What Is It With My Mother-In-Law?!

United States
April 8, 2008 12:07pm CST
So the other day my husband and I go visit her, and as always she takes us to lunch. We went to Arbys. She tells us to pick something to eat, so we did, then she says to me "No, you're going to eat that one and Tim will have the other one" she was pointing at the food. I told her what I wanted, since she had us pick and again she says "No! You're having that one!" pointing again. My husband said to me "don't worry about it, she's just trying to help". Ohh really? Then why is she choosing my meals for me? I'm pretty much old enough. I mean she tells us to choose and when I do, she changes and tells me what to eat. I may sound bad here but I'm getting tired of her. I had to eat what SHE wanted me to eat.
5 people like this
15 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
8 Apr 08
I would agree with your husband and say that she only wishes what is best for you. Was your husband an only child? Mothers who have only birthed one child seem to be more apt share the love and in a devout and intense way. My Fiance was an only child. Okay well not in all reality, but his mother only birthed him, his half brother came from his father's previous marriage. When I first moved in with my fiance, and still to this day, his mother will ask me if I want something to eat or if we are out in a store if I need something (although now it seems to be that she asks if we need something, and directs the question at me) I would suggest talking to your husband first and asking him if she has always been this way. Let him know that you are in no way attacking your mother in law but that you only wish to gather more insight into the situation. Also let him know that it is bothering you and ask what he thinks you should do. Ask him if he thinks it will hurt her feelings if you go up to her and allow her knowledge that her constant decisions over your own meals has been bothering you.
• United States
9 Apr 08
No, he has a sister also. He's the youngest child though. He was mostly raised by his dad, his mom was not around often. Which could be part of the reason why he is the way he is and why she treats us the way she does. Still, I don't like being told what I should do, especially if I eat or drink.
@jillbeth (2710)
• United States
8 Apr 08
It sounds like she has control issues. Does she try to control other aspects of your life? If not, maybe she just is concerned about your diet or just likes to yank your chain. The next time she takes you to lunch, order what you want and pay for it yourself!
• United States
8 Apr 08
Yes, she IS controlling, she does control certain aspects. For example I want to have kids, but she tells me no, it's not a good idea. My husband agrees with her, yet he claims he wants kids.
• China
10 Apr 08
It is my first time to see this kind of mother in law. Maybe she always regards you as chilren.She wants to try her best to help you,but she doesn't think at your point.So I think that will make you nervous or inflexible.In my opinion,you neen't get angry with her,for you are not often living together.Stand at her position and enjoy her idea. I think in that case it will be very warm. What do you think about it?
• India
9 Apr 08
was she on limited budget? I mean she was feeling embarrassed to say so, but what you picked might have been beyond her for that particular day. Why didn’t you ask her as to why was she trying to impose on you something as simple as lunch menu! And I don’t think your husband was correct in saying that she was trying to be helpful, he was just trying to balance the two most important women in his life! I have seen most men like that and I do feel sorry for them.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
9 Apr 08
I would have ask her why first off,maybe she had some weird idea amd meaant well but i cannot imagine what...If she continues to treat you like a child then pitch a fit like a child and refuse to eat it...If she says anything tell her that since she wants to try and rule you like you were some little kid that you will start acting like a brat...That would make my blood boil...What did your husband say? Did he expect you to mind her? The next time she wants you two to go eat tell her NO,that you will not go out to eat with her because she tries to pick your meals,and just flat do not go...That should nip that in the bud right quick....
@jenni7202 (1598)
• United States
9 Apr 08
That's completely rediculous. I wouldn't be able to stand it. In fact, if it were to happen to me, I would just tell her that I would buy my own lunch so I can eat what I want. I know she is your mother-in-law and you probably don't want to disrespect her, but she is disrespecting you by trying to control your food intake. If anything, your husband should have said something to her, because she shouldn't be trying to do that, and he shouldn't be allowing her to do it either.
@Hatley (164171)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Apr 08
I would tell dear mother in law to quit treating me like achild and let me decide what I want to eat. she is not trying to help, she is controlling you and being a bully in doing it. You are an adult and should be treated as one. You are not bad, just let your mother in law get away with bullying your. stand up to her.
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
8 Apr 08
Then you should had been like ok. Head to the counter order your food and payed with your money, show her who's the boss.
@lilybug (21145)
• United States
8 Apr 08
I would have told her, "No, I am ordering that. If you have a problem with that then I will pay for my own food." I can't believe your husband did not stick up for you. She sounds like she has some real control issues to me.
@emarie (5447)
• United States
8 Apr 08
AHH!! OMG! I'm so surprised you didn't slap your husband right there. I guess it surprises me a lot since my husband will not take any crap from his mother. Your husband should be on YOUR side and not a mama boy because thats what he is. A man should step up for his wife and not allow his mother to do something like that to her. You have every right to be mad at your mother in law and your husband. but in reality its your HUSBAND who should be the one to confront because its HIS mother and HIS mother is treating you bad. I don't know what else to say but...i feel sorry for you...hang in there.
@minnie_98214 (10558)
• United States
8 Apr 08
Well that does not sound like fun. Seems a bit odd to me. Why in the world does she care what you pick? Makes no sense to me.
@ellie333 (21018)
8 Apr 08
Oh I would have insisted that I have what I had chosen not her choice and if she had a problem with it I would have said I would pay for my own so I could choose my own rather than have her make my choice for me. People like this irritate me whether they are mother-in-laws or not, why ask in the first place. Just out of priciple I would decline going next time and if asked why tell her. She sounds quite domineering and your husband saying 'she's just trying to help' would have made me annoyed at him too. I'm quite a passive person but I won't have my decisions, especially when asked in first place, made for me. Ellie :D
@foxyfire33 (10007)
• United States
8 Apr 08
I'm very picky about what I eat at places like that so if any one ever told me I had to eat something else, I would have said "enjoy your lunch, I'll be in the car". Ugh! What nerve she had! And what about your husband's comment? Why would they think you needed help choosing your food?! You're an adult not their 3 year old! Even if it was because you had some heath issue (not saying you do, just an example) and the food you picked was really bad for you...oh well, that's your choice. You don't sound bad at all. It's your MIL that needs to learn her place...and maybe your husband needs to learn to put her there.
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
8 Apr 08
I would have looked at her and asked her point blank "Why then did you ask me what I wanted if you were going to order for me?" There is no reason for that. If she was buying and you wanted something out of her price range she could have said "Instead could you get the smaller meal" or something like that. She should not have insisted on you eating something totally different that way. She was being over bearing and bossy. From your profile you are 30 years old and obviously married so I think you are old enough and capable of choosing your own food at a restaurant.
@checapricorn (16049)
• United States
8 Apr 08
Thats not good..lol, is it not because of her age? or maybe if you will just let her understand that what you want is the other food and not what she likes for you! I have not encountered this yet and sounds hard to deal with!