Your Daughter Is Pregnant, Would You Push Her.....

teenage pregnancy - a teenager holding a pregnancy test kit
@eihdra (3116)
Philippines
May 28, 2008 7:44am CST
To Marry Her Boyfriend??? Have an Abortion?? You found out that your daughter is 2 months pregnant. She's scared to tell you because she doesn't know what you will say and do..She's still a minor, so you have decisions to make.. I for one, am against abortion and besides it is not allowed in my country..I value life so much..I don't know if it's the best solution to have her marry her boyfriend..What would you do if you're in that situation??
22 people like this
93 responses
• United States
28 May 08
I don't understand why marrying her boyfriend would solve anything. If it's a cultural thing, I'd have to know more about that before I made a judgement. But, here, I would never push anyone to marry someone, even if she's pregnant. The man is legally obligated to help take care of the child, even if it's only financially, but I would hate to put someone in a relationship with someone that they will resent or not get along with later in life, just because it was societally more acceptable for her to be married. I'd enroll her in parenting classes and take her to the OB-GYN or family planning clining where she can privately share her concerns with the doctor/nurse/midwife and get the prenatal care she needs, if she chooses to keep the baby. She'll know her options and be able to take care of the child when it comes and make sure it's healthy when it's born. There are lots of programs here for young mothers and unmarried mothers that arrange for free or low-cost health and child care so that the mother can get an education, if she wants, and find a job to care for her new family. Getting pregnant young and unwed isn't quite the crisis or quite as taboo as it once was. It just takes a lot of responsibility, and a lot of times young mothers aren't ready for that. I know a few young women who got pregnant in their mid-teens and are excellent mothers (or adopted them out) and are becoming successful career women. If you know your daughter is pregnant, PLEASE talk to her, even if she can't come to you. If she's afraid, she may be inclined to do something rash like get an 'alley abortion'. She and the baby both need your care and support, even if you don't approve. I wish both of you luck! I can't imagine how difficult it must be.
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
29 May 08
hi there..It's a general question and I'm glad I don't have a daughter who is pregnant because I would surely freak out and would not know what to do..But, I just checked your profile and for such a tender age, you have been very detailed about this discussion and I admire you for that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts...
3 people like this
• United States
29 May 08
I wasn't sure, and thanks for the compliment. :) I discussed the subject extensively with my mom when I first 'became a woman'. She was very good at reassuring me that, if something happened, I could always go to her and she'd be there to support me. A few girls at school (she volunteered at school a lot) even came to her and asked her to help them approach their mothers when they 'got in trouble'. She's an amazing woman.
2 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
wish I have a mom like you....you're so lucky..
1 person likes this
• United States
28 May 08
If my daughter was pregnant I would let her have the baby and I don't think that you should push her to marry the guy. I don't think that just because you are having a baby by someone that you should marry them, becuase sometimes it don't work out and sometime we are not in love with the guys that we sleep with and look at all the trouble that you will have to go through to get out the marriage. I think that no matter what the age of the girl a child is a blessing and when he/she get here you will be so happy and will not be able to see your life without them.
3 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
thanks..
@DarkDancer (1011)
• Dayton, Ohio
28 May 08
I would talk to her about the decisions that she could make, marriage, abortion, keeping it and adoption (maybe some others I am not thinking of) and support whatever choice she made.
3 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
thanks...
@Samanthavv (1383)
• United States
28 May 08
I got pregnant when I was a teenager. I was pushed to do so many different things, but honestly, I wish that NO ONE had pushed me AT ALL. I wish they would have just let me make my own choice and not pressured me or made me feel guilty.
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
yeah..at least if you had made your own decision, there will be no one else to blame but yourself..and maybe you have made the right one..so this is a lesson learned..thanks for sharing it..
@magrylouyu (1629)
• United States
28 May 08
I was 17 when I got pregnant and had my oldest daughter. When I told my father that I was pregnant and he flipped. He screamed at me saying that I will marry him and that was final. I cried the rest of the night. The following morning he said sorry to me and I guess you could say I excepted but still wouldnt talk to him for 2 weeks. I wouldnt push her to do anything. Just tell her that if she wants this baby then she needs to make 2 choices: Either adoption or get a good job and take care of this child. She brought on this problem she should fix it. I hope it wall works out. Good luck with this.
