Three things in life that can destroy a person

@ellie26 (4133)
Malaysia
April 22, 2008 10:56pm CST
1. Anger = Do you get angry easily? How many people are hurt by your outburst? 2. Pride = Does pride give you respect? 3. Unforgiveness = Did you really forgive wholeheartedly to those who have offended you? Many of us have these three things in our life. I have anger in me but I am working on it and try to be more in control of my anger. It is hard but I know I can do it. What about you? Do you think that these three things in life can actually destroy a person?
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32 responses
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
26 Apr 08
Sorry I am going to take issue with the majority on this one Justified Anger is a valid emotion when used properly. Justified Pride in accomplishments is appropriate. Forgiveness must be earned upon when the offender shows appropriate and proper remorse for his / her violations against you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not forgiving someone that does you harm. In fact not forgiving someone that does you harm is a good way to protect yourself from future offenses by this person. Forgiveness for the sake of your "soul" is a western philosophical standard that has no basis in realistic "healing". I am not healed by forgiving those who do not ask for it. I am only healed by refusing to give time or credance to them in my life. This means I spend no part of my day considering them either for good or for harm. This is my list of things that can destroy a person: 1. Lack of Moral Fiber (this is not a Christian standard but rather a human standard) 2. Lack of Ethical Character (knowledge of good and evil from a human and societal framework) 3. Lack of Compassion (the ability to see outside of ones self)
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@ellie26 (4133)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 08
Hi Ivaldean, you have a very different views about anger, pride and unforgiveness. It is good and I respect your frankness. But on the other hand, I am not totally agree with you about forgiveness and healing. When one refuse to forgive, it is because of anger. Anger and unforgiveness is the product of too much pride. So this three are actually inter-connected. When we talk about healing, if one have past hurt and never was able to talk about it or resolved it, then this person will and almost always unable to forgive. This is where inner healing is needed. The need to heal the inner hurt or past hurt is a key for us to be able to forgive.
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
29 Apr 08
That is not the reality of life as I know it. The reality is that I am proud of my accomplishments as a woman, as a mother, as a person of business. I have the right to be proud of these accomplishments because they are mine. No one handed them to me. There is nothing fundementally wrong with pride of accomplishment. There is something wrong if you debase your accomplishments by not taking pride in them or by handing the accomplishment to someone else. As for anger, if you spend your life angry at what the world hands you then there is a problem and I would agree with you that there is work to do to overcome the anger. This however is not an issue of forgiveness but rather one of ownership and understanding. When you understand the problem then you take the first step toward releasing it. Righteous anger is that which allows you to focus on the problem. This means that you are angry at the correct thing rather than the incorrect thing. Usually when something is wrong in life people focus on themselves first, taking in some of the blame for whatever has happened to do them harm. This is part of why it is so difficult to overcome anger. Why it is so difficult to get beyond the very harmful things that happen to some of us in life. But once we get to the point in life when we realize that we did not deserve what was done to us, we did not ask to be raped, or beaten, or abused, or harmed then we can shift that anger away from us to the person who deserves our anger the person who harmed us. That is the first step in healing. There is nothing anywhere that says that we must forgive the person that harmed us. We should forgive ourselves for taking out our anger on ourselves, that one I buy. We should forgive ourselves for doing harm to ourselves, I buy that as well. But we do not have to forgive the other person unless we choose. What we have to do is make them disappear from our heart and mind. Refuse them power. Make them a non-entity. Make them less than nothing. Wish them no harm and no good. The choice to forgive is personal. If the offender comes to you with true remorse than forgive them if you wish and it is in your heart to do so, but you are not obligated to do so. It is only psuedo religious psycho babble that demands it.
@pree_6 (434)
• India
23 Apr 08
i get angry very easily that too when i argue with my friends most of the time and do not talk for a day or two...but i think my anger has not hurted anyone yet..when someone cheats me and does not keep up his/her word,i really get wild..i will not talk if i get angry...thats one way i deal with it...too much of anger is not good..it could cause hypertension...so it can definitely destroy life... forgiveness-even though i forgive people still their mistakes will be n my mind and whenever i see them i get the remembrance of the mistake they do... pride - the feeling that only "I" know everything,i can do everything is really bad...i don like that kinda attitude... i agree that anger and pride can destroy a persons life but not sure if unforgiveness can destroy a persons life... i think being very possessive and selfish can also destroy a persons life... a really very nice topic for discussion...
