do you have any favorite among your kids?

United States
April 30, 2008 7:39pm CST
or your love for them is equal? I am posting this topic after I remember my officemate who shared me her experience about this issue, that she loves most her second child,since he is more sweet and closer to her and she said, among the 3, only this kid is very willing to be with her anytime she needs help. But, she was trying her best not to make it very obvious to the rest of her children since she also love them and doesn't like to hurt them. I am not a mother yet and for me, I believe, it is ideal not to have any favor and to treat them equally whatever their attitudes are and willing to accept their limitations. What is your view about this base in your personal experience?
5 people like this
36 responses
@momalisa65 (1983)
• United States
1 May 08
When my first son was 6 years old, I had my second son. The oldest asked me one day which one of them I love more. I told him I love them both the same. But he still kept asking but which one I love more. So, I knew that he and I both absolutely love his grandmother's mashed potatoes. So I said: "You love Gram's mashed potatoes, right?" He said "Yea!" I said "Well, if Gram made a great big pot of mashed potatoes, and took some out and put them in a bowl.... Which ones would you like better? The ones in the pot or the ones in the bowl?" He said "I'd love them both the same!" I said "That's how I love you and your brother the same... You both came from the same pot!" Lol! He understood then!
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 08
wow...wonderful story momalisa, you are very smart to give your child a concrete example that will let him understand in his level! Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
2 May 08
momalisa!!! that is brilliant! I love it. I used to use the example of a mug being filled and over flowing all that over flow can be caught to fill another mug - but the first mug is still full. that is how my love is for you. I think your analogy is much easier to grasp! so glad I came back to read more in this discussion.
• United States
2 May 08
I agree Modestah, I love the very simple and realistic explanation! Keep it up momalisa~
• China
6 Aug 08
Hi,dear checapricorn,For me I don't have child either..In my point of view if I have children one day I will treat them equally rather than have the most favorite ,since I do know that they all my children and part of my life.For most of the things in my daily life I can divide them into good , not really good and bad but I as for the children I raise I will treat them equally;-)
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Aug 08
That's a great attitude comeonmolly! I also can't imagine myself having some favorite!
@zeny_zion (1284)
• Philippines
5 Aug 08
i think its unfair if we gonna practice that favoritis. by the way, i only have 1 child. so i didnt experience favoritism. but just the same if i hve more that one child i wont do that. it would be unfair to others. i will treat them fair no matter what.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Aug 08
That's good zeny! thanks for sharing!
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I think that every child should be treated equally. I have spent my life as the least favorite child and it sucks. It ends up making the child feel like they have done something worng and they spend a majority of their life trying to figure out why they are not loved as much as their sibling. What is wrong with them in a sense. And as a mother myself I can honestly say that I love both of my children the same. They both have different personalities and I love them each for who they are.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Aug 08
That's great for you jstaubin, I know it will give a bad impact for the child if she knows that she is not the favorite one!
@gr8life (6252)
• Malaysia
1 Aug 08
Hello checapricorn, I think when we have more than a child, it tends to happen without realizing it. I have a son and I can't give a good comment about this but I want to relate it to my mother. She has many children. We can see that she loves my youngest brother the most and in fact in the eyes of all the daughters, she loves her sons more than us. But whenever we approach her and ask, she will say that she love the last two - my brother and I. The most pampered in the family was me and I can assure you that, when you ask any of my siblings which child my mother loves the most - they will point harmoniously at me! *laughs*
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Aug 08
Hi gr8life, LOL! That's cool that the family can talk about it without any hurt feelings..SO, I am sure that even if she has favorite, she still loves all of you! I have only one sibling, a younger sister and since she was the youngest, I know my mom has to give more attention to her, actually my dad and I too!LOL!
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
1 May 08
I only had one child. But my grandmother instilled in me from very young never to favour one child over another. It just leaves the favored one feeling special and the others, unloved or painfully left out.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 08
wow! I can feel she is a very loving grandma! Thanks for dropping by winterose!
