Is going fast always a bad thing?

Me and my boyfriend - Me and my boyfriend hanging out
@SKLC_PT (1234)
April 20, 2008 1:38pm CST
I was wondering if going fast is always a good thing... Has anyone here had a relationship in which things went fast but yet are quite happy? See the thing is I'm in a relationship (dating) a guy in which I've fallen deeply in love with, we both really love each other, we've been dating for 2 months now and known each other from the 2nd February 2008. I've met his family and he's met mine, his mom loves me and my mom likes him a lot. He's working and I'm studying... But I get a bit hesitant as he mentioned that in a year from when we started to date he'll propose and he already wants us to rent an apartment, I've slept over at his house and all, but I find it's a big step. I've come from a relationship of nearly 4 years that was just hell, and I find it made me extremely scared to go forward to fast as I'm scared it might ruin things... So I'd like to know everyone's opinions, I know I'm not on much lately and have a lot of catching up to do, but between the hectic changes in my life lately and having to share the computer with my parents I've had very little or no time to be on mylot... I'd especially like to know of any happy couples that might have leaped into things or took things fast cause they loved each other enough to not be scared of the norms of how fast things should go... Please share your opinions and experiences. I must add he's the guy that's treated me the best, and he makes me feel so protected and loved, he gives me total trust and freedom to be me, I really feel I could be really happy with him... If you have any questions to help avaluate things please feel free to ask ;)
7 people like this
35 responses
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
21 Apr 08
hello, i have been through the same situation and i am proud to say I AM VERY HAPPY with my decision. i met my husband after a very rough relationship (i mean not hell like you mention but just sad coz we have to part ways due to so many issues) here is my view. 1. if he let you met his family then that is something about guys, remember not all guys let their girl to know his family till he is sure that this girl is rightful for his decision to take the next leap. 2. the fact that you do have a good relationship with his mom and he too to your mom shows a good start BUT beware not all ended great just by this signs, just talking about mine, ok? 3. it doesnt matter how long or young the relationship is, some couples whose been together for so long still didnt find happiness despite the years pass by and there are some (LIKE ME) who starts fast and is now happily married and five years seems to pass by that quick. 4. if you feel you are rushing your self, then take it slow and let him know that you are taking it slow and hope that helps him understand you more. remember that being honest about how you feel helps you both have a much better relationship. one more thing that i wanna share with you, when i first lay my eyes on him i just knew he is the ONE and i trust my guts and my heart and i am happy that i did the right move. so if you know you can be with him, though you are scared of the thought of getting it too fast, then just talk to him and ask him to make it slow., wish you all the best! takecare and good luck
@SKLC_PT (1234)
22 Apr 08
I loved your reply pity I can't give more then one "best response"... I must say I liked the way you broke things up into topics, it was really well composed. Thanks for the reply and good luck to you too
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
22 Apr 08
hello, i am happy that you appreciate my reply, dont worry i am not posting to have the best response so to have it or not is not really important BUT the thought that you want to give it to me makes me feel special, thanks for that! i really wish that you found the happiness you deserve. after what you have been through, i know you have learned a lot from it and uses it to be wiser now. takecare!
