Modeling is the Way children learn best

@winterose (39914)
Canada
April 30, 2008 12:08pm CST
One of my friends here made an excellent discussion which inspired me to do my own. Learning by example, you can tell people all you want about anything but they watch what you do and they learn from example. How can you take anyone seriously if they say one thing and do another? My uncle went to the doctor years ago, he was told to stop smoking, but the thing is the doctor was sitting there smoking a cigarette himself. What did that do for my uncle, absolutely nothing, he never stopped smoking, he was disgusted with the doctor instead and said he has the nerve to tell me to stop smoking and he sat there and lit up right in front of me? The doctor had no credibility in his eyes. Children also learn by example or modeling as the psychologists call it. We always tell our children not to lie, but how many times have we told our children to say they are younger than they actually are so we could get a reduced fare on a bus or train etc? What examples do you have where you or someone you know will say one thing but actually do another?
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9 responses
@xParanoiax (6997)
• United States
1 May 08
Though this is a big factor, I don't believe all children only learn by example. For example, my parents have fought alot my whole life...and in a relationship I strive for compromise and understanding, so there's rarely ever an argument. If kids are clever they'll learn from their parents' mistakes without being told...or seeing. But parents should always take the responsibility to nip the possibility of your child picking up your bad habits, in the bud.
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@winterose (39914)
• Canada
6 May 08
but you are now talking about how you are as an adult, which is not the same as how you saw life when you were six or seven, as an adult, we try not to make the same mistakes, why, because we saw the examples of our parents like, the modeling, and we learned these examples were not good for what we wanted in life.
• United States
6 May 08
I'm not an adult, I'm a teen. Still technically "a kid". Yes, I did have to grow up very young...but in many ways this is how I've always been. I had to raise my brother at eleven years old, when he was six...I couldn't BE like my parents. When I was small I was watching other kids, and my own little brother...and many of them did indeed learn by example, and I didn't see the sense to it then, and I still don't. Looking at other kids nowadays I see a few who don't learn by example, many of them come from very bad families...some of them are now teens like me. I'm not bad-mouthing my own parents, mind you, they did what they could. But if all kids learn only by example, then children raised by murderers would ALL grow up to be murderers...EVERYONE who was beaten as a child and abused by their parents would grow up to be abusers. Now, many DO. But there's also a decent number of those who don't. People, especially children are not all the same, so therefore they don't all learn the same way. I'm just looking at this from every angle I can think of, dearie, I hope you don't see this is me critisizing you, 'cause it isn't. Parents SHOULD take responsibility, but so should the children, though we can't expect them to, being kids. Everybody matures differently and in different ways, after all. Kids younger than me are working in some countries to feed their siblings, sortof becoming surrogate parents...they have no examples to live by. Some things are done out of necessity, as a rule, I still agree that parents should be responsible for their kids' sakes. Just...a small...very small fraction of the responsibility lies elsewhere. My brother learned by example...and now my parents can't fix it. But at the same time, my brother refuses to try to fix himself...and I know he knows he's not right and that he is wrong...but he's just turned thirteen, so U suppose he has the rest of his life to sort it all out. Bottom line, and I know I'm not saying this all right, so I hope you don't give me too much grief: things just aren't so clear cut as that. You're still right overall, so...
• United States
6 May 08
sorry, the I is next to the U button on this keyboard.._
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
1 May 08
This is indeed a good discussion, sugar. I can quote you a lot of examples but the best 2 or 3 would be like lazy colleagues and bossy supervisors at work whom have nothing better to do and certainly skiving all day long and they would be advising others to do a "good" job when they themselves are eating "peanuts" and enjoying the "show". Another would be someone with no really great success but like to put others down and asking someone to improve his or her life. And the icing to the cake would be someone who is a hot-tempered and none fair person, but asking someone to cool down and take things easy and teaching others to be fair. I hate these kinds and these 3 take the top placings anytime.
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@winterose (39914)
• Canada
6 May 08
all very good examples, thank you so much honey bun.
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@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
6 May 08
I certainly like that..
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
1 May 08
When I was staying with my older sister and her six children, I knew I had the responsibility of setting an example for them, but sometimes I did not want to. I had taught my sister's second oldest daughter that gambling is a sin. Then one day, I bouught a lottery ticket. I won another ticket from that ticket. But before I could get back to the store, my niece who was about 9 at the time, said to her mother. Mommy isn't gambling a sin? Her mom said yes. She asked, then why is auntie Rosie gambling? At that point, all I could do was rip up the ticket and throw it away. It made me feel good that I was willing to do that to set an example for her.
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@winterose (39914)
• Canada
6 May 08
very good example hon, that was a very good thing for you to do to teach your niece good values.
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@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
7 May 08
Thank you.
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
1 May 08
I believe that is a part of life nowadays.. I do believe that you learn from example, but sometimes my mother would say, "do as I say, not as I do", so in effect she was saying you do the right thing, even if I don't.. But you are right, children do learn from example.. So we do have to try and set a good example for them..
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@winterose (39914)
• Canada
6 May 08
that is what she means but what children understand is if mommy does it it is okay, or not a good person because she does what she told me is wrong, or mommy lied to me, parents don't realize depending upon the age of the child that the do not rationalize like adults do, they are just kids.
30 Apr 08
you are absolutely right..Sigmond freud says the children learn it via repetition,reinforcement etc and learn new things faster when they see their role models doing it..For children,there are two complexes ..called oedipus and electra complex.. and thats why baby gals love their dad while baby sons love their mom..and they take them as role models..whatever they do,it seems super-hero like thing to them and wanna learn it fast..And when u see in practical real life,u can see these instances with ur own family itself.. if u give an advice of how to buy vegetables to ur husband and he knows what u say is right,though his mind accepts his self ego will never budge in..and they go in for their choice of choosing vegetables..atleast for that time!!! lol..and "ego" here in psychological terms defines what u are and not in the lame sense!:)
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@winterose (39914)
• Canada
6 May 08
your mixing up, sigmund said the first 5 years of a child's life will form their character for life. Modeling was actually made into a theory by Alfred Bandura in the 1960's, the oedipus complex of signmund freud, or the electra complex which is based on sigmund's work, was actually the theory of Carl Jung, his brilliant student and great psychologist himself, neither have anything to do with modeling. I am a therapist and a have a masters in psychology, I studied all of this indepth.javascript:__doPostBack('ctl00$cphMainContent$lbStart','') post comment
@sun2day (1063)
• Virgin Islands (U.S.)
1 May 08
MY MY! That good old doctor. I worked with doctors, and I have seen that for myself. This physician advised his patient not to smoke, and right after when he got a break he would go outside and smoke. He would say I know I shouldn't do this, but am trying to quit. He really was what I would call a compulsive smoker. At least he admitted his fault. There is a saying that says "DONT DO WHAT I DO BUT, DO AS I SAY". ' CHILDREN LIVE WHAT THEY LEARN'
• China
1 May 08
It's really a problom in our world.But it is also a common one,because we lived in a world where everyone are telling lies.They may not want to tell,it is just a habit.On the other hand,then do not want their children tell lies,so they tought them to be honist.
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@kl8yang (53)
• China
1 May 08
You are right.Many people are like the doctor.
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@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
30 Apr 08
heck no If I had done that my kids would never have learned to do the right thing
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