how can you tell if your partner is cheating on you?

@qt_dsy (87)
Philippines
April 22, 2008 12:20pm CST
he/she is late again, with a lousy excuse. he/she used to be so sweet. he/she begins to lie about certain things. everything seems right but you know something is wrong. how do you know he/she is playing behind your back? how do you face these situations? let's hear it from you people.
2 people like this
8 responses
@nixxi76 (3192)
• Canada
22 Apr 08
hi qt, Well honestly there's no real easy way to find out if he/she is cheating. If you feel that they are then I wouldn't bother wasting my time with trying to waste time on them. Trust is a huge issue for me and a lot of other people that and communication so if a relationship is lacking those qualities, maybe that person or those two people are not meant to be?
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
what if you are already married, can you just let go? open communication is really important, but what if you always talk and nothing happens, how are you gonna face that kind of situation?
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3192)
• Canada
23 Apr 08
How did you feel when you first married this guy? Did you feel that you were getting married to him so that it would make you feel more secure? The reason I ask is because I have some friends that do this and they end up getting hurt more because of the vows said. If he is really cheating on you after he's said his vows, he's going to hell for doing that because those are words of a promise made to God and believe me, God does not like being lied to. I myself wouldn't marry anyone unless I was completely feeling that I can trust that person with my life. Trust for me is very huge and I do test the limits and drive myself crazy by wondering if my partner is cheating or not. Usually when and if I have to ask them I will and if I don't get a straight answer then something's up I think. If they say no that they are not cheating then I investigate because I'm not the type of person that will let that rest until I find some kind of evidence that they are cheating or not. Usually my friends will tell me if they know my boyfriend is cheating or not also. I say... why waste years of time wondering and accusing their partner on cheating? What a waste of a relationship. It's easier said than done but if you're feeling insecure then you either need to find someone that understands it at the same level as you do, or just move on. Hope this helps
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
i wasn't expecting anything from him when we got married, only him telling me the truth. anything but the truth. even if it would hurt i rather know. but nowadays since i find a lot of inconsistencies on his statements, it drives me mad because from the start of everything, all i asked was the truth. sometimes i wonder if when can he find the courage to admit that something is going on. im not saying he's doing it behind my back, but if he would just tell me if something is really happening then i might just of something to prevent of more damage it can make to our relationship.
1 person likes this
@jesbellaine (4155)
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
I had an ex-boyfriend, we dated for like 6 months then at the last month, he started getting invisible... you know, you won't hear from him then he will just be there and the next thing you know it... he has a textmate and so on... so I kinda figured out that he is seeing someone else. OUr relationship ended right after he admitted that he cheated. At first, it really hurts but time pass by and I started to move on realizing that we are not meant to be.
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
its really good that he admits that he's seeing someone else, at least you get to move on faster, and continue your life not regretting you never found the truth.
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
Yes, that is right. I have moved on after that.
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
that's good to hear. at least you can be more observant, the next time you see the signs.
@Margajoe (4718)
• Germany
23 Apr 08
Good question, Normally you don´t find out. I think when you feel something is not right, does not have to mean that he/she is having an affair. But, it could be a warning to work on your relationship. Go out together, talk about each others intrests. Let your partner now you love him/her. When you get no reaction back, then I think (after a couple of weeks)I would ask for a straight answer. "Is there someone else?" Take care.
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
i agree with you. i take those "something is not right" as signals. but he won't tell me what's up. i already asked him what did i do for him to changes his way toward me, and said nothing. i tried to bring back how we used to be, but its so hard when you're the only one doing it. im getting tired of talking and trying to fix things up. im getting tired of him because of the things that happened. i lost my trust in him because he never made a move to make me feel secure. i am more mad because of this. it feels like he's pretending he cared, but he don't. i just wish we could at least be friends if things comes to worst.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4718)
• Germany
24 Apr 08
Hi! Yes , I know the feeling. Doing all the work getting no respons. You have to work together or it won´t work. How long have you been together? It is hard to say, but if there is no trust, there is no relationship. There are more men out there, who can treat you right. You can have a look at all the men looking for a nice women . Go to" margajoe.com " . You will see what I mean. Take care,
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
we're married for two years already, and we have a son. i not really into finding someone right now, i just want our situation to be fixed, if not, then just end it. i want to continue my life with my son, if my husband can't continue with us. but thanks for the advice of finding someone, lol i might if i want to take revenge.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
22 Apr 08
Look Deep Into His/Her Eyes. and he/she will be scared away. LOL. Just go to shopping, enjoy your time. why wasting your time by thinking something you never see, no proof, and nothing at all. Hiring someone might be a great idea to satisfy your hunger, but I won't do that. He is a big boy, he can take care himself. Why we always want to become his mother?