@ellie26 (4133)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 08
Unforgiveness can destroy a person life. The reasons are when we are hurt and unwilling to forgive that person, then come revenge or having grudges. Being revengeful can make a person do many harmful. And having grudges will make one angry and resentful. It can lead to hypertension. So, when we forgive, our mind and soul are at peace and we can go on around with people with much joy and happiness. Cheers.
@pree_6 (434)
• India
26 Apr 08
yes..u are right...good day...
1 person likes this
@ozzeth (942)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
Yeah, it can destroy to a person. Those aspects are very complicated especially in dealing with other person. Me? anger? well, im not easy to feel angerness. I am frank but smooth spoken. I express it but by means of conversation. NOT totally being Loud, screaming or breaking something. Pride? we have pride and need some of it too. But TOO MUCH PRIDE is not good at all. Unforgiveness? I am a considerate person. I know how to forgive and i can't make any hatred. It can make me to forget but sometimes its hard to rid of it.
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@ellie26 (4133)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 08
You must be a very good person. I know some people who are angry express their anger in a very gentle way and sometimes smile on their face. I have seen people like that but one thing for sure, their face shows if they are angry. Yes, too much pride is not good.
• China
23 Apr 08
Ah, so many questions! Let me answer you one by one. 1. Anger------------I am a irascibility. 2. Pride------------I don't think I am. 3. Unforgiveness-----I used to be a such person, but not now. I think maybe you can add one--cannot summing-up.
@ellie26 (4133)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 08
Oh, I am sorry if it puzzled you with all these questions. Anyway, I am happy that you responded. There must be something terrible incident that you are unable to forgive anymore. You know you can forgive a person without even telling them or be around them.
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
23 Apr 08
I think the anger is more devastating and drives people away from you. I know it's bad because i am a violent person myself when I am mad. I have managed my anger and I must that it feels great. However, I don't believe that pride gives respect. Let's say that some people are proud of their country and they go off tha their country is the best and the rest sucks...that just ain't cool. It depends on the kind of pride; if it's personnal achievement then it's good. Unforgiveness is common to almost everyone. I can forgive but not in some situations.
1 person likes this
@ellie26 (4133)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 08
You're right. I myself have many anger outburst. I think its the pms thing. I get very irritated easily even to the smallest details. Good for you that you have managed to control your anger. Pride can be positive and negative impact on individual. Forgiving someone who have offended us greatly needs courage.
@mnflower (1300)
• United States
23 Apr 08
Yes I do believe those can destroy anyone or a relationship, I am lucky I am not angered easily has never been an issue for me, I just let people do what they want because no two people are the same and I just don't let things get to me. Pride is easy but has hurt alot of people..I am proud of who I am and respect all around me was taught that at a young age. and forgiveness is in the eye of the person..I believe everyone should be forgiven but on some instances they will never be forgotten and that makes a big difference in my life, I can forgive but I am not going to forget for I learn from my mistakes and try not to let them happen again.
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@ellie26 (4133)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 08
You certainly have a high level of patient. That is great. I think it is good for everyone to have patient. With patient, we can avoid doing things which we regret later. And for forgiving, yes it is true that we can forgive but it takes time to forget.
@kun2349 (23464)
• Singapore
25 Apr 08
yup.. ANd i believe, anger is the most potent of the 3 factors.. Because when one's angry, they can do anything without thinking of the consequences.. I'm someone whom cant control my anger well, but i forget and forgive easily.. But i dun think it will help much because if we cant even get past our own anger, how are we supposed to really forget and forgive??
@julyteen (13257)
• Davao, Philippines
25 Apr 08
i am fighting with this attitude. i am easy got angry specially when i am hungry or under pressure. sometimes i can tell bad words to my friend and family but later i am the one first ask forgiveness. i will not allow my anger will still inside me in a long period of time. one day is enough.
