
But it hurts I know that if he joins I will be on edge all the time
I know it is Life but well you understand what I feel and you know me well enough to know how hard it will be for me to accept, but I will
Why can't they be little anymore so that I could just hold them and take the Pain away like I used to??
Lol yes I am in a bit of a Mess but I will get used to the Idea eventually I guess
Love and Hugs to you my lovely Friend
1 person likes this
@blackbriar (9075)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I'm sorry to hear this, (((((((((((((((((((gabs)))))))))))))) I don't like anyone I know joining the army cause I may never see them again if they end up going to war. But, like you said, he's an adult and if he chooses to join, can't stop him. Just pray for him and hope he comes back alive and well both physically and mentally. My niece talked about joining the marines a few months ago but since she's left home again, noone knows where she is at. She called me last week and told my daughter to call her back but how can I when she didn't leave a phone number. You and your son are in my prayers, gabs.
2 people like this
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
3 Apr 08
My own father was in the Navy and then the Army. My ex-husband was in the Air Force when we married. My brother in law is in the Air Force. My husband is Air Force and my little brother is in the Army. My brother was in Afghanistan for awhile, they brought him home to send him to Iraq a few months later.
Even though my whole family is military; my parents were not happy at all when he decided to join. He is in Iraq right now.
Last night I went to sleep after reading here at mylot about Bush and the war. I had nightmares about him and woke up shaking. I think I am going to have to stay away from certain topics for awhile; at least before bed.
I definitely know the fear. 
@lingli_78 (12821)
• Australia
4 Apr 08
oh gabs, i really know how you are feeling as a mum... i really hope that your son will change his mind... he might make this decision because he is still upset about the break up and he is jobless... may be you can help him to find another job that he likes so that he will change his mind about joining the army... but an army is also a very respectable and honourable profession... good luck and i hope everything will went well for you and your son...
1 person likes this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I have that fear that my son will want to follow his father's path into the Military, like so many of his family members. But I believe we are all destined to be where we are meant to be, where ever we are in life. We may not understand why, but its already mapped at. What ever life may bring for him and you, know that now matter what happens, it was meant to be, even if you can't understand why. Good luck to you. I feel your pain.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
4 Apr 08
‘I am not being a silly, clingy and emotional Mum’ you would be excused and thought of as natural even if you were all of those. This is how moms are, its not that they don’t let go but the invisible umbilical cord is never severed you know. Sometime when my son (and he’s only 8) goes for weekend visits to my parents and he swims in the local pond I get nightmares in my sleep. I ‘feel’ as if he might drown (though he is an efficient swimmer and my dad accompanies him), that he may never come running to me again. Its silly, its maudlin, its emotional self-torture but its also a mother to whom her child is never out of the system of her self. This doesn’t mean that I don’t let him go, I know that one day I will have to let me go to farther shores but I will always worry about him, he will always be a part of my every breath.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
4 Apr 08
You are so right it is
I know when my Children go on a Night out I lie here and I worry and I will not settle till I hear from them the next Day and I used to go through what you are going through when they where little I guess it is normal then, Thank you Sweetie for being so kind
Hugs
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
4 Apr 08
I am honoured Gabs and may our children one day play with THEIR grandchildren.
1 person likes this
@Cajunhellcat (2073)
• United States
4 Apr 08
Al I can tell ya is to Pray that he don't do it and that he finds a job where he will be happy at
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
4 Apr 08
Gabs I don't know what to say. My prayers and thoughts are always with you. I really do hope your son things about this idea of his...He may be feeling a bit lost, having both his relationshipo break up and now losing his job, so like I said he may be feeling lost and not knowing what to do with his life, but yes, you're right..his thinking of going into the army is not the answer so I do hope he really thinks of the consequences of his joining. I'm surprised he would even consider this though since he knows what you have gone through in the past
Like I said my prayers are with you, and I do hope he changes his mind and doesn't join
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7526)
• United States
5 Apr 08
I am sure this is the last thing you wanted to hear..My son has seen a recruiter about joining the Air Force..I think it would be a great idea..He will learn to work on Airplanes and have his schooling paid for..He hasn't committed to it right yet but it is on his mind...
When I think of the Military I think of my Dad..He was in the Marines for 30 years..My first husband was in the Air Force and my husband now had served in the Air Force as well..
Before I met my first husband I too was going to join the Air Force...
With everything that you have been thru with Military life, I can understand your fears...Don't let your son know this because he may not join due to your feelings..If he decides to join then that will be his decision...
I can imagine being a Mother, how hard it is to step back and let our grown children make choices we would rather not see them make due our own fears.....But we must..
Hugs to you....
1 person likes this
@rlc456 (415)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I read your heart ache for your son. I don't know what to say except I think I would feel the same way. I myself have one son I cherish him dearly.But to put peace in your heart pray hard for your son he will find the right choice to do, and whatever his choice is God will protect him, there is much power in prayer. I hope this eases your pain.
@dana234 (2114)
• Spain
3 Apr 08
Well gabs, it sounds like he wants to go away to make it easier for him to forget the personal difficulties he has had. Joining the army might seem the most accesible and easiest thing to do for him right now because he knows what it´s all about.
I feel for you and can understand your fear. My best friend was an army daughter and because of her experiences she decided not to become an army wife ever.
You´re not being a paranoid mother, your fear is natural. I can only hope that your son will change his mind.
A big hug to you, dear friend.
XXX Dana
@ElusiveButterfly (45941)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I couldn't read this without tears Gabs. My heart goes out to you. When I heard that the USA was deploying troops into Irac, my stomach wrenched. My heart grew heavy. Tears were shed. The whatifs plagued my mind. I send big huggers your way my dear friend. I can feel your pain.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
5 Apr 08
you are a mom and I live in canada and there is no choice my son would be called up to serve and if he was I would be scared to, war kills people period. and soldiers get killed on either side of the war. War is not fun, lives are shattered, soldiers come home, if they come home, maimed for life, with physical and emotional scars that never really go away.
I am afraid for you hon, this said from one mother to another.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
3 Apr 08
It sounds like your son has tried getting a job on the outside and there just doesn't seem to be anything out there for him. From the sounds of it he is wanting to make his own way and probably in his eyes this is the only way to make a go of it. No you are not being a silly, clingy and emotional Mom. You are a Mom that is very concerned for the welfare of your child. But he needs to know that if this is what he chooses to do that you will be behind him. I know this would break your heart but it looks like he sees no other way to get out there and be on his own.
1 person likes this
