Would you give up your religion to save your marriage?

@Kaeli72 (1230)
United States
April 13, 2008 12:35am CST
According to my father, one of the main causes for marriages breaking up is...religion. I used to think that was such a silly idea until two of my marriages ended because of differences in religion. This last time, I tried to reason with the husband. I told him that if he gave up his religion, I'd stay with him. No...he wasn't going to hear of it. He'd much rather stay with his "church" more than anything else. If you and your other half had major differences in religion and it was starting to wear thin, cause a rift in the marriage, children arguing, fights galore...would you say "bye" as well?
16 people like this
66 responses
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
Hello... The sanctity of marriage is very important to bind your soul together in whatever means because marriage is sacred. But this is only true to people who truly believes in the sacrament of marriage, I mean, those who really practice this way. As for me, I can still have my marriage even if my wife is of another religion, or we have our respective beliefs. I think it does'nt matter, what matter is on how you manage your family, raising the kids wrapped with moral and spiritual values, then i think it would be a good reason why i could save my marriage. Maybe i could talk with my family the importance of religion, then if my wife has her own, then i will let my children choose which they think is right for them. But in the house we must share the same faith and values. It's just a matter of home management and understanding others' feelings and respect binded by great LOVE. Thanks!
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
13 Apr 08
Hmmm. I'm incapable of giving up my religion for any reason, because it's not just a religion, it's a bond between myself and my Gods. So I can't say "Sure, honey, I'll pick you over the deities I've followed my whole life or the practices that make my life meaningful." *shakes her head* On the other hand, I'm in an interfaith marriage that is fairly healthy, so I don't have that problem. While I wouldn't give up my religion for my husband, he wouldn't give up his for me either, and we're both pretty happy with that.
2 people like this
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
No, I wouldn't give up my religion to save my marriage. And I shouldn't have to. All that's needed is mutual respect. I don't understand why you demanded your husband to give up his religion as a condition for you to stay with him. I don't think that's fair. As far as the children are concerned, I would let them decide by the age of 18 whatever religion they want to practice, except Satanism.
1 person likes this
@Galena (9120)
14 Apr 08
should that happen, If it's any comfort, I've known some very kind, decent Satanists. it's not for me, but it's not a bad spiritual path. the worst that could be said of that path is that it's a little selfish and ego-centric, but that doesn't mean it's practitioners will be selfish or ego-centric. some are, some aren't. just like any other religion, really.
@anujain75 (1059)
• India
15 Apr 08
i am incapable of giving up my religion for any reason.religion is some how connected with our root.if you cut the root of a tree what happens to the tree.i and my husband are from two different religion.we celebrate each other's religious festival.
@uath13 (8204)
• United States
14 Apr 08
My question is why did you expect him to just give up his, Why didn't you instead give up yours? Didn't conceive of that did you? My family has always been multi denominational & have never picked fights over it. Why do you feel the need to? From the wording of your post it actually seems like your the source of the problem. Why do I suddenly feel like Dr. Phil ?
1 person likes this
• Belgium
13 Apr 08
Honestly, although I'm a strong atheist, I wouldn't mind the fact that my partner is religious. I wouldn't let that get in the way of things and I'd agree with her that we'd both stay away from indoctrinating our children with OUR personal opinions.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Apr 08
When my husband and I first got married my husband was willing to get married in the Catholic Church. That was my religion and that is in the past tense. Anyway when the priest looked at my husband and told him that he would have to sign a piece of paper that made sure that any children would be raised in the Catholic Religion my husband drew the line at that. And I agreed with him. No religion has a right to say how we raise our children as far as the faith goes. So from that point on I chose to go with my husbands religion. To me it is not a question of religion so much as the question of raising a child to believe in God. So it wasn't hard for me to change religions. I also had found out a lot of things about the Catholic religion that I didn't believe in. We have been married for 35 years and religion didn't create a problem in our marriage.
