Pregnant over 40..?
By tessah
@tessah (6617)
United States
May 22, 2008 1:32pm CST
you see in the news alot about women in their 40`s.. 50`s.. hell.. there was that one chick in her 60`s (or was she 70?) that had two children within a couple years of each other.
the topic of possibly having another child has been raised.. yet again, in my home. in the past, stress factors due to other people in our lives has dropped the idea flat off the table.. with the attitude of.."later.. when things arent so horrible" well later.. is barreling down on me rather quickly, i will turn 40 this summer. the toxic people have been pretty much erradicated from our existance.. finances are good.. basically everything is prime life-wise to put this idea back onto the table for serious discussions. the only thing im worried over, is the age-factor. my husband is 29.. so his age isnt an issue, but me.. regardless of how i feel or how i look.. am no spring chick. i love being a mom.. its quite honestly the best thing ive ever done in my entire life.. and having a kid with mal has been just an incredibly wonderful and fun experience. i did some research on risks and statistics. and the numbers scared me.. according to where i was reading at least.. 90% of my eggs at my age are abnormal, defective, and unhealthy.. thats a big frigen number! ive only got a 10% chance of having a healthy baby?? im not liking those odds..
so once again.. i bring my current obsessive train of thought to you people. has "later" come too late? should i take these numbers and statistics to heart and accept that ive crossed past the line and give up? or am i letting fear cripple me from something i want very much?
5 people like this
27 responses
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
23 May 08
See your OBGYN. Get his assessment of your physical condition. If he's happy - GO FOR IT! I had my youngest when I was in my late 30's. He's just fine even though he was a high risk pregnancy. If you want this tessah, don't let your fear cripple you. GO FOR IT! To wait much longer than 40 ups the odds of high risk factors, so go for it now and enjoy it. Forty is not so old to have a baby in this day and age and as 50 has become the new 30, by the time the child is 20, 60 will be the new 30! LOL So GO FOR IT!
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
23 May 08
Good for you! I'll be on pins and needles and picking out baby names.
What do you think of Sparkles for a girl?
ROFL
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
23 May 08
id hafta hurt you.. LOL
appt set for next thursday morning with my MD.. full physical, alla the blood work, check under the hood, kick the tires, etc. will letcha know what hes got to say about it 
names have been picked for about two years now..
Cailyn Graih
Cyrius Rayne
names have been picked for about two years now..
Cailyn Graih
Cyrius Rayne1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
22 May 08
Hi Tessah, I always thought life began at forty and yes it did but my sons, I fell pregnant. I am 45 now and have two other children 21, 17 and was told I couldn't have anymore. My son was a gift sent and is in perfect health and many mothers at the school are also older mums too so I am definately not alone on this one. I personally would say that a 10% chance of a healthy baby is wrong even though you have done a rsik assesment through statistics. In fact thinking about the over 40 mums up the school, from my sons class I would say at least half are and all are healthy children so to me that equates to 50% so for me they would be the ones I would go with. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
22 May 08
mathmatically speaking.. if half the classes children are to parents over 40.. and theyre ALL healthy and fine.. thats a 100% of healthy children born to parents over 40. i need to do more research.. if the site i was reading were even close to acurate in their numbers.. out of the say 20 kids in that classroom.. 9 of them should have some form of disability or deformity. and quite simply, they dont. thanx ellie
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
22 May 08
LOL, well it has been a long time since I was at school! Yes of course it is a 100%. 50% of the class are born from over 40's silly me. Yes I think more research is needed. I have just gone through all the kiddies at school again and only one needs glasses, none have any form of learning disability, none have any speach disorder or anything physically wrong at all not even asthma. Hope this helps. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
22 May 08
oh ellie i thank you so much for actualy going to the trouble of checking out the school to see if any of the children had any problems at all. that was so very sweet, i could kiss you! 
this is the exact information i was looking for that was based in fact and reality. thank you again so very much ..;squish!;..
this is the exact information i was looking for that was based in fact and reality. thank you again so very much ..;squish!;..2 people like this
@Stiletto (4579)
•
22 May 08
Only a 10% chance of having a healthy baby? That's not right. If those were really the odds hardly anyone would do it. It's certainly true that past the age of 35 it becomes more difficult to conceive due to reduced fertility and the egg damage that you referred to, and it's also true that genetic testing is advisable for women over the age of 40 because there IS a significantly increased risk of conditions such as Downs Syndrome. The figure is something like a 1 in 100 risk at age 40 and a 1 in 35 risk at age 45. However, the majority of women over 40 DO have healthy babies! I know all this because my friend had a baby last year and she's the same age as me (46). So yes there are risks but then everything in life has some risk involved. If it's what you really want then go for it!
