What is the difference?

@kamran12 (5555)
Pakistan
June 1, 2008 2:13am CST
Can anybody please explain me the difference between narcissism and saying that others should love me, wholly, for what I am? How do YOU define narcissism? Are you a perfect individual? Is there something that you feel needs to be improved (you don't need to tell what it is)? Do you think one should be loved, no matter what? I am looking forward to all perspectives. Thanks!
5 people like this
9 responses
@mummymo (23707)
1 Jun 08
Well to me narcissism is about loving yourself to the exclusion of others and thinking that you are more important and more beautiful than anyone else in the world! Wanting to be loved for who you are is a totally different thing! I don't think there is any such thing as the perfect person and we all have something we should try and improve and some of us (me included) have lots of things that we should work on, I think that we should constantly be evolving and learning and in that way we are constantly improving ourselves! As for being loved I think we should all be loved unconditionally by someone and I am glad to say that I am - I wish we could all be that lucky! xxx
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
2 Jun 08
Hello mummymo!:-) As I said before, I am not challenging anybody's views here as such, just asking questions to better understand the concept from people who have better understanding of language and its terms. So, if I may, wouldn't a narcissist like to be loved for who he/she is? especially when he/she considers him/herself the most important and most lovable individual? "I think that we should constantly be evolving and learning and in that way we are constantly improving ourselves" I think this is respectable and is opposite to a narcissist because I don't think that a narcissist would see any need of improvement as he/she already considers him/herself more perfect. Thank you for sharing your perspectives:-)
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
3 Jun 08
Well Kamran I think your understanding of the language and your command of it is excellent! I guess we all have slightly different views but to me a narcissist isn't really someone who would like to be loved for who they are , they expect to be loved and cannot understand why anyone would not adore them - it just does not occur to them that they are not the centre of everyones universe. xxx
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
4 Jun 08
"they expect to be loved and cannot understand why anyone would not adore them - it just does not occur to them that they are not the centre of everyones universe." This was one of the points I was trying to say. You said it better, thanks:-)
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 08
Narcissism is being totally obsessed with yourself. Wanting others to love you wholly for who you are is being truthful and wanting to the best for yourself. But that doesn't mean that you are obsessed with yourself. It just means you want the best.And when you do find that right person,they would have your attention.It wouldn't be all on yourself. I Know this is hypotherical question. You are not a narcissit.I know that your beloved comes first over anything or anyone.
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
2 Jun 08
Hello sarah!:-) If one is not narcissist, then there must be things that he/she doesn't love about him/herself. If that's the case then how can we expect others to love us 'wholly' for what we are, when we don't love ourselves 'wholly'. To my understanding (as yet), saying that others should love us wholly is probably narcissism in itself. I am not actually challenging your view, I am trying to understand what goes in the mind of people who "expect" unconditional love. I hope you see what I am trying to say here. There are people in my life that I love unconditionally and wholly, not because they expect but because they deserve to be loved. Perhaps, if I think about it myself, there maybe an explanation. I am not fully convinced though.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 08
If you love yourself " wholly" there isn't any room for anything or anyone else.I agree it is so selfish to " love" someone Only because you expect unconditional love back.That isn't love.To really love someone, you put their welfare and their pursuit of happiness over or at least as important as your own.It is purely a selfless act. Being wholly into one's self is a Narcissit to me.They don't have any time or desire for anyone else's feelings or views. That is why I Know that isn't you or me.Of course you must look out for yourself.But not only for yourself alone.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
2 Jun 08
Thank you, sarah, for coming back. "They don't have any time or desire for anyone else's feelings or views" This is important in that it will distinctively separate a narcissist and a person who expects to be loved. The article that I read about it says that narcissists do expect admiration, affirmation and acknowledgment. But, it also said that it is still not well understood and the debate is not over about its boundaries. That is precisely why I put this question to understand it from people who have better understanding and knowledge of language and its expressions. Thank you for taking time to provide us with your perspectives:-)
1 person likes this
• China
1 Jun 08
This very difficult oh,I did not lnow how should repiy you.Embarrassed!
