Is it rude to tell someone their weight loss is noticable?

@II2aTee (2559)
United States
April 24, 2008 11:37am CST
I am always amazed when I try to be polite and give someone a compliment, then they get mad at me! Like when I open a door for a woman and she just -stands- there, glaring at me, and waiting for me to go through the door first. I thought I was being polite - I open the door for GUYS too. It's called manners. It was how I was raised. You just open doors for people - its a nice thing to do! Now I'm at work, and a lady who I dont see very often just walked in. She looked like she had lost at LEAST 20lbs since last I saw her, so I figured she had been dieting or working out. So my exact words were "Kathleen you look great! Have you lost weight?" And she looked at me like she wanted to kill me. Did I say something wrong? Is it rude to take notice when someone looses weight???
30 people like this
128 responses
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
25 Apr 08
[i]"I am always amazed when I try to be polite and give someone a compliment, then they get mad at me! Like when I open a door for a woman and she just -stands- there, glaring at me, and waiting for me to go through the door first. I thought I was being polite - I open the door for GUYS too. It's called manners. It was how I was raised. You just open doors for people - its a nice thing to do! Now I'm at work, and a lady who I dont see very often just walked in. She looked like she had lost at LEAST 20lbs since last I saw her, so I figured she had been dieting or working out. So my exact words were "Kathleen you look great! Have you lost weight?" And she looked at me like she wanted to kill me. Did I say something wrong? Is it rude to take notice when someone looses weight???"[/i] Okay I'm gonna have to play nii-san(big brother) here. Listen II2. You did nothing wrong... and if there was something wrong you did, it was trying either thing in the first place. You have just been the contestant in the infamous game for guys towards girls... YOU CAN'T WIN! I'm serious! I can attest to all of this. You open the door you are treated to some of the following - Odd glares - Weird muttering (might have been thank you... but why'd it start with an "fu..") - Sometimes yelling - Odd delays You even remotely come close to a compliment or noticing something good but different you receive... - More odd glares - Outright yelling - Whining - Harassment charge (unless you look like an 11 or higher) Don't like it, talk to whoever or whatever preprogrammed life/experience like this, eh. And back to the topic. This isn't the best part of You Cant Win. The BEST part is the following... When she opens the door, she has no obligation to hold it for you, even if you have both hands full or something When there is something different (good OR bad) about you, its okay for her to talk about it however she wants - Got a haircut or new style? It can be either good or the ugliest thing ever (but you can't say that when the genders are reversed) - Weight... This can go either way too. Either you lost weight, have no weight issues and are "hot" or you have weight and you should be put in the freak show for it. - Face/overall looks... another double-edged sword. Again you could be classified "hot" or you could be something from the freak show, and you'll be treated like it too. Course said treatment to guys is a-okay according to many. -_- To the whole thing I say, don't bring the nonsense to me. I'll be kind, I'll be courteous... but cross me even the slightest bit and thats it. I'll remember you and the next time, you can get that door yourself. The next time you talk about your new dress, weight loss, what have you... two words await you... "don't care". That's all. That's the solution in my view. Anyone got anything to dissuade from this? All eyes.
3 people like this
@Fidget (291)
26 Apr 08
lol. I like your karma system. I'm all for being helpful but it does annoy me when people neglect to say thank you.
@lynettebyc (2416)
• China
25 Apr 08
Absolutely not, i'd be happy if you say this to me. This means i'm making progress. Maybe she thought that your meaning might be laughing at her. I don't know actully know why she'd act like this. If i heard this sentence, i'd say, omg, it works. lol~~
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I lost 30 pounds on Nutrisystem and have kept it off. I'm still working on the final 20. when someone notices, I just glow. It's an accomplishment and worthy of praise. I think it's fantastic that you noticed. She must have some other problem. keep being a gentleman and a human being. The rest of us appreciate notice of a great accommplishment
3 people like this
• United States
24 Apr 08
Personally, I would not be insulted at all, I would be thrilled! Especially if I was trying to lose weight and someone noticed. Granted women are weird (I'm a woman, so I feel I can say that, lol). Some women just don't know how to take a compliment, which is silly. LOL Don't feel bad.
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
24 Apr 08
Yeah I know a few woman who get insulted if I open the door for them. I thought woman liked it when guys opened doors for them! Now this.. she got mad at me for noticing weight loss. I dont think I will ever figure women out haha.. but thank you for letting me know I wasnt being rude :)
2 people like this
• United States
26 Apr 08
Well, maybe she hadn't been trying to lose weight. I think it was probably the whole, "You look great! Did you..." part. That implies that she looked horrible and fat before, even though she wasn't trying to lose weight. It's like when you meet a celebrity in person, and you're all excited, and tell them, "OMG! You look so much better in person!" Although it's meant as a comliment, it's actually an insult because they hire people to make them up to look good on TV.
