Ok, this is going to be hard but here's the deal with my s/o...
By foxyfire33
@foxyfire33 (10005)
United States
April 27, 2008 8:00pm CST
Yesterday/last night, we reached our breaking point with him. Some of you know that he isn't a good partner and we have tons of problems. One of the things we have struggled with was his mood swings and temper. Sometimes it was like he had two different personalities, at least. One minute he would be happy and loving, then something would snap and he'd get really angry of stupid things...and that's when he wasn't seeming very depressed and shutting out the world.
Well, yesterday while I was gone he was outside working on the race cars with his oldest son, my stepson. I wasn't here but the basic gist of it is, things weren't going the way he wanted and in a moment of anger he completely lost control. He had one of the cars chained to his truck to move it...he was driving the truck, his son was standing next to the car steering into place. When it didn't go where he wanted it to he flipped out and jerk it forward eally fast. The car turned and my stepson had to jump over the front of it to avoid being run over. Later when telling me about it...he never said anything was his fault, never said he felt bad for almost running his son over, and only commented that all of it happened because his son is a "dumb@ss".
Yeah...real bad. So after spending the entire night talking, my stepson and I have decided that this nonsense has to stop ASAP. We have decided to sit down with him with others present and tell him that he needs help and we aren't putting up with it anymore. The plan is to tell him that he needs to see a doctor for medication, get into counseling, and follow whatever orders they have for him...if he does not begin this process, next week while he is at work we will take his race cars to a friend's house and will not be allowed to race until he does these things.
Racing seems to be the only thing that matters to him so we think this is the best way to get him to realize we are serious. We can not continue to allow him to go about life like this. He was lucky no one got hurt this time but may not be so lucky next time. And my stepson's biggest concern is that 'next time' his little brothers could accidentally be in the path of their father's rage...well mine to of course, but I was equally worried about him and the little ones.
So the big talk will happen tomorrow. We have no idea how he'll react or what the next few weeks will bring. We know it's probably not going to be easy but we are prepared to handle it together. We are also enlisting other family members and close friends. We'll get through this, it's for the best for everyone...well the best that we can do right now. If this doesn't work, the next plan is for him to lose all of us. Stepson and I spent a little while trying to figure out how we could just leave right now but it's not possible financially...we are going to plan and prepare for that though.
11 people like this
16 responses
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
28 Apr 08
OMG foxyfire this really does sound bad and yes, steps need to be taken to get help for him...from what you describe of his mood swings, from real highs to lows, to the temper tantrum business he's demonstrating, it almost sounds like he may be bi-polar. Now I'm not a great advocate of medications, but in his case he might need something, and definitely the idea of him getting some professional therapy help there. As you indicate, who knows where his temper tantrums might lead and harm to someone. My prayers are with you that you can get this resolved for everyone's sake
4 people like this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
28 Apr 08
There has to be intervention and change here...
I do hope your S/O can turn it around. Excellent keeping in mind that it may not work though... You have to be prepared for the other ultimate alternative as well.
No matter what happens, keep yourself and your stepson safe. If S/O carries on in this baffling immature fashion, then there is nothing to stay for. Its quite destructive, and I do not want to see a future situation like you presented result in a ruinous outcome.
3 people like this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
28 Apr 08
It does sound like he has some problems, bipolar possibly? Meds and a psychiatrist would probably help, but it will be weeks before any effects from medication would be noticeable.
But this does give you time to come up with a plan B.
I wish you the best of luck, mental illness is definitely a difficult thing to deal with in a relationship.
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I guess I haven't been following you as closely as I should have. Last I checked I thought you were leaving him. But its a good thing that you stayed, because from what you describe it seems like he has a bipolar disorder, at the very least he has some anger issues that need to be resolved. He needs someone in his corner to help him through this. And trust me, he is not going to want the help at first. Taking the racing cars is a great start, but be prepared to take other drastic measures if things persist. I will be praying for you and S/O tonight to reach the best resolution to this possible.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Apr 08
You have got to get him to a doctor as he sounds to me like he has that mental problem polar disease where he is either way up in the clouds happy and hasnt got his feet on the ground and the next day he is way down and angry and furious with every one over everything. It can be helped with medication and lots of people have it and as long as they take their meds they are as normal as you or I. he needs help desperately and as soon as possible. good luck
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
28 Apr 08
Well I sincerly hope that he listens as that is terrible but that is what my Ex Husband was like he had a horrible Temper
I only stayed 21 years because I was scared of him, if he started on the Kids I would stand between them so if he did lash out I would get it and not my Children, my Daughter was 12 when she ran out of the House, he told me if I went after her and brought her back I would have to choose between him and her without hesitating I told him he better start packing then As I left to find my Daughter he shouted after me that I am nothing but a B*tch from there on it got worse and when I was diagnosed with my Illness something snapped in me I did not want this Life anymore I gave him a couple of chances but it was no use so I ended it when he walked out one Night he wanted to come back and I said no yes he made my Life h*ll for 6 months but I got through that to
Be strong and I do hope that he sees sense and gets the Help
@Trace86 (5030)
• United States
29 Apr 08
I am so proud of you and your stepson that you could make a plan together. Your whole family will be safer and happier, eventually, after your s/o gets the help he needs. At least some anger management training. Your stepson should definitely tell his dad how concerned he is that he will flip like that and one of the little ones will be in the way and get hurt. I believe that scaring him with the possibility that he might hurt his children may be the only way to get through to him. Good luck and please let us know how it goes!
