Weddings - Must we ALL be Bridzilla's?
@souless_tragedy (259)
Canada
May 14, 2008 11:54am CST
In December, my fiance, with whom i've been with for nearly five years, decided that it was time to get married. We decided on a summer wedding and immediatly I felt overwhelmed and uncomfortable. We are both not big 'ceremony people' - the only reason I went to my Grad ceremony was because my Gramdma wanted em too. We briefly toyed with the idea of eloping but realized our mother's would be devestated, so we we then thought about a destination wedding. My brother had gotten married in Vegas, which is affordable for people to travel to, and therefore kept his wedding size down considerably. Unfortunatly, my Fiances' parents are both having financial trouble, and would not be able to afford a trip anywhere.
Thankfully, for Christmas, my friend gave me a book on how to plan a small, simple wedding - it worked wonders! We managed to keep the planning simple, and find economically friendly ways to keep costs down. The wedding is set for July and nearly everything is done.
Now, since i've started planning the wedding, i've received more flack than anything else from relatives and friends. Everyone keeps insinuating that i'm not trying hard enough planning this wedding. That I haven't made enough decisions, planned enough, or made it elaborate enough. I'm so sick of hearing "You only get one wedding". I'm AWARE of that, I just don't believe that you need to spend $10,000 on a party. It's the marraige that matters, not the wedding. People seem to think i'm crazy for not having planned this since I was a little girl. They think i'm weird because i'm just not into having a ginormous wedding and screaming at people to get my way.
Am I alone in this, or are there others out there like me?
5 people like this
13 responses
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
14 May 08
Who cares what everybody else says, it's your wedding, not theirs. But it proves what my husband always says, weddings are for the guests to enjoy, the bride and groom are just busy planning, greeting, posing, etc. With all the money you spend, the bigger it gets the less the bride and groom really get to enjoy it. The day is over before you know it, lol.
A wedding doesn't have to be elaborate to be memorable although some people think it's a status symbol just like you might buy an expensive car or big house. That's why so many people go into debt to finance their wedding. It's just one day in your life, which granted should be special for you and your groom because of the bond you form, but why should the expenses overshadow the rest of your life? Wouldn't you rather have the down payment for a house than fun for others for one day?
If others give you flack for not being elaborate enough, tell them that they can do that for their wedding or should have done it for their wedding. This one is yours and it will be just the way you like it. Then laugh all the way to the bank ;)
@souless_tragedy (259)
• Canada
14 May 08
I agree with what your husband says though.. the wedding really is for the guests. Luckily, I have a tiny family, and most of my Fiance's family live over seas, so there should only be about 60 people there. So we decided it would be best to give those 60 people a pretty rad experience... great food, open bar, and personalized favours.
@vera5d (4005)
• United States
14 May 08
My husband and I got married by a JP and I don't have a single regret. He had me laughing so hard the whole time they asked me if I knew this was serious!!
We might someday renew our vows with a "real wedding" but many of my friends are planning weddings and getting married this year and I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with all that stress and cost!!
By the way, what was the name of the book that you are using? One of my friends definitely needs something like that!
@souless_tragedy (259)
• Canada
14 May 08
Awe your guys' weddiing story is very cute! I guess it just goes to show that everyone is different in what would make them happy for their wedding.
The book is called "Intimate Weddings - Planning A Small Wedding That Fits Your Budget And Style" by Christina Friedrichsen. It has been a HUGE help. It really breaks up every part of the planning process and makes it feel manageable. Hope that helps!
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
14 May 08
i'm with ya! when my husband and i decided to get married, my mom went into planning mode. she kept giving me all these decisions. the more i thought about standing up in front of a ton of people, the more nervous i became. my husband felt the same way. finally we just decided we couldn't go through with it. we told my mom and then picked a date a few weeks later and we went to a justice of the peace. we were married with only his parents and brother, my parents and sister and my grandmother in attendance. i don't regret it one bit. the only thing i miss is i wish we had that wedding photo with him in a tux and me in a wedding dress. july 21st will be 7 years we've been married.
@souless_tragedy (259)
• Canada
14 May 08
Awe congrats on having been married nearly 7 years! My date is July 15th, which is pretty close to yours :)
The closer is gets to the Wedding date the more stressed out I get about standing up in front of a bunch of people. The only fale-safe I have is that I will personally know and see on a regular basis all of the people that are attending.
@babymar (359)
• Philippines
15 May 08
hi friend...it's your day, you may have it your way....if you want a simple wedding, then go for it....don't mind what others say....you are just being realistic and practical....it's really not practical to spend too much money for a wedding....what matters is you love each other and so you should be happy....
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
16 May 08
No you are not alone. While the party part of the wedding is very nice, it is not what it is all about. You and your hubby to be should just have a ceremony that suits you.