1 person likes this
@Stiletto (4579)
•
22 May 08
Sorry tessah I should have said one way or the other - yes she had a little girl and she's perfectly fine. Mind you I'm not saying that the pregnancy was easy because it wasn't. She had a couple of potentially serious health problems which is apparently also more likely to happen the older you are, but she was closely monitored and everything turned out ok in the end. I think if you're generally fit and in good health before you become pregnant it minimises the risk of complications during pregnancy - just as it does with younger mothers I suppose!
A 1% risk of Downs Syndrome isn't so bad but that compares with a 1 in 800 risk for women under 35 so it is a significant increase but it's not as bleak a picture as some people make out.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
22 May 08
a 1% risk is certainly not so very high.. and most definitely isnt even close to what this site was reporting. your friend was 45 when she had her child.. was this child healthy? because you didnt say one way or the other. i do understand the reasons some have the genetic testing done, but truthfully there isnt anything that can be done pre-natal for downs syndrome or the others.. and i personally have known quite a few women whose tests came back saying there was a problem, when there wasnt, so the acuracy of them is rather sketchy at best and i think causes more stress than is necessary. sides.. i wont abort regardless, so my own feeling is i wont have the tests done. i do sincerely appreciate you giving me some actual factual information here, i thank you
2 people like this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
23 May 08
irish.. i had a friend (early twenties) who also was told that the numbers from the test were so high that her baby was near certain to have downs.. the test itself caused her infections and she near lost the baby.. and there was nothing wrong with this child in the slightest. i agree with you that they should get rid of the testing altogether because of its inacuracy rate that causes a woman thats sposed to AVOID stress.. stress, and the dangers it poses to the baby directly just in performing it.
stil.. that is quite a hike in percentages.. but even so, its still only a 1% risk at my age. which isnt terrifying. not to say i wont worry over it, i worried over it when i was younger with my other two as well, its what pregnant women do in addition to daydreaming about what color the babies eyes will be, and stuffing both of their tiny feet into yer mouth at the same time im very glad to know your friend had a healthy baby girl, heres hoping i will also be that lucky 
im very glad to know your friend had a healthy baby girl, heres hoping i will also be that lucky 1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
23 May 08
i was ready for having children more than 20 years ago.. and have two daughters already (19 and 8) im really not interested in other ways of having a child.. i will do it the ole fashioned way or not at all. just wondering if the numbers i came across were acurate, because if they were.. i wouldnt even try. according to popular concensus of this discussion, people in more of the know than myself.. the numbers i found arent acurate. so i havent hit a wall yet.. and will be seeing my doc for a full physical soon.
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
22 May 08
You're turning 40 this summer? I don't think that's too late, tess, but if you're going to do it, do it soon. Best chances of everything going right that way. But who's to say what 'right' is, anyway? Go with your gut, your deepest gut. Whatever you decide will be right. Whatever happens is supposed to happen. I can see you with another baby, honestly I can. I have a good feeling about it. Not that that has anything to do with anything, but still. Good luck, sweet tess, it's such a big decision. Just look deeply into yourself. You'll know what's right, I just know you will.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
22 May 08
yeah.. 40.. the uruk hai is 19 remember? and i dont trust my gut on this.. logically i know my heart will interfere with my spidey-senses because i really DO want this. just the idea makes me weepy. yes, your "feelings" do matter, yer not the first to say they could see me with another child, and to trust that inner voice of mine. mal and i have been discussing this now for a couple months so it isnt a spur of the moment sort of decision. in reality, weve been talking about having another baby since about 2 hours after the sprite was born LOL but other factors kept us putting it on the backburner because it was the responsible thing to do at the time. time will tell.. as you said, if its meant, itll happen. ..;hugs;..
