Would you stay in a relationship if you were unhappy all the time?

United States
May 21, 2008 9:10am CST
I don't think I could stand being in a loveless relationship of marriage. I'm not sure that I would have the heart to leave either. Sometimes other people, like spouses come to rely on you for many other things than love. So, perhaps I could find something in the relationship that made me happy, even if it weren't romantic love. However, I would never settle for a relationship that lacked affection or was completely hostile. I've always thought that was the other person's way of saying, "Get out!" Not so subtle, I guess. So what would you do if you were in a loveless relationship? Would you stay and make the best of it? Or leave to find a new path?
9 people like this
51 responses
@foxyfire33 (10006)
• United States
21 May 08
If I'd really tried to turn things around but my partner showed no sign of wanting things to be better, then I think I would start looking for a way out. It is hard when you find that you're only together out of habit rather than any true affection but I think it happens a lot. It seems like it's harder and harder to keep that connection alive the way things are anymore. So yeah, I'd try to make the best of it while making plans to leave.
3 people like this
@Modestah (11179)
• United States
21 May 08
I suppose it would depend what kind of relationship it was - the extent of the relationship. since you give the example of marriage I would have to say that I would not "end" my marriage due to unhappiness. Happiness is a choice that we make...
2 people like this
@megaplaza (1441)
• Nigeria
21 May 08
cos they cant afford the pains of breaking up, though they are unhappy they wish that things will get better.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
21 May 08
That's a tough one. If it was a loveless relationship then I'd more than likely leave and move on. If we were able to stay friends and still needed each other for some medical reason (like nursing care) then we'd probably become more like roommates and have seperate rooms. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
2 people like this
@mensab (4201)
• Philippines
21 May 08
i find it difficult to imagine in a unhappy relationship and decide to stay for the sake of keeping the relationship. there will be no growth and advancement there. but i dread the day when i find myself in that situation. if ever, there must be something other than love that keeps me in the elationship. it may be the kids, or bank accounts or the house or the familiarity.
@viewpoint (137)
• Philippines
21 May 08
Nope, I can't stay in a relationship if it were loveless. Life would be terribly miserable. It is difficult to live under the same roof with someone you cannot feel love for.
2 people like this
@golfproo (1839)
• Canada
22 May 08
Hi, Well...this sort of hits home for me because I lived this. I was in a unhappy marriage for 14 years. I stayed in it because there are children and I did not want them to grow up in a broken home. I would have probably stayed in it until they went off to university, but she took the decision away from me and left. All in all I would have to say we are all much better for it. cheers,
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 May 08
honestly i dont know..but i remember myself in that situation before..i was unhappy but couldn't get out..till now i still don't know the reason why i couldn't easily get out that time when i have all the reasons to make my way out of it..really its so miserable to be in it..the never ending fights..the never ending pain and the never ending hope that everything will be fine..somehow i know the love is still there i'm not just quite so sure..but i can't find a single reason of why i should get out..its just like i'm so blind to see the real score thats happening around..i was the second high priority of his life..oh for christ sake i don't even know if i was really..nor if i am in his priority list coz i honestly feel like i am not even..and the thing is i absolutley got immune of it..like got used of it..and when the time came that i was numb with it already..i started to act like everything is normal and that i should do the same..i could just care less thats what happened..and then all of a sudden he made his way out..coz he felt it that i don't give a damn anymore..were just like a square cake..round hole..i just don't wanna be in it anymore..but do you wanna know a secret? i tell you i'm still thinking of this guy till now even if i'm already into a longterm relationship now..thinking i still love the guy..but happy with my man now..it just breaks my heart..
1 person likes this
• India
21 May 08
No,it's meaningless.I won't stay in such a condition.Nor, I advise anybody to tolerate. But,Before leaving that relationship we must objectively think-who is at fault and is it irripairable.If repairable, try it. Have patience.If your trials have failed repeatedly, then walk out.But this objective thinking is becoming rare.
