Tactlessness
By laydee
@laydee (12798)
Philippines
May 19, 2008 6:29pm CST
Lacking or exhibiting a lack of tact; bluntly inconsiderate or indiscreet. Is the best way to describe it.
I have lost the one I love for the last 4years because of this. I insulted him the other day which brought fumes in his heart now he left without a word.
I didn't mean to hurt him so bad, but things just got out of hand. I merely wanted to attract his attention, but instead, he took it out too strongly and got really angry.
I don't know if there's hope. But in this situation, I think what I did was foolish and stupid. Because I hurt his ego so much that I don't think he's ever going to return nor forgive me.
Do you have similar experiences where you were so tactless that it hurt a person you cherish? How did you deal with it?I tried calling and sending him messages online and offline but I think the pain was too bad to bear that he completely decided to ignore me forever.:(
1 person likes this
2 responses
@jcj_111776 (3216)
• Philippines
20 May 08
Hello laydee. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Give him the time he needs to recover. I don't think one slip of mistake from you will end those 4 years with him. He just needs the time to sort out his thoughts and feelings.
And when he is finally ready to listen to you, explain to him carefully why you have said those words. But most importantly, let him understand and feel that it wasn't your intention to hurt him.
I've had a short but very furious argument with my husband a couple of days ago. He tried to put an end to that argument by telling me that he won't speak another word so I don't have to say anything that will prolong that argument. What he said made me more angry so before I could stop myself, I told him a very bad word. I don't know if he heard it because he started to walk away from me when I said it.
But if he did hear it, he will be deeply hurt because that will be the first time he will be hearing it from me. From being engaged to him for 5 years and being married to him 6 years, I have never ever said any words to him that may insult him. Even when I'm very mad at him.
We avoided each other for one day. We never made any attempts to try to communicate. And just like that, we found ourselves talking to each other again. At first, it was a little uncomfortable. Then what we feel for each other took charge. We even found ourselves smiling over our argument.
I don't think he will be ignoring you forever. Let him know that you'll just be there waiting... when he's finally over the hurt.
Goodluck and I hope everything will be ok between the two of you. 
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
11 Jun 08
Yeah, we did get back together and I'm glad.
Whew, it's really difficult when we say something in anger because we regret it but there's no turning back time.
It's good truly in a relationship where love is still strong, because people would really want to make things work.
Weren't there times when you were so mad more than that incident? It's really something when you've done something that you never really imagined you'd do, like in your case the saying of a bad word. I think you should try to be tactful too, huge fire start with small flames.
There's a trick though that I have heard over at a wedding. The person said that if you are angry with your partner, try to drink cold water. It would be best if you keep that cold water in your mouth so as not to blurt something bad. And if your head is cool, then it's time for you to swallow. hahaha.. It's funny but seriously, I think it might just work.
=)
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
11 Jun 08
Oh, I'm so sorry for not being able to reply for so long. I was depending too much on my email notification and yet they never notified that people were already responding to this discussion.
Anyhow, we did went back together. :) I'm happy and we did say our sorry.
I guess that's really life. You need to get down in order to fix things.
Yeah you are right about losing something or someone because of lack of tact. That's why this time around, I make it a priority to think first before blurting out things.
Thank you very much for your response.