1 person likes this
@crzy_ant (19)
• Philippines
13 Apr 08
i would definitely not give up my religion whatever happens. i believe so much that it is not right to compromise your faith, whatever happens, for sure that with my faith, i will be able to save my relationship with my family.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Apr 08
I am pretty sure there are a fair number of religions that do not necessitate one partner to transfer to his/her spouses religion for uniformity's, or for any other sakes. Interfaith marriages are tolerated for nothing. Marriage is about cultivating love; and human love is in fact not confined to love of fellow as love of God as well. When by leaving one's religion for the sake of the partner becomes too heavy a burden for one, there is I think a self-defeating agent in marrige even before it starts. That is why I feel sad about people who felt they need to be converted to their spouses' religion at the expense of turning their back on the faith they long held and embraced. My bestfriend is a prime example. And what happened to him pains me day in and day out. His spouse's religion necessitated his conversion. While he find the love of his life with all the reason to fight for, there was something about turning away from his religion that made him sad, if not largely hesitant as well. As for myself, I probably cannot turn my back on my faith for the sake of uniformity of worship with my spouse. I think, for arguments sake (because I don't plan on getting married because of the vocation I chose to live), I would rather toil that harder path of respect and "meeting half ways" than to jump in religious uniformity at the expense of my life long held love of God and His Church.
@sahyd2don (2946)
• India
13 Apr 08
I wont give up my religion to save my marriage...we wont get relegion again ...but we can get other partner for life.....
• India
13 Apr 08
Let me evaluate the subject matter. Religion is a faith or one's belief. Marriage is one's life OR a settlement to live together till end of life. The question arises when a boy or girl belong to different faith fall in love with each other without knowing each other sentiments. During deep love they donot care about religion of the lover. But once they decide to marry they are forced to finalise their future to follow the religious faith. The true lovers will not consider this as a major huddle. They will not interfere in other's faith. But the major question arises how to celebrate their marriage? Whether the religious customs allow the man or woman to marry a person belong to other religion. If there is a law of the Government to allow the lovers from different religion to marry, then there is no problem. The lovers have to seek shelter in such law and they can practice their own faith. If I were in such case I will marry the girl and allow her to practice her faith and allow the children to choos the faith on attaining majority.
@vicozzio (45)
• Indonesia
13 Apr 08
Hmmm... Actually I will not marry a lady who have totally different faith with me... I'm Catholic in Religion but Christian at heart. and the best for me is Christian at heart, so as long the lady have Christian at heart, I may marry her... but commonly, people married on a different faith is either because of lust or take priority love to human better then to God.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Apr 08
Hmm.. no i wudnt give up my faith , I am infact married with a different faith man and there r hell lot of problems going on as always but i still fail to understand, if each one of us does not interfere in our beliefs why shud there b probs? I dont interfere in him, but he is so adamant, i guess thats how those ppl were bought up.....
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Apr 08
I would never give up my religion just to save a relationship or a marriage. Changing one's religion is like changing the life principle of that person. Imagine taking away something that was within you for several years. If you truly love a person you must accept everything that he or she has, you must respect his beliefs and principles in life. Convincing him or her to change religion is a selfish way of accepting a person because you are not really accepting him as he is but rather creating in him a person you PREFERRED to love and if that's the case I do believe that it is not love at all. i advice that you guys communicate and try to compromise on things and stuff. I have a friend whose parents have different religion, but they are staying together after all those years, when I asked my friend how her parents manage that, she just say its all about respect.
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
13 Apr 08
I think that was a another reason why me and my ex husband fought. I am baptist he was catholic. So they are two totally different belifs. So that makes a lot of sense that we didn't last. Well besides him cheating on me.
1 person likes this
@gabrielle47 (1221)
• Philippines
15 Apr 08
Negative rating - A thumbs down for disapproval.
In the first place before entering the marriage I would think it over and talk it over to my lover and what compromises would it take. But for me, I would not change my religion as I am comfortable with it and satisfied. But if my religion is not bringing me anything more than I want and i see that in my lover's religion and it would be beneficial for me, maybe I would. I think religion is not an issue if you would have talked about it. Its not religion that should be bringing you together but your commitment and your love, respect for each other. That to me is more important than religion. All religion are the same in having a God to worship but the method is just different to each.