• Canada
21 Apr 08
I would tell you that going fast isn't a bad thing if your heart tells you so. You need to ask yourself some questions and be honest with yourself about the answers. It sounds to me like you WANT to be in a forever-relationship (not all people do). Does he? Aside from what he says, does the way he talks and acts and thinks about other women indicate that he wants to be in a forever relationship (FR from now on)? FR's are very complicated - as you know! But whoever coined the phrase "all you need is love" ought to have been shot. You need a lot more! The ability to talk through and RESOLVE issues that come up. Unresolved, they will eat away at you - I tell you from personal experience. While it's really easy to agree to disagree with a friend, it's much harder to do with a partner. Also initial agreement on some everyday issues REALLY helps. You have a major leg up that things seem smooth with the in-laws on both ends! I love my inlaws and I can't imagine what hell it would be if my in-laws and I didn't like each other. That said, my husband and I have an uncanny ability to be on the same side when one of us disagrees with one of our parents. And every time that happens we love each other a little bit more! In a FR, there will be times when you don't feel so in love. Accept it. Whether it takes 2, 5 or 20 years, eventually things cool. Some people don't accept it and jump from one long-term relationship to another. If you want a FR you have to be ready to find ways to build intimacy and create new spark. And the key to everything is that he has to, too. When both sides are willing to put everything into it that they've got, you have a winner. The other think that I would advise is not moving in together as a trial period. Statistics show that such trial periods have a high incidence of failure. I wouldn't move in with a guy wondering if we couldmake it work - I would only move in with a guy if I was determined to make it work. It's a matter of perspective that well may determine how you see what's going on. The best advice I was ever given was to ask myself, "If____________about him never changes, can I live with that?" If the answer is no, you can bet that that issue will be one that never does change. If he leaves the cap off the toothpaste and that drives you nuts but you wouldn't divorce him over it, then there's a good chance that over the years you may (MAY) be able to "train" him to put it back on. I look at my husbands silly quirks like that as a long-term project. I have our whole lives together to get him trained right! Wow has this been a long entry. I sure hope that some of my tidbits have been helpful. My story: my husband and I had worked together for 3 years, but he was in a bad relationship. She treated him terribly and even though he tried his hardest to keep things going she didn't care. I wasn't interested in him at the time, but I advised him to leave her because even though I don't believe in divorce, I also don't believe that people should be miserable and mistreated by their partners. A year after he left her we fell in love and within 6 months of going out together, we were married. It's been 5 years now and we have 2 beautiful girls and a good relationship that I'm thankful for every day. Going fast CAN work - if you ask all the right questions first! Bless you!
2 people like this
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
It was a long but knowledgeable post. I really liked it... I also use the term "train him" lol he's done and said a thing or two I didn't like too much however I might get cranky for 5 minutes but then I put it behind me, not use getting upset over silly things, no one's perfect what matters is we learn from our mistakes and try not to repeat them, I also have my flaws from time to time, but we are learning each others flaws and so far reacting well to one another's. I'm happy to hear about things with you are good and hope they remain so. I also met my boyfriend when he was with another girl but she never trusted him and if anyone invented something about him she would doubt him, plus a very cynical personality and so on, but he got sick of it, they only dated about 15 days, and he had already started getting feelings for me... and a day later of them breaking up I was with him till now yet she sort of stalks us... I had more I wanted to add but got distracted and forgot lol, I seem to have the attention spam of Dorie in finding Nemo sometimes.
@kiran1978 (4137)
• Australia
21 Apr 08
Well I think each relationship is different. But for me I moved in with my boyfriend after only being together for 3 months. We then moved together to new town 7 hours away. We are happy and now have a child together, been together a year and a half now. So I got pregnant early on in the relationship too, but things couldn't be better between us. So if you really love this guy and you trust him. Then I think give it a go. You only know if you try. I also came out of an 8 year abusive relationship before I met my partner. I was only split up from my ex for 3 months before I met my boyfriend, but I am glad that we met and moved in together. Trust your gut instincts.
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
Thanks it's so good to hear the success stories, they seem to make my fears grow smaller and somewhat insignificant really making my will to go with the flow grow... Congrats to you both
• China
22 Apr 08
From what you said now I see that what makes you so worried is that you should live with him together.In that case there are different explainations about this. 1.You are not sure if you can marry him and live with him for a whole life. 2.You are afraid of losing the most important part of virgin.And worried if you parted with him what should you do.That means you are not sure about his love to you. 3.He is not the best one for you,you are waiting for another one if no he will be as the one to marry. But in my opinion,living together is not change at all to your study and work and you future.If you have deep relationship the time is not important.That thing happened naturely. If you are not sure please ask your own heart and what is your need?