3 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
i know that in some ways you will impart to your daughter your experiences, so that she may know not to follow the footsteps...thanks
@ryshawneo (405)
• Philippines
28 May 08
Teenage pregnancy, well, that is always the case here in my country.. A lot of young teenage girls got pregnant in early age.. I knew someone who got pregnant at the age of 14.. well, I would rather let her choose, if she wants to marry her boyfriend, if she's at the right age, i will let her. If she doesn't want to get married, i'll respect her decision and will support her all along.. BUT, NO TO ABORTION! :)
2 people like this
• China
29 May 08
How could you do that?If your daughter decided to do abortion,how would you like to do?If you not let her to abortion,she will be the only mother,how can she face with the society?
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
29 May 08
hey there..at least you didn't choose abortion.You know how it is in our country..thanks
1 person likes this
• Canada
29 May 08
I would not push her to do anything. It is her life, and all I would be able to do is support her in any way I can, without being taken advantage of. I would help her as much as I could, but not so much that I would have to sacrifice myself physically, emotionally, or financially. It would be up to her to take the majority of the responsibility, and make the decision that is best for HER!!
2 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
thanks..
@lieanat (1138)
• Malaysia
28 May 08
Hi, if I were in this situation, I'll ask her will whether she want to keep the baby or not. If she say yes, I'll consider bout my earning powers, if I can afford to raise new baby, I'll definitely do so. If she say no, I'll ask her to keep the baby and send the baby to orphan house. I don't support abortion too. It's harmful to the mother. Another aspect I'll consider is the father of that baby. Is he willing to take responsibility for what they've done? If yes, I'll talk to his parents and discuss further from there. If no, I'll ask my daughter to leave that stupid guy and solve the problem ourself.
2 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
29 May 08
At least you asked for her opinion and not decide on the matter alone..thanks...
@jonesy123 (3950)
• United States
28 May 08
I'm against abortion. But it would be my daughter's decision. I would definitely not push her to marry her boyfriend. This is not an ideal way to start a marriage if both aren't ready for it. I have seen too many marriages fall apart where the parents got married just to make the baby legal. On the other hand, having a child out of wedlock is not frowned upon anymore in this country, lol. I can fully understand that in other countries, where this is still a no-no, the parents would insist on marriage. Overall I would let her know I'm there for her and will help as much as possible. I can just hope that my kids have good enough judgement to only have kids when they are settled down and financially secure enough. Although I would like them to be married, it's not a requirement for me to love them or for me to love my grandchildren;) Hopefully I have at least twenty years to go before I have to call myself a grandma;)
2 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
29 May 08
and I bet you'll be one great grandma..thanks jonesy..
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17922)
• United States
28 May 08
First of all I would let her know that I will be supportive of any decision she makes so that she doesn't feel that she has to make a choice based on pleasing me. I wouldn't encourage her to have an abortion but I wouldn't push for marriage either. With the divorce rate already at 50% I don't think it's wise to push anyone into marriage so I would let her and the father make that decision.
2 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
29 May 08
It's good of you to think of supporting your daughter for whatever decisions she will make later on, and with a little guidance also so as not to make another wrong decision..thanks
1 person likes this
• South Africa
28 May 08
I would never tell her to have an abortion, as i do not condone it at all. I will not force her to get married either - getting married for the wrong reason can cause more harm to that child emotionally than growing up with a single parent in a loving environment
2 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
29 May 08
Thanks for your post and welcome...
1 person likes this
@Insung001 (740)
• Philippines
28 May 08
Abortion is definitely not an option. I will not even give her that choice, even if she wanted to do it, I will stand in her way. She'll have the baby whether she like it or not! It's both the best and worse lesson she'll going to learn. To marry her boyfriend is completely up to her. That is where she would(hopefully) use her mind and make decision of her own. But again, whether she decide to marry or not, I will support her. If she decide to marry him, I will make it happen even if I have to drag the guy into the church or mayor or judge or, wherever. I'll just make it happen. But if she doesn't want to marry him, there will be no wedding. That simple.
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
hope you will not carry a shotgun to the wedding, if ever..thanks insung!
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
I would, if I have to :) Nice to hear from you again eihdra. :)
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
been very busy these past month, so many things that needs to be done and attended..But am glad to be back also..I missed being with you guys and Mylot!! thanks...
