Loans to family or friends

Jamaica
May 18, 2008 10:48pm CST
Could somebody tell me how to deal with family members that owes you money and takes their own sweet time to repay?Now here is the thing, I sold a small business to a sister of mine, she was able to come up with half the amount but its over a year now, I am at a difficult time in my life but whenever I ask about my money that I worked so hard for, I get the worst attitude as if I am the one who is owing the money! It makes me so mad, last time she had the audacity to tell me that I dont have any children so I dont need the money!What would you do? anyone?
4 people like this
10 responses
@salonga (27835)
• Philippines
19 May 08
Your sister must not be aware that God has a great distaste to those who do not pay debt. (Ref. Psalm 37:21). If I were you, I will talk to her seriously and I will let her know my feelings. She is your sister and of course I believe you love her and you would not want her to suffer the consequence of her wrong attitude. The Lord knows she is at fault and someday soon there will be payback time. You should tell her that it is her obligation to pay you back whether you need the money or not. It is a loan and not a gift form you so she is dutibound to return whatever she borrowed. If she is still did not pay you can have two choices. First choice: Just pray for her so that the Lord will touch her heart. And the second choice: Ask your lawyer to send her a demand letter, with a warning that if payment will not be done, she will have to face the court. I've given you the choices, it's up to you to decide. God bless!
• Jamaica
19 May 08
Thanks Salonga, I agree with everything you have said I've prayed about but sometimes I am so angry that I wonder if God even listen to my prayers. I really do not want to go the court way as you said she is my sister and I dont wish to be the one to change the closeness that we enjoy as a family. I hope she will see soon that she is obligated to may me whether I need the money or not, and trust me, I NEED IT! Thanks again for caring.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27835)
• Philippines
20 May 08
Holycee, please always remember, do not ever doubt God! He certainly answers prayers but sometimes we need to wait patiently because he answers prayers in different wondrous ways. the Bible says in Psalm 40:1 - "I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined unto me and heard my cry." Sometimes God's answer is "Wait" to teach us the virtue of patience. Just to give you more idea on how to receive answers to our prayers I wish to quote to you more verses from the Bible. Mark 11:24 says: "Therefore, I tell you whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have receive it and it will be yours." This is where you are lacking because you have doubted if God ever listens to you at all. Of course, I understand your feelings but remember that it is not God who wronged you so you do not pass the blame on Him. Just remember that you need faith because as it is written "Without Faith it is impossible to please God" (Hebrews 11:6) and in James 5:16 the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous availeth much." Ms. Holycee, be free of doubt and always lead a righteous life. I appreciate the fact that you value your family relationship. Keep that feeling, and never give up. Pray even more and pray that the Lord will not only touch the heart of your sister but for the Lord to bless her. Soon you will see how the good blessing will also come to you. That is proven! God has wonderful ways of blessing his children. If your sister will not pay God will be the one to give back to you even a hundred-fold. Just keep the faith and trust. God bless!
@howard96h (11643)
• New York, New York
19 May 08
I am sorry to hear this, I really understand how you feel. She is family and you don't want to take her to civil (small claims court) but sometimes certain people need to be taught a lesson. It is not fair what she is doing to you, in my opinion if she gets annoyed and defensive then you have two options left, either court or write it off as a loss and don't ever lend her money again. This same thing happened to me, an in-law asked me for a loan of $500.00 and he just refuses to pay me back. I have tried talking to him numerous times and have gotten nowhere. I even told him to pay me 20.00 a month - not a week - a month, you mean he can't afford 5 dollars a week. Come on now. I did this for him because he has a sick child who has "Down's Syndrome" and I know she often gets very sick and needs a lot of medical attention for this reason and only this reason I have not taken him to court for the money because I feel like I am taking away from his sick daughter. By the way this loan was in 2002. If he had paid the 20 a month it would have been paid in full by now, there was no interest involved. He told other family members that he borrowed money from me and many other people to make improvements in his home. Oh well, lesson learned, it is LOST MONEY. I have learned from it and will not ever lend him money again. Hollycee there is good karma and bad karma and the bad karma will visit them both.
2 people like this
• Jamaica
19 May 08
Howard96h thanks for responding and for understanding too. You are right I don't want to take her to court because we are a close family and I really do not want to be the one to change things. Still hoping that her conscience will allow her to see that I am in need of the money.For sure I've already vowed never to lend or do anything for her again! She has promised to pay but its the if-and-whenever-I-have-it attitude that irks me. Thanks again.
@mikeysmom (2091)
• United States
19 May 08
i think it has to be a lesson learned not to lend money to people. plain and simple. it never seems to work out from what i have heard from many people over the years. some people just feel justified in not paying someone back simply BECAUSE they are related. for some reason they seem to think it is no big deal and you can either wait forever for your money or not get it back at all. your sister does not seem to care about whether you need the money or not so you should not care if she gets mad or offended if you start to really put pressure on her to pay you back. tell her you need the money back and she needs to stick to an agreed amount per week. if she brings up the issue of not having kids again you tell her that has nothing to do with the fact that she owes you the money and you want it back. if she does not comply take her to small claims court.
