Having his cake and eating it too...but wants to be exclusive?
By scorpiobabes
@scorpiobabes (7225)
United States
May 31, 2008 12:06pm CST
The last guy I was dating indicated that he was living with a woman, but that they were only friends. I didn't find out that they slept in the same BED for 5 1/2 months. I was hurt and devastated, but I thought he'd come around. Then we've hit the 11 month mark and he talks about exclusivity...hmmmmm...but according to you, the two of you are sharing a bed? That's not MY idea of being exclusive. Two months later, I lose my job and he breaks up with me, but forgets to tell me. I'm hurt, since I've started falling hard for this guy, and stupid me, I begged him to come back (if for nothing else, closure). Well, we get back together. Now at this point, the exclusive thing is off (in my eyes) because if he can't let her go, then why should I be forced to sit at home alone! We've had several more requests (from me to him) about living together, but there's always an excuse. Well, I'm really getting annoyed and frustrated now, and decided to ask him one last time about 3 or 4 weeks ago...his answer was "Well, we're far apart..." at which I shut him up and began looking for ANY roommates. I was hurting real bad--I was willing to come over to him (NJ to Philly), give up EVERYTHING I knew just to be near him! Then about 2 weeks ago, I happened to be doing my job with some people in attendance that know him. He denied it, but then the next day called me and said the most venomous things, including "I'll never move in with you now!". Duh...didn't you tell me that a few weeks ago? So, other than being stupid for staying with him all these years, what did I miss? To me, exclusivity is a promise...I never received a ring, or lived with him, or a declaration of love...so he wasn't all that deserving of MY exclusivity, or was he? 
I think it was just a case of having his cake and eating it too, don't you?
I think it was just a case of having his cake and eating it too, don't you?1 person likes this
3 responses
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
3 Jun 08
He certainly wasn't exclusive with you so don't feel guilty about it at all.
He sounds like a very selfish man. You said it, "Having his cake and eating it, too". Tell him to go live in Bountiful, BC, where polygamy is practised. It's not legal anyway.
My suggestion is to move on, since he really showed his true colours when faced with the truth of uncovering some of his lies. How many more are there that you were not aware of? Huh? Think about that one.
2 people like this
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
3 Jun 08
I don't feel guilty--I did until someone pointed out that based on what I told them about the situation, it was definitely not a boyfriend/girlfriend-type relationship, and since there was no true commitment from him to me, I shouldn't feel guilty about dating or anything else that has come up. We shall see this weekend...I've got a LOT of questions for him, and he's given me an hour.
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
4 Jun 08
Don't feel like 'he has given you and hour'. You are still pining for him, I can tell and that gives him power and control over you.
But I think maybe you like a powerful man. That is part of the attraction.
2 people like this
@emarie (5442)
• United States
31 May 08
I agree with you FULLY. I would have cut him lose long ago though. As soon as he wasn't honest with me and didn't have a reasonable explanation. In my minds eye. As soon as his lips touch mine, he's not allowed to touch anyone else. I made that clear to my husband when we were dating. If he decided to kiss me meant he wasn't to be serious and no questions down, and he was still man enough to chase after me for a kiss.
This because of lesson and lived and learned. Take the experiences and protect yourself for the next relationship. If a man loves you, he'll prove it to you, even without you asking, guys like that, they're too immature for me and you defiantly deserve better anyway.
2 people like this
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
31 May 08
Yes, now I can say that LOVE HURTS! I told him repeatedly that his living with her hurt me deeply, but his excuses (my son's in school, I need to care for my mom) seemed to be ok. I think what really upset him was I came too close to home...I met someone that used to live in the house (mom's best friend's daughter). He denied knowing her, and I didn't tell him anything that this girl said to me, but I felt something was fishy in his denials. But I've had lots of women that I've consulted say that I was not cheating on him, since there wasn't any true commitment, and that's how I've handled it. As far as I'm concerned, he can suck an egg! (If I say any more, I might get reported!)I've learned...and it'll be some time before I dip into the dating world again!
1 person likes this
@emarie (5442)
• United States
1 Jun 08
Haha...now Thats the spirit! Just keep your head up. Everyone has some type of bad relationship. I was led on by a guy and when he finally said we were a couple he spent the entire time sleeping with his ex. It was my first heart break so I had to take time to myself. Remember, he ain't worth the pain. Good Luck!
2 people like this