@meiteoh (416)
• Switzerland
22 May 08
It really depends on a few things - children, for example. I would never ever leave my kids in a lurch. It also depends on whether I still get along cordially with my spouse or not. People reach this stage in a relationship because of something - it just never ever does happen overnight. So there must be a reason as to why the love just isn't there. I'd try to find out, and then see if my spouse and I can find a way to mend things. Walking out just like that is a shortcut, like running away from your problem. If upon trying and doing everything possible, I still can't solve the problem, then you could say that the cards are on the table but even then, I would never feel comfortable walking away if there are children involved.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 May 08
Well for me...its better for both us to go separate way where we could find ourself happy ..being loved and to loved somebody whom you want to be wid for the rest of your life...theres no point to stay in a relationship if your not happy or your not contended. Unless both of you realized whats your problem wid each other...discuss it to your partner what are the things you don't like to her?him and then try to start again...if it still doesn't work will I guess you better move on.....lol
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 08
I agree with your response especially discussing any problems and working them out to the satisfaction of both parties.
• Philippines
22 May 08
If you're nuts, you'd probably be able to stay in that kind of relationship. A relationship can't be called one if one of the partners is unhappy. Love is not something done out of sacrifice because you pity the person. You'd be a hypocrite if you stay in that kind of situation.
1 person likes this
@aakay4u (799)
• India
6 Jan 09
its a very difficult situation to be in if it happens after many years of staying together.just dont know how will and should one react to it.i would try every means for a patch up how can a loving couple become a loveless one.perhaps at times one may feel so but would try every trick to bring back love in the relationship.
@madposas (98)
• Philippines
6 Jan 09
i remember how i held a situation like that. at first i tried to stay and make the best out of it, for the reason that i knew he loved me much though i am not. until he finally knew because of our friends whom i, you know, and then he broke up with me. I know im not happy with him but when he did that i felt a sudden pain, and now that he had a new girl i still feel small regret. i wished i stayed. but if i am in that situation i would still do what i did. id love to find a new path. i cant stand pretending to be someone who loved him. and i cant stand seeing how much he believed when all i could stand up was a lie.
• Canada
30 Jun 08
I have to put myself first, because there is no guarentee anyone is goig to look after me, if I do not look after myself. A relationship that is a loveless one would just proe that theory all he more. Were I in a relationship that made me unhappy, I'd be out of there in no time at all!!!
• Philippines
26 May 08
If love doesn't exist,I'll try to learn to love my partner.But if it doesn't work out,I'd rather dump the relationship than to be miserable with someone I don't love.
@snowy22315 (146052)
• United States
26 May 08
I'm not too o crazy about my realtionship and often feel i should leave but I don't think realistically it will happen at least at this point. We are happy at times anyway. If it was completly lovelsess I think i would feel differnertly,
@BYOLA2871 (4371)
• South Africa
24 May 08
i believe that a relationship is meant to be enjoyed and not endured though there care always the usual problems that come alonng the way but believe me where there is no love in a relationship it means frustration would you live in frustratiion because you want to help a spouse?it can result in a lot more damage than you can imagine but i still advise to find a way to restore the spark but when it BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO DO THAT,I CANT STAY IN THERE
@cream97 (29088)
• United States
26 May 08
Yes, I feel the same too. I would not stay in a relationship that is going no where.. But, I only will leave and get the stepping. It is sad to sit there and waste time trying to see if something is going to work, when no love is there... With no love being there, this is a definite sound of getting out!
@jessieBee (1046)
• Trinidad And Tobago
28 May 08
No i won't, the pain would be too great to bear. I once was in a relationship for two years, on and off i felt like i wasn't beloved and the guy was married and he didn't tell me. until i was already in deep. I ended it. he said he loved his wife and also loved me. I told him he was a sick person to take advantage of me like that, and i cut him off after that.