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
2 Jun 08
Hello liuyungang521, Welcome to mylot. I hope you will enjoy your participations here:-) Why you feel embarrassed. whatever you think about the subject, please share!
• United States
1 Jun 08
Good Morning Kamran, well it is your afternoon but my morning :)) Always nice to see a post from you in my inbox. I would think that narcissism is defined as self love, heightened sense of ones ego, selfishness, overly vain. There is a psychological aspect to narcissism which can be destructive to ones personality. Am I perfect? Far from it. I can be vain about my appearance, I sure have issues with pride, but I see my flaws all to well. For the narcissistic individual this is hardly the case. I consider myself in a state of growth and learning all of the time. Always room to improve on so many levels of my life. As far as ones family goes I do believe there is should always be unconditional acceptance and love. However I do not think we are entitled to unconditional acceptance or respect from the world as a whole. We must earn that respect and love of friends and peers, society in general. We are not owed. In earning we prove we are made of substance and that it is not our own egos that drive us.
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
1 Jun 08
Hello Angel!:-) And, it's always nice to have you in my discussion!:-) "I consider myself in a state of growth and learning all of the time. Always room to improve on so many levels of my life." That is very important, in my view, Angel. I would think that a true narcissistic individual is a stagnant personality, without consideration of any roam for improvement. Because, he/she doesn't see a problem with him/herself, self love beyond a certain degree can't be expected otherwise. Unless and until we acknowledge our flaws, we can't correct them, without 'knowing' one's 'ignorance', one can't KNOW. You wouldn't be the only person having problems with pride and ego. Except for few, none that I have had a chance to meet with, were without these problems, including myself. I think that a certain amount of pride and self-love IS important and beneficial but only until it starts interferring with personal growth. Yes, for families, I do believe that there should be acceptance and love. Though, I also believe that the best relation that we could ever have is the one that brings us closer to perfection, the best out of us i.e. they care to see us better everyday. And hence, while they love and accept us, in general, they do wish to see us even better. Thank you, Angel, for sharing your perspectives:-)
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
6 Jun 08
I always say when you love a Person you love them as they are, you do not try to change them because if you want someone in a different way then that Person is not right for you For the first time I am being loved for who and what I am and that is all I ever wanted out of Life, I love him the way he is and would not change anything
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
6 Jun 08
Hello gabs!:-) I think, practically, when we love someone, we love them for who and what they are or, probably the love connection developed precisely because of what we thought who/what they were. As I said before in this discussion that I am trying to understand these concepts at their basics, so I asked questions in order to better understand peoples' perspectives. So, I'll ask you some question without argument because that's not my real intention. Do you think that when we love someone, we love them for who/what 'exactly' and 'wholly' they are? or is it that we love certain characteristics of/about them that are so important that we 'neglect' or 'ignore' other characteristics that we may not like. For example, we may love someone because they are truthful, handsome, intelligent etc. but at the same time they may also be killer or rapi*st. Should I love them 'wholly' for what 'exactly' they are? More important question is, should THEY 'expect' to be loved 'wholly' for who/what they are (a handsome intelligent killer/rapi*st)? and if they do, would it mean that they are in so much of their self love that their wrongdoings don't seem a problem to them? I know you are a loving and lovable person as my other friends are. I hope you see that my questions are more on basic philosophical and social level rather than on individual level. I am certainly not questioning the lovableness of any of responders of this discussion:-)
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@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 08
Ok I get what you are saying I have to be really honest I could not love a someone like that, I know I could not no matter what other good Points they have, I have been in the Hands of 2 Rapists and I could never have feelings for a Person like that I guess I would not know but if I found out I would leave the Person, whether I loved the Person, I could not stay with that Person
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
7 Jun 08
I am sorry gabs, that my comment reminded you of some terrible experience, please know that that was not my intention.
