When a loved one is far.. far away

@arkaf61 (10881)
Canada
April 20, 2008 12:31pm CST
My mom will be 86 years old next month. She lives alone back in Portugal and up to now she seemed to be unstoppable. She had some trouble adapting after my dad died, but she still had my uncle - that lived with us all his life due to the fact that he had meningitis when he was a kid and was mentally impaired. - and her dog. About 3 years back, my uncle passed away as well. Mom took it hard too, but was able to get back and continued her gymnastics and swimming classes, and used to go out with her friends - the last time they went to Italy for a week and had a ball :) - and of course even on those days when she was a bit down, she still ended up being active because she knew she had to go out for a walk with the dog. Last week, her dog died and she is really taking it badly. I can understand it. THere is nothing else. THere is not even the motivation to go out because the dog needed to go for a walk. I"ve been trying to convince her to come here at least for a few weeks, but she seems not to be interested in anything. I am so far away that I feel helpless. I can't just take the car and go visit her for the weekend, we are at least 7 hours apart - by plane. Not only I would have to take time off from work to go there, I would have to pay an expensive ticket that I can't afford. Ever since I came here, I always worried about when this time would come. There isn't much that one can do from so far other than calling more often and try to convince her to come here for some time. To make things worse, because she is my adopted - not legally - mom, I can't even bring her to live here with me legally. I could bring my birth parents, but not the person that really raised me and loved me ever since i was months old grrrrrr I hope she can get back to her own self soon because if she doesn't I am not very sure of what to do. Do you have a loved one that lives so far away that it is very complicated to reach him/her if needed?
3 people like this
6 responses
@ecogal (522)
• United States
21 Apr 08
Tell her exactly what you wrote here. Let he know you still need her. I do have someone I love very far away. He will be back in a year I hope. I love him very much and I too feel helpless and scared.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
22 Apr 08
I did tell her. And I do need her, very much. It's unfortunate that we are so far away and that financial life is too complicated to allow me to go there. And that the laws are so silly that don't allow me to bring her close to me.
@ecogal (522)
• United States
22 Apr 08
I'm sorry you and her must go through this.
@nocovi (517)
• China
21 Apr 08
I'm sorry to hear your problem.I donot have the same problem now.But I 'm away studing out of town which makes me apart from my parents.Since,my parents always quarrel for something in the past,I 'm a little worried and miss them very much.I can only return home a little now and then.In my opinion,parents are the people who we should love,care and respect most in our life.We should care them more.But there always seems to be something that makes our loved person unhappy,we wanna make a change,but find ourselves helpless.That is usually terrible.What we can might be to be concern with them more,and 'touch their heart',and try our best to make them happier and energetic in life.So I suggest you getting another puppy for your mom and try to entain her with some other ways,maybe she 'll come to live with you very soon.Good luck!
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
22 Apr 08
Getting her a new puppy was my first idea, but it seems she is not ready for that yet. So I will wait a bit and see if in a few weeks she will be more open to the idea,
@Hatley (164232)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Apr 08
hi arkaf71 could you get your mom to get another dog.that would give her some stimulus to get out more and tohave someone to love and care for. I can see how hard it is for you being so far away and nothaving a lot of money or time to see your mom. I do not have this particular problem but am thinking of anything that you might be able to do for your mom. It would be really lovely if someone could persuade your mom to come visit you as she is eighty six.I am eighty one so I know a bit what that is like. she needs another dog or something like that to revive her interest in life again. Is there anyone there you could contact to help your mom find a new puppy and to help her get backinto living again? please let us mylotters know what is happening. my prayers go out to you and your mom
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
22 Apr 08
Hello my friend. I did think about that but she does not seem to be ready for it yet. But I will be touching that point gently. SHe might be ready for another dogie soon. But not yet.
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
20 Apr 08
Why can't you bring her over? She's your mother regardless if she didn't birth you. She's still your mother. I don't think the law would say she's not your mother since she legally adopted you.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
21 Apr 08
No, that is the problem. I was never officially adopted. There were no papers, no nothing. Both me and my sister were adopted by different people - me my godmother and my sister by one of our aunts - but none of us was officially adopted. And that is what prevents me to be able to get her here with me. I thought about going a bit higher than the emigration guys and write a letter. I was told that might work but I have no guaranty.
@gigglez79 (137)
• United States
20 Apr 08
wow, how sad for you. My prayers are with you. I'm not in the same situation as you, but I'm pretty close: My Mom has been really sick with heart failure (she's only 53yrs old) and the doctors doesn't think she'll have more than a few years. She is due to have her second bypass surgery within a month or so. My Mom lives in Florida and I live in RI. I want to move down there to be with her but yet I don't have the funds to make it there. I just recently lost my job and haven't had any luck to find another one. I've been trying to do minor jobs here and there and selling my things to make money. What's also sad, my Mom can't make the trip up here do to her health. She can barely walk as it is and will be on an oxygen tank once she is release from the hospital if she's going to be release. My Mom is my life, my mentor, and my best friend. She is the only one I have been able to talk to when I needed a friend to cry to. I'll be lost if anything happens to her. Especially with up being in different states. Because No Love is greater than the Love of a Mother's. God Bless you and your Family. -Gigglez
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
24 Apr 08
Well not as far as your lovely Mum is of course but you know what I am going through with my Son at the moment and it is his Birthday on Saturday which is hurting me But I have no money to renew my Car insurance and no money for Petrol so I am stuck He can't come to me as his Car is of the road and no money for Train I have been sending him Money to live so I am close to tears at the moment I am phoning him a few times a Day as he is still looking for a Job but just can't get one at the moment if he had a Job he would be ok I hope that your Mum will be ok Try to get her to get a new little Dog it will help her it helped me Sweetie I wish I could help and say more I feel for you Twin I really do Love you