Being the perfect daughter...

United States
May 4, 2008 3:57pm CST
I know that no one has ever been or ever will be perfect. But my parents put a lot of pressure on me to be the perfect daughter that they have always wanted. That may sound like a dramatization to you, but it's true. My father, when we speak, it's like a constant thing with him. He'll tell all of his friends what a good student or good athlete I am. My mom does the same thing. It's like they don't understand that once I mess up, I think they will be totally and completely disappointed in me and that they can't brag to their friends about me. I feel that if I'm not perfect that they won't accept me for who I truly am.
2 people like this
13 responses
• United States
5 May 08
I kinda know where you are coming from. My parents though are the complete opposite instead of bragging their children up - they tear them down. No matter what we did we could have always done better. If we did good in school - there was always someone who was better and we were stupid, or lazy. The one thing that you should do is talk to your parents and tell them how you feel - It may be that in their eyes you are already the perfect daughter. They may not realize the amount of pressure that they are putting on you. The worse that can happen is that they will be totally closed to your side of things. I know this much I realize that you are under a lot of pressure so that you do not disappoint your parents, but be glad that its not the other way around. As stated before with my parents - nothing was good enough. They even refused to see my daughter before she was born - said that she would not be good enough to be a part of their family (I've just turned 26 in April and my daughter will be 9 mths this month, and I have been with the same guy for 5 years). If I was you I would try talking to your parents - If that does not work - just do your best - because at the end of the day thats all you can do. Hope things get better for you.
• South Africa
5 May 08
talking with my dad would only make things harder. I am telling you this, he complains constantly that i am always so quiet with him and that i am not willing to tell him what i am thinking (usually about what his opinion and not mine), and when i actually do, telling him my deepest thoughts, and showing my weakest emotions, be aware that he will use that to insult you next time we broke into fight. Once during a fight, he said to me "get raped by some black guys"... i got myself into the best university in town, he refused to pay because it is more expensive than the university he wanted me to go...
• United States
5 May 08
I'm really sorry to hear that you are in a position where you can't talk with your parents without having it thrown back in your face. Thats a real shame, and to have a parent bring up something that was not your fault is just, in my book, being childish. All I can say is that you seem like a very strong willed person, and usually strong willed people in the end get what they want. Just hang in there - One day you will be able to say that what you have in life you worked for, it was not given to you. That alot of the time is worth more than anything. Hang in there and Good luck!!
• Pakistan
7 May 08
its just a blessing.... being a perfect daughter...
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
7 May 08
I bet you are either an only child or the oldest child, right? My parents were this way with me. Have you tried letting them know that you feel like they put a lot of pressure on you to never make mistakes? Communication is a wonderful thing. Try letting your parents know that it bothers you and you feel like they expect you to be perfect, but you feel like you can't live up to their super high standard. If they don't stop the pressure, just live your life. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you will disappoint them one day. If they aren't willing to accept you for who you really are, then it's their loss.
@jalucia (1433)
• United States
6 May 08
Firstly, I think you should try to see the situation from your parents point of view. They seem to be really proud of you. This you should respect and feel good about. They want the best for you. Then, you should come to terms with the fact that you are gonna mess up, just as your parents have. None of us are perfect. Have you talked to your parents about this issue. Maybe you're just assuming how they would react. If you talked to them, they may reassure you that they won't think any less of you, or love you any less, if you "mess up". Are you being too hard on yourself? You must realize that you are not perfect, and it's ok not to be. You must love yourself regardless, as I believe your parents do. You must accept the fact that you are not going to be the best at everything, and neve beat yourself up for it.
5 May 08
Have you spoken to your parents about this? They may just think they are letting you know how proud they are so you feel appreciated. I'm sure they'll tell you they love you for being you, not for being 'perfect'.
@p_vadla (1685)
• India
5 May 08
It would be better that they respect the individuality of their daughter, whether done something that is likeable to them or not. Encourage the girl to be being herself under all circumstances.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
5 May 08
I can relate to that. I was once in that shoes. You could be in your teens or early 20s. That is the span of years when you are totally dependent on your parents. And being dependent calls for total submission to your parents' whims and wishes. Well, first of all, you must understand that ALL PARENTS are like that, so you are not alone. All parents are weird in their own way. And all parents are proud of their kids. You may think that they are perfectionist but then, who wouldn't be? They just wanted to feel that they are the best parents in the whole world. And yes, sometimes they always go overboard. When, I was growing up, I hated my parents for being so strict and wished that my parents were the parents of my friend, more linient and cool. But now that I am a parent myself. I was more thankful that my parents were my parents. My friend didn't graduate because her parents didn't care. They allowed her to do whatever she wanted and she got pregnant early in years, dropped out from school and now a grandma. She was jealous of me because I was able to travel to different countries and got my dream come true. Oh well, I may sound like your parents now. I know you heard about this many times. I just want you to know, that since you are not a parent yet... you won't understand what your parents are trying to do to you. Just play with them and you will get your rewards in time.
