What would you do if you cheated on someone?

United States
May 5, 2008 8:32pm CST
I mean,would tell them or keep it to yourself? Would you feel bad? I've been in this situation and it made me feel really bad and I told the person I was with almost right away. He wanted to start from the scratch but I felt it would be wrong and I broke up with him. Being honest is good but sometimes I have doubts. From time to time we all end up in unwanted relationships that don't bring us happiness or that person might not treat us right. Do you think it's ok to keep it to yourself in that situation? You might not necessarily feel sneaky evil joy,but you don't tell your partner either until you finally break up. What do you think? What would be your course of action?
2 people like this
14 responses
@Elixiress (3882)
6 May 08
I would tell the guy that I had cheated on, mainly because if it was the other way round I would expect him to tell me. There is also the issue of guilt, but to be honest I think I could move on with that and my biggest would be someone else telling him.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
Yep,the best choice is to tell yourself,otherwise you'd be in a bad position without the benefits of a confession
@Elixiress (3882)
7 May 08
How can you tell yourself? You would already know since you have done the cheating.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
Lol I meant tell your S/O yourself instead of him/her finding out from other people
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
7 May 08
I'd tell him. My boyfriend cheated on me when we first started dating, and he told me like half hour after it happened 'cause of how bad he felt. We're still together six months later but I think if I cheated on him I'd tell him right away, I wouldn't be able to hide it. I'm a bad liar when it comes to something bothering me. Which is good 'cause I wouldn't want to hide something like that from him.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
I'm a bad liar,too:) In fact,I don't like being in a situation where I have to lie. Do you still trust him afterwards? Well,as you said,it was in the beginning of your relationship so you probably weren't that close yet then.
• Canada
7 May 08
We'd been seeing eachother for 2 of the 6 months. We've only been in an "official" relationship for almost 5 months, but I did have to regain trust for him. I wasn't at the point where I trusted him with my life, but I didn't think he would do something like that to me. So it took a while but I do trust him now. We have an amazing relationship. I'm glad he told me 'cause I think if he hadn't and I were to find out either by someone else or him down the road I'd be scared and wondering what else he could be hiding from me.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
Not trusting him with your life? Well,I'm glad you got it fixed... Good luck to you and thanks again:)
@tintinn (277)
9 May 08
If I am serious with this relation then I would tell him because I don't like to lie or have a secret with my partner....but then again if I am serious with him then I would cheat on him since the first place. But then again (for the second time) If I have done a mistake then I prefer to come clean....and definitely will not do it again.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 May 08
Good choice!...What if you were not serious?:) Thank you
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
8 May 08
"Honesty is the best policy" works only in positive environments. But not all may have the guts to face the negative side of disasters it brings. Everybody does make a mistake. Shooting it out or not, later it shall be revealed. The more you keep inside yourself, the more you show the signal to your partner who is a good detector of your behaviors. Feeling guilty will influence your emotional reactions to him, no matter how good you try to cover. That's just not the way of us, we need to talk it out to make us feel better. It's already sour, adding one more sour doesn't give much impact to the situation. Releasing them away is the only way. Face it, show to yourself that you're the one who's able to face the truth, no matter how bad the result will show you. Then take this lesson as an experience in your life that you must avoid/prevent in the next relationships, should if this one fails. People need to learn; nobody's perfect. People is egotistic; only wants to receive the sweet from its partner but not the bitter of mistakes. How can one's forgiven, if one never forgives other. Perfectionist doesn't own the place in the relationship, only forgiveness does, the best tool of Patience, which endure the balance of a relationship to last forever.
• United States
8 May 08
Thanks! Very thoughtful and detailed response!
• India
7 May 08
that is a painful situation to be in. firstly i would never get myself in a situation on cheating on anyone. dont think i would be able to live with myself. i have never an dont think i would. if something does happen which would be a big mistake i think i would tell my partner. dont think i could live with the lie on my head.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
It's great that you're so honest. However,not everybody is this way...
@Pitgull (1522)
• United States
6 May 08
I think its better to tell people the truth. So many people avoid it. If people aren't telling you the whole story, you're nothing but disillusioned, and not by fault. It's wrong to keep people in the dark, if you can't be open or honest with that person, you shouldn't be with them.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
Good point,thanks!