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
22 May 08
Woo, I teared up too, reading your comment there. And I know what you're saying about your heart messing with your spidey sense - makes sense. But your heart if part and parcel with your gut, your spidey sense - it's all subjective, both senses. I think it's gonna happen. Boy, can you see the Sprite with a baby brother or sister? I'll bet she loves him/her to pieces. And she'll help you so much too, you just know it. But, in the end, darlin, it's you and Mal and mostly you. Are you using birth control now? What if you just stop and see what happens? Maybe you don't want it to be so willy-nilly. I dunno, it just that you say everything's so right now with your life...How often can anyone say that? And if it's mainly the age factor that's the big thing, honestly tessah, 40 is NOT old to have a child, it's just not. And later, when you decide it's time to adopt, oh my, that's going to be one lucky child, to get you as their mom. So biological or adopted, both, doesn't matter. I think yer gonna have kids in your life for a long time to come. Lucky kids. Lucky you. Hey, give that Mal a little kiss for me, would you? And a bit of a squish too, please. Then have him give them back to you from me. XXX
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
22 May 08
Statistics, OK, you could listen to those statistics and then never have another baby, and yes I know that when you reach a certain age, there is certainly more risk of abnormalities, but I know of 2 people off the top of my head in their middle 30s who have just had healthy babies, nothing ever showed up in the tests that they had as being abnormal.
Look at all the people, celebrities and such that have normal healthy children in their 40s, and as you say there are bucket loads of women having babies further on down the line. I can understand your worries, 90% of eggs not being normal, but is this really true, it seems a very high number to me.
I do not think you should take it to heart, you could maybe look into it a bit more and just see for sure that 90% is right but I would not give up on the idea of having a baby.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
22 May 08
There you go, you are fighting fit, and very lucky never to have had a yeast infection, I was always getting the flippin things.
So, what are you waiting for, no more time wasting, go get to it!!
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
22 May 08
from the comments here, most of them anyway, im starting to think whoever put up that site i was reading really didnt have any acurate data at all and didnt know wtf they were talking about. precisely why i started this discussion because the numbers just seemed very very high to me. same as you, i know a few people that have had babies.. even FIRST babies, over the age of 40, and everything was peachy. im being overly worrisome and analytical, but i am with everything. logically.. my health is good, my cycles are like clockwork, ive never had a problem gynologically speaking ( not even a yeast infection, whichd be considered "normal" ;knocks on wood; ) there is no history whatsoever in my geneology of any genetic defects or abnormlities, and i have had two healthy children already. i just didnt want to be foolish and jump without looking in all directions because of something i want.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
29 May 08
90%? heck, that sounds just wrong. I reckon you need to do more research. What's your family history, check Mal's too? I can't see how the eggs that you have left are in any worse a state than any of your eggs. Eggs don't deteriorate, I'm sure...they just are reduced in number over the years. If you've had healthy children, healthy menstrual cycles and if you are in good health generally then I would not take any notice of this figure. Look further. Good luck matey. Cheering for you all.
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
23 May 08
i come from a line of 40 year old mothers.
my great grandmother had my grandmother at 44,she had my mother at 41,ah..my mother screwed up and had me at 24 ..my cousin just had her first at 42
..anyway,if you want it,go for it.i don't believe the 90 percentile.
incidentally?my great grandmother's last children were
triplets at age 48.no egg problem there :)
..my cousin just had her first at 42
..anyway,if you want it,go for it.i don't believe the 90 percentile.
incidentally?my great grandmother's last children were
triplets at age 48.no egg problem there :)@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
25 May 08
you're welcome :)
she was lucky she had a bunch of other kids..
one for you,one for you,and so on.instant help
@revellanotvanella (4033)
• United States
22 May 08
Tessah,
sorry i didnt read through all the discussion, ive been gone for like a month because of school (fell behind a little). I do not think you should get so discouraged by the numbers but do agree that it is going to....let me take that back....'could' be a lot harder for you to conceive, theres a show on Discovery Health about mothers over 30 giving birth, is that still on? I mentioned that because its clear that you will need alot of emotional support and get it where you can and you should want to, nobody should judge you for it. I think that some positive energy can't help and they say that your emotions affect your bodys entire physiology so thats why I believe that. You sound like a great mother and I thought that the first time talking to you and I wish you all the best whatever your decisions but make sure their yours and not those forced on you, you deserve to be happy and even if you'll just try.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
23 May 08
thank you for your kind words and compliment being a mommy is something i take great pride in, but its very nice to have others in addition to the drooly squishy ones acknowledge it. im aware it may be harder to conceive, and thankfuly, ive great support in my husband. we are both going into this with a "if its meant, its meant" attitudes. my worry mostly, in that upon (IF) getting pregnant, that everything will go well, and the child will be healthy.
being a mommy is something i take great pride in, but its very nice to have others in addition to the drooly squishy ones acknowledge it. im aware it may be harder to conceive, and thankfuly, ive great support in my husband. we are both going into this with a "if its meant, its meant" attitudes. my worry mostly, in that upon (IF) getting pregnant, that everything will go well, and the child will be healthy.1 person likes this
@sophiasmom911 (1345)
• United States
22 May 08
I think a decent amount of women are having healthy babies right before there forties. If I was yourself, and I really wanted another baby, I wouldnt wait any longer and I would go ahead and try to have another baby.