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
2 May 08
Hi i have one boy one girl both are equal to me may be some times i get irritated by non stop Naugtiness of my son but it never mean i love him less i am sure kids are all wqual to their parents its not how u r attached with them, its how u feel when they are sick (God Forbid) Take care
• United States
2 May 08
Thanks for sharing cupid! Great to know that only few people admitted that they play favoritism to their kids, great to know here in MYlot that every mother/father has been a responsible parent to their kids by loving them equally!
• United States
2 May 08
I got you, I know as a parent, it will always worry them and will realize that the love and care they have for the kids are just equal. Maybe in a way, they have just misinterpreted their feelings thinking that, the other child is closer to them and fun to be with and willing to help anytime, they think that they love most this kid!
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
3 May 08
Hi dear yeah thats i want to say take care and enjoy
@34momma (13891)
• United States
1 May 08
I have three children and i love them all very much. I don't love more then the other. I am close to all three of them. I have a 18 year old son, 12 year old son, and 3 year old daughter. I can not look at them and love one more then the other. when i see them, I see three amazing gifts, and i love them all as such
• United States
2 May 08
Hello momma, thanks for sharing and it's always wonderful to know if all mothers will be like that in their kids!
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
2 May 08
children are people and yeah like all people you have some that are easier to deal with, but i love them all the same. thanks
• United States
4 May 08
I agree 34momma, thanks again for dropping by!
1 person likes this
@ruby222 (4848)
1 May 08
Hi Che..well ive got three kids,and i love them equally .But they are all very diffrent in their ways.The eldest my son is a clever ambitious man,who i see very little of ,he phones to check if all is well ,but he leads his own life ,and he intends to keep it that way,never the less we are very very proud of him and his achievements.My first daughter,the eldest of the twins is also fiercely independant,she has strong views and sometimes feels that im a softy!!but she has done well and is in a good relationshi,thank god.The youngest twin is soft and gentle,so loving and kind its beyond belief,she is totally unselfish in any way,she puts her family before everything,she and i speak everydsay and we enjoy to keep up with the gossip.Maybe thats is where your friend is coming from Che ,that although yes she loves them equally there is maybe one that she feels a little closer too.
• United States
1 May 08
You got it ruby, she admitted that do love all her kids but one of them is very close to her and she feels like she miss this kid most than the others!Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
@ruby222 (4848)
3 May 08
your welcome Che
@Rachel322 (115)
• United States
6 May 08
I love both my children equally and I would never choose one over the other. I would anything and everything for both of them. At the same time to do have a favorite though. My littlest one has sweeter nature and loves to laugh. I would never pick him over the other one for anything. I just like his charater more than the other one. And I most definatly would never tell my children I have a favorite.
• United States
6 May 08
I agree with you, it will not be healthy if the other kid will know it, maybe that was the case of my friend, she favor the 2nd child most and make the other 2 kids away from her, I mean, they just don't have that much feeling for her! thanks for sharing Rachel!
• United States
6 May 08
Nope I love both of my kids the same but ask me in about 6 months after the new grandbaby gets here that might be a nother story
• United States
6 May 08
Thanks for sharing again! I learned that taking care of younger and spending more time with them is not an indication that you have favorite among them, maybe this is what my co-employer was thinking in her case!
@nilanym (184)
• Philippines
3 May 08
I have two babies and I love them both fairly.. :)
• United States
3 May 08
Great to know about that nilanym! Thanks for sharing!
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
1 May 08
I have two daughters and i try my level best that none of them have the feeling that i am inclined to one but on some instances i elder daughter who is nine now does say that you love the younger one more. Actually i feel that the elder one should now be more mature and excuse the younger one for her minor mistakes if they have a fight so in such cases i get this comment. I then try to explain her that she is grown up and should rather take care of her younger sister. But this does not always works and i am very much hurt that my daughter feels that i am discriminating between them.
• United States
1 May 08
hello limcyjain thanks for dropping by!
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
1 May 08
I could never love one of my kids over the others..I mean HOW COULD a parent do that ya know...My kids are very different in many ways but I love that fact right there ya know..Theres no way I could love one over the others...I'd hate myself if I was like that...
• United States
1 May 08
Hello Ravenladyj, Thanks for your response and wonderful sharing!