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@chryss (658)
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
NARCISSIM is a pattern of traits and behaviors which signify obsession and infatuation with one self's to the exclusion of all others and ruthless pursuit of one's gartification, dominance and ambition. the onset narcissim is in infancy,childhood and adolescene.it is commonly attributed to childhood abuse and trauma inflicted by parents, authority figures and even peers. narcissim is treated in talk therapy. another thing tokow is most narcissists are men and the percentage is 75%. whoever and what you are,you must gain respect from people.even your good and bad people will love you.we are not perfect human.i am not perfect of course.i have my own way of living,things that i possess and traits that others don't have it-vice versa! i hope you learn some from my response...
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
2 Jun 08
Thank you for your detailed definition of Narcissism and description of its causes. Analytically, you seem to be right that it would a problem more in men than women. I would, however, like to know the source work of this 75% figure, not to challenge but just to see how they performed their studies. Yes, earning respect is very respectable. Thanks for sharing!:-)
@chryss (658)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
most narcissist are males and because the is no difference between male and female narcissist except two things: in the manifestation of narcissism, male and female narcissists inevitably do tend to differ.they emphasize different things, transform different elements of their personality and of their life into the cornerstones of their disorder and both conform to cultural stereotypes,gender roles, and social expectations. i think there are specific stats to show but because large percentage of narcissists refuse for counselling... thanks!
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
4 Jun 08
Thank you for coming back, chryss. I would still like to know the source study of your statistics, thanks!:-)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
4 Jun 08
It is said that we cannot properly love others unless we love ourselves. That does not make us narcissistic. We need to think well of ourselves in order to be happy. No one is perfect and those that think they are delusional. I discover things about myself all the time that I know I must improve. But to strive for perfection of mind is a life long pursuit and never boring. I'm glad I'm not perfect. I'd drive myself crazy if I were! LOL
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
4 Jun 08
Hello spark:-) Isn't the positive love that you described needed for loving others and being happy derived from self esteem rather than narcissism? I do believe that every individual need to have a level of self love and should think some good of oneself to grow and to overcome difficulties in life so as to become more perfect. So, what do you think is the difference between narcissism and saying that others should love me 'wholly' for what I am?
@bonbon664 (3470)
• Canada
2 Jun 08
I don't think narcissists think they need any improvement. I think narcissists are they only ones that think they're perfect. I'm far from perfect, and need lots of help. I don't think anyone is pefect, they just think they are.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
3 Jun 08
I also think that one at they are perfect, bonbon664! Thanks for sharing your views:-)
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
Well, for me narcissism is too much love for oneself that would boil down to being self-centered and egotistical. It is giving too much emphasis on how one looks and be recognized for that to the exclusion of all other qualities. It is definitely different when one says that others should love me for what I am because that love, comes from other people and it speaks of acceptance even of my imperfections. While in narcissism, love is coming from oneself only and most of the time, it doesn't even mind how others see oneself because what is only important is how a person see how perfect oneself is. Am I perfect? Of course! LOL! Well I really believe that God created us all perfectly and we have everything that it takes to fulfill our purposes or destinies. However, human as we are, we need to realize that perfection and reach our full potential. So I say that we are perfect as God intended as to be though its up to us to realize and tap into that perfection. God created us all as beautiful beings.
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
3 Jun 08
Hello cdparazo!:-) "It is giving too much emphasis on how one looks and be recognized for that to the exclusion of all other qualities" Is it just about looks? or other qualities can also be part of narcissism? Is it possible that one is immersed in self love but is not demanding of the love from others especially given that we live in societies, are not isolate? Can they tolerate and/or understand the fact that others don't love them? You have a good point about human beings created perfect in the sense that they have everything to grow and achieve perfection. Probably a more appropriate term for humans would be 'potentially perfect' as, like you say, humans need to realize and reach their perfection. Thanks for sharing your views:-)