2 people like this
@athinapie (1151)
• Philippines
21 Apr 08
it's good that everything is working out between you and your guy. but i think that you should slow this down. there are many cases where in couples rush into things and in the end, they regret about what happened and want to bring the past back and change things. i know you don't want that to happen, right? but if ever you really feel right about things right now then maybe it is for the best. hey, it might work out this way.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
20 Apr 08
i met my husband online in an aol chat.. 5 days after we met, he moved in with me.. 2 weeks later, we were engaged, month and half after that we were pregnant. hows that for fast? that was nine years ago.. and i love him more than i ever thought was humanly possible to love anyone.. and he loves me the same. being skiddish is understandable.. but if you let fear seep in, itll cripple you. youve already said this guy is wonderful to you.. and its yer past that is making you scared. dont make this guy pay for the crimes of others. love as though youve never been hurt.. its the only way itll ever succeed.
1 person likes this
@SKLC_PT (1234)
20 Apr 08
WOW and I thought I was going too fast, I guess it just comes to show that when you were meant to be there isn't such a thing as too fast, cause if it was meat to be it will all turn out right weather a few days or a few years, I must say your message gave me encouragement, if it can work out for you within days, why shouldn't I risk going for it with a few months... if it doesn't work it just wasn't meant to be and hopefully it will all go well, just got to learn to be more positive and not let past fears get in the way of new relations... Thanks and good luck to you...
@tessah (6621)
• United States
20 Apr 08
thanx and good luck to you both as well! and thanx for best response too!
1 person likes this
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
21 Apr 08
I think you have to follow what's in your heart. There are no set rules as to how long it takes for a relationship to be "right". If you feel so good about how things are between the 2 of you and you are totally comfortable with him with no qualms and there is total trust between the 2 of you, I see no problem with going with whatever the 2 of you want to do. Who's to say that it takes 2 weeks or 2 years to fall completely in love with someone? It is something you have to take a chance with each time and leave the past in the past or you might lose the love of your life. Sometimes couples date for years and get married and are divorced in a short time and other times they jump right into marriage and stay that way for the rest of their lives. Each marriage is different..........each couple is different. You have to decide for yourself if it feels right for you and stick with it. Don't let him go if he is the one!!
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
You're right, there's no two people the same and I wouldn't want him to slip through my fingers if he's the one... Thanks to the replies I'm quite inclined to accept moving in with him...
@kitan2979 (115)
• Philippines
21 Apr 08
Hi SKLC_PT! you know what?while reading your post I was really amazed coz thats exactly what happend to me last year!we are almost in the same situation a year ago.I was also in a 4year relationship before I met my fiance..We were also seeing each other for 2 months only then, but I had to go to Canada to work for 6 months..and now were living together, and Ive never been happier! His family likes me and my family like him too! For me thats the number one reason for you not to doubt your relationship. It just means that both your families approve of your relationship and they will be a big help to both of you when time comes.However the difference between your situation and mine is that were both 29 years old, were at the right age already, for you, you mentioned you're still studying, I would advise you to finish your studies first before you move in with him.Its really a big step, it takes a lot of responsibility.But I am really thrilled to know that Ive been in your exact situation a year ago, creepy but cool..LOL wish you all the best!
1 person likes this
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
Lol I guess it's like they say, it's a small world and due to that many people tend to have similarities with others thousands of miles apart. It was nice to know there's someone with such similarities as me. We plan to only look into getting an apartment after I finish this school year around 20th June as I can finish my studies at night and work during the daytime. All the nest to you too and thanks for taking the time to share
21 Apr 08
Up until the proposal part I was thinking ahh that's nothing lol. But then maybe even that might not happen or might not seem like such a big step once you get there. I think you should live it one bit at a time. Enjoy it how it is for now, and then re-evaluate every time it changes. When you get to the point when he suggests the new house in real time, then think about it and give him your honest answer (but just about the decision, because this doesn't have to determine you relationship!). My relationship's gone pretty fast. I started a new job on the Friday, met him (also working there) on the Saturday, went out with him (and others) on the Sunday and then he asked me out on the Monday. And now that was nearly 7 months ago and we've been living together for 3 months already. He said he loved me along time ago, and he spends every day with my family... I think fast can be good - because it can show that it's right and it's what both of you want - because hesitations can show uncertainty.
