A teenager living on their own

United States
May 15, 2008 11:39am CST
I am a soon to be (10 days) 17 year old female with a 22 year old fiance. We are very in love with each other, we really do want to start our own life, out of underneath the wing of parents. I currently live with my dad, and he is ok with it, My dad and my fiance, io have the upmost respect for each other. But my mom doesnt like the idea of me an him living alone. I need some sort of advice!!!! im living in a crazy mixed up world, and its really depressing since i love my mom, and DO care about her feelings also.
4 people like this
15 responses
@ayessa (1583)
• Philippines
16 May 08
Advance Happy Birthday!! You and your fiance are too young to step in a live-in relationship. Both of you had a good future ahead. Your mom maybe worried for you sake if you would engage in a relationship in a more serious manner. May I just ask why you two want to start your life outside the roof of your parents? You must weigh things first. Think million times if it is worth to give up everything and live with your man. Decide if you two can live alone. If your reasons are worth to do all what you want. But please try to listen and think why your mom has to reject that decision of yours. Im a mom too and I don't want my daugther be out of my home at the age of 17. It's such a big risk.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 08
I have a relationshipo with him where id dont have to give up anything... id like to live outside the roof of my parents for several reasons, but mostly stress, my dad is not one of the ost happiest people, and its hard living like that. When i lived with my mom, i always had A's & B's in school, now that i liv with my dad they have dropped to c's and D's. All of this stress literally is killing me!!!! my ealth has been the worst...
@ayessa (1583)
• Philippines
17 May 08
Ok if its the reason, why not go back to your mom?
• United States
17 May 08
Becaue when i lived with her i stayed in the house from the time i got home from school, untill the time i went to bed, i wasnt allowed to live a normal teenage life.... by having friends come over, going to the movies, etc...
• Singapore
16 May 08
well i won't really want to bring in other factors like education etc. basically, i think what your mother is worrying about is that is the guy able to support you for the rest of your life and also are you able to face the gossips of the people out that that will be saying that you of that age and becoming a mother yourself. firstly, i believe that every parents will want their daughter to get into a wonderful marriage. having a lovely husband and lively children. also the husband must be able to earn more then just being a basic breadwinner of the household. secondly, the parents won't want their daughter to be a mother at such a young age as they believe that you are not able to take the stress of baring a child of your own and the aftermath of having a child. i should say that you might not really want to get a child of your own so soon but living with the guy under-one-roof is what makes your mother worry about you. as she thinks that you are not really of the age and mentality to be living with a guy alone. if you really want to know what your mother is worry about on you living with the guy alone, feel free to speak to her. have a heart to heart talk with your mother. i believe that she will want that. however, its always hard to start off a chat in this type of situation but someone have to make a start in the talking first. this might be your first step of facing the world and mature your thinking. i believe your mother can give you alot of advise which will be useful to you.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
16 May 08
haiz parents are like that lar.. i am kind of used to it.. pretty much i will let my parents know what i am doing whether they like it or not i pretty much don really care cos i don't really have a happy family but i want others to have one.. haiz.. i spend my first 12 years of my life listening to them and getting caned my them pretty much everyday lar.. so ya.. haha... though now in my tertiary studies i still gets a pretty regular scolding from both of them. haiz.. just try to get her to talk to the guy or maybe when you are talking to her since your dad understands get him to join in the talk as well.. it pretty much loosen the tension.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 08
I think it is great that you guys are in love. And it is really good that he and your father get along. When a father likes a daughters boyfriend/fiance/husband it really says a lot about him; fathers are hard to impress. Maybe your mom is just worried about losing her 'baby' daughter, and doesn't want to give this guy a chance. You have to try and get her to go out with the 2 of you, so she has a chance to see, and get used to you together. Sorry if this is none of my business, but I felt I had to ask...are you guys going to wait until you are 18 to get married? You're underage right now and I don't know if you guys can legally get married at this time. Good luck and congratulations on finding a good guy!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 08
I actually live in MD, and the law states that you CAn get married at the age of 16, with one parents consent, my dad would do that, he believes that i should live my own life, and have my own experiences, make mistakes and learn from them, whereas my mom, is completely opposite.. ughh.. thank everyone for all of the advice though....
