Do you blame your mother for bad childhood?

@jstaubin (423)
United States
April 4, 2008 10:36am CST
I had the type of childhood that you see in a lifetime movie. And when I was four years old I was taken away from my biological mother because of neglect. Recently I had the chance to reunited with her and I found myself unable to sit in a room with her because of my anger towords her. I mean they tried to keep me with her. They gave her classes and tried to show her how to be a good mother but she refused to do it. So my question is. Is it ok to blame her for how my childhood turned out? Should I hold her responsible for the bad things that happened to me? What would you do? Can you let it go when someone hurts you?
4 responses
@Savvynlady (3685)
• United States
6 Apr 08
This is a tough question seriously. But let me tell you about my own experience as a mother. I have two daughters now ages 16 and 18, and when their father and I divorced, I sent them to my mother to keep their lives as normal as possible and for over two years it was, until he took them, kept them and sued me for divorce and custody and won!! I cannot even explain what I felt when they gave them to him, but then Katrina happened, and they had to spend additional time with me which was real stressful, then they decided that they rather be with me and since May, 2006, they have been. It hasn't been easy because the stuff they had to deal with him comes back, and it's hurtful. I told my mother today, look, he could have hurt me bad and I would have felt bad, matter of fact I did, but don't hurt them kids and he did. I feel real bad about that. I rather just take that on myself. Now to you. Parents are there to keep the child protected and secure. Sadly, more than not, that is just not the case especially with folks with problems they cannot handle and they have kids. I don't know what the case was with your mother. despite of it, is she to blame? yes, but then I don't know what type of life you lead now, has it made you a better person because of it or not? if the answer is yes then despite of it, you were resilient and made the best out of something bad. However,I feel you owe her an explanation as to how you feel on what she did. Not for her, but to unload it and then please for your sake, forgive her and yourself and move on.
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
13 Apr 08
Thanks for your advice. I did tell her how I felt and she decided to tell me hat my childhood was not her fault. She never wanted children so she shouldn't have to take care of them. So I basically have broke off conact now. It was to stressful on me as well as my husband and children. Besides I am not going to struggle to have this conection with someone who doesn't wan it. Thanks again for the advice.
• United States
20 Apr 08
I am glad to have been of help. I just finished reading a book dealing with mother daughter relations. pretty good novel. glad you did what you needed for yoursef.
@checapricorn (16065)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I will feel bad if she will not take any initiative to be a responsible and good mother now that we were given a chance to be united! I may blame here but I will move on and try to handle every thing properly no matter how painful it is!This is how I will react if I am in your situation!Just move on and maybe perfect time will come that she will be matured enough and realized how she makes you feel in pain!
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
25 Jul 08
I am trying to move on. It is hard but I realize that I have better things to do with my life then to sit and feel sorry for myself over soemthing that I have no control over. Besides sitting hear blameing her has given her some strange power over my and I don't like that so I am moving on and the ball is in her court now.
@se7enthbird (8324)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
i would never ever blame my mom. she has done everything to make our family whole. i really dont want to blame anybody, but to answer your discussion i would blame my dad not my mom. i grew up seeing him drinking with friends at the house while my moms cooking for them. i also grew up watching them fighting. i grew up also not seeing him on special occasions like my graduation day. he was in a band so he is more out of the house than in. when i was a teenager he joined me in his band then i found out that one of his singer is his girlfriend. so if there is someone to blame i will blame my dad. but thats over i have my own family now. i just want to make it good or better. i want my son to ggrow up saying he is proud of me.
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I am sorry about the situation with your dad. But you have the right idea. Striving to make your kids proud is a great thing and I am sure that your son is proud of you. Thanks for telling me your story.
@babykeka80 (2089)
• United States
4 Apr 08
WOW! You undertand me?!?! This is amazing. My father was never around in my childhood he popped in and out when it was convenient and I even tried to move in which lasted a week over some BS we got into a huge fight and I left at 2 in the morning. Now he is in prison. He writes me constantly begging me to write back and telling me how much he needs me and blah blah. Well now I have a ton of contempt for him and my mother both since my grandparents raised me. I busted my butt to raise my first daughter on my own the first 6 mos of her life while putting myself through school and working full time. I have a hard time being able to inconvenience myself by taking my time to write to him or call my mother or anything else. I would rather spend my time being the parent they never were. Sometimes I worry that one day they will be gone and I will regret it however. It is a lose lose situation but sometimes you just have to walk away I think.
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
13 Apr 08
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I feel for you I really do. Thanks for responding and sharing your story with me. You are in my prayers.