Unhappy friend...

@leateagee (3667)
China
May 15, 2008 11:32pm CST
I'm running out of patience now. I have a friend who thinks she's got all the problems in the world. I am funny and happy type of person. I handle life very lightly, which means if I can solve the problem I do, if I can't I ask for help but I don't go around town and telling my whole circle of friends that God has deserted me. All of us have problems in one way or the other. What I don't understand is that you ask for help then just say "its easy for you to say". What a very ungrateful way to respond to help being extended? She lost her job,me and my friends had been on her side for 2 months now, trying to help her in all sorts of ways. And still she is ungrateful. Do you have or did you have a friend like this? What did you do?
3 people like this
17 responses
@salonga (27821)
• Philippines
16 May 08
Your friends need more understanding, just be patient with her and the best thing you can do is to let her realize that God in Hebrews 13:15 promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He also promised in 1st Cor. 10:13 that he will not give us problems that are beyond our ability to handle. Show those Bible verses to your friend to console her. It may not be that easy to convince her at first but surely prayers will do the wonder. Pray for your friend and the word of God will surely heal her heart. God bless!
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Thank you. Showing her the Bible might be a little difficult because she doesn't attend services anymore. Maybe, I'll be a more understanding and patient friend. BUT it's hard. I'll try my best to show to her that eventhough she's like that, there are still people who care. Our other friends had given up on her.
• Philippines
16 May 08
well...there are really certain times that our FRIENDS become psychotic already after what has been done that driven their life so down..!! all i can say is not just say your advise BUT also set as example that he/she can probably see and prove to his/herself that ITS NOT yet the end of all ... well...one thing also that can surely assure that its not the end is let him/her draw near to "GOD" let him/her had more concept on focusing WHAT's purpose driven in life if we had just PUT our ever TRUST to our dear GOd..! console everything you're worries in life to GOD and he will surely solve the rest of it...!! #jam# ~live life~ keep it simple***
1 person likes this
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Thank you. I'm praying for her too, that one day she'll realize that everything that is happening to us has reasons. Maybe, I need to see the other reasons too behind her negativeness instead of just looking at her as a nuisance.
@tryxiness (4548)
• Philippines
16 May 08
I also have a friend like that. We are 6 in the group, and the 5 of us are this happy people, the one friend i am referring to has lots of issues. As we grow old, she tends to have that negative attitude, and in dealing with her we tend to always tell her that being negative and unhappy is a choice, and we could only do so much for her. :) Just listen to her, and eventually she will be fine. Well, there's no pain in having space in between friendship, you need to also grow apart. :)
1 person likes this
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Well, that's what I've been doing--listening to her. But the thing is its the same misery in life again and again that she brought up during discussions.
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
16 May 08
I have that kind of friends too. They don't really want advise but they just want us to listen. They are what I call emotional vampires. LOL! They have the capability of sapping me of energy leaving me drained and tired too. So like any dogooder friend, I listen to them for a while and after a decent time, I would tell my friend to snap out of it because keeping on those hang-dog face won't help him or her. There are people too who enjoy being depressed and I just stay way out of their way.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Yeah, you're right. My friend won't listen to advices. The worst is, she would compare her situation with me and our other friends. =)
• Philippines
16 May 08
i had a friend like this too. when she has a problem she tells everybody about it and asks help but she doesnt listen. or if she did listen it would only look like she is listening because later in the afternoon she would still whine about it. now im a patient person when it comes to listening to peoples problems and etc. but sometimes i feel that i dont always have to constantly hold a friends hand and listen to her the whole day about it because its unhealthy and because it gets annoying which makes me boil up and i dont want that to happen. haha.. it wasnt about getting jobs or being fired or things like that but it was about a 'boy'! ugh. when she 1st came to me with that problem i took it all in since it was my 1st time in hearing it and i offered my advice. the 2nd time with the same problem and the same boy i still took it and along with the 3rd and etc but later on it got annoying and i was a little frustrated with her coz she wont take my advice. "the guy is cheating on me, im so mad what do i do? can i sleep over at your place?" so i let her, and when we get to talking about it more and i would offer the same advice she would say "its easy for you to say" i was like what?! the guy has been cheating on you and still you wont break up. what kind of foolishness is that?! eventually i got fed up with it, and i also felt that i didnt want to hear it anymore so she stopped it. i would ask sometimes just to be civil about the topic but i wouldnt go any deeper anymore. i guess some people just have to learn it the hard way no matter how many times it hits them
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Wow! You're friend is something huh. Maybe, in her case, the harder or by the time she sees the boy is cheating right in her face, that's the time she'll wake up.
