What is a good age to leave the kids home alone after school?
By acastlegirl
@acastlegirl (135)
United States
April 20, 2008 2:29pm CST
I was 10 when I started going home by myself. My kids now are 7 and 11. I have recently started letting them do this mainly because I just can't afford child care anymore. They do very well. They call me when they get home. Then they do their homework. They call me when they are done with their homework and I give them some chores to do. I know if I keep them busy until I get home, they won't have time to make messes or get into trouble. We live in a good neighborhood and my ex-husband's uncle lives across the street. His wife gets home half an hour after my kids get home. She looks out for the house and is there if anything happens.
The problem is, apparently my mother thinks I am a terrible mom for this. She told my daughter that she hopes she doesn't turn out as irresponsible as me when she grows up. What is a single mother to do when she doesn't get enough child support to cover the costs of child care? I work full time and I am pursuing an online degree so that I can hopefully provide better for my children and pay for their college. They are good kids. They are well mannered and do great in school. My kids don't even like going to my mom's house because she yells at them a lot and talks bad about me. I am thinking about not allowing her to see them anymore. The only times my kids want to go over there is if my nephew is there to play with.
Do you think I am wrong for doing this? And what do you think I should do about my mother? She has always treated me this way. No matter what I do she is not happy with me. I do not try to please her anymore. I rarely even talk to her because I am tired of her attitude towards me. I have a decent job. I have never done drugs. I rarely drink and never around my children. I don't know why she thinks I am such a terrible person.
5 people like this
15 responses
@34momma (13882)
• United States
21 Apr 08
i don't think there is anything wrong with leaving your children home alone at that age. the only problem is, if something happens then your a$$ is in big trouble. two years ago i left my baby girl home with my 17 year old son and my 11 year old son. she chocked on some candy. her father and i were about to sit down to an early dinner at our favorite place when we got the call from my son. her father run out the place with not a word to me! LOL i run after him and when he tells me what happens, he yells we are going to get arrested for this. I said to him no we are not, my son was 17 at the time. I know in New York, in order to leave a child at home they must be in the company of someone at least 17.
but who can do that when you have to work and run errands and get things done. I know that i have left my son home alone before he was 17 and things always worked out fine
2 people like this
@34momma (13882)
• United States
22 Apr 08
it was, but i know my boys and they jump to it and took care of their sister. my younger son got the candy out of here mouth and my older son called 911. by time they called me, she was ok. but we took her to the hospital any way to check her out. I am always grateful to them for what they did for our family
@acastlegirl (135)
• United States
22 Apr 08
That is a scary story. I'm glad everything was alright. My daughter used to choke on her food all the time when she was a toddler. She made me a nervous wreck.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
22 Apr 08
What a scary situation! I think the laws vary on the age, I know that a child might be allowed to be home alone when they are 12, but not necessarily to have a sibling younger than they are with them. I do leave my older kids home alone and for the most part things are okay at their ages, but when they were younger, I would not, and I wouldn't leave the baby either.
1 person likes this
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
21 Apr 08
It surely is a struggle to raise kids on your own. You seem to be a responsible caring person who cares a lot about your children. I would however, check out the law in your state to find out at what age children can be left alone. I live in Canada and in the province I live a child has to be a minimum of 12 years old to be left unsupervised. Maybe you could enlist the help of a grandma type in your neighbourhood who would come over to stay until you get home or you could get a teenager to help out. I don't know if there are after school programs in your neighbourhood. We have that here where the children are bused or have the program in their school. They stay, get a snack and do their homework until 5 or 5.30 when they have to be picked up.
As far as your mother is concerned I would have a serious talk with her and point out how important grandparents can be in the lives of their grand children. Every child should have the benefit of loving grandparents but it is not acceptable to talk bad about their mother. So ask her if she wants to be in her grand children's lives. If so she has to abide by certain rules.
You could also go to family court and try and have your support order amended to get a little more money to pay for an hour or two a day for someone to be at your house. Best of luck.
1 person likes this
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
21 Apr 08
I found this in Wiki Answers.
Legal age for children to left home alone in ohio?
