My two kids, ages 25 and 22 are still living with us...

@psyche49f (2511)
Philippines
May 3, 2008 4:01am CST
My daughter is 25 years old; she is a nurse, and my son is 22 years old and is a professional webmaster...both of them are single, and are living with us up to now. This practice is common among Filipinos...that even past the age of independence, our children still live with us, as long as they want to. I am aware that other cultures, like the Americans find it okay for their 18 year olds to live independently. But for us, it's too early for them to. In fact, as I mentioned here, it's a Filipino value to hold on to our children even when they're already adults. We are just so closely-knit that there are even families who stay with their parents AFTER they are married! And that's common here. I'm not sure if my two kids would leave us as soon as they get married, but I'd prefer one of them to stay with us...the "empty nest" stage is so unnattractive and unnerving! I don't really know...I'm 50 years old, and the prospect of my children leaving us is depressing. Both of them of course share in the expenses, especially my son who takes care of the budget for food and other bills. So my own salary goes to expenses for other minor bills, gasoline, medicine and my own personal perks like trips to the spa and parlor. I would like to hear comments from fellow mylotters about this arrangement, whether they find it odd or normal, acceptable to them or not....
7 people like this
18 responses
@longbangod (1791)
• Philippines
3 May 08
Since I am a filipino also, such arrangement is very acceptable to me. My kids are still young but I even dream to be with them even if they will get married. I used to tell them that soon when you get older, finish school and get married, you will leave me, the funny answer I got from them is no we wont get married, we dont want to leave you. Haha, I know at their age they dont't really understand it yet, but I know time will come just as I did to my own parents, they will have to live their own life. And that makes me sad sometimes...
3 people like this
@psyche49f (2511)
• Philippines
3 May 08
I perfectly understand...we share the same sentiment about our kids. Much as we'd like them to live their own lives, a part of us would like them to stay with us...It's really depressing to think that one day, they'll walk out of our doors to lead their own lives....
3 people like this
• Philippines
3 May 08
I fully understand were you're coming from coz I myself is also filipino. We are only 4 in the family and my parents are both in their 60's. Im 30 and my sister is 32 both single and with no plans as of the moment of marrying. We are still living with our parents and they don't mind and they are thankful for such arrangement. We stayed not because it is part of the culture. We stayed coz the house is ours anyway. With all the inflation we are experiencing, it is more practical to share expenses. We also know that if we ever we do get married, it is not our parent's responsibility to provide the roof over our head. It is a sign that we should live our nest. Independence is not necessarily living on your own. It is actually freedom to chose right from wrong. Ability to stand on your own and be able to live its consequence.
3 people like this
• United States
3 May 08
You should tell them and explain to them that independence is really important for young adults and adults. Also, be firm and gentle when explaining with them why they can't live with their parents for ever.
3 people like this
@jesbellaine (4155)
• Philippines
3 May 08
I understand you because I am a Filipino too. I have 4 siblings and I am the eldest. I am 24 years old and still living with them. I know that my Mother wouldn't want us to leave her once we settle down so definitely, even if I get married, she stay with me... or with my siblings which they will surely gladly accept. The arrangement you got there is good because you get to enjoy your life now especially your son and daughter are now professionals and I am sure that they've been taking care of you. Take care po! Cheers!
3 people like this
3 May 08
I dont have any children but would support them if they chose to move out or to stay living at home. I think its lovely that your children still live with you. There are many people that loose contact with their children after they move out. Im not in contact with my dad much as he doesnt live locally to me, in fact he lives miles away!! Im am really close to my mum who I speak to about 3 times a week!!
3 people like this
@anex08 (868)
• Philippines
4 May 08
I think its ok especially us filipino who makes it to the point that family stick together no matter what happens. i would rather stay with my parents too because I will miss them. Right now since its only my mother ( father past away, love him so much )I do take care of her, make her feel loved and comfortable. And when Im going to have my family I would request my kids that when they grow up they should consider staying with us too. Don't wanna get far from them, it will make me so saddddd just by thinking.
• United States
4 May 08
I'm American, I am 26 years old, and have a 6 year old son. I have yet to live away from home. I love living at home with my parents and they love having me here. Especially since some illnesses that they have. I manage the bills most of the time, clean the house, make dinner etc. etc. I am very close to my parents and have even suggested that we buy a bigger house and split the expenses because I would not mind staying with them. At one time it was my parents, me, my son, my brother and my sis's boyfriend all in one house - shes been with him for over 10 years so its more like they are married. She moved out 2 years ago when she was 27 years old and became pregnant with her first kid. Needless to say my parent's wanted them to stay but could not get her too, she was ready for her own place. As for me I just love being here theres always something going on and always someone to talk to.
2 people like this
• Philippines
4 May 08
I'm 29 and I'm still living with my parents. I'm not married though.