• United States
3 May 08
I believe most people like to hear the compliments, but maybe just maybe she isnt losing weight by her choice many diseases may also cause one to lose weight lots of them being fatal.I would say it is not rude at all. Maybe get into the habit of just saying wow you look great and leave the losing weight out of it this way you have your butt covered. :)
@tessah (6621)
• United States
24 Apr 08
no.. it isnt rude to pay someone a compliment. or to hold a door for someone. or any other of the things that people with manners happen to do. i personally, LIKE it when someone notices a change in my appearance, especially if i havent seen them in a while. shows they were paying attention the first time. call it an ego thing. those who glare at you for holding the door for them, are prolly the stereotypical man-hating bra burning feminist "i am woman hear me WHIIIIIINE" bittches that make being a female so much harder for the rest of us. take heart Tee.. quite possibly this chick who gave you attitude for saying nice things to her ain had nothin tween her nethers that aint run on batteries for years. not really a wonder with her sourgrapes attitude.
2 people like this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I agree as well. And my mother is a "bra burning feminist" literally. Although, she isn't man hating. LOL. I love being a woman and the day that I walk past a construction site and the men don't hoot and hollar is the day that I will cry my eyes out and try plastic surgery. You are great Tessah. Keep speaking it.
2 people like this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
25 Apr 08
omg thank you!! degrading my aunt tilly.. those whistles and catcalls are serious ego boosts!!
2 people like this
@Fidget (291)
26 Apr 08
Next time you hear a feminist mutter 'misogyny' feel free to throw back 'misandry' ;)
@Ravenladyj (22920)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Did she really?! wow..when someone comments positively on my wt loss or even when its something like how I'm wearing my hair or WHATEVER I totally beam over it... I gotta tell ya though, ppl over here (in the U.S) really DO NOT handle manners, politeness, compliments etc etc well i've noticed....Even my husband who IS American noticed the major difference between here and Canada..blows my mind every freakin time I gotta tell ya.... Maybe kathleen was just having an off day?
2 people like this
@Fidget (291)
26 Apr 08
'Manners Maketh Man' - I've always liked that saying but does it say something about my manners when I use it as an insult?!
@Hatley (164170)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Apr 08
Ithink it boomeranged on you through no fault of your own. It came out to her as you were really fat but you have lost weight now and that is not what you said at all. dont fret it some women carrya chip on their shoulder when it comes to weight but If you had said that to me I would have wanted to hug you as I am trying so hard to lose weight and would appreciate a compliment
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Hatley, you hit it exactly. read my comment. That is exactly how I felt when people said that to me and mainly because the people that made the comments about my weight gain were not the same ones that made comments about my weight loss. I just knew that it was noticable enough for them to "think it" but they were too polite to say anything. My weight gain was all in one spot...midsection and i was extremely self consious about it. The few that asked If I was pregnant or not did bother me and I wondered if others thought the same but did not want to be rude. I had cancer and was on meds. I beat it and have for the most part lost the weight but I am still concious. I am not as thin as I was. IT is those that have never mentioned the weight that i don't know...just brings it back. It's not easy on either side to deal with. I had one woman ask me when I was due...she was in tears after and I think she felt as bad as I did and then I think i felt worse for her than myself. It's a touchy subject really. I think it is best to just tell a person they look great or say nothing at all.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16049)
• United States
21 May 08
That's funny..If someone will tell me that, I will be very happy and thank you for recognizing it!LOL! I also don't understand why there are people who never appreciate any kindness done by a friend or a stranger! Maybe that time, they are having some problems and they were not in the best mood, but for me, I always say thank you for those people especially at mall, for taking time to wait for me and open the door! Great attitude!
2 people like this
@gcrew931 (229)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
Compliments are just subjective. We should just remember that we really can't please everybody. Personally if you said that to me I'd be thrilled. However, maybe this person got offended because her loss of weight is not conventional like she was using frugs so she was very deffensive. Or she is has a terminal ailment hence she loss weight. I don't know maybe there must be a valid reason why she looked at you like that. Personaly, I don't think what you did was rude in anyway.