In: Children and the Law
Answer
There is no law relating to this in Ohio. The key is that the child must be safe, must feel safe and must be able to handle any emergencies.
Most authorities agree that 12 or 13 is okay to be home alone for short periods of time. Looking after younger siblings is a different story and requires more maturity, particularly with siblings as they are going to fight being told what to do by a brother or sister.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Legal_age_for_children_to_left_home_alone_in_ohio
1 person likes this
@acastlegirl (135)
• United States
22 Apr 08
You are right. There is no law in Ohio, but if something serious were to happen the authorities can step in. Thanks for checking into that for me.
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
20 Apr 08
Parents are sometimes overly critical with their adult children. When they see them doing so wonderful with their own children I believe that they feel badly for not doing so well with their own and find fault whenever they can regarding how they raise their children. I guess you can say that I talk from experience. If your children are mature enough to handle this responsibility and you have support from the people who live close to you, it is okay to leave them alone after school. Shame on your mother for being such a tyrant. I send big huggers to you.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31053)
• United Kingdom
20 Apr 08
You are a caring mom that is doing well to work full time, study part time and care for your children. Your mother was brought up with old values and perhaps she is having difficulty in accepting modern day life. Life is not easy sometimes and as a single mom you are doing fine. Your children sound responsible and hardworking, doing their home work and chores. It is fortunate that your ex husband's uncle's wife lives across the street and looks out in case your children need help. Communication in your family is excellent. I am a parent and a primary school teacher so I know the some children are responsible at 7 whilst some not responsible. Lots of 11 year olds are responsible. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@acastlegirl (135)
• United States
20 Apr 08
Thanks for your input. It is nice to get advice from a school teacher.
@kezabelle (2974)
•
20 Apr 08
Well firstly tell you mum to butt out and point out how young you were lol, secondly no you arent a bad mum, if you think your children are mature enough to walk home and be there alone then its your choice to make you know your children.
Mine are only 4 and 2 so its not something I have thought about I guess we will decide when the time comes but probably about 11 if they are mature enough with it to come straight home and listen when I say dont answer the phone or door nor tell anyone you are home alone, that and if they can betrusted with a key that they wont lose it etc all things I will take into account before making my mind up.
1 person likes this
@acastlegirl (135)
• United States
20 Apr 08
Thank you for helping me feel a little bit better about my situation. I also forgot to mention that this is only 3 days a week that they have to do this. My boyfriend is home 2 days a week and is very good with the kids. He is 12 years older than me and raised all 3 of his kids on his own, with the help of his mother. Also my kids father usually picks them up from school about one day a week if his work schedule allows it. So there are times when they really only have to do this twice a week. And there are strict rules that they follow very well.
@8848Nascar_Mom (56)
• United States
21 Apr 08
As a single parent, I too have had this dilemma. My son is 11, & he is by himself for about 2 1/2 hours each school day. there is no law in my state dictating what age is "too young" (obviously you can't leave a small child alone), but I was still very nervous about him being at the house by himself at first. He is doing quite well with the set up. I pick him up from school & drop him at home. Normally he spends that time doing homework, watching television or playing video games.
Personally, I think that each parent should evaluate his or her own children for their readiness to be home alone. (I know some 17 year olds that shouldn't be allowed to be home alone!)
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
21 Apr 08
From the sounds of it the children are handling it fine. From what I know by child services at age 10 they can be left home alone for a couple of hours and can watch younger siblings. I wouldn't worry about the state interfering. So long as the child is responsible and it sounds like they are I wouldn't worry. They probably like the time alone. I know I did when I was that age and was left home alone. My niece who is 13 loves it when she gets time alone.
As for your mother I would tell her to butt out and not speak that way about you to your children. That is out of line and she should know better. Point out to her that she wouldn't like it if you talked about her that way to your children. Believe me I do know the feeling. My father was that way for a long time. He'd come over and if a stray piece of paper was on the floor (the rest of the house would be clean) he'd say things like "I hope no one calls DCF on you cause you'll lose the kid". We finally told him "fine call them". He stopped saying such things. Stand up to her and tell her how what she is doing is making you feel.
