On The Making, Keeping And Breaking Of Promises...
By Darkwing
@Darkwing (21583)
April 21, 2008 8:52pm CST
When I make a promise, I don't make it lightly. I consider it for some time before I make it, and only make it if I think I can keep it. I'm capable of keeping a promise, but sometimes, you're made to work very hard at keeping that promise, because the person to whom you made it, does something to make it almost impossible to keep.
Therefore, although it's known to be a promise I'm giving, I never actually use the words "I promise". I would be more than likely to say, "I'll do everything in my power to...". Do you think this is a safeguard against breaking a promise... am I laying negatives in front of the person, merely being more realistic, by using this phrase?
To be honest, I would never purposely break a promise and I wouldn't promise something I couldn't deliver, or that might be hampered by circumstance, for fear of hurting the person I'm making the promise to. Therefore, I feel more honest in using the latter phrase.
So, how do you go about making promises, or do you avoid them altogether? If you've made promises in the past, have you found that they've been difficult to keep at times, because of circumstances? Do you honestly think that if you made a promise, you'd be able to keep it, without question?
I'd like to find out what the general feeling is on the making and keeping of promises.
3 people like this
16 responses
@gemini_rose (16264)
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22 Apr 08
I never ever make a promise if I know that I cannot keep it, I never ever promise my kids anything if I know I cannot keep it, the look of hurt on their little faces if you break it is unbearable. I have never actually broken a promise that I have made but I remember when my eldest son was about 5 I had been seeing someone and he kept making promises and they were big promises too, and I asked him not too because something inside me told me that he would not keep them. I was right he was a loser, but I had to mop the tears up after and I hated it. I then to say that I will try everything in my power, but I cannot promise, then that you are not making an actual promise but that you will try your best.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23706)
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22 Apr 08
Now you seem to go about things a lot more sensibly and thoughtfully than I do! I tend to make promises rashly and then do my best to keep them rather than thinking long and hard before making the promise! I have found some promises very hard to keep but tried very hard nonetheless. Lately however I have found it harder and harder to keep promises but still do my best to fulfill them! xxx
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
That's precisely why I consider them so deeply before making them, my friend. We can never see what's going to rear its ugly head as an obstacle, in the future, and although we try our very best, we are not always able to carry our promises to a satisfactory conclusion, despite our intentions. Then, I'm a Libra, and this is one of my traits. I weigh just about everything up before I proceed, in order to maintain balance and harmony in my life.
Brightest Blessings, my dear friend, and thank you for your contribution. xxx
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
25 Apr 08
I will always do my best to keep it but I have to admit that a couple of times I have broke a Promise like I promise to phone someone and then I either forget or I am to dopped up with Pain killers and can't really talk to anyone
I have started to say I will do my best to because it is the safest way
Love and Hugs
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
22 Apr 08
The only promice I ever make is not to talk about something some one has told me in confadance . Most times I forget it as soon as hey tell me I have tre=ained myself that way.
What is funny me neice will tel me not to tell someone some thing but she is the only one I talk to never talk to the otehr people lol. and for other things yes I use the frase I will do my best dont thnk we are copping out just do our best to deliver
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
23 Apr 08
she always says promise lol. and after she has told me its gone so even if I do see others to talk to I have more to talk about other than what I aint surpose to talk about. and your right its a confedence other than a promise but its the way she puts it lol hugs
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
I think keeping confidences comes more under trust, my friend, because if the other person didn't trust you to keep a confidence, then they wouldn't tell you. I have never had to promise to keep a secret, or something I've been told in confidence... it's taken as read, or confidences would never be entrusted to me. I really appreciate when somebody wants to discuss something with me, that they can't discuss with anybody else, so I leave it to them, whether they want to tell others.
With your niece, she's probably just covering any eventualities which might crop up. Maybe some day you'll start talking to the others, and she wants to be sure that what she's told you won't go any further.
I agree, the other phrase isn't a cop out but rather a safety net, in case of the eventuality that you can't deliver for whatever reason, and you'll cause hurt to the promised person.