1 person likes this
@edgyk8inmomma (2157)
• United States
29 May 08
My gut reaction says if God wants you to have a baby now, it will happen. I know you may not share this thought, but you do believe in Karma and reaping what you sow. If you feel you have lived your life to the extent that another child would be a blessing, than go for it. Statistics never look in favor of adding children. The world doesn't want to see more people added to it, so no matter what your circumstances are, there will be some finding to show you that you shouldn't. You need to talk it over with Mal, your family doc, and look within yourself to find the right answer.
~peace and blessings~
@edgyk8inmomma (2157)
• United States
29 May 08
Thanks for clearing that up:) I don't rely on websites to tell me what people believe. Thanks for sharing yours!
So, are you trying now????
@mygirls9901 (338)
• United States
23 May 08
Tessah, Personally I think it's dangerous to have a child that late. If it ever comes down to you wanting another or anything like that you could always adopt. That is a much safer way and you could give a child a home who doesn't have one. I think that risking your life or your babies life is a very dangerous venture. But if that is what you want, more power to you! I just think that even if the baby only has a 10% chance of being healthy, what is your % of carrying full term, or what is your % of risk that you would take on your own body? These are things that need to be taken into consideration as well. If you really feel the need to have another child and don't want to risk or worry, adopt. That is the best thing that I can personally think of that could both save you and the baby as well as stop the worries that you are having right now. I hope this helps.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
23 May 08
my health is actually very good.. i dont feel any different physically than i did when i was 16. im also not going to just jump like an idiot without first checking with a doc, getting a complete physical, and then i will follow his advice as to what to do.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
24 May 08
ohh i werent meaning to imply that i thought you were calling me an idiot.. sorry if that came out that way LOL but there are some, who would just make the decision on impulse.. not check with a doc or anything at all.. and just do it. im too ocd and analytical to do ANYthing in that manner lol least of all anything as important as this
and yes, i plan on giving updates.. good or bad.. to those who took time out of their days to respond to this discussion and help me out with it
and yes, i plan on giving updates.. good or bad.. to those who took time out of their days to respond to this discussion and help me out with it @mygirls9901 (338)
• United States
24 May 08
That is a very good idea. I never though you would be an "idiot" and just jump on it. I'm sure anyone would go get the advice from a doctor first. I just worry because even if you feel as healthy as you did at 16, your body sitll reacts differently with a baby inside :D And God knows, even if I don't know you very well, it would be tragic to hear that anything happened to you. Get the advice from the doctor and let us all know what he says. If the doctor says you can have the baby, do it! It'd be AWESOME!!! Keep us all posted because I'd really like to see how this turns out :D
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
22 May 08
I think you got your statistics messeed up. Yes, there is a chance of not getting a healhty baby, but at your age it's not 90% If you are healthy, your husband is healthy, you don't have any hereditary health issues in your family, then by all means, give it a try. Yes, your odds of conceiving a healthy child have slightly decreased but you are by far more likely to have a healthy child than an unhealthy one. Go for it!
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
22 May 08
I've never seen stats like that but I don't read everything that comes along either. Why not talk to your doctor? With the advances that have been made in genetics lately it's possible that the general viability of your eggs could be determined beforehand. Also, make sure when reading articles about late life pregnancies that they separate first time mothers from those who have given birth before because I do know that having already gone through a pregnancy makes a difference in some areas.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
23 May 08
Hmmm…one of those really difficult choices of life and you never really know what you are bargaining for until you have actually got it. Is adoption not an idea at all? As you say, we all know of women who have healthy babies late in life yet the medical practicalities are not to be ignored too. To be very frank with you, I think if you do go ahead with the idea, you should also be ready to accept the possibility of having an unhealthy child, whom you will have to care for throughout your life. It is not only dedication but resources too and foregoing of a lot of simple pleasure of life which we all dream of, for our later life. In short, you can of course go ahead and as friends we will of course pray that you have a healthy baby and your cup of happiness brimmeth over…but also be mentally prepared to lead a different life if something does go wrong.
