How if you fall in love with a person who had a baby in the past???

Singapore
April 23, 2008 9:02am CST
What if you fall in love with a person that had a baby in the past, would you still love that person? Hmm... very difficult question right. But this question was asked by my friend few days ago, and its difficult for me to answer it. For me, its very difficult to accept a person who had a baby. I am a woman, and if i falling in love wit a man who had already a baby with another woman, even married or unmarried... i probably change my mind. Its difficult since, the man is needed also by his past woman and the baby. I just cant admit that. Its just based on my opinion. How about you?
14 people like this
49 responses
• New Zealand
7 May 08
Hey there if you really love the person then I would think it should not matter a.
@nurseg5 (20)
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
I was in that situation right now,my fiance has a 12 year old daughter from his ex gf,but this doesnt bother me at all,actually this is the reason why I was deeply fall inlove with him when we first met,because he is very honest about his past and his child,I admire him being a good father to his daughter,i know that he will be a loving father too to our future kids.his child is part of his life no matter what i accept everything about him.and i love him more now as well as his daughter.his daughter is mine too.im very happy having him in my life!
• Canada
11 May 08
I fell in love with, and married, a man who had 10 children before he married me. Some of the children are even older than I am. I love them all, and I love him. We are a amily now, if not a rather unusual one.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 08
My feelings wouldn't change but the time we spend together would. He would have to see the baby and I am not into children so I wouldn't go with him. so I would still love him but his feelings may change because he won't be able to spend time with me And his baby at the same time. But if he can spend quality time with both of us separately then it will work.
2 people like this
@moondan (712)
• China
27 Apr 08
I think i will not have the opportunity to meet a man who are married and have a baby.After one year,i will graduate from univesity and enter into society.The person who i consider to marry to is older than me within five or eight years.So i think i will not have the chance to love the peole who are married and divorce and have a baby. but if i am more than twenty-five years'old.if i fall in love with a person who had a baby in the past,i will not care of it so much.he treats me well.I care that what's her baby's though.If i married with the man,i will be the mother of the baby,so i want to the baby like me.if i put my heart to his child,he/she will accept me as his/her new mother.I think it is very important for me.After marrying,we are a whole family. In addition,i mind what my parent's thoughs,i want to they accept my lover.I respect them.If they don't love the person no mater he is married or not,no mater he has a baby or not.I will not marry with him.
2 people like this
@lishiwei (1550)
• China
11 May 08
Maybe you are right.It's really very difficult to make a decision. But I think you should ask him whether she really love him.If she really love him and she think they can have a happy life when they are together.I think she can do and there is no wrong with her.
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
24 Apr 08
Well i was married to a man to had a baby with his ex wife. I am not sure if I will marry another man if he has had a child with another woman but I proberly would.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Apr 08
I wouldn't do that because I don't like kids and I won't be with anyone who wants them or has them.
1 person likes this
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I don't know, I have always thought that love is love. Falling in live is easy; what you do after that is up to the situation. If the person was a good person and the baby was from a previous relationship and they are not into the other person anymore as in not seeing; then yes. Of course.
@goldwin65 (935)
• Malaysia
24 Apr 08
All I can say is "Love is blind". Once you are in love, I mean true love, you will not be bother by his or her past espcially if he or she can convince you of his or her true feeling towards you. For me, I will listen and try to know the truth about the baby. Then I will try to reason with him or her. If I am satisfy with his or her answer and without doubt that is not his or her mistake, I will surely accept him or her as before.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I was actually in that situation! My husband and I have been together for 8 years, since I was 14. We split up for 8 months and left her while she was 2 months pregnant and nobody ever knew. We got back together and then when my husbands son was already 8 months old he got a phone call saying "oh your the daddy!" I was crushed and didnt talk to him for 2 weeks because I had a new born of my own! But I decided I love him for him and he didnt cheat on me or anything. We have now been married for a little over 2 years and his son lives with us full time and 14 months ago he got full custody. I guess it just depends how each person feels.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Apr 08
Ok here's one for you, I am 25 years old and I have two little girls 4 and 2. Me and there father were married for 2 years and together for 5, when we split up it was hard I didn't know what I was going to do that was a BIG life change. I didn't think i my future I would find anyone else, I thought the fact that I had kids would scare any guy off. Then I met my current boyfriend, He is 21 now he was 20 when we met. I fell HARD for him and he fell hard for me, he has taken in my kids beyond what I ever thought anyone would, there dad does nothing for them at all and my boyfriend doesn't like it that there dad does nothing but he does it instead and the only thing he complains about is what a looser there dad is. I couldnt be more proud of him since when we met he had no bills or anything to worry about and now he has taken i a four person family and were doing great!! we will be getting married in about a year and I cant wait!! I dont think that if you fall for someone that has kids that them having kids should be the reason for you to leave.