Brightest Blessings, my dear friend, and thank you for your contribution. xx
1 person likes this
@littleowl (7157)
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23 Apr 08
Hi Darkwing-if I don't think I can keep the promise I don't promise it in the first place-the one thing I hate is breaking promises especially if it may upset someone or disappoint them-your friend littleowl
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
I agree, my dear friend. I'm the same. It causes heartache for the other person, and also for yourself for having hurt them. It's just not worthing promising something you're not sure if you can deliver.
Brightest Blessings, my friend, and thank you for your contribution. xx
@jesbellaine (4139)
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
Hi there!
I never make any promise if I am not really sure about it, sometimes, I have to check if I can do it first before I can make a promise. And If I am not really sure, I will always say the truth to the person that I will do everything I can... so I will only make a promise when I are really meant to keep it or if I can surely do it because it would surely hurt the person you love.
But I have to admit that it is sometimes hard to keep a promise. I promised to my parents that I will help my sister and brother financially in their studies at the same time support them in other aspect.. Oh boy! It is so hard though until now, I get to keep that promise.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
Your view and caution about making promises is much the same as mine, my friend. It's so easy to make a promise, and then something crop up and get in the way of our keeping of that promise. Like with your promise to your parents... if something was to happen that you no longer had the finances to help your siblings, then you wouldn't have any choice but to break that promise, which is why I prefer to tell a person that I'll do everything within my power to...
I'm glad you've been able to keep your promise. It feels so good when you can, because you've been willing to fight your way through the obstacles to avoid breaking it. Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend. x
@jesbellaine (4139)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
Much appreciated Dear Friend! You take care of yourself.
1 person likes this
@minnie_98214 (10557)
• United States
22 Apr 08
I try to avoid making any promises as I dont like to have to break any. But if I know I can keep it I will promise for sure.
1 person likes this
@deeeky (3667)
• Edinburgh, Scotland
22 Apr 08
A promise is a promise and a committment to a person which is giving ones word to that person. That is a basis of good relationships but sometimes a promise is not carried out due to cercumstances outwith the control of that the persons pledge.
The promise can still be made good at a later date thereby honouring the promise made so that all ends well in the end. A friend will understand becuase that what friends do.
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
Yes, I agree, it's a commitment, and quite a binding thing, to make a promise, my friend. I don't necessarily agree that it's a basis of a good relationship, because other people and other circumstances can prevent you from delivering, and therefore, the promised person becomes hurt. Once I've made a promise, I will fight tooth and nail to keep it, because I hate to hurt people, and it works both ways... I hate to be let down, once a promise has been made to me... it does hurt, and it can be avoided.
This is why I consider the possibilities deeply before actually using the word "promise", and I feel that often, it's better to say "I'll do all within my power". If you use the latter phrase, then the friend understands that you will do everything in your power, and that if something or somebody crops up to stop you fulfilling a "promise", you can still do everything within your power to pass this obstacle.
Brightest Blessings, my dear friend, and thank you for your contribution. x
@kayrod2 (1304)
• Australia
23 Apr 08
I dont like making promises. This is mainly because sometimes it is really hard to keep them. Then you feel like you have let the other person down, even if you tried your best. and they probably feel let down. i will usually just agree to try my best but not promise.
best wishes to you, darkwing, and take care.
xxxxx
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
It's not that I have never made promises... I have, and have seen more or less all of them through, but I did sadly have to learn that things can crop up, to prevent your keeping your promise, however hard you might fight to win through. This only happened once, but it changed my whole outlook on promises.
I don't mind "promising" to do everything within my power, because I know, and my friends know, I will do just that, and it creates less hurt if you take a bit longer to get around the obstacles, and deliver. I wouldn't like any of my friends to make me a promise and let me down on it, because it hurts... sometimes very deeply, when they do, and I wouldn't want them to be hurt in the same way. Therefore, I consider all the options very carefully before even granting them a promise.
Brightest Blessings my dear friend, and thank you for your contribution. I hope things are going well for you, and that you have a great day! xxx
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
Hi Darkwing! Just like you, when I make a promise I intend to keep it no matter what. There are times that at the time I made the promise, I know deep in my heart it is easy to carry it through but sometimes there will come a time that it gets difficult to do so. However hard or difficult it is, I will keep it. And if I know from the very start that I may not be able to keep it, I will tell the person honestly but will tell him/her, " I can't promise you but I will try." I just don't like them expecting too much when I know I can't deliver. I don't want hurting or disappointing people. I am not at ease and I would lose sleep whenever i know I failed someone. Just my thoughts dear friend. Take care and have a nice day! 