@palonghorn (5483)
• United States
5 May 08
Have you ever asked them, what if I don't excel at something will you be totally disappointed in me, or will you accept it. I have never really had that problem, my parents were proud of me and my sister as long as we did the very best we could, they understood that we were not perfect nor would we excel at everything we did in life. My dad is my biggest fan, I know that he loved telling people that his daughter is a wildland firefighter, and when I was hired on with the forestry service, I know that he told everyone he saw, they live in a small community, I used to live there too and it's where I started as a volunteer firefighter. I also am proud of my daughters, no they are not perfect, but as long as they gave it their best, then I was proud of whatever their best was, I always accepted them for their individuality.
• India
5 May 08
Being a perfect is not just that you do what they wanted and what they say..what will you get if you are doing things which you are not happy about but just to satisfy your parents and get the perfect daughter slogan.One fine day when you start regreting you will end up blaming your parents. To be a best daughter or a perfect daughter just have a good open relationship with your parents and do things that you like with the help and support of your parents
@subha12 (18450)
• India
5 May 08
i think you are not the only one. there are so many parents who just behave like this. they are over demanding parents. they always want their chilren to act in a way that those are according to their imagination. they do not consider the children are not just robots.
@tryxiness (4548)
• Philippines
5 May 08
When I was younger i felt that way. I strove hard to be the best student and to be better off than my brothers academically. I tried to say the right things and be the best that I could be but I have certain attitude (haha!). Anyways, when I got older, after college, I was not able to find a job right a way, and that's when they started to negotiate their wants to what i want. And when I finally got a job, and reached a point where I wanted to leave the job, I asked them if they would be ok with my decision, that's when I realized that regardless what my decisions are, since they are my parents, they would take me as who I am. :) Growing up can be tough with pressures from unknown sources, take it easy and assert and explain your side to them. You will be fine. :D
• United States
4 May 08
My dad always makes me feel as if im not good enough, he usually compares me to my brother to make me feel bad. a constant thing about my dad is that he strongly believes he is the best, he has some reasons cause he suffered in his youth, worked at the age of 6 and had to feed a family of 9 children.. which gives him the right to say that im not perfect enough.. i think that your really lucky that your parents are focusing on your positive and not negative personality traits. but if they keep on telling you you're perfect they're not really helping you grow up.. just mess up and ask them why they're creating a ideal of you and not accepting you for who you are. they pobably just wanna make sure that you wont do teh same mistakes they did..
• South Africa
4 May 08
dear, good that your parents are still praising you for the goodnesses of you. My dad is like this, he makes me feel i am no good -- at anything. Say if i got 80% in a test,he would go "why didn't you get 90%?", and if i do get that, he would go "why aren't the number 1 in your grade?" and say if i am the number 1 in my grade, he would go "obviously the exam was too easy,consider getting to be the top student in the town to prove to me you are intelligent". Maybe he just wants to make me a better person, but what he doesn't understand is that i also need courage -- from my only parent that lives with me. My mom is seperated from us. And that is what i dont understand, he doesn't seem to care to see that i am not happy. I am not happy that he wont encourage me for the progress that i am making, the only thing he sees would be the shortcomings that i have. You know guys, sometimes i would tell myself just let go and be a bad girl, anyway that's my dad sees me right? But i dont want to let my mom down also. And i dont want to complain to her about the problems then she will get very worried... i cant speak to friends either. I dont have many friends either. If he sees me getting to close to a guy friend (just friend), he would go and tell him to backoff me and i dont need a boyfriend. If i turn to my girl friends, then he would go and tell them that his daughter doesnt have to be a lesbian. i dont understand! Am i that useless in his eyes?i used to pray to God to help me get out of this bad circle, but He doesnt seem to care either.I think the only thing i am good at is studies but this doesnt bring me any internal happiness...