@thing17 (106)
29 May 08
I have 3 sons and no daughter, but I can feel your situation. My suggestion is this, I can say no to abortion. Before attempting your daughter to marry her boyfriend, check first your purpose and her boyfriend's capability to support a family (must have a stable job). If your purpose is to escape only for the embarrassment that has been done, marriage is not the best solution. The best I think is pray it to the LORD and seek an advise from a spiritually matured individuals like your Pastor/Priest/or an elder in your church, I'm sure they can give you a good and better advise. Remember, your daughter's future will depends on the decisions that will come out. God Bless!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 May 08
I agree. Seeking advice from someone else does make sense. Sometimes, we are so frustrated and confused if we are faced with the problems that we can't think clearly of any good solution all by ourselves.. Somebody who are not involved in the problem but could understand the situation and think more clearly might really be of help. Prayer ofcourse is the primary spiritual fortress of us Christian believers.
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
thansk thing, and welcome to Mylot..
• United States
14 Jul 08
Probably not the best idea to get her to marry her boyfriend unless he wants to and she wants to. You don't want your grandchild to grow up in a household with arguments all the time do you? Sure the boyfriend should provide support for the child. Just let her have the baby and raise the child.
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
hey, thanks for the insight...
• United States
14 Jul 08
Well, I don't yet have a daughter. However, I can't see any daughter of mine being afraid to come to me to talk. No, I would not be happy about the situation-- especially if she's a young teen (14 or 15). However, we, as a family, would sit down and figure out was in her best interests. My preference would be that she have the baby and keep it. I would also try to include the baby's father and his family in the discussion, if possible. Of course, that might not be feasible.
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
then, you will be some great parent someday..thanks..
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
I would never let her abort the poor child. The unborn child has really nothing to do with this. Instead I'll ask her either to get married and get support from the guy or be a single parent but still get support from the guy. After all it's their responsibility right?
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Yeah, it's supposed to be that way..but then, some other guys just bail out and leave the girl hangin...thanks for postin'...
• United States
14 Jul 08
well dont pressure her in to marrying him (although i dont know where you live and the cultural things there) because to me i would rather her be unmarried and pregnant than married because she had to and him totally abuse her or it end badly then the kid will suffer from the environment of that.. but like i said i am basing this off of USA so..
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
hey..thanks for dropping by...
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I definitely would not push her to get married. Much would depend on her age and her feelings about the matter. I would talk to her about all the options and as well as my thoughts on it but in the end, I think it would have to be her decision. She will be the one to have to live with whatever choice she makes.
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
yeah, most of you guys feel the same way too..thanks..
@momalisa65 (1983)
• United States
12 Jul 08
I don't have a daughter, I have 2 teenage sons who know exactly how I feel, but... If I had a daughter... She would have been well informed and would have known from an early age that if she did what it takes to get pregnant, there would be no abortion, no adoption, no grandma taking care of the baby. She would have to stop living her life for herself the moment the baby was born, and take care of her child, every minute of every day. She would have to get a job and pay for everything the child needs (if the dad didn't marry her, that is.) My boys know how hard it was for me to raise them myself. I don't think they'd be stupid enough to put themselves in a situation like that. And if they did, then they very well know what they got themselves into and they will have to deal with it, and they will get no sympathy from me. They already know this. What country do you live in where abortion is not allowed? That's great. But do people do it secretly anyway?
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
13 Jul 08
That;s exactly what my best friend told her teenage son... I'm from the Philippines and abortion here is illegal but some still do it in some "fly by night" and " fake doctors" and "so called midwife"..They do it secretly because if found out, the abortionist and the person involved will be prosecuted...And worst is, if they can't afford to pay for abortion, they would go through the pregnancy but will throw the baby in a dumpster somewhere...
@Elixiress (3887)
12 Jul 08
Since abortions are not legal in your country then that is not an option as I would never promote illegal abortions as they are not save. I would also not force her to marry her boyfriend unless she wanted to and if she wanted to I would support it. As she got herself in the situation, I would let her decide what to do in the situation, as she is pregnant she will have to learn to make her own decisions as it is a sure sign of needing to grow up, her Mam cannot be making all her decisions and "pushing" is basically the same thing.
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
13 Jul 08
thanks...