1 person likes this
@p_vadla (1687)
• India
24 Apr 08
I personally believe that excess of any thing can destroy a person not necessarily the three things you mentioned.Well there is nothing wrong in taking some pride in your achievements. You can express your anger when necessary to the extent necessary. Well excessive forgiveness can also destroy one completely making fit for nothing kind of a thing!
• Philippines
24 Apr 08
I guess anger and unforgiving are two things in life that can destroy a person. It's hard to stop anger especially if you don't know where it is coming. Anger can be developed in many ways, but I guess one of the hardest anger to heal are the anger that were developed during someone's childhood. Oh one more thing, I think envy can also be included in the things that can destroy a person. I've seen some of these kind of person that they have the capability of making gossip or doing things just to get what they want.
• United States
24 Apr 08
well lies can destroy your life without trust what do you have anger cause it can push you farther away from a person respect if you dont have respect then no one will ever treat you right
1 person likes this
• China
24 Apr 08
I agree with you.Sometime I can not contol my anger. Thus I was upset. In fact, a lot of people cant contol their arger.
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@sharon_ (1171)
• United States
23 Apr 08
You are absolutely right. These are three things that can definently destroy a person. It takes a lot to make me angry,so I don't really have to worry about that.I forgive very easily and I'm not really too sure about the pride giving me respect. I think it does though.
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@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
what you stated is true, anger, pride and unforgiveness really destroys a person and its relationship to his fellowmen. its a sad fact that many of us who experience these situation wasn't able to realize and accept the cause. anger is natural but holding on to it and letting it destroy you will not be healthy. pride is a person's weapon against oppression but too much pride can destroy good relationship.
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@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
23 Apr 08
Without a doubt these three things can destroy a person's life. You could also add jealousy and greed to the list. Lately I have been having anger issues as well. Just the slightest thing seems to be sending me over the edge where previously I seemed to have the patience of a saint. At least you are aware of your shortfallings and are trying to overcome them. ~ may in every way this be a special day ~
@palonghorn (5483)
• United States
23 Apr 08
You can add jealousy to that list also. Yes, these can destroy a person's life if they allow it too. If they don't or can't handle it and keep these things under control. Respect is something you earn, and pride does not give you respect. Pride can and has been the downfall of many smart people. But, people who are so filled with pride that they think they know everything and have all the answers are not respected. If you can not forgive, it will only build up the anger and hatered in you, which will only work to destroy yourself not the person that you have not forgiven. People would have a lot less stress in their life if they would start by figuring out that there are things that happen in our lives that we have no control over and can do nothing to prevent or stop, and to take control of those things that you can change or control.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Apr 08
I think i need to work on my anger. I really have a very bad temper. But still most of the time i dont hurt other people. And when it comes to forgivenes, I believe that if someone does mistake he has to bear for it. I think this is only my perception.But i really do forgive them beleiving that i dont hv an right to punish anyone .
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• India
23 Apr 08
yes, what you say is very correct. I am very forgiving by nature coz I believe it’s a complete waste of my energy to continue harbouring ill-feelings about another person and then trying to get even and scheming and plotting…you know. I also have little pride coz I firmly believe that I really have nothing special to be proud of. I mean what I have, zillion other women have the same. So what have I got to be proud of? But anger…yes, I have not been able to master it yet. Like you, I am trying very hard. Let’s see.
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@SHAMRACK (8521)
• India
23 Apr 08
Dear friend, I too agree that and also apart from that there might be other negative characters too. Still those main side is focused by you. The capability to make those things to achieve those intelligent crookedness is most wost. If the crooked is too intelligent then that person could make a big mess.
@zweeb82 (5713)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 08
OOooh, definitely rotteness to the bones. Anger - sometimes a reflection of what's lacking inside of us; pride - wanting to be someone when a person is no one, if he knows his self-worth then he won't be trying to be some1, it's actually a cover up of low self esteem; unforgiveness - drnking poison & hopes the opposite party to die - utter foolishness....
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