1 person likes this
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
I think he plans to look into apartments for rent after I finish this school year, it finishes 20th June I think. Then I'd go to studying at night and working during the day, it would also be good other then relationship wise to be independent and not rely as much on my family... I must say through all the replies I'm getting more and more confident... Good luck to you on your side
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
21 Apr 08
my relationship with my hubby is considered as quick... we got married only after about 8 months of knowing each other... but we are alright now although we struggle at the beginning... our relationship is getting better and better by each day... again, it doesn't really depend on the time you spend on the relationship... but quality... the quality is more important in a relationship than quantity... that's what i think... if you feel confident with the man that you are with, then i will say go for it... it totally depends on you and your bf... good luck with your relationship...
1 person likes this
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
I never really thought of it that way, but you are right, the quality of the relationship should be heavier then the quantity of time together... As I've known people together for years yet in doomed relationships with no communication, trusty... and mine as communication, trust, love and understanding... So I guess you are right that should be more valuable when making a decision. Plus you can go years without really knowing some people and weeks to know others, it all comes down to your gut instinct and the quality of all the things in your relationship so far...
• United States
21 Apr 08
well i met my husband one night when i was working. we exchanged numbers and then went out i even took my daughter that was 13 months at the time with us. well he went home with me that night. moved in the next day. and 3 weeks later we were married. we have been married now 12 years and i have never regretted it. i love him so much. i was scarred that things were going fast but my heart told me yes go for it and well glad i listened. just listen to your heart and not what others say.
1 person likes this
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
I'm very happy for you, I'm seeing more and more people that took it fast and appear to be happy, it is quite an encouragement to know there can be happy endings to relationships that go a tad bit faster then society usually deems as correct. I never expected so many replies to my post but I'm very pleased to hear all the poits of view especially from those that went through the same thing...
• United States
21 Apr 08
Life is about taking chances and if in a time when he does propose to you you will know more about the relationship to determine if it is a right time for you. Just don't try to rush things so fast that you haven't had the time to sift through it all and take in what is going on with the relationship. My first wife and I were only together for 4 months when we decided to get married. It lasted for 15 years. At the time we would have never thought it would end but time does change things and people. If i wouldn't have taken that risk I would not have my two wonderful kids now. Things happen for a reason and whatever comes out of it I am sure it will only lead you to a better path for tomorrow...
1 person likes this
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
Thanks for those wise words of wisdom, you're right as to what ever the outcome it will only make me grow and things all happen for some reason however small it may be. I guess sometimes all we have is chances and many of them we take so lightly yet they can change our lives, simple things such as leaving the house one day can lead to many other things even if it was a bad day.... Thanks for the reply it was a very nice response...
@rexiemay (402)
• Philippines
21 Apr 08
hi! im happy that your relationship is going pretty well. the question you should answer is do you love him? does he love you? if both were positive, then go for it. it doesnt matter how long you've been together or how long you've known each other. i had an experience for falling for someone i just met and we didnt end up together, but im still positive that if someone i meet along the way will make my heart beats for him, then ill go for him even though it is fast. goodluck. stay in love.
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
Thanks for the reply, and I must say I do believe we love each other mutually, and your right that should be the most important factor. Where there's a will there's a way and with love all things can be overcome as love conquers all when true...
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
21 Apr 08
I know this isn't what you want to hear. I have always moved too fast in relationships and it has never worked for me. Once you move in together then it is really difficult to end it if you do find you've made a mistake. I have learned to slow down a real real lot. In my opinion 2 months is way too quick to be moving in together. My thinking is that if it really is love, then it still will be later on so why the rush? I'm sure there are exceptions but Im thinking it is rare. People are always on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship. I know you want to hear good things but I really wouldn't advise anyone to move that fast. How long have you been single since your last relationship? Your relationship does sound very nice and I do hope it all works out for you.