• Philippines
16 May 08
You know. you're too young to be living with your boyfriend. It would be better I guess if you were already 18. I am 23 and my fiancee's 28 and we've been living together for 3 years. We both have nice jobs and we really are sure of our feelings for each other so we're getting married soon. If you're really sure of your maturity on such major step in your life then you might as well go ahead and do it. It would make things a lot easier for you if you have your own job so you can contribute to the expenses. But I rally suggest you wait till you're 18 and has a job.
• United States
16 May 08
thats the thing i dont get. i am very mature for my age. i guess that i dont reall see a difference in getting a place now, or in a year, when i turn 18. I would feel as if that is wasting time, because who really knows how long i will live... ive been putting out alot of job applications, and he has a steady job too. we were actually looking forward to a mobile home for how cheap they are... im actually very excited... i sure hope my mom will come around sooner or later, more sooner then later i hope. thanks for the advice though
@lieanat (1137)
• Malaysia
16 May 08
For me, 17 years old is still too young to start new life with your fiance. Because, you might have a better choice in the future. Why must start now? If i'm your mum, I'll sure worry for you. Do you ever think that your fiance is someone that you really can rely and depend on? I'll only allow such relationship if the man, your fiance can prove his love, care and loyalty to you.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 08
Even if a better choice does come in the future, i really believe that i would just let it pass me by, because i dont think that that choice would be worth all of the tears, and hurt and aggravation i would go through. but i do thank you, and i do understand where you are coming from. I could rely and depend on him for everything, i honestly belive that.
@sidcool (68)
• India
16 May 08
in my advice you should live with ur parents only bcoz .they are finally ur parents ans can take care of u more than any body can does and second u r on ly 17 and i think that u r 2 small 2 live alone with ur fiance.but the final decision is upto u only .take in considerasation my advice . after all ur parents is above alll
@sanell (2112)
• United States
16 May 08
well, that is a tough one as being a mother myself, I do not feel that I would be okay with my daughter dating a guy who is over 18 or basically an adult. I just do not agree with it. I know that it should not matter and that most are mature (females) by the time they hit that 16 to 17 years of age, but again, I would have issues with them dating someone that is of legal adult age, when they are still a minor. Of course having a nice man who is older is not a bad thing technically, he is not that much more older than you, but I think that if you could wait another year until you hit the age of 18 that would be a bit more comfortable for your mom, She still won't be happy but at least you will be an adult at that point in time and she won't be able to do much about it. When do you graduate from highschool? Are you planning to take college courses? what does your fiance do now? Did he go to college? I guess I would want more information about your situation. When I was 17 I was completel in love with my boyfriend who was the same age as me. We both were scared as we both sort of knew that we had a love and a bond that was so strong we could probably be togehter for the rest of our lives, but we both grew up with families who believed that you should date other people and learn about yourself, have fun while going to college and the like, so we broke up our senior year in high school but it was very difficult for us. We are truly high school sweethearts and when we saw eachother again at our high school reunion we could not believe how much we still had in common with eachother, there was still attraction there for the both of us. when we graduated we still were together but not exclusively, it was very difficult, then I got pregnant by him and we just knew it was not the time, although he said to me a lot that if he did not make it here or not make it there he wanted to marry me etc, and although it was nice to hear that I knew that I was not ready to be married and especially to him. Well after we agreed not to tell anyone about the pregnancy and that we both knew we could not keep the pregnancy we still talked for another year and finally I just had to end it. He was SO upset with that, I just knew that I had to move on and who knows where things could have ended up if I did not finally end it with him. I think I wanted to be done because I was afraid that he would find someone else and I would not be ready for that and I wanted to be the one that broke up with him first. He was so angry with me and so sad, he did not want me to go but I just said "I can not do this anymore I do not want to get hurt and I do not want to hurt you but this is not working for me" I went away to school and after that, we never talked again. IT was very hard, then at the reunion it was just crazy. I still think about him a lot even though I am in a different place in my life and i know that he is in a different place in his life...it is just a tough situation overall. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if things were different, if I did not break up with him but I know that I am happier the way things are now.