2 people like this
• Jamaica
19 May 08
Thanks mikeysmom for responding, I agree with you that as you said she feel justified to have me wait forever, simply because we are related. Talk about taking a person for granted! She has promised to pay but waiting forever I cannot do and her nasty attitude I cannot take. Certainly have learnt a valuable lesson from this one!Thanks again.
• United States
19 May 08
Ohh that just angers me to nooooo end!!Idont beleieve she had the nerve to say that! i hope u got something down on paper..or u maybe in bigggg trouble hun..if worse comes to worse..u can scare he by sayin..\LOOK ITS BEENA YEAR START PAYIN OR she WIL HEAR FROM tHE LAWYER I HAVE HAVE TALKIN TO.t (she doesn need to know u havent really lol).tell her ur sorry but u have bills too..and u should NOTTTT BE PUNISHED BECAUSE U HAVE NO KIDS! THATS A CROCK AND A HUGE COPOUT!..my mom owed me 2000$ for a scooter i got her..shes disabled to..and it took her a y ear to tilll i finlly said what i told u to say and then that next mth she started paying again..and gets mad when she forgets her payment..and its on 50$a mth cause i know she doesnt makemuch..agan kindnedss outta my heart..and she er gets mad when i remindamissed payment i willnever ever loan anyone money again especially family..they all feel they canrun all over us..becase of taht fact.and its wrong on soo many levels! so i wish u luck and hope u keep us informed..gl! April
2 people like this
• Jamaica
19 May 08
Thanks much for your advice and rest assured that she will never ever loan her or anyone money again! I am a kind person at heart and always try to help in whatever way possible, I just didnot expect this from this sister whom I've done so much far in the past. I tell you her attitude to this debt stinks, sure won't be riding that stupid train again though! Thanks again.
1 person likes this
@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
19 May 08
See I don't like to do business or LOAN money to friends or family. Not that I don't do it, but I don't look at it like I'll every get it back. The only time I will "loan" money is if I can live without it. I kiss it goodbye. If I get it back then I'm happy and grateful but I don't hold my breath. I don't know how much she owes you but if it is significant and you simply cannot kiss it goodbye and wish her well. Then I guess you need to tell her how you feel. Tell her that you feel like she is taking advantage of you. Ask her if she would be willing to agree to a payment plan where she gives you some of it each month. And I guess if all else fails, and I mean ALL else, you will have to take her to court. That is an extreme last resort though because this can do more harm than the money being owed to begin with.
• Jamaica
19 May 08
Thanks for your response sisterjinx and your advice.
1 person likes this
@keasling (723)
• United States
19 May 08
I have always lived by if you can't live without that money being paid back don't loan it. I know with family involved it is hard to do. Did you guys have a contract???
2 people like this
• Jamaica
19 May 08
Keasling thanks for responding. We didnot have a formal contract but everybody in our relatively large family including our mom and dad knows all the details. Living writing off the money is not an option. She promises to pay but its the if-and-when-I-have-it and nasty attitude that makes me mad.
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 May 08
Unfortunatly I don't know how to deal with this situation now - but whenver you lend money to friends or family in an way you have to make sure you have a very clear cut plan on how and when they are going to repay you. I know it seems impersonal, but with money you have to be so careful. It can really cause tension and ruin relationships.
1 person likes this
@newht351 (74)
• Malaysia
20 May 08
thats the problem... its really difficult to handle these proble especially when it involves money+family.. if u really push her,u may broke ur relationship... if u dont, u'll doom.. how bout u tell her, u want to buy a car or house nd u realy need taht moeny.. or u bought something and do write off with her.. like, u buy a car, and aske her to pay every month... like i always do, if my friend owe me, and she seems so difficult to pay, i'll go to shop and buy something.. then, i'll ask her to pay.. then i said, write off form ur debt ya?? hahahaha...
• Jamaica
23 May 08
Thanks for ur suggestions, had to chuckle at the suggestion of having her pay my car pymts! could just see my car getting repoed!By the way she has been acting. don't think she would give a damn. Thanks again though.
@vanities (11410)
• Davao, Philippines
20 May 08
that was rude!!thats what really the problem when you try to extend loans to your relatives...i hate to say this but i guess some are.. excepting a few..although i havent experienced it..i had extended some loans but they repay it in a considerable amount of time..
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
19 May 08
Bless your heart. Loaning money to friends and family rarely results in everyone being happy. I'm betting that's why this company started a web site for just that very thing. http://www.virginmoneyus.com/home/tabid/36/default.aspx or for other places besides the US http://www.virginmoney.com I think they monitor the loan for you so you don't have to be the bad guy. You can charge interest or not.