Do you keep you men in check?

United States
April 9, 2008 7:55am CST
I'm asking this question b/c i seen a discussion about a man that wont lift a finger for his wife. I love my fiance, but let me tell you if from the begining i let him tell me what to do like he tried to that he would be controlling (not reliezing it) and not helpful (im not really sure about this one) But from the very begining of our relationship I let him know that there was no telling me what to do, that there was no controlling me. And if he kept trying he would lose me. (he was a horrible person at first) but now we are great together and he helps me around the house when i need it, and he just tells me what he thinks is right to do instead of trying to tell me what to do. So did you have to show your men what is up so he would understand you more.
2 people like this
11 responses
@Elixiress (3887)
10 Apr 08
Yes. Our friends joke on at my boyfriend about the fact that he does loads of stuff for me if I ask him to do stuff and even without me asking. My ex-boyfriend tried to control me and I decided then that any other relationship I was in I would be in control of or joint control of.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Apr 08
yea its better to be joined in control so that you both dont get taken advatage of. its so easy for someone to allow someone to control them, and once they get that control they keep it. my fiance does so much for me too, but i do so much for him, (sometimes i htink i have the upperhand though LOL)
@Elixiress (3887)
11 Apr 08
I am the same, I would feel guilty in a relationship if I did nothing for my partner and he did everything for me. I like having the upper hand though, I think it is something to do with role reversal, based on how men always had the upper hand in history.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 08
yea that could do somehting about it, there is always going to be one that has the upperhand in a relationship because one of yall are going to be weeker, maybe not in every relationship though, i htink we are more 50/50 but sometimes i still think i have the upper hand, im sure he htinks the same sometimes.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I am single and grown to be very strong. I have been thru too much and i;d rather be single than to have some man or anyone for that matter interfere in my life. If they are going to be in my life then they have to blend in.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Apr 08
Yea one day you will blend with someone, or you will find that your someone is someone that you have to compermise with. sometimes thats what we got ot do
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I hope you are right.
1 person likes this
@myklj999 (33183)
• Olney, Illinois
9 Apr 08
CHECKMATE! I'm a help around the house, change the diapers, do the dishes, laundry etc. kind of guy-that was married to a woman who tried to control every aspect of my life. All was fine for the first couple years of our relationship until we got married; then she decided that she was going to change me into her idea of a 'perfect man' which meant she wouldn't lift a finger and complained about how I did everything wrong. We've since divorced; unfortunately she got custody of the kids (her parents have a lot of money from oil and got her a high-powered attorney) and I really can't go around there to see them without her starting some kind of argument. But my point is; it's not always the man that tries to be domineering and controlling.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 08
OH i know that, you hear more about men doing it than women b/c its just more known. I have seen some sissy men, being told everything they should do. I didnt mean i try to control him if thats what it sounds like, i just made sure that we both know that we are both going to be ourselves no matter what. we both try to point the other in directions that we see fit, but we both make our own disissions in the long run. I'm sorry about your misfortune. I dont know, but if you put your foot down a little harder or something maybe it wouldnt of went as far, or maybe she would of learned to love you for who you are.
• United States
9 Apr 08
i wnat to just add that that last part is just a thought, i dont know anythign about your situation.
@weiyi5151 (120)
• China
17 Apr 08
your theory is right... but i am a boy,hehe,i think your theory also suit for me..isn't it?
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Apr 08
yes a woman can control a man just as good as a man can control a woman. It all depends on how much you let them get away with, unless your with a really crazy one that if you try to show them that neither one of you are in control then they get all abusive, other than that, i think its the persons fault that they get conrolled so much, just like its the peoples fault if your country has control over you
@checapricorn (16065)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I always do..I am very open and honest to what I feel, think and my opinion in our day-to-day life! If I don't like the way he treat me , it wont wait a day or 2 to let him know..right there and then I will tell him and I guess it helps us more understand our each obligation to one another or our limitation on a certain things!Plus, it helps us to have a very strong foundation of our relationship because we are learning from those revelations/confrontations! We will understand deeper and better our partner!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Apr 08
yea our relationship gets better and better as it goes, we understand each other, but we piss each other off too. LOL. (he just pissed me off, so im mad at him. men grrr.)
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
10 Apr 08
We keep each other in check. There is no controlling on either side and we work at our relationship together. Oh sure we have different ideas on how to go about it, and flaws we each put up with, but thats all part and parcel, you work on it together. As long as we are on the same page, then life is sweet. It's when we are not, then things go astray but it doesn't take us much to put it back. He has his strengths and weaknesses and I have mine too and we accept them for what they are.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Apr 08
thats about how our relationship is now, at first we bumped heads alot, but i think that was part of it, he just pissed me off so its hard right now to right a whole lot on how good our relationship is.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
9 Apr 08
Good for you, you started your relationship right by telling him up front how you felt...I told my husband the same thing but he still tries to control me which he gets no where,so he is upset a lot these days...If he continues to do this i will probaly make him leave..I hate people trying to control me,hes not my daddy and i am already grown up...
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 08
YEa thats what i told my fiance, i said you aint my daddy, and my daddy didnt even control me (my dad was real controling and i ran away when i was 15 to get away from it) i cant stand it for to long, and im glad he stoped trying (he'll say he wasnt trying to be controling but I know better, even if it was unconsiously) because i love him and it would of hurt to leave.
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
9 Apr 08
Oh sure, I used to tell my husband what was up, and how to do things, and where things stood. And now I'm happily divorced (as is he I'm sure lol).
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 08
well i didnt mean by telling him what to do, but by letting him know when hes stepping over the line with trying to tell you what to do. its a give take thing for us. but at first he was horrible to me, (from stress at work, i think, it stopped when he quit that job) but i wouldnt give, i wouldnt let him treat me the way he wanted to, and now we are better. I dont really know that if i let him treat me how he wanted to if he would be controlling, but it sure seemed like he was trying to be controlling at first (another reason could of been b/c his ex-wife cheated on him) then he learned that we would be so mcuh better off with out him acting liek that and now we both tell each other what we think the other should be doing, but we both take our own paths too.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
9 Apr 08
I need to make it very clear that I wear the pants in our house and my wife toes my line. (Me) "What's that dear. You'd like a cup of tea. Now. Of course dear. Yes I have put the shopping away and loaded the washing machine. You want to go and see your friend later. Lovely. Shall I drive you. That's no problem.. Stat the supper of course my love. Let me just finish massaging your toes and I shall be there immediately" As I said before I had that little conversation with my wife there. I wear the pants. But do exactly as she says. Oh well.....
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 08
LOL, yea thats how it is, we both do what the other says around here though, if i dont fill like doing house work he does it. LOL but he gets mad sometimes if i dont get it done when he wants it done so i just tell him to shut up and i will do it when i damn well please to do it LOL
@minnie_98214 (10572)
• United States
9 Apr 08
You have to stand up for yourself for sure. I was married for 7 years to a jerk who controlled me. Now I am with a man who puts me on a pedestal and its so much better lol. If you let a man control you well then he will duh.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 08
Thats the point i was trying to make, I think that a majority (not all) of controlling relationships is because the girl just lets it happen and doenst try to stop it.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
10 Apr 08
umm no.. not really into "training" men. i want a partner in this life.. if i wanted a lapdog.. idve bought a terrier.
• United States
10 Apr 08
if you were reading the other responces you know that i meant do you let your men know that he isnt going to control you, thanks for your responce.