Ok... I'm trying to be fair... what are your thoughts?
By property
@property (453)
United States
May 13, 2008 3:11pm CST
There are two sides to every relationship. With luck each party feels they are getting what they need out of a relationship. But who is getting a fair deal?Lets take this example: This man, we'll call him John, begins a relationship with this woman, we'll call her Mary. John goes to work and brings home all funds for the household. John has no kids of his own, but accepts Mary's children (from a former relationship) and treats them as his own. When John comes home from work he enjoys a happy household where everyone is polite and respectful. John enjoys Marys company. John thinks indeed he is getting a fair deal.
Mary handles every aspect of running the household and makes sure when John gets home everything is ready to please him. Mary also enjoys the time she spends with John. Mary enjoys that she does not have to work outside the house, this way she can tend to her family in the way she prefers. Mary thinks she is getting a fair deal.
Now, some may say John expects too much of Mary...and some may say John is being taken advantage of as Mary has no income of her own.
Where do you stand?
5 people like this
20 responses
@aero89 (422)
• United States
13 May 08
John sounds like an upstanding guy, willing to sacrifice his money and house for children that are not even his. Mary is wonderful for wanting to stay home and raise them.
If John and Mary both think they are getting a fair deal - then they probably both are. "Some" are self-righteous and cannot understand traditional values and will give John and Mary a hard time. Those people need to be either A)ignored or B)given a quarter.
John and Mary should do what works for their family.
1 person likes this
@aero89 (422)
• United States
15 May 08
Well, the old saying goes 'Here's a quarter, call someone who cares'.. so I guess it was some kind of weird metaphor for Tell the nay-sayers just how ya feel or something. Hard to explain without inflection, but I digress...
And if that is how John shows his love, more power to him. If he feels in his heart that Mary knows and appreciates his efforts (which it sounds like she does) - then everyone is happy. Why would the nay-sayers even say?! hmm.. jealous? unaware of John and Mary's views on Family? a maniacal plot for destruction maybe? Who are these people? heh
@property (453)
• United States
16 May 08
Maniacal plot!!! I think thats it... people intent on destroying family values of the world!! LOL!! Actually, I believe they are well meaning people who don't think they would be happy in that situation, so they feel the need to impress their views on the happy couple. I think its best to keep opinions to yourself, but others seem to lack the sense to stuff it. I see so many families that are miserable, where both adults are working, never have time to spend with their kids and spouce, and then judge families who (in my opinion) are enjoying the good life. Hmmmm. maybe it is jealousy. Still think maniacal plot is funnier though!
1 person likes this
@property (453)
• United States
13 May 08
I'm curious as to why the quarter? I don't think John and Mary want the nay-say-ers to call! Thank you so much for your thoughts!! You mention sacrifice, it seems that in todays world sacrifice is treated like a dirty word. It should be seen as a positive... how better to show love?
1 person likes this
@sisterjinx (1135)
• United States
16 May 08
I think that they are a team. Each is getting what makes them happy out of the relationship. It may not be what some people would want in their relationships but it works for John and Mary. Nobody is being taken advantage of because each contributes in their own way and they are happy with the efforts and the outcome.
@cortjo73 (6498)
• United States
14 May 08
I guess if they are happy with their lots in their relationship, who are we to judge?
If John is happy taking care of Mary financially while Mary is happy taking care of John emotionally and by caring for their home, then there is no reason for anyone to think poorly of either of their situations.
People need to keep their noses out of other people's businesses. Mary and John sound happy together with their arrangement. Everyone should leave them be and mind their own businesses!
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
14 May 08
the only problem with this relationship, is that society has turned the corner and no longer respects the women who choose to be housewives and tend to their families as their JOB. it is seen that because she doesnt punch a clock outside the home, that she isnt doing anything contributional to the household. and that is so very wrong. Mary & John both equally share the responsibles in tending to this household. John earns the income thats needed to pay for the households upkeep, and Mary tends to that upkeep. my husband and i have the same arrangement. he works outside the home for the income needed, i work at home takng care of it. its a fair and equal running of this household and we are both quite content in it.
1 person likes this
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
14 May 08
just because a person doesn't have an income doesn't mean that they don't work. i work all day long doing laundry, housecleaning of all kinds (dusting, vacuuming etc), food shopping, helping my son with homework, getting him up and out the door for school, going to the bus stop to get him, getting the mail (have to walk down the street to get it), opening and dealing with all the mail, taking garbage cans in and out and recycling, buying all the greeting cards and gifts for all special occasions throughout the year, paying all the bills and all correspondence that goes along with that like making payment arrangments etc, doing the bookkeeping for my husband's business, cooking and anything else that needs to be done around here short of plumbing and electrical work. i do not get an income for any of it and i do not think my husband is getting an unfair deal just because he makes the money and brings it home. he doesn't do anything else but that so who is getting the unfair deal?
1 person likes this
@property (453)
• United States
16 May 08
Hey! Thats my question! Lol. Everyone knows the mom's work is NEVER done. There is no lunch hour or 15 min. breaks. There are always boo-boos to kiss, floors to mop snacks to prepare. Everytime you think you can sit for a moment a kid (or spouce) enters the room to alert you to a new issue. That said, you are your own boss, there is no set time to do anything (unless thats your personal preference) and you are the one who decides if the job is well done. (unless its dinner time. the kids might inform you otherwise) So really, It is a give and take. You give up the stress of working outside the home, for , well, the stress of not working outside the home. :)
@rein81 (1)
• Philippines
15 May 08
For me the relationship that they have is great.. We should not think Mary is taking advantage to John.. The fact that she's doing the household chores is one way of giving back to John all his hard work.. Same with John.. It will not be fair if one or both of them will not do their responsibility as husband and wife..