1 person likes this
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I would have no problem falling in love with and marrying a man with other children( I would have a problem if he didn't pay his child support). If he isn't with the childs Mother then apparently they no longer want each other so it just really wouldn't be a problem. Keep in mind that his child is a part of the man that you love. Everyone has a past and as long as they are honest about it you will have the infomation to make an informed decision but if you can't accept his child you will have a big problem trying to have any type of close relationship with him.
1 person likes this
@ozzeth (940)
• Philippines
24 Apr 08
It's the past so it can't bother me. If he chose me than that woman then their's no problem about the baby..I will still accept it. The baby was borned before we knw each other. So for me No big deal about it.
1 person likes this
• Australia
26 Apr 08
Would you feel the same way if the person with the child was a widower, or is it only a problem if they have seperated from the person they had the child with? To me, it would make no difference to my feelings if the person I fell in love with had a child, or children, with someone else. In fact, it is likely that their past experiences - good and bad - have made them into the person that they are today. People are human, so they make mistakes, grow apart, or find themselves having fallen out of love. To me, this doesn't mean that they now don't deserve love again, because they have a child with another person. Love is a precious gift. If you find someone to love, and who loves you back, you should grab onto that, and treat the love as the wonderful thing that it is.
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
26 Apr 08
a good question that suit my interest. i have a girl friend 2 months ago and she has a baby girl. frankly speaking i really inlove with her. i never what people can say about us. i am known in the community, despite the fact that many of my friends don't want her but still we still a lover. until such time that if i don't visit her sometimes because of my business and to busy managing it she easily got angry. until i lost my love to her. i felt jealous with her kid. the situation when she got child will always flash back in my mind. we broke up lately, i don't think if we will be lovers again. i am the one who break our relationship and she really upset with me.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 May 08
I am not sure how I would have responded as I knew when I married myhusband that he had been married before, but she had no childrenby him. if she had I might well have thought twice before marrying him. that might have had all sorts of complications so am glad I did nothave to make that decision.
@kezabelle (2974)
23 Apr 08
It wouldnt bother me infact if he openly admitted it and said look some of my time will have to be spent with this child I would only admire and like him more, theres so many men out there who dont give a damn about their kids id happily share my man with his child it means to me he is a good man that no matter what he will always love and care for his children. The only thing i might find difficult was his ex maybe if she wasnt happy him being with another , but you deal with it if you love them enough to want to stay together.
1 person likes this
@jesbellaine (4139)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
If I love the person then I will accept the fact that he has a kid already provided that he doesn't love the mother anymore. I can't change the past so I would just love to concentrate in our present and future with his kid in his/our life (if he wants to).
• Philippines
24 Apr 08
Wow! How sweet! See, it works! Goodluck in your relationship with her! Am sure you are very happy with your life.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
24 Apr 08
i agree with you, jesbellaine. look, my present relationship, she had two kids when we first met. i also had a son. after 13 years, we are still together and we added three more to really say that we both love each other...
23 Apr 08
Well I'm in that situation now, and I never even considered not being with them. I'm only 20 and so I'm a long way off any kiddies myself, and my boyfriend is only 21 yet he has a 3 year old son. I know I know. But he really is a great person who made some mistakes in the past. Anyway the boy's mum looks after him, and my boyfriend seems him a couple of times a week - whenever he gets chance, so it's not like I'm having to be step-mum to him or anything. One thing is quite odd though, and I never expected it - I love the little un quite a bit. He is adorable really and I always want my boyfriend to bring him round when he sees him, though he mostly doesn't. Last weekend we had a day out together, just me, my boyfriend and his son, and it was great! I really enjoyed it, and he got quite attached to me, at least for the day...
• United States
23 Apr 08
That's basicly the same thing that happend to me except I married him. I be came a mom at 17 and a stepmom at 19 when I married him. I am now 22 with 2 daughters 3 and 4 and a 5 year old stepson! Life is great! I couldnt ask for a better life. I hope you can your boyfriend have a good future together.
1 person likes this
23 Apr 08
aww thank you lol. I'm not sure that that'll be happening to me though I'm afraid. We're both off to different universities in September at opposite ends of the country. We're going to try, but I can't imagine it working personally - though he's forever the optimist.