• Philippines
16 May 08
the thing about my friend is that she did know that the guy is cheating on her. and she is still protecting the guy. ugh.. that was too much for me that i just had to tell her that she is being stupid for still being with the guy. and whats worst was that the guy said he doesnt want to be fully 'committed'to her because he wants to meet other women! how terrible is that! but its all over now thank god they broke up...
@kg_gurl (220)
• United States
16 May 08
Yes. Although this friend of mine didn't had it for God. She was showing to the whole world how depress she was and making it seem she had this huge problem. In reality, we (her other friends included) were trying to be there for her and trying to support her but it seems like she herself doesn't want to move on. I think she wanted people to pity her! What I did was told her the truth, that she needs to help herself and ignored her when she didn't change. Don't worry we're still friends. She stopped her "I-want-the-attention-on me" attitude.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Thanks. We don't want to pity her, eventhough sometimes she acts like one.
@kg_gurl (220)
• United States
16 May 08
I think what they need to do is grow up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around them.
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
16 May 08
Maybe she just wants attention.. Or she feels that she has been neglected by her frenz somehow.. But u cant dun care about her, and if u do care, she will become even worse.. So i think it's better to leave her alone, as there's no point in talking sense to her since that the way she will respond to u..
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
I played the role of the most patient friend already. I just complained today because I am fed up maybe by the fact that I don't want her to be like that and when I smile I want her to smile too.
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
16 May 08
Too bad for her.. If she wanna carry on in this way, there's nothing much u can do.. It's either u be very patient with her, make her realise that she's not the only one on earth to face such a problem.. Or maybe, talk to her about a problem that is faced by u and her.. maybe that will get her to wake up..
@Hatley (164169)
• Garden Grove, California
16 May 08
Theres an old saying you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. same as a friend,you can help her in all sorts of ways to try and get a job but when push comes to shove, she is the one who is going to have to look for work, and interview for work and ultimately show up if she gets the job. Maybe its time you told your ungrateful friend to shove off and do this on her own since she doesn't seem to appreciate what you did for her. i havent been in this situation myself.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
That's a nice quote. When we gave her help, at the end it was her who decided about the job. My friend s and I were just irritated by the fact that she's got to get over this negativeness soon as possible. We are here to help but she doesn't help herself, its no use. We've been to that jobless and hopelessness situation before but we did not let it last for long. Maybe it's a case to case basis.
• United States
17 May 08
Hatley, that's THE WORST thing you can do - give up on someone! How would you feel if it were you in that person's predicament? Always feeling like there's nothing you can do, and always feeling stuck, and always feeling like nothing will ever change, no matter what you do? I've been there! Sometimes, we need to vetn to others - sometimes, we can abuse this priveledge. Perhaps if you suggest to her that writing in an online journal will help aleviate some of her stress, she'll be more apt to pour her feelings out in writing, rather than "burden" you with her problems? But giving up on her because she doesn't follow your advise, or always "poo-poos" your advise, isn't going to make things any better - it will just make HER worse! Maybe she feels like no matter what you suggest, it's going to fail because it's HER doing it, and it's been her life experience that SHE is somehow a failure, no matter how hard she tries at things.
18 May 08
Yes I think we all have. It's time to get rid of these people and be happy. Helping friends is not always the best thing for us. Sometimes it goes against us. I'm in the midst of getting rid of people in my life who are like that. I need to be surrounded by positive people not people who bring me down and couldn't care less about my feelings.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
20 May 08
Go! Go! Go! Its your choice. You have the power to choose who your friends will be. These kind of friends make us strong too for they push us to the limits of our patience. Thank you and take care =)
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
16 May 08
One person in particular came to mind as read your post. Her husband was beating the crap out of her and illtreating her son (not his child). She just seemed to glory in letting people know the troubles she was having at home. If she even took advice and moved out she would go right back after a while and always the same complaints would surfaced. The husband was very disrespectful to her and they were not even married a year. She also had to put up with crap from his mother and nieces. She just lived in a nest of wasp and would never leave. She found out that just about the time they had gotten married he had gotten his former (supposedly so) girlfriend pregnant. I just couldnt listen to her anymore because she was doing nothing to help herself. She would bring these things up in public in the presence of her husband and would be sure to get a beating for it when they got home. Sometimes it would be so embarassing to meet up with her in the town or any gathering as she seemed to make sure that all who could hear would do so about her woes. Some people just cant be helped. They have to reach the point where they see the need to pull themselves up out of whatever they are going through. I was also very mindful that she might just take back our names to her husband about any advise we may have given so after a while I just shunned her. Sorry not interested. I have said all have to say to you on the matter. All else is in your hands. And I move on. Now I am spared those complaints and I think she has moved on somewhat. (Not sure how it is going.)