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
14 May 08
Sounds like this is the closest thing to a traditional relationship as we are going to get in society today. I applaude them for taking this route and being at peace in their home. Why do we find this type of relationship questionable in our society today?
1 person likes this
@property (453)
• United States
16 May 08
I really don't know. It was just a few short decades ago when this lifestyle was the norm. When kids were respectful, dinners were homecooked, and everything moved at a slower pace. Granted I'm a big fan of modern conviences, but there is something quite wholesome about this arangement!
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
14 May 08
Where do I stand? Over here tending to my own life...BUT so long as everyone involved is being honest, NOT abusive in any way shape or form and both parties are willing participants and cool with the set up and there is no brainwashing or hidden agendas etc etc then whatever....
Ppl (some) think that my husband gets the crap end of the stick in our relationship because he brings home the cash (I've been retired for 10 yrs), I do what I want when I want (according to him our relationsihp is 70/30 with me having the 70), I have a bf as well and so on....BUT what these same ppl DON'T realize is that we are open and honest in our relationship....We are VERY aware that how we do things is completely out in left field and ppl dont get it but its been working for us for 10+ yrs...
1 person likes this
@property (453)
• United States
16 May 08
Huh. If it works for you and everybody is truely happy..Good for you. 10+ years of misery would suck. Not my place to ask, but out of morbid curiousity, does the Bf live with you? Oh, feel free to tell me its none of my business if I've stepped over a line... I'd completely understand.
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
14 May 08
I stand on their side. It seems they have everything worked out to make them both comfortable. John isn't complaining that he's the only form of income, and Mary isn't complaining that all she does is housework and tend to the family/house needs. They have their lifestyle figured out.
Aslong as it's working for the both of them why argue that one is doing more than the other?
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
14 May 08
Well for as long as they love each other and they respect each other they can say they are fair with one another. Accepting what one party can deliver and accepting the other without complaint for me is enough. For as long as one does not feel that they are taking more then it is enough for their relationship to continue on and there's nothing to discuss further. I can see from their relationship that both are happy where they are so is there something to question about their relationship? I could see no issue at all in this arrangement.
1 person likes this
@souless_tragedy (259)
• Canada
14 May 08
As far as i'm concerned, as long as "John" and "Mary" are indiviually happy with their lives, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks or says.
You've painted a scenario in which you've given both parties a life with which they are not only content, but that they prefer. Now, if you had insighted that Mary may have wanted to pursue a career of her own, or that John may have been happy as a stay at home dad, then this discussion would be different.
As long as the two people live their lives in happiness and contentment, no ones opinion really matters.
Interesting food for thought though...
1 person likes this
@CheshireKat (564)
• United States
13 May 08
As long as they are happy, the bills are getting paid and the laundry is getting done, I don't see where it is anyone else's business to say that they're not doing things as they should or that one is taking advantage of the other. The only way it would be taking advantage is if say, Mary decides that she doesn't want to tend to the house or the children anymore, and expects John to do it.
That's her taking advantage.
That, or if John suddenly decides that Mary needs to get a job -and- tend to everything in the home while he does nothing of that sort in the evening...
Those two alternate situations seem to me like one is taking advantage of/manipulating the other, but until either of those two things happens, I don't think John & Mary are in a bad situation.
1 person likes this
@NICKY_FERDIE (147)
• Philippines
14 May 08
I think the couple are not having problems at all. It's the people around them who are making issues about them and that's very unfair! They have no right whatsoever to cause any kind of rift between the couple since the couple themselves are not complaining, they are happy! So I say to all those people who are making problems out of nothing, quit it people!!!
1 person likes this
@kezabelle (2974)
•
13 May 08
I think they are living in a mature adult relationship, one they are settled in and that makes them happy. Its not for others to judge who does what in a relationship as long as both people is getting the love care and attention they require and neither is abused or emotionally hurt then I dont see that it matters who earns the money does the cleaning etc
1 person likes this
@jesus777 (662)
• Bermuda
16 May 08
i always relationships should be 50 50 and if he is the ultimate bread winner for the house and she is doing the house work i dont think that any one is being taking advantage off i feel that we all have choices in life and if this is they way they choose to live and it is happy and healthy and peaceful home and relationship who am i too say what is wrong or right i feel everyone should do what makes them happy too keep a happy and healthy and peaceful home!!!!!!!
@mailee75 (9)
• United States
14 May 08
My view is that it is obvious that John and Mary are content with their current living arrangements and are therefore, both getting a good deal. both are doing what they want in the relationship and still havig time to be together, and if they are happy living their lives in this fashion then why raise the question of who is getting the best deal out of an obviously content relationship.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
24 Aug 08
Now reverse the positions. Mary goes out to work and John stays home. Should it make any difference to the answers? I also read your comment to LJ about not writing discussions relating to personal life/relationships. That's a shame. You give hope to many of us that pursue "different" lifestyles.
@akonangato (83)
• Philippines
16 May 08
John entered into the relationship and not only "accepted" Mary's children from a former relationship, but also went as far as to "treat them as his own". Mary in turn, makes sure that she is pleasing John by running the household herself. I believe that this is a fair deal. If I were John and was totally capable of providing all the needs of the household then I would really prefer meeting my wife when I get home instead of meeting nannies and household staff. If I were Mary, I'd really make sure that I gave John whatever he needed and that I would always be available for John, reason being John was good enough to provide and treat my children as his own. This is a fair deal.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
13 May 08
John and Mary have obviously talked about their relationship and have decided that this is how they want to live so why would anyone doubt them?
1 person likes this