@Cocoa33 (921)
• United States
25 Apr 08
i would say it depends on the timing and the conversation. it depends on how you bring it up.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (44032)
• United States
25 Apr 08
I know I sometimes wonder where manners have gone as well. As for your predicament about telling the woman she lost weight...actually I think most women (or men) would feel great if you told them they looked great and that they've lost weight...but who knows maybe she was offended since maybe it implied she was "fatter"???? Maybe that's what she resented??? Who knows? I got insulted the other day....a woman I hadn't seen in awhile said I was looking good, and said "I see you gained weight"...I just "glared" at her and smiled..but I'm thinking to myself...no I didn't gain weight, I've lost some weight..sheesh
2 people like this
@banunche (256)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
you may restate it to "kathleen, you've lost a lot of weight and you look great"
2 people like this
@shaggin (54043)
• United States
25 Apr 08
I can't imagine someone actually getting mad and glaring at you for opening the door for them! I always make sure to thank people who open the door for me. I appreciate it so much especially when I am struggling to get a door open and get my two children through the door in a double stroller with bags of purchases hanging over the sides. I always hold the door for everyone as well. I wouldt be offended if someone told me I looked like I lost weight. I would feel like wow I must have lost weight and didnt even realize it hehe. I personally dont say it to people unless I see like a huge difference or know them very well and know it wont offend them. I agree with the first comment, women are weird! I am a women and I think women are very bi**chy and moody! Me included:)
2 people like this
@overhere (515)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Having lost a lot of weight over my lifetime I can honestly say there is nothing nicer than being complimented (Though I am not one whoever knows what to say when someone passes ME a compliment). I find this womans reaction very odd indeed. I have never met anyone who doesn't like their dieting success complimented. The only thought that occurred to me was that perhaps the weight loss was due to some other reason for example illness which might have made your comment inappropriate failing that she is definitely weird and the one with the problem not you. Keep up the good work manners maketh the man (or woman) as they say.
2 people like this
@mbs730 (2151)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
Wow I am sorry she reacted to you like that. If it was me, I would be dancing on the clouds! I love it when people noticed that I have lost weight. Just know your intentions were good. And to give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she was having a bad day. If she was having a better day maybe she would have had a more positive reaction.
• United States
25 Apr 08
I'm thinkin she just had an off day, because just about any woman would be thrilled with that compliment. Manners are good, my man opens the doors for ppl too and I think that is a real good thing, we are teaching my boys to do the same. You will always run across someone that takes things differently than what we percieve we are doing, so I would say just keep up your manner and you compliments, except maybe not to her anymore, hehe.
@mikeysmom (2091)
• United States
24 Apr 08
first i commend you for holding doors open for anyone and being polite in general. we need way more of that. i love when people are thoughtful and kind and hold the door open for me. some people have issues though and probably think it is sexist. i am only guessing here. as far as the weight loss issue goes it can be a very sensitive area and while i do not think you did or said anything wrong i think some people would rather you didn't notice because they are sensitive about it. i have a weight problem and i would just prefer people did not say anything at all but that is just me. i am sure there are plenty of people who want and need the compliments and comments. but again i do not think you did anything wrong here.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Apr 08
I don't think it is not polite to give someone a compliment about weight loss. I think what is happening in the world is everyone is so funneled into their own world that they don't see or hear others and don't have time to lift their head and be grateful for the world they live in...keep up the compliments - sounds like it makes you feel good which is important. I probably wouldn't couch the phrase with "Kathryn you look great" and then follow with "have you lost weight" What this implies is she didn't look great before she lost her weight and that is hurtful to some people. So don't stop the compliments just phrase them differently.
@sameroad (3180)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I don't think it's rude... most people WANT to hear that stuff they aren't doing all that work for nothing ya know? but i think it also depends on the person. i've recently lost a lot of weight myself and when people call me skinny or tell me how great i look now.. its not that i don't like it.. its just i don't know how to react to it because it's not something im used to ya know? so maybe she didn't know how to react? maybe she was having a bad day... who knows!
2 people like this
@saundyl (9789)
• Canada
27 Apr 08
I dont find it rude when people tell me i look like i lost weight...i take it as a compliment (esp since im TRYING to lose weight...makes me feel like ive been successful at the attempt) I DO ho ever find it rather rude when someone asks if you have gained weight or i've even heard people ask when someones expecting..and they arent.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13191)
• United States
29 Apr 08
That is DEFINITELY rude lol! I would think that people noticing weight loss is a positive thing, whereas nobody should ever say something about somebody looking... bigger. It's too easy to hurt feelings, unless it's a friend who is joyously announcing a baby or something.
@saundyl (9789)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
I totally agree!