• Philippines
15 Apr 08
Sorry for the image as it was meant for another post
@jashley1 (746)
• United States
15 Apr 08
When you and your spouse are not in agreement with your religion, you are unevenly yoked. That is now how God intended marriage to be. After all - a marriage is a covenant with God to love & cherish your spouse... wow, what this world has come to - that in itself is a whole different discussion. Anyway, my answer is NO, because religion isn't just a social club or place to hang out with friends - if this is the reason one is at a certain place of worship, then it's the wrong reason. There are those who are "religious" and those who are "spiritual". How could I turn my back on Jesus - who created me, protects me, provides for me, filled me with His Holy Spirit, and walks with me daily? He's not just a fixture of my imagination - He is real, and I have a REAL relationship with Him. That's through much prayer & reading of His Holy Word. If you can just "drop" that for your spouse, I would say you were never truly grounded in God at all. The prayers of the righteous availeth much. Try praying - seeking God for real, and watch Him turn your situation around.
@jashley1 (746)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I mean't not how God intended it to be (smile).
@dfollin (15237)
• United States
5 May 08
Jesus - Jesus Christ our savoir in the movie Jesus of Nazareth
When I was a child we went to methodist church and I was christianed there when I was 6. We were not a largly religious family,but I was taught how Jesus Christ was our savior.We did not go to church every Sunday and do alot of church activities.Then during the late 1960's and early 1970's there were not alot of activities outside of Sunday school and getting ready for confirmation were done.Then when I was 14 our minister left the area and I did not like the surmons that the new minister gave.So,I stopped going to church.Also when I was a child,our next door neighbors were catholic and the oldest son was engaged to a very nice catholic girl that lived a few blocks away.Then one day he called off the wedding,the girl was very upset and secluded herself from the public for awhile.A few months later this catholic boy married a jewish girl (big difference there).And they had a son.Everytime we saw them they were arguing,not so much about what church or synagog the child should go to,but just about everyday things.At this time I was just a child and did not understand this.Later,when I was 13 my first boyfriend is non denominational,they do not believe that Christ is our savior and someone asked me if I would give up Christmas and Easter for him and I said yes because at the time I had not been properly trained and was all ga-ga over my first boyfriend.Then as an adult I visited various churches to find a place for my son's and I.We went for quite awhile to a Disciples of Christ Church,which was fine,but we moved.My first boyfriend had married a catholic girl and they had a son.Their lifestyle jerked that child around.Their lifestyles were so different the ended up divorcing.After that,on Friday night the father would pick up the boy and take hin to his non-savior style church and get him back to his mother on Saturday night so that she could take him to a catholic service on Sunday.I have no idea what that boy ever did.My son's were the invited to events at a baptist church and I went to some services also and got to where we really liked it and felt that we belonged there.I got married,moved away and my husband was raised methodist also,but had not been to church in years.I did not go to church again during the first year of our marriage because he said he would only go to a methodist church.We went to one and I was not happy there.I finally convined him to attend a baptist church where he came to understand Christ as I did during my young adult years.He became christianed and he loved to go to church and church events after that.By all this I have come to learn that it is not just religion's that come into married couples ways but the ways of their daily routines.
@katsmeow1213 (28910)
• United States
5 May 08
Well my husband and I do have differences in religion. What's funny is, I was raised athiest, but am now a believer (I don't actually classify which religion because I have found it within myself and don't believe in certain things from different churches). My husband was raised catholic and became athiest, but is back to being agnostic. At one point I wanted to bring my children to church and raise them as catholics. He was not against this, but did not wish to accompany us. I made him come along one time and we actually got into a fight in church!! We have since accepted our differences in religion, and respect each other's ideas and views on it. Granted our views aren't as different as some couples, but I do believe it's possible to find common ground, in any relationship, not just marriage. I lean more towards catholisism, and I have a very good friend who is Jahovah's Witness. She has explained her views and why she follows that religion. I don't completely agree, but we respect each other's differences. I am also able to maintain relationships with my athiest mother who doesn't always respect my religious wishes. She would always attempt to prove my beliefs wrong or make me see her point of view. Eventually we both learned never to discuss religion or politics wth each other and we got along fine. I don't really think it's fair to ask anyone to give up their own religion. Faith in God is bigger than us, bigger than anything we hold dear in life. I would not be able to turn my back on God or my beliefs for another person.
• Canada
5 May 08
Asking him (or him asking you) to give up his/your religion is not "reasoning" it's making a demand. I'm a Danish Canadian Presbyterian married to a Russian American Mormon, and believe me, we have had our fair share of differences, over the years, but the EXPERIENCE has only made us stronger!! We have kept our own names, religions, citizenships, and we have learned about the other's, attending church events, etc, at the other's churches. It's been a great experience for both of us.