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
That's exactly the way I see things, my friend. I will fight tooth and nail to keep any promise I've made, because I know how I would feel if I was let down on a promise. It can cause a lot of heartache to be promised something which can't be delivered, for some reason.
I feel that if you're not sure, it's by far the better option to tell the person that you're not sure whether you can carry through, because then, they don't expect too much and if you can manage to complete your promise then it's all the better, but if you don't, they're not too disappointed either.
Brightest Blessings, my dear friend, and thank you for your contributions. Take care, and have a great day! xxx
@FaerieAne2003 (679)
• United States
22 Apr 08
I don't think you are laying negatives to a person, just letting them know that you do care and you will try to help them. I think it is a wonderful safeguard against breaking a promise, which is why I do the same thing. The only things I ever say "I promise" to are the things I know won't be broken. Or to my best friend, when she knows I'm promising something hilariously impossible (i.e. "Yeah, sure I'll get Brad Pitt to call you! I promise!") To my children, I rarely use "I promise", instead I choose the same as you, "I'll do everything in my power..."
As a child, my father left my mother when I was 2 and my sister was 6 months old. He never paid child support, rarely came around, never even bothered to call my sister on her birthday. He called me on mine and "promised" to call her for hers... and to this day, he calls me and not her. He "promised" to put us in Girl Scouts, and our mom wound up doing it after 18 months of his "promises". He "promised" to take us camping, and I don't even like camping! But that never happened either. (I'm way past all the little childhood hurts, but they taught me valuable life lessons.) What he doesn't know is that I love my sister as much as I love my children, and all those "promises" he made to both of us, and especially to her, have affected me more than he realizes. This is part of the reason there is little contact between us. There are many many many reasons why neither my sister or myself can stand to be around our father for very long, and the "promises" are just one.
I think if I say "I promise", it should be something I know I can deliver on (Brad Pitt's phone call aside, of course!), and not just me running my mouth to make others happy. A promise, if broken, is a little piece of trust and respect that is lost. On the other side of the coin, however, keeping a promise gains a little piece of trust and respect. BUT, promises are tricky things, and while one may have the best of intentions to keep the promise made, circumstances may prevent it. And, a side note, I've heard it said that "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions". So your way is best, in my opinion, to prevent one's trust in you being lost, even if it's not your fault.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
Don't get me wrong, my friend. I have made promises in the past and been able to keep them. However, I am wise enough now, I feel, to know to consider the consequences very carefully, before actually using the word "promise". When I say "I'll do everything within my power to... ", that is a kind of promise to do everything within my power and my friends know that I will do just that. They wouldn't take it as a negative response, but rather would probably feel safer in the knowledge that if I'm doing all I can, I probably won't fail them.
I like this...
"A promise, if broken, is a little piece of trust and respect that is lost. On the other side of the coin, however, keeping a promise gains a little piece of trust and respect."
... so very true, my friend. It all comes down to trust and respect. I so agree with that and thank you for wording it that way.
As for your father... kids trust parents and grown ups, without exception until they learn that they're not to be trusted, by suffering disappointment after disappointment. The truth of the matter is, that although as a child you couldn't see it, you father started a long chain of mistrust and disrespect by first breaking his promise to your mother. But, we can all see things in hindsight, when it's too late to avoid the hurt.
Brightest Blessings, my dear friend and thank you so much for such a wonderfully perceptive contribution to my discussion. Take care, and have a great day! xx
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
Yes, me too, my friend. That's why I always consider the possible consequences before making a promise and why I seldom word it as a promise, but say I will do everything within my power. That's a kind of promise, but one which isn't closed to failure. If you fail, the promised person won't feel so let down, and you have a chance to explain why you failed, and the opportunity to start trying a different way to complete your "promise".
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend.
@wickedangel (1636)
• Dominican Republic
22 Apr 08
Hi there Darkwing. I don't make promises lightly either. It is funny how many people do say 'I promise' but don't mean a word of it. They break it almost immediately, they are the sort of person I don't try to have much contact with, or at least certainly don't make promises with.
