A rant about my boyfriend's ex wife.

United States
May 19, 2008 8:41pm CST
Ok so my boyfriend used to be married. He has two kids from the marriage. So me and him have been together a little over 9 months now and I really try to mind my own business when it comes to his kids mom and their kids. But his ex wife is really starting to irk me and I do not know if I am gone to be able to keep my mouth shut with her much longer. For instance he will call her to see how the kids are doing and to talk to them and she purposely does not pick up the phone when he calls. She basically gives him the kids when it is too her advantage, like if she has plans to go out or something. It's really effecting him not getting to see his kids more often. I have a son from a previous relationship and I can not even imagine not getting to see him. It's really breaking my heart seeing him so depressed because of how she basically uses the kids as a pawn with him. He doesn't want to go to custody court because he does not want to drag the kids into something like that. Would I be wrong to approach her or do I need to just do what I been doing, being here for him and giving my opinion?
3 people like this
6 responses
@elemental69 (1562)
• Ireland
20 May 08
I think if you approach her it might makes things worse. Why dont you mention to your partner about going for visitation rights? The kids wont be gged through the courts and he will get to see his kids more often, and she cant do anything about it.. I hope the situation improves, for your partners sake and for the kids.... :-)
• United States
21 May 08
I told him almost that exact thing but he has this fear that the kids are gonna be dragged into it and he just doesn't want the kids to get hurt. I also have thought if I approach her that it may make things worse on him. I just hate what shes doing to them and I am finding it harder and harder to bite my tongue.
2 people like this
• Ireland
21 May 08
Could you not see a lawyer by yourself? I dont mean go behind his back, but it might not do any harm to find out for sure. I am sure you feel so helpless to see him so torn up by this...
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18452)
• India
20 May 08
you are justified here. may be as he is with you now, she is doing this out of jealousy. its not at all correct. now the situation could have been otherwise.i think have a clear talk with hubby.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 08
my only fear is that if I say something to her that she will take it out on him through the kids. I just feel so bad for him though, what she does is not right at all. I feel like I am in a lose, lose situation, If I say something what her reaction may be about it but is he suppose to stay miserable like this and only get the kids when it is good for her.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 08
I think it is wrong of your boyfriends ex to use his kids like that and just letting him see his kids when she wants to do something. It is good that your boyfriend does not want to put the kids through court battles but that might be the only way he is going to see his kids unless him and her get together and talk about times he can see the kids. You might mention something to him but not alot.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 08
me and him talk about it all the time. I can instantly tell when there is something wrong with him, when he is upset or angry. And I am the type of person that I am not gone to leave him alone until he tells me what is wrong. Most of the time I only have to ask him once what is wrong especially when it is about his kids because he usually wants my opinion about the situation anyway.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 May 08
THIS is a tough one!!! I'm going through something similar, only the boy is 17 years old, but still just young enough ot to be "on his own" and his mother.... oh don't get me started on her. Now, his father and I are MARRIED, so maybe things are a bit diferent.... I'd give him all the support I could, were I in your position. How old are the kids? I know I am luky because husband's son is 17.... here have been tims when I've wanted to tell ex what I thought of certain things... To possibly start something or not to? This is what my hubby calls a scissor play; you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. I have divorced parents, so I know how the kids feel (not the same situation, but I know what it is to be a pawn... Hmmm.... maybe I'm just rambling here. Write down everything she does, in a journal, so if you ever need to approach her about it at a later date, you'll have the evidence to back it up!!!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 08
His daughter is 7 and his son is 8. So they are still pretty young and do not get to make their decisions them self. They have such a good time when they are with him, so I do not understand why she would do what she does sometimes. And it can't be because me and him are together and that she does not want me around her kids because me and him do not live together so basically when he has his kids it is him and his kids. I know he wouldn't care if I said anything to her, it would not bother him at all. I'm just scared that if I do say something to her that she is gone to take it out on him with the kids.
1 person likes this
@laglen (19779)
• United States
20 May 08
In my opinion, while of course you want him to be happy, I would stay out of it. I am in a similar position and I wanted to step in and I am very glad I didn't. This is something he needs to work out for himself. I know it isn't much consolation, the kids will eventually figure out the games mom plays. I would just keep trying and try to get through her games.
• United States
8 Jul 08
I say just continue with what you are doing . You said it right the first time, if you were to interfere, you would be stepping into boundaries that have nothing to do with you. It could actually make the situation worse if ex-wife decides to be even meaner. The only way this situation will change is if your boyfriend stands up to her. Maybe the best thing would be to go to court, even though he doesn't like the idea of taking the children through it, once its said and done ex-wife wouldn't have any choice but to follow the visitation guidelines.