Do let us know what you decide
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
23 May 08
I do hope you won't put having a kid at your age aside. I am a menopause baby. My mom had me when she was 50+. I have 5 sisters and 3 brothers and me being the youngest. I was born healthy and I think having a kid at a later age is not a trouble. Not all that you read about medicine are accurate. If you and you husband are both healthy and you take care of your health and your pregnancy even at a later age you will produce a healthy baby. Think positive..It's what get's people through bad situations and thoughts. Take care.
@di1159 (1580)
• United States
23 May 08
I don't think you are too old, if you are healthy otherwise, you should talk to your doctor who can best advise you as to the odds of pregnancy. I think those statistics you reference a little high, but you doctor will be able to give you better insight. Women are becoming mothers later in life these days, and many of them have perfectly healthy babies. If you really want to have one, don't delay and "start working on it" as soon as your doc gives you the go! Good Luck!
@vincentsuen (7)
•
23 May 08
I do not think to have a baby in 40 years old or later is a good idea. unless you have money to employ a helper to bring up your child, otherwise you will have no energy to bring up your child. it is not a easy job, and young children are so demanding.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
23 May 08
im 40.. not 90 LOL ive got plenty of energy, i work out everyday and theres no need for an afternoon nap. and im well aware of how active young children are as ive got two of them already.. one of which im continually chasing and hauling off the walls as she uses my drapes to repel off the ceiling! i think i can muster enough strength and vitality to take care of another one.
wait.. wheres my walker...
@Flowerchild21 (161)
• Canada
24 May 08
Yes, you are letting fear cripple you. I think you should go for it!!! Take the risk, because if you don't you won't forgive yourself later. I am 42, have 2 children from a previous marriage. Ther are 21 and 23. They live on their own now. I got married again and would love to have a baby, but I am unable to because I had a tubal ligation when I was 21. (Me ex sort convinced me to do this) although I felt I was way too young to make this big decision. My new husband who is 32 years old,has no children and I love children. I am considering having a tubal ligation reversal. I kind of sway back and forth with the idea. More towards Yes, I should take the risk. I also feel the same as yourself- about being worried that my husband will want a spring chick. It's just all fear. Being a mom is and was the best ever job. You sound so much like me- I constantly obsess over these matters.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
24 May 08
oh.. i dont worry that he will leave me for a younger chickie.. he loves me more than his own breath, and me him. thats kind of the point in having children really, isnt it? a physical manifestation of that affection.. peice of him, peice of me.. forged into a whole other being thats seperate.. but not.
we have decided, even though we said we werent going to make the decision yet lol, that if the doc gives me the green light.. that we are going to
for you.. tubals are difficult to reverse.. and the longer you wait to decide, the harder itll be. if *IM* letting fear cripple me from doing something i really want.. that id regret not doing later because i got skeered.. whats yer excuse? ..;nudge;..
for you.. tubals are difficult to reverse.. and the longer you wait to decide, the harder itll be. if *IM* letting fear cripple me from doing something i really want.. that id regret not doing later because i got skeered.. whats yer excuse? ..;nudge;.. @evviesands (162)
• Uruguay
23 May 08
You should talk to your doctor. Do you have kids? With this husband? Because if that's the case, you know, lots of men want children when they are older, lots of my male friends about 30 don't want kids now, but most female that age are considering the idea. I suppose it's not late. My cousin got pregnant when she was 28, and the father disapear into thin air, now that she found her soulmate and are both over 40 they've just had a beautiful baby girl, healthy as any other.
Your doctor has the final word, so you shouldn't worry that much.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
23 May 08
my husband is still in his twenties.. so that really isnt an issue. he wants this as much as i do, i wouldnt even consider it if he didnt we have my daughter, that hes raised since she was 9 , shes now 19 (like yer cousin, her "donor" disapeared.. with a little help from my foot against his rump that sent him flying) and our daughter who is now 8. have made an appt for a tune-up overhaul with my doc for next week.. we see what he has to say then.
we have my daughter, that hes raised since she was 9 , shes now 19 (like yer cousin, her "donor" disapeared.. with a little help from my foot against his rump that sent him flying) and our daughter who is now 8. have made an appt for a tune-up overhaul with my doc for next week.. we see what he has to say then. 