@leateagee (3667)
• China
20 May 08
You're right. Situations that would really break their necks are the usual awakening for them to get a life and move on. Sometimes, its us friends that they can defend on also make them stubborn. They know we care. Thank you and take care =)
@lingli_78 (12834)
• Australia
16 May 08
i think you are right... your friend is very ungrateful and in self-pity which is not good at all... if she keeps on doing that, it will become a habit and hard to change... she is the one who will lose and at the end all her friends will leave her as well... nobody will want to make friend with a person who keeps on complaining and saying negative things all the times... i wouldn't want to stay too close to her as well... take care and have a nice day...
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Yeah, I know. Our other friends had started avoiding her though she had just been like that not that long. I don't want to lose her and I don't want our circle of friends be broken by just a whining act. Thanks for the advise.
• Singapore
16 May 08
You must understand your friend quite well, as for me, i also have some friends like this but i always listen to their own opinions when they meet the problem, but i try my best to help them until they can understand me, as for you, you also can try your best to let your friends understand you well and listen to your opinions.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Thanks. Yes, I am trying all the best I can to help. But sometimes, its just draining me. =)
@palonghorn (5483)
• United States
16 May 08
I have had friends like that, and after several attempts at trying to help them in one way or another, after them asking for help or advice, and they are still ungrateful, that's when I stop trying to help. People like that don't really want advice, they want someone who they can whine to. I have never been one to whine about anything, and I can't stand those that do. I normally told them, 'if you actually want advice or help and you are going to listen, then fine I will be more than glad to help you, but if you just want to complain to someone, go find someone else to complain too.'
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
well, so i got lots of patience huh. I don't want to lose her. I'll give her more space, but I hope it won't be too much that she'll totally depend on me.
@djedtek (231)
• United States
16 May 08
i have a friend that is like that also! she will call and just ask and ask for advice but at the same time contradicts herself in the process! then when she says you don't know what its like to be in my shoes, well she right but i mean if you think i cant help you do use both a favor and don't ask me if i cant relate!
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
You said it. When she is totally down, she's so annoying.
@adoremay (2065)
• Philippines
16 May 08
You have to realize that as a friend you have to ask nothing in return. That is why you are a friend. Sometimes when a friend needs someone, that someone will definitely play the role of a listener. Listen... Say a few words... She is just letting and expressing all the hurt to come out... Hang in their she needs you.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Thanks for comforting me. Yes, I will hang on. I know she needs me. Thanks again. =)
16 May 08
Some people are just like that. It only matters when it's their life. Some friends can be very draining and suck the life out of you. I'm trying to figure out my friend who is like this. She is very ungrateful, mean, and spiteful. No matter what happens she turns it around and blames you. This is hard to deal with but not for much longer. I can't be around people like this it is to depressing. It also makes me think to much as to why I got sucked in and taken advantage of. Good luck!
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Yeah, sometimes she drains me, so I ask her to go to our other friends. =)
@rsa101 (29114)
• Philippines
16 May 08
I think at some point in time I have that kind of friends too. But nowadays I have none of that kind. I think there is a purpose that you and your friend were match. With your bubbly disposition I think you are to share that cheerfulness in her. Let her true essence exude rather than those that envelope her mind right now. Try to be patient with her and just be there as her friend. If she is really that stubborn it is her choice to be in that position as she is making excuses for her not to move on and get he life back on track. Let her realized that and hopefully she'll start moving on with her life as she should be.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 May 08
Thank you. You're right. I will just be a friend to her. Maybe, I just felt this irritation because I have problems to solve too and I just take it as it pass but for her its a big deal.