1 person likes this
@SKLC_PT (1234)
21 Apr 08
Well I was in a relationship with the last guy for nearly 4 years but the last year of that wasn't so much dating but more hooking up as I was somewhat hooked on him... Of the 4 years we must have broken up over 20 times and I'm not exaggerating. Clean of hook ups and all maybe 6 months or so maybe a bit more, in the beginning of my relationship with my new boyfriend my ex pursued me but I did not budge or give in to him even though he came on strong even telling my boyfriend that he loved me and wanted me back, phoning every night... I didn't let him get as much as a kiss, I'm quite solid when dating and won't betray for anything not even a kiss, thank god I have good moral values. I know things tend to be sugar coated when you start and go sour after a wile but I don't want to put my relationship up to the what usually happens standards as I'd always be worried on things going wrong that I feel it would cripple our relationship as sometimes when I think like that I start getting real depressed and pessimist not letting things flow naturally... I've already spent a few weekends at his house and his family already treats me as if we were married I don't want to be naive, I know things can go wrong in the back of my mind, but I have to sometimes dream and hope that sometimes things can go well and not have a crash landing after a wile as so many things in my life have had...
1 person likes this
@dizzblnd (3073)
• United States
20 Apr 08
Congrats on finding that someone special. It is amazing when you do. My husband and I met in Oct of '90.. we married in May '91 we have been happily married 17 years and have 2 wonderful teenagers. So yes, it can happen very fast AND have a happy ending Good Luck.. let us know when you set the wedding date
@SKLC_PT (1234)
20 Apr 08
Nice to hear, and congrats... It's nice to hear some "rushed" so to speak success stories, I must say i want to go with his speed in a way, I just feel so scared to face the fact that things can go wrong, though I know it's best to face things early then later, as later it's harder to separate if things go wrong... I just feel I need some more reassurance that things can go well, cause one always has that fear in the back of their minds, and with a bad last experience it makes me fear things more, don't get me wrong I do feel I'm ready to move on, and love the person I'm with, but I was left with some traumas from the other one that left their mark making me feel things can't stay good forever and so on in the back of my mind...
@kezabelle (2984)
20 Apr 08
I think if you are concerned especially after your last relationship then taking things slowly might be better just for your peace of mind. Me and my partner had a bit of a whirlwind romance and 6 months after meeting him we were living together, we have been together nearly 7 years now and things are perfect we have two gorgeous little girls and are both really happy so fast relationships can work but I think if you are worried holding back a little and taking it slowly for a bit longer might be better.
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@SKLC_PT (1234)
20 Apr 08
Congrats on the kids I'm really unsure I'm happy and want to go fast with him yet at the same time worried that history repeats itself.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
22 Apr 08
i do not think it can always be bad for anyone. but its always advisable to go slow in the cases that matters most. but if you are able to judge that the person is one taht is perfect for you, then i think there is no way.
1 person likes this
@agfarm (930)
• United States
22 Apr 08
I Love my soulmate....we recently had a heated arguement , ( I'm a Bit of a Hott-head ) He didn't deserve how I treated him. My Soulmate has been nothing but Generous and very giving. He knows all of my insecurities , and more times then not he Shields me from my own inner-Demons. wHEN WE FIRST MET .....iT WAS AN ABSOLUTE WHIRLWIND rOMANCE and the Sparks still fly after all this time. Fortunately for me.....He is Patient with Me , although I don't have a Clue as to why! He means the world to me......and He knows I would do anything for him. All he has to do is ask.
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@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
21 Apr 08
Hi there I do so understand what you are saying, but that was then this is now and if you let your fears run your life you will never be able to do anything, If you care about this fellow then treat him like he is precious gold, do not hide in a dark room and worry what might be, we never know so make things happen today not when you are comfortable because your fears have a deep impact on your life , while loving and caring seem to be called a risk, breathing is a risk if you delve deep enough, today is now live in the now, not what happened last time
21 Apr 08
I think you should follow your heart, if it feels like it is going too fast then speak to your boyfriend. You have no need to rush things. When my partner and I got together, he also asked me to move in with himbut I was only prepared to do that once I got a job near his place so I could support myself. He understood and was great about it all, even though we both got frustrated as it took a long time finding a job. It was worth waiting, and yes marriage is a big step and not one to rush. I'm a firm believer that people should know each other at least a year before getting married.You need to know each other well, and be sure you can spend the rest of your lives together happily. If he treats you well, gives you freedom and trust then he will definitely understand that you want to take it slow. The first six months of a relationship are beautiful, and it is easy to be swept up in the romance. Make sure you do what is right for you, don't compare your relationship with others!
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