Some lady told me the other day...
By Bethany1202
@Bethany1202 (3431)
United States
April 24, 2008 9:35pm CST
While I was working the other day, some stranger, whom I'd never seen before, told me I ought to put some skin treatment on my face.
I have a scar by my eye from a dog bite. I've had many people ask where it came from, how I got it. It has always bothered me a little since I got it about only two years ago, but I was finally beginning to get over it a bit and feel less self-conscious about it. I have not had many people ask about it in awhile, which helps. Furthermore, if you don't know someone, I think it's a bit rude for a stranger to ask about the scar, but not so bad because most people are just curious, and some people are simply concerned. After all, it could have been the result of a traumatic event, and asking about it could bring up some very bad memories.
Asking about a scar is one thing, but I've actually never had anyone instruct me to use something and comment about how bad it looked, other than the initial shock when it happened. She was a bit rude about it. SHe said I ought to use Mederma. I told her I have tried using that as well as other scar creams and such, and this is the best it's going to look after years of treating it. She still insisted I ought to do something about it. I was so furious and hurt at the same time, but I had to keep my compsoure because I was at work and didn't want to get written up even though this lady could have heard an earful!
As I said, asking about it is one thing, and I don't think it's anyone's business although I understand some people mean no harm, but saying how ugly it is and telling me I ought to do something about it is different. What are your opinions on this?
7 people like this
13 responses
@AnakSuNamun (2084)
• United States
25 Apr 08
It is true that most people mean no harm but they should be a bit more considerate and modest about it. I have a friend that has psoriasis,same story with her. People would come up to her on the street(especially older women),voice their thoughts/concerns and give what they thought was priceless piece of advice. I personally think these aspects of personal appearance are everybody's own business. It's sweet when somebody is trying to help you but don't they think you've been dealing with that for much longer and might know more about it? Of course,some advice might help,it only has to be delivered the right way
3 people like this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Yes. I know most people mean no harm and might just be trying to help, but, trust me, I have heard "helpful tips" from literally dozens, if not hundreds, of people. And if they want to suggest something, it's true they should be more gentle about it. This lady was just outright rude in her approach and her tone as well as the things she said.
My aunt has psoriasis also and has had to deal with the comments. I can understand maybe a friend discussing it with you, but a stranger? ... Someone you will never see again? If they are trying to be helpful I think that's forgiveable, but when they are just being rude, I think it's inappropriate. This lady was definitely not trying to be helpful. It was as if she wasn't to try to demean me somehow. :-(
2 people like this
@AnakSuNamun (2084)
• United States
25 Apr 08
I'm sorry you think so,just try not to pay attention to these "advisors".
3 people like this
@jeweledbluerose (3061)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Although many are just trying to be helpful or curious about something that's on another person, I do find it a bit rude to be going up to a complete stranger and telling them they should use this or that to help clear something up.
I have a skin condition known as psoriasis, which produces sometimes large areas of red, scaly skin, so can sympathize with those who get starred at, have a billion questions asked about it, or have people they don't know telling them how they should take care of themselves.
I've had people, whom I'd have never met before, come up to me and tell me that I needed to shower more and I wouldn't be having such a problem with my skin. 
When in fact, my personal hygiene has nothing to do with what I have.
So I do know how you feel about this issue, been through it many times myself. So much in my life, that I've learned to just shrug it off and let it go in one ear out the other anymore.
Some can be rather insensitive about an issue that may be very personal to you, so as I have learned it's best to not let it get to you so much and just be happy with who you are no matter if one has a noticeable scar or some form of skin condition. 
When in fact, my personal hygiene has nothing to do with what I have.
So I do know how you feel about this issue, been through it many times myself. So much in my life, that I've learned to just shrug it off and let it go in one ear out the other anymore.
Some can be rather insensitive about an issue that may be very personal to you, so as I have learned it's best to not let it get to you so much and just be happy with who you are no matter if one has a noticeable scar or some form of skin condition. 3 people like this
@jeweledbluerose (3061)
• United States
25 Apr 08
You're welcome! Thank you for offering your friendship to me.
Keep your chin up, not everyone is like that lady. You are a beautiful woman despite the scar you have, don't let anyone tell you or make you feel differently.
I know takes a lot out of person and does bad things with the self-esteem when things of such nature are said, but well we can't please everyone.