2 people like this
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
3 May 08
Well I'll be 31 on Tuesday May 6th. My other two siblings who are at home also are 29 and 28 and will be turning 30 and 29 years later this year. We are all big women but are still living at home. We love our independence and would really rather to have had our home by this but being at home helps to cut expenses. It is more than likely that one person will always be at home as mom wiuld be alone but dont want to always be living in the same home together. We stayed together this long to facilitate our continuing studies as we support each other (its really expensive here)as well as personally I find it hard to pay so much for rent when I could be saving. I guess its normal for your children as it is a part of their culture. Its nice when children feel that bond with their parents. We enjoy being together but not for all times. As I said before we love our indepence.Personally I want to live on my own for a while before I get married. (lol)
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31644)
• United States
3 May 08
I see nothing wrong with children remaining with their parents. I would love to have my boys living with me, even though they'll be 20 and 21 in September! They live with their dad right now, clear across the country and I miss them. In the old days here in the U.S., generations commonly lived together in the same house or on the same property. I wish those days would come back again. It's good for families to be together. Also here, quite a few parents expect their children to move out when they're 18 years old. Many of my sons' friends have been forced out of their family homes when they reach 18, and I can't understand why the parents are so anxious to be rid of them. They could be living with and contributing to the household while they save money for their own houses eventually.
• United States
3 May 08
My son is 26 and lives at home. He helps out and is a great friend and help to the family. My daughter is 24 and has chosen to live on her own. She is always struggling to make ends meet. I think it is wise to still live at home until one can easily afford to live otherwise. I know I am among the minority in the United States by living this way but I don't care. It works just fine for our family. I would miss my son terribly if he moved out. I would hope he would at least live in the same community. I don't find it strange at all to have older children living at home. Look at the way the family unit functions now compared to 100 years ago! It was unheard of 100 years ago for an unmarried person to live outside of the family unit!
2 people like this
@subha12 (18452)
• India
6 May 08
it is the culture also in my country India. many still lives with parents even after when they are married. now few peopel stay away in other houses after marrying. but its the culture here in general. i think its good. we also have a close knit family.
1 person likes this
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
5 May 08
If the children are happily sharing the expenses then I think it is a great idea. I moved out of home just before I was 18 however, they were not very far away and still a big part of my life. I don't like the idea of children staying with their parents and not paying their own way. It is lovely to hear of close knit families with wonderful family values.
1 person likes this
@lkbooi (16100)
• Malaysia
5 May 08
It is very common in my country grown up children still stay together with their parents. Most commonly we find married working daughters with kids to stay with their parents. Always daughter can get smoothly with her mom. The grandparents usually take good care of their grandchildren while their daughter and son in law going to work. The daughter and her partner can help in the monthly expenses of the family. Besides they could live happily in great harmony. For those friends who are still single prefer to buy a new house close to their parents’. Many of us with kids who work far away normally would send money home to share in the expenses. The children will normally come back in festive season like Chinese new year or others during which we can have reunion at home.
1 person likes this
@pkc3000 (1267)
• India
4 May 08
Dear psyche49f I am from India and in India it is a common thing in our society. I have seen so many families who are having two or three kids having major age and still they are Dependants on their parents. In our society belongingness plays a key role but in western countries like America after attaining the age of 18 you are free and they are not dependant hence there is no belongingness. In India getting job is a very tedious activity and after graduation kids are seeking employment and at the age of 3o to 35 yrs they don"t get any employment and they are fully dependant on their parents. pkc3000
• United States
4 May 08
I don't find this strange at all. I am a American and I find this a more acceptable way of doing things simply because I have noticed here in the United States yes the child moves out when they are eighteen or so but what happens is they find it is very hard to make it out on their own and then end up moving back in with Mom and Dad. Now the sad thing is they think that they don't have to help out with the expense of living with their parents. I think it is a good thing to have the child help out with the expenses so that they can see how to handle money as far as paying rent and utilites. I find the phillipino way of letting their children stay with them until they are older than eighteen is a much more attractive way of helping a child get on their feet and stay there.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
1 Jun 08
it is very acceptable for me as well as i am from indonesia... it is a common practice as well over there... as long as the child is not married yet, they stay with their parents... but once they are married, they can choose whether they still want to stay with their parents or go out from the house... usually, they go out... especially the woman... they have to follow their husbands... take care and have a nice day...
@youdontsay (3503)
• United States
1 Jun 08
I think it is great when a family can live in harmony when all have reached adulthood and they all share in the support of the home, both financially and by sharing tasks. What I see as problematic in many American homes is adult children who live with their parents without sharing the finances or the tasks. They pretty much have never had to take responsibility for themselves or for anyone else. It is the irresponsibility that does harm to them when they have to go out on their own or when they marry and leave home.