1 person likes this
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
21 Apr 08
I would for sure make sure you check the laws for your state I know that each one is different and if they are not legal to be at home and one of them gets hurt or something could cause you alot of troubles so just be safe and check the laws.I am not against it just have seen alot of kids taken away when parents have left there kids home alone.
1 person likes this
@union6 (326)
•
21 Apr 08
no i dont think that you are doing anything wrong, i think that it is not the actual age of a child that should determin wether they are alright to be left alone but there maturity, and by the sounds of things your kids sound very mature and realiable, at that age i probably would not have done my home work and chorse if i was alone lol and with the added bonus of your ex-husbands uncle living across the road i think that there is nothing to worry about. As for your mother i think that she is totaly out of line saying those things as you are doing a good job from what i can see, your kids are responsible and are good in school
1 person likes this
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
21 Apr 08
If they know all the rules and they know how to behave when you are not around, it should not be too bad and as long as you know they will be doing something safe in your absence too. I would leave them with a good movie or something that keeps them occupied in a safe way of course. I would make sure they know emergency numbers and make sure they keep the door locked at all times even if someone knocks on it. I think it is important to teach the safety thing before letting them do things on their own, if they succeed in your eyes then well everyone else can not really judge you.
1 person likes this
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
20 Apr 08
I wouldnt really reccomend that age. I was 8 when I started staying home alone. My children are 3,4 and 5. I will start leaving them home alone when the oldest is 12. Sorry but I dont see how an 11 year old is responsiable for a 7 year old. I know in alot of states those ages are illigal. But if your comfortable that's all that matters. I would really have someone go to your house for the 2 hours or whatever until you get home and just tell them 5 bucks a day is all you can afford.
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
21 Apr 08
According to DCF here in Florida they can stay home for a couple of hours at the age of 10 and they can watch younger siblings at that age. At the age of 12 they can watch kids that aren't related, in other words babysit. So what she is doing is not illegal. Also reasonable chores can be done at the age of 11 and 7. Just dusting, vacuuming or cleaning up their room is fine. Those are chores and quite reasonable at that age.
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
21 Apr 08
It is illegal to let kids be home alone no matter who lives close to you if someone was to call child services and they showed up and just the two were home you would lose them happens every day...In no way is a 11 year old mature or responsible to be alone..You are making your kids adults at the age of 11 and that is not fair to them...I have a 11 year old step daughter she is mature and responsible but I would never leave her alone for any reason just not proper..Let them go to your uncles for a couple hours...what kind of chores would a 11 year old have to do..omg let them be kids.
@acastlegirl (135)
• United States
20 Apr 08
I tried having someone watch them at my house and it turned into a disaster. It is not easy finding someone reliable that you can trust. They do better on their own than they did when that person was here.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
21 Apr 08
To address the first part, I don't recall exactly the legal age when it's okay to leave a child at home alone, it might be 12. If that isn't an issue, I don't think it's a problem because you do have an adult across the way who does keep an eye. From your post it also appears that you have good kids who have not gotten into trouble and nobody else (neighbors) have made any complaints.
As far as your mother.... I think you are doing fine. She has no right to butt in or say anything regarding your life or how you parent - if you must, remind her that you would never tell her how to live HER life or god forbid how to parent. Besides, if you did, it's not like she would listen, right? I would definitely not let my kids be with her alone if she was badmouthing you to them behind your back. That is just disrespectful and wrong! By the way, just remember that it does not matter what she thinks about what you do. You do the best you can with the situation you have in life, and you go on and be happy with your children. It has absolutely nothing to do with her and if she prefers to be obnoxious and attitudey and bitter because her life isn't going the way she wants, that's fine but she ought to keep it to herself. Unless you ask for her input, she doesn't need to give it. Don't make any excuses, just don't speak with her, see her, or the like and she will figure out that she needs to apologize and stop this behavior because you can go on quite well without her. I wish you the best, being a parent is wonderful but tough, being the only parent is even harder. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@terpcrazy03 (64)
• United States
21 Apr 08
I do not know where you live but you may want to check on your state law. Most states specify an age at which children can be left at home and for how long they are able to be at home. For example Georgia laws states that between 9 and 12 years old the child can only be home alone for up to two hours. It may be against the law for you to leave your children alone.