Have a good one.2 people like this
@Bethany1202 (3431)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Sorry you have to go through that. Thanks for the kind words.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
Yes she is rude and out of place and I don't see why you cannot report her. The public do not have the right to talk to people any which way they feel like.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
26 Apr 08
She had no idea that it would bring back bad memories. Do you expect everyone to be a mind reader? She was just concerned. She might have figured that you had been in a fight and your husband or boyfriend had hit you with a broken bottle. She might have known a plastic surgeon who could remove that scar. Just do not get out of sorts and fume underneath. So she asked what treatments you used, and she might have known about another one. You could asked her about plastic surgery, and she might have given you her opinion.
2 people like this
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
26 Apr 08
First of all that is very rude. It is not helping you to say that. Although the person may have meant to help, they came accross as not helpful. That's not cool.
You are right about tramatic reactions. Not being sure of one's reaction, it is best to keep the comment to yourself. (That's called maturity, not other things that I often hear).
anyway, I think that it's much too personal for any comments from strangers.
2 people like this
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
26 Apr 08
Why is she so self concerned about your face? Your scar is not killing her. Why does she care? Your scar is your personal business! It is very rude for her to say this. If she feels that your scar is bothering her, then she needs to pay for your plastic surgery bill. Not that you need one. Your face has nothing to do with her. Continue to be you. A scar does not define who you are!
The reason why, she may be affected by your scar is because she has a scar on her too. Her scarred mind!
2 people like this
@jayalaksmi (1039)
• India
9 May 08
This is really not any business for her and she should not had asked you but she may be just trying to help you and according to me you should always try to focus on your weakness and try to improve it so that it becomes your strength.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
27 Apr 08
You are so much better than I . I would have gone off on the person. I don't take rudeness.In fact it makes me furious. Knowing me, she may have ended up in the hospital.
I hope you are better by now.Have a great day and don't let the b*stards get you down. ps. In your avatar, is that the new hair cut? It looks great.Just the right length.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
26 Apr 08
That was very rude and unfeeling on her part. You know the scar is there and you have tried to use different things to try to cover it up. People can be such ediots and the thing about it is she had no business telling you what she said. I would not have been able to keep my cool.
@mummymo (23706)
•
26 Apr 08
I think this lady was no lady! How rude, unfeeling and obnoxious this was! Sweetheart I would have told her in no uncertain terms that it was really none of her business and I did not appreciate being spoken to in such a way - all the time trying to remain calm and civil. Do not let this send you backwards sweetheart I am sure she was just one of those people who have to be nasty to people to make themselves feel superior. Your scar is part of you sweety and I am sure it does not look as bad as you worry it does! xxx
@CoffeeAnyone (3210)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
Sorry to hear this Bethany. To bad you didn't notice the wart on her nose you could of asked her about it? See how she would of like the feeling of being asked about something so personal and invaded a space she wasn't invited into. Wanting to be helpful is one thing but on a personal level you should have earned the right to be so personal. I have a thin scar about an inch long on my face and I don't think more then 3 or 4 friends have ever even commented on it. And all comments were on the line of how did you get that scar. My duaghter as a dog bite scar on her face as well and I don't know that anyone as ever said anything. People should really just worry about their own lives and stay out of other peoples business. Good grief expecially strangers.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Apr 08
Bethany Ithink thatis really rude and downright snoopy. What right did she have asking a stranger that in the first place? the lady must not have been taught manners asa child. That is just like strangers telling me,an overweight person ,that I need to lose weight, what do they think I am blind? or the ones who tellme overweight is unhealthy. Do theythink I do not know that and that I am under a doctor's care. That lady sounded downright nosy to me like she was looking for TTsomething to gossip about.
Those kind of people have no clue that they are hurting you and no conscience at all.
1 person likes this
@tjades (3590)
• Jamaica
26 Apr 08
Based on the incident you related I think the woman was indeed rude especially since she continued to press after you told her you had tried scare creams.
Even though most people are just curious or concerned it does not take away from the discomfort of being scrutinized.
I couldnt help but smile at a memory that your story brought to mind. When we were kids my youngest sis at the time tried to feed one of our dogs a piece of bone from her mouth. Well I'll just say she has the teeth mark scar to show for it to this day. Whenever people ask and are given the story of how she got the scar it evokes laughter. Sometimes she doesnt mind being asked and makes fun of it herself but there are times she just does not want to be questioned. The scare isnt ugly or anythung and you might miss it but it is obvious.
1 person likes this