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
hehehe i would like to try that. i tried not think about it, made myself busy. but it never worked. i ignored the whole thing and now its a big mess. he never admits that everything has changed, but people around us already noticed the changes he have. until now he won't tell what really happened, but pieces by pieces now i understand. its not being a mother to him, i just don't like the idea that he's seeing someone else or dating even if we're already married. i just really can't accept that.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
24 Apr 08
Alright my dear, I understand how your feeling is. well, it ease if you're still in dating relationship because you can let go on ease and it's not a big deal. but if you're a married one, now that's a bit tough, need more hard work and times, even though I know you felt overwhelmed now, sometimes it's hard for those guys who didn't want to learn on how to understand a woman's emotional and feeling. what I'll do is just let him enjoy his time, I do what I like rather than arrange with his matters and burdening my emotional, for the temporary. Not I don't love him, but sometimes it's the only way in the marriage. A man one at a time, need to pull back or be alone phase. When he felt been given a space, or felt the emptiness of us. He will start to find us again. If not in a very long time, then consider to start talk with him about your both relationship. Ask him a straightly question, "Do you want to extend our relationship?" Whatever his emotional answer, just accept it. If he's insulted and like an old baby's moaning, then move forward with the separation. After a long time of marriage and he didn't care about how to understand yourself? But if he's back, settle your emotion down on him, throw them out. He will listen to your emotional at that time. Be firm. Because if he's too long in his pleasantness, he will underestimate the meaning of the relationship, and Us.
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
24 Apr 08
i think im in that kind of phase now. letting him do whatever he want, trying to be as cold as ice, for him to know i won't just around and wait for him. i just hope it works. if not, then maybe the relationship will not really work. if worst come to worst, i hope the decision would be the best for not only the two of us,but for our son too. thanks for all advices.
@asmack (24)
• India
25 Apr 08
as a male.....i sure know wats goin on behind my back...as she is regularly on her mobile chattin n laughing away..having a certainly good time.... but u know wat.. i dont mind.. least i shud know wats goin on... coz she is also a human being with needs.... for frenship,companionship...etc,etc... and that doesnt mean that shes havin an affair... my fren we shud be more open with our partner n TRUST sud be always there between the two of you.... THINK
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
i already let him do all he want, i trusted him with everything. and because of that he abused it. i know he have needs, but he doesn't need to find another companion, what am i to him then?
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
I am the type of person that gives the benefit of the doubt and I never doubted other person's loyalty and faithfulness until the fact is already in my face. Maybe that is the reason why it would really hurt on my part if he really cheats or go behind my back. Luckily my significant other havent done anything like that - yet? Lol. but if ever I will be faced in that situation, I would certainly talk to him and ask why. I would rather face the bitter truth than to speculate on whether he still love me or not. Of course I would like to fight for our love and all that stuff - but if he tell it straight into my face that the feelings is no longer there - then i guess its bu-bye.... ooooaaawww that thought hurts... =(
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
you know what, just the other night he told me, his love for me was never the same as before. and he kept it for so long. he said he tried to bring it back, but i think he failed. everything got worse. me on feeling neglected and taken for granted, he on being nagged (since i started feeling his changes, i start to ask questions, and for him its nagging). i think we are drifting apart. right now we're supposed to be sleeping, but here i am just typing away to forget what's all happening. lol im not doing it right hahaha
@subha12 (18452)
• India
23 Apr 08
i think the other person gets the signal very easily. when you go around with someone, you get the signal when that person is lying. it means he/she is chaeting on you if its very ioften,
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
i call it intuition, of gut feeling. you know the other person is lying, but you don't have solid proof. its just sad that when you ask them what's happening, they won't tell you exactly what really happened.
• United States
22 Apr 08
I don't know that there's any way to 'know' without hiring someone to track them and investigate it for you, but I think once a relationship has gotten to the point where that is necessary, it's too far gone to bother trying to salvage. If I think you're cheating on me to the point where I'm willing to go and hire someone to check you out, then the relationship is basically over.
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
i quite agree with you, especially if you are still on the dating stage. but what to do if you already have a baby, and these things happen. i do came to that point that i'm ready to give up our marriage because i no longer trust him, but i always end up trying to at least know what's really happening, just for the sake of our son.