1 person likes this
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
16 May 08
When youre young, sometimes it's a much better test to wait to settle down with who you love. If your love is meant to last til the rest of your days, it can endure waiting to live together for at least a few more years. I'm around your age, and having been seriously in love before I know it's a hard decision, and you never think that maybe your love could end, and I'm not saying yours will. But you have to account for just in case's, no matter how unlikely things are. Because making the big decisions now, if things don't work out later...will make you feel worse. Now, I'm not saying young relationships never work. A very good friend of mine has a 24 year old fiance, and they're getting married by time she's eighteen, and they already live together -- though in a home their parents own. And their relationship has last two years and they're wonderful together, though they've definitely had their own share of troubles. Ultimately it's up to you, and asking for others' thoughts and opinions on this is a very mature decision. But life is crazy. As I like to say; "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best"
1 person likes this
@TriciaW (2441)
• United States
15 May 08
Brina you have so much to look forward to in the next few years. There is a whole world of things to experience and enjoy growing up even more. There is plenty of time in life to be on your own and living with the man you love but take this time in your life to enjoy every minute of it. Let your dad pay the rent, the electric bills, the gas bills, the water bills and all those other things that in time you will pay. For now just enjoy being 17. I have 3 daughters ages 13, 15 and 23. My oldest daughter has date the same young man since she was 14 yet they waited and got married this last summer. She is so glad they waited because they saved money by staying home and they were able to buy a beautiful home. They aren't in debt because they planned and they are the happiest couple among their friends all because they waited and planned. So like I said enjoy letting someone else pay all those bills and you and your boyfriend will be so happy to start your life together when you have money saved and you are able to start your life together out way above others.
1 person likes this
@elsoft12 (1821)
• India
15 May 08
Welcome to mylot...and advance birthday wishes to you. Its nice to know your respect for your parents approval.It would suggestable you have a nod as well before you embark on your journey.They have taken care of you thus far and only think about a good future to you.It would be great if you can convince them to your opinion rather then hurting anybody. All the best to you,wish you a great future.Keep myloting.
1 person likes this
@sisterjinx (1135)
• United States
15 May 08
A few years ago I would have told you to go for it. I never listened to my mom and she got over it. But now I have a 17 year old who has moved out on bad terms. He did not respect our thoughts. Of course the situation is very different and what he was doing was much more harmful to himself. However you should talk to your mom. Find out what her reasons are and be open to listening and considering her reasoning. You might decide that you still do not agree with it but it might make you think. 17 is pretty young to be out on your own. I did it but I ended up back with my mom due to mistakes I made. I was lucky she let me come back at that time. Now, looking back out of a mothers eyes, I realize that the reasons she was worried were valid. I still probably would have moved out but I think I would have been more wary and careful. And at least i would have given her a chance to tell me her concerns instead of just dismissing her as if she were trying to ruin or control my life.
1 person likes this
@kmt2207 (47)
16 May 08
I left home when i was seventeen to live with best friend, its hard for familty to understand but at some point you need to learn to be independant. Its really great setting up home together and it might be a struggle, it might not work out, but it will be an adventure and that's what life is all about.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 May 08
there's only one thing i can say.. your too young! ^^ no ooffense, but its also your life. mothers are the hardest people to understand you, so let her take her time to think. =)
1 person likes this
@gloreymay (882)
• Philippines
16 May 08
parents knows best always but it doesn'y mean they are correct all the time. you also have to make your own choice which you think would be the best for you. consideration wise is necessary.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 08
I being a parent of 3 boys and aunt of 1 niece can relate to your mother. You are only 17 years old, far too young to live with a man. Some would even say that you are too young to just settle down like that period. Why the need to live with him? You say that you are living with your father at the current moment and he and your sweetie has respect for one another, so why the need to leave. I am with your mom. I do not believe you should live with him for that is a huge step and the only reason why I am saying this to you is because of your age. I am 39 years old and am about to be living with my sweetie too. But get this, my mother doesn't agree with it either, however, I am a grown woman with 3 children. Take your time with that decision. Weigh out the pro's and con's of the situation before writing it in stone.
1 person likes this