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Sounds like Bi Polar Disorder to me. My husband has it and he used to have terrible mood swings where my stepson and I had to walk around on egg shells because we were afraid we would say the wrong word and the fight would be on. He has gotten help and is on meds and is 100 % easier to get a long with now. I told him years ago that if he didn't do something about it that I was going to leave him. So he went to see a doctor and therapist and still sees them to this day. We are doing great now and his stepson actually wants to come and visit every once in a while. I agree with what you are doing and thing it is definitely for the best. I hope he gets the help he needs and things get better. Good luck. :)
@serialmommy (639)
• United States
28 Apr 08
While you may not want to hear this, I'm the kind of person to be honest and upfront. If this were a situation where you were the parent and your s/o were your child, it would probably work, however your s/o is an adult. And to treat him like a child, as you are proposing to do will only backfire. He is a grown man and essentially forcing him to do as you want won't work. It never works when you try to force another person to do as you feel they should, whether it's for their own good or not. I think you need to look harder at being able to up and leave because that is what it is going to come down to. You can't force another person to change, and no amount of cajoling, talking, or ultimatums will do it. It will take some really harsh reality, the reality of you and your step-son no longer being there to put up with him, for him to even consider what you are saying. Prayers and blessings, you are going to need them.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I agree and disagree...mostly just for the fact that you don't really know how his mind works. The 'plan' occurred to us sometime around hour 3 or 4 of the talk, so we went through a lot of alternatives and more 'grown-up plans before deciding this is the only one that could actually work. Taking his car to a friend's house or the threat of that is the only tangiable thing we could do for immediate results. He's the type that has to be held accountable in some way to get him to act on anything. If we just say that we're worried and think he needs help...he wouldn't listen.
1 person likes this
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Situations like these are always hard to deal with especially when you are dealing with a close loved one and their mood swings, bi-polar tendencies. I know I have two daughters that are this way and it has been very difficult. One is currently medicated since she has insurance, but my youngest daughter doesn't have insurance so we are currently trying to get her insurance so that she can be treated.
I have worked in the mental health field for nearly 13 years and also with my daughters, they first have to admit that they have a problem and then be willing to work on it to get better. Yes, medication helps, but many times when they start feeling better they think they don't need the medication and quit taking it!
Sounds like you have a plan and a ali with your stepson, so stick to your plans and the rest will fall into place.
1 person likes this
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
28 Apr 08
It sounds like you are doing a wise thing. Having family to help is important as well.Keep them close by. Perhaps your leaving him will be the thing that makes him realize that he needs help.
I wish you all the best and strength.
Be safe.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I was married to a "time bomb" like yours and his rage did eventually turn onto me and then m y oldest daughter. I left him at that point and went on to raise 4 children on my own. We could not afford to leave either but then again we couldn't afford to stay. I hope your plan works and I 'm very curious to see the follow up on this. It does not usually go over well when yuo try to punish a grown man in order to get him behave as you would a child. I've never known that tactic to work but who knows. lets hope in your case that it does. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I hope things work out for you and that your s/o agrees to get some help..Almost running over his son really should have caused him to be concerned rather than exploding like that..And I am glad your stepson didn't get hit, that would have been awful...
@wickedangel (1636)
• Dominican Republic
28 Apr 08
Oh dear me honey, this sounds dreadful. You are right to have to get him some counselling/medication as this temperamental imbalance may well be something that can be easily rectified. This is scary behaviour though so please do watch out that he doesn't blow and you are in his path.
I think it is good that you have your stepson and others to help you but still it must be a nerve-racking experience. As you say, someone could get hurt and that is the last thing I'm sure that he really wants to do.
I'm worried about you so please do keep us posted and let us know how your talk went. I know you won't have much time as you will have so many other things to do but even if it is just a quick discussion saying "we're alright will talk later!"
Take care of yourself and your family. We are with you. BIG HUGZ