• United States
6 May 08
Unfortunately, I've been in this place once. I don't really know why I did it..maybe it was because I didn't really care about the guy. But, it had happened while he was in jail, and like right after he got bailed out, I told him. He was super pissed at me for a while, but we worked it out...it was other things that drove us apart. I would never do that again though..it's not fair to anyone and it's not a decent thing to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
Definitely not... Thanks for your honesty!
@katsmeow1213 (28897)
• United States
6 May 08
I think the right thing to do would be to tell the truth, and get out of the relationship. If you aren't honest, the guilt will eat away at you forever. If you stay in the relationship after confessing, there will never be the same amount of trust as there once was. Although not cheating in the first place would be the absolute best course of action :)
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
True,it never should happen:) I completely support your belief that there never will be the same amount of trust after one party cheats
@scrawl (374)
• India
6 May 08
Bring it out and get over with it asap..... In short, before you go to sleep each day, thrash out any differences....it makes, the next day - a lot easier.... Besides, stop trusting a forum and not him or her....these should be thrashed out between you if not a close confidante..... have fun !!!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
Well,I was just curious about what everyone else thinks but thanks,I'll keep that in mind!:)
@palonghorn (5483)
• United States
6 May 08
It would all depend on the situation and how good the relationship was. If I was in a really good relationship, and everything was good between us, and if the cheating was something like a one night stand, then I would keep it to myself and carry it to my grave. If it was a full out affair, why stay with the other person and act like nothing was going on, odds are they know something is not right. However, I can honestly say, I won't ever have to face the 'what would you do' in this situation, because I would never cheat on my s/o. I don't understand people who get married or in a long term relationship that constently cheat on the s/o, why be in a relationship if you want to fool around all the time?
1 person likes this
• United States
6 May 08
Nobody cheats constantly but sometimes things happen... A have a co-worker who cheats on his wife like once a year. I doubt she knows about that but they seem to have a great life so far. That sucks but one thing that kinda throws me off is that they have a kid. CHeating on your wife is bad but understandable,cheating on your kids,though.... Not really
@tonibabe (189)
6 May 08
i cheated on my partner once i kept it to myslf for a week or so and i felt so bad and mean that i had to tell him! i was so scared of loosing him and i loved him so much that i couldnt lie to him any more! we talked for hours and we both decided that we loved each other and that we would give it another try! it worked we are still together and alot more open with each other and talk about our worries and problems i am so glad that i told him the truth! i am lucky to have such an understanding partner!! i no it wont always work like that for everyone but i think telling the truth is aways the best way
1 person likes this
• United States
6 May 08
It's great that you found the strength to tell him and it's definitely not for everybody. Most relationships would just end after such a confession.
@Quenna (7)
6 May 08
I will keep it to myself,though i feel bad.Because i cannot accept others cheat on me,i'm afraid he not too.Something enough to make you feel bad,it must be hurt to him.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 May 08
That's not very fair but I feel you...
@teeaye98 (287)
• United States
6 May 08
I don't agree with keeping it to yourself. I have been married for 6 1/2 years now and 3 years into it, my husband wasn't paying any attention to me so I cheated. I admit it was totally wrong. I told him about it. We fought and talked, fought and talked some more. Finally we figured out what the problem was and worked it out. Communication is the key in any relationship. We now have 2 beautiful children and are constantly working at our marriage daily. I did think about not telling him at all, but he had a right to know. Now the one thing I think I should have never done was tell him who the other party was. That led to much more stress than it had to be.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 May 08
What I meant about not telling is if your partner treats you bad or you feel that it's all gonna end some day. I'm glad you were able to work it out,I honestly don't think I would but telling your lover's name was definitely gonna lead to bigger stuff. Oh well,that's the bad side of honesty... Thanks for the response!
@sisterjinx (1135)
• United States
6 May 08
Early in our relationship, before we were married, my husband and I both had experiences of cheating on each other. We were young and made some foolish mistakes. We were eventually honest with each other about these issues and we each forgave the other. (these were separate times) I'm glad we were honest and did not have a secret like that standing between us. I am also glad that we both could forgive one another and move forward. We have since been together for 18 years and we are each others best friends. We have never done anything like this since. We would not risk what we have.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 May 08
That is great,I'm glad you were able to forgive and move on.I'm pretty strict when ti comes to somebody cheating on me, but I guess I'd have no choice if I did the same thing and if I really cared for him. Keep it up!:)