If you say that you'll do everything in your power then you are not making or breaking a promise and I think that is good. It certainly DOESN'T mean that you are laying negatives in front of this person. It just means that you are being as positive as you can be and that you are trying not to let them down. I think that is wonderful that you do that.
I made a promise years ago to a friend of mine that we would go visit some countries together and we did. Then we promised that we go back to visit Mongolia because it was so beautiful and we had such a short time there. We haven't been able to do it yet and our lives have very much changed now (she is married and I live in the Dom Rep), it doesn't look like we will do it but as I said to her, we will try one day even if we are 80 yrs old, we can still travel then and see wonderful places. So until one of us passes on I do believe that we will do our utmost to carry out that promise that we made to each other. Since then though I have not made a promise like that because you just don't know what the future holds. I learnt my lesson! And I really dislike not keeping my promises.
Thanks for sharing this great topic with us. HUGS
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
You share my views here, my friend. In a way, if you say to somebody that you will "do everything within your power", you are promising to do just that, and they know that you will do everything within your power, as promised. That way, they don't expect a high return, and if you can give it, all the better, but it's not so easy to hurt them. That works well for me, if I'm not sure of my abilities.
With your friend, I have the feeling that you two will make that holiday at some point, and that you'll appreciate it all the more because of the continued efforts made. I wish you luck with that one anyway, my friend. Sounds cool! 
Brightest Blessings, and thank you for a great contribution again, my dear friend. xx
Brightest Blessings, and thank you for a great contribution again, my dear friend. xx @nocovi (514)
• China
22 Apr 08
I cann't aggree more,my friend.Promise is important for both the man who make it and the man who receive it.It is closely related to our personality and dignity.We should look look before we leap before we make a promise,you should ask yourself silently:can I really manage to make it or does the person need or deserve my promise?We should be serious when we make a promise.Once we made a promise, we must try our best to make it.Yes,its OK to make a safeguard against breaking promises.But when we face our good friends and people who really need help,we shouldn't grudge our promises.We should be brave to share their problem and do not hesitate and think about two much.that's what I think all the time.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
Oh, I don't begrudge anybody a promise my friend, but as you say, dignity is of the essence and a promise is a very serious commitment, which when broken, can hurt immensely. I don't expect people to hurt me in this way, so I would never do the same to them.
That's more the reason why I use the safety net... it is a promise in a way... you're promising that you will do all within your power, and they will trust you to your word. They know you will do everything within your power to deliver, and if you do fail for some reason, they know you'll fight your way around the obstacle in order to keep your word.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend.
@weemam (13372)
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22 Apr 08
I don't think anyone has ever asked me to promise anything for some years pal , My friends do know though that I can keep a secret ( I think it's the same thing in a way) I am a chatty person but I wouldn't tell anyones secrets as I am sure you are too , but I think asking me to promise something I would say the same as you ( hope that makes sense ) xxx
@Darkwing (21583)
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23 Apr 08
Yes, it makes sense my friend. I think secret keeping would be put more down to trust, but I guess in a way, it can be regarded as a promise not to tell. Yes, I'm the same way when somebody confides in me, because if the want the matter known by another, they will tell them also. It's not my business to spread something I've been trusted with by a friend.
Brightest Blessings, and thank you for your contribution, my dear friend. Have a good day! xx
@plumwish07 (4057)
• Indonesia
22 Apr 08
hm, i guess i just same aas like you dear. when i made a promise i consider about any aspect which related with the promise that i am gonna made. if i feel that i am not capable enough to fulfill my promise then i would not going make any promise.
for me, making a promise is kind of debt for me and should be paid out. if there is something happened which made me unable to fulfill my promise then surely i will say my deepest apology and try to make something better to replace those broken promise
@Darkwing (21583)
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22 Apr 08
Yes, it's worth considering first whether there's a likelihood of something happening to prevent you from keeping a promise. Promise, is a very strong word, my friend and a debt, once uttered. But, if you promise to do everything within your power to do something, then if you don't fulfill, it maybe won't hurt the other person so much. Like you say, you can only offer your deepest apology if things go wrong, but it still won't make up for a broken promise and the hurt the other will feel.
Brightest Blessings, my friend, and thank you for your contribution. x