Quiet beach weddings or in nature somewhere are very beautiful and easy to organize.
Having a weddings is like having a child everyone has something to say and knows better than you (or so they think) Stand strong in what you want after all it is your day you don't need to live the dreams of others, follow your own.
I wish you both much happiness for your special day
@dhowell (7)
•
14 May 08
I think that there are alot of girls out there that feel or are doing the same thing as you. I got married a year ago and unfortunately planned a large wedding, that not only was stressful but put a huge damper on our wallet. Looking back, we had a good time and we love how it all went down, but we would never do it again if we had to.
We look at what we went through and how much we spent, and we found that it wasn't all of that that made the wedding what it was, it was the fact that my husband and I were so in love that we could have been married in the middle of the street and thought it was the greatest thing.
If I were you, I would do exactly what you are doing, plan what you and your future husband want for that day, and do not listen to others. Relatives and friends, for some reason, are so opinionated when it comes to weddings and other people's planning of weddings. After the wedding is said and done, you will hardly hear a peep about your wedding from them...its the strangest feeling!
@souless_tragedy (259)
• Canada
14 May 08
My soon-to-be-husband and I were very concerned about money when we started planning the wedding. Though i've managed to pay for University myself, he already is $30,000 in student loan debt, so we really didn't want to further our financial hole. We've managed to find some great deals and spend smart on this wedding. We'd much rather have the money to pay back the loans, and buy a house some day, then have a $10,000 memory.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
15 May 08
Well, personally, why should it matter what your family thinks and wants you to do. Because unless they are wanting to foot the Bill 100% while also valuing some of your thoughts and opinions on all of this, I would do what makes you feel Best while also having a day that will be special and of some rememberance for you and your fiance to treasure for yrs. to come. Your Wedding day needs to be about you and your husband nothing else.
Wishing you many Happy yrs.
@agfarm (930)
• United States
14 May 08
Dear Soul-less......I'm with you .
Save the Money for the HoneyMoon!
It is your Wedding , and if you let others plan it for you.....there will always be a degree of resentment. Don't allow that to come between you and anyone in your Family. Sure they might get their feelings hurt right now , but they'll get over it. 10 years down the road....you'll still have your Family , and No resentments!
Take your time. I threw My Wedding together , with Input from my then Fiance....in 2 Weeks.
A lot of people were not exactly thrilled at the Idea of not putting More thought into the Wedding , or the Person I was going to Marry , But you know what?
I Knew what I was Doing and What I wanted! I have No regrets.....and I Love My Husband more today , then I even did on Our Wedding Day!
@reejane (293)
• Philippines
15 May 08
It's your wedding so the guests, family and relatives have just go with the flow on how you wanted it to be.
It's been a lesson for me not to accomodate any requests from both sides relatives and friends especially if it's concerning money. I got married last October and i still can't forget the stress it brought me entertaining the requests of my husband's relatives.
Good thing that most of my plan went accordingly. After all, we are the ones who paid for our wedding and not theirs.
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
14 May 08
i was not a bridezilla at all. i handled everything myself with no help at all from anyone in the arrangements category. my mom paid for my dress and my dad gave me a little bit of money towards the reception. we paid for almost everything ourselves and we did what we could afford not what people expected we should do and we had a really nice wedding that was really alot of fun and i have the video tapes to prove it.
@hcpoirot (1562)
• Indonesia
15 May 08
souless, it your wedding right? So you should do what will make you happy and not everybody. Others love to spend money on their wedding and others just a love somple but meaningful wedding. Yours are the later. So why bother by people opinion as long you and your fiance are comfortable and happy with simple wedding. Congrats by the way. 
@staceylee838705 (20)
• United States
14 May 08
I'm planning a wedding 2 years from now, and let me tell you. I'm stressing out over it. I have no clue where to start. We went to the courthouse and our parents and siblings and my matron of honor came. But we're saving up for a bigger ceremony in a couple of years. It's still going to be somewhat small because we don't have a big budget. But, as long as me and my husband are happy with it, that's what matters.
I have been the type that's been planning my wedding since I was a little girl, but the more i think about it, the more i realize that the bigger the wedding, the more impersonal it is. What's the point of having sooo many people at your wedding that you don't even get to spend time with all of them?
This day is about you and your hubby, you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about the decisions you want to make. Its your day..the one YOU'RE going to remember, not the one that everyone else is marking as theirs.
@mommy_uv3 (109)
• United States
14 May 08
no your not alone, and congrats. It is your day not theirs what i did with my mother and female relatives when they started snappng at me, was tell them if they wanttopay for everything then we can do it their way, which quickly shut them all up because none of them could afford the kind of wedding they thought me and my husband should have, so i think they realized that i couldn't either. and they finally just let me do it my way!