@gemini_rose (16192)
1 May 08
I do not understand anyone that can say that they have a favourite among there children I think it is just strange. I have four kids and I can honestly say that I love them all exactly the same, when I think of my children I do not think of one more than the other or think to myself that a certain child is my best. They are all so different and unique and they all have completely different personalities, but they are all special in their own ways and I love that about them. I know someone who has a sister and she always says that her sister is the favourite and she tells me about things that happen and I think it is really sad that she knows or feels that her sister is the favourite, I would be heartbroke if I thought my kids thought that I had a favourite.
• United States
1 May 08
True, it will give a negative impact on child if she/he knows that the mother is treating them differently or has a favorite among all the children!
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
1 May 08
I have 4 children. I love them all the same. They are different but I love their differences. The baby gets the most attention right now but that doesn't mean I love her more than the other three. I couldn't imagine loving one of my children more than another.
• United States
1 May 08
Hi moneyandgc, thanks for dropping by and sharing your views!
@jalucia (1433)
• United States
1 May 08
I don't think that any parent should ever say that they have a favorite. They especially shouldn't let their children hear them say this. As a parent, I don't think it's about having a favorite, it's more about recognizing each child's unique attributes. One child may be your favorite to take to the store because they are the one who behaves the best while in the store. Another child may be your favorite to cook with because they are interested in the kitchen, where the others aren't. All of our children are not the same. They are each unique. And, I think it's ok to deal with your child based on their own unique attributes. You may be able to let one child watch scary movies, but can't let the other because they'll have nightmares. As long as all your children feel loved by you, no one more than the other, than you're doing good.
• United States
1 May 08
Hello jalucia, Thanks for this wonderful response! I got your point and perhaps make me realize in a way about this topic, it's not about favoritism but, about recognizing each strength and weaknesses!
• Canada
1 May 08
hi checapricorn, i have five kids, three boys and two girls. they are all pre teens or teenagers. i think it is normal for me to feel closer to the girls because they want to spend more time with me than the boys do. the boys are into hockey and that is just something i can not relate to. one of my girls had a great since of humour and going places with her is a lot of fun, she skips, is care free and joyous. the other daughter is more moody and quiet. there are no favourites here but i like to laugh. i hope she does not feel i am picking one over the other. all kids are different and they all have different qualities that we can relate too..
• United States
1 May 08
I agree with you shannonjyl! different personalities that we need to understand ,respect and accept as a mom! thanks for sharing!
@katsmeow1213 (28910)
• United States
1 May 08
Ouch! Hit a sore spot. Unfortunatly I must confess, I have always favored my youngest child above the rest. It is difficult to admit, and does create many guilty feelings. I do of course love all my children with all my heart, but for some reason my youngest is closest to my heart. I began to notice this when my fourth child was born. Prior to that I'd had twins, and never noticed myself favoring any child over another. However when my fourth child came along I found myself having slightly less patience for the older ones and preferring to give more attention and affection to the baby. I noticed this, and of course took steps to hide it from my other children, and when I became pregnant for my fifth child I began to wonder if it would happen all over again. I was unsure if my change in feelings towards the older kids was due to their age or due to the fact that they were "replaced" by mommy's baby. When my fifth child was born I became aware that it is Mommy's baby syndrome. Apparently I just have a soft spot in my heart for the baby of the family. I know this all sounds rather bad, and as I said, I do feel guilty about it. I do love all my children with all my heart and do everything I can to make them feel equal amongst each other, however each has their own personality and pros and cons, so it is easy to feel as if one aggravates you more than another. It doesn't change the way you love your children, it just changes the way you view your feelings.
• United States
1 May 08
Thanks for this detailed and honest sharing katsmeow! I heared this explanation to my office mate too when she tried to explain her feelings for the 3 kids when she was told by our other officemates how unfair it is to feel that way!
@di1159 (1580)
• United States
1 May 08
I have two and I love them both with all my heart. You don't have favorites, however, I am easier on my son than on my daughter. It could be their characters as my daughter is a tough cookie and he is the most loving trusting kid I've ever seen. I seem to be easier on him even though when I find myself doing so I toughen up on him as well. As for love, once you are a mother you'll find that you have enough love in your heart for one or for fifty kids. You will love them all equally.
• United States
1 May 08
great view di1159! Thanks for dropping by!