Seperation

United States
June 1, 2008 6:46pm CST
My husband and I have been married for a year and two months. We have a 9 month old daughter. Unfortunately, we have been having a lot of problems lately. We don't get along. I feel like he's alway complaining about me, and he wants me to be his little june cleaver. And that's just not me. He complains about everything! He seems to think that all the household duties are mine. He hates to take me shopping (I don't drive) to the point he rushes me like crazy and it gets to the point I'd rather go hungry than get him pissed off at me! We're just not doing well, and we keep trying and trying but we always fall back into the old pattern. So I've decided to separate from him. I'm getting my own apartment and living there in hopes that we can rebuild our relationship. We never really dated. We met, and I moved in two days later, and a week later I got pregnant. I'm hoping, maybe the time apart, will help us get to know each other and appreciate each other more... Any thoughts or suggestions?
2 people like this
6 responses
• United States
1 Jun 08
I think you should do what you are doing. The best way to repair a broken relationship is to rediscover why it is you fell in love in the first place. You might also try counceling, but some guys are totally not into that. Having a baby can be very stressful on relationships also, so you should definitely take that into account. I would also try talking with him. See how he feels about everything. He obviously believes a housewife should do all duties, so maybe you should explain to him that most women who do the job you are doing outside of the home get paid. Babysitters, housecleaners, chefs, laundry services, and so on... they all get paid, so either he should pay you for what you do, or help out. I have no tolerance if my fiance complains about what I do and don't get done at home because I am a stay at home mom of 2 boys under 2. Thankfully, he's never complained once because he knows exactly what I do every day and he could not do it if he was in my shoes. Also he knows just how expensive day care is. It sounds like I'm bashing your husband, but I'm not, I also what you to evaluate things you might do that annoy him. One thing I've had to do in my relationship is change a lot of my ways. I was a very demanding person who was very set in my ways, well that had to change quite a bit when I got with my fiance. It takes compromise on both ends. But so far, you doing exactly what you need to, seperate yourself from a bad situation to evaluate it. Good luck, and I hope it all works out for you!
2 people like this
• United States
2 Jun 08
Staying home with a kid is a hard job. Especially when like me, you work from home at night. He dosen't seem to understand that and say "I would love to just stay home and take care of Maddi and the house. It'd be so easy!" Hopefully, stepping back to dating will help us.
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
1 Jun 08
Marriage counseling. Whether you ultimately decide to stay together or not you have a child together and will be dealing with each for years to come. For her sake you do not want to be caught up in a bad divorce.This is just my opinion.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Jun 08
Easier said than done. My husband is very articulate and likes to "mess with their heads." He definitely would not do counseling, and if he did, then he'd be making a mockery of it.
• United States
2 Jun 08
Look back over when you first met him. What was your life at home. Where you looking for away out of the house. He sounds to me like he needs to grow up. A marriage is a two way street and that means both help out. There is no June Cleaver and if that is what he is looking for he is in for one great big surprise. You are doing the right thing. It is not good not only for you but also for the child because even at that young age she will be able to feel the stress in the house. Did he feel pressured into marring you because you were pregnant? You don't need to answer these to me but think of these questions yourself and think about the answer you come up with. I looked at your profile and saw that you are 18. You have your whole life ahead of you and make sure that what you want is best for both you and the child and that doesn't necessarily mean your husband being there with you.
1 person likes this
@Madona1 (2098)
• Gibraltar
10 Jul 08
Hello there, personally I think it is a good idea to separate for a while so that both of you can be cool down and give it a deep thought on each other. For your daughter’s sake, hope you can save your marriage and the family. But you both need time to learn and adjust to give each other a chance. In a marriage life, there will be always up and downs. So for a couple, we always have to learn how to give and take; how to put up with each other. This is also a sort of art in the life. All the best!
• United States
4 Jun 08
I think your still in the process of adjusting each other ,so give try one more time your relationship because first of all you have kids now.Anywy if still doesnt work after you try and try the best you can to keep your family intact then I guess separation is the only way for now so you give your time each one of you to think of you ,guys are really meant for each other.GOODLUCK!
@se7enthbird (8324)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
i am married for five years and have a two year old son. but before marrying my wife we lived in for about three to four years. so i can say we know each other already. what i want and i like she knows and what she likes and not i know. i think your relationship with him was so rushed and and left you with not knowing who he really is. and on the other side he dont know you that much too. i think you need to go and live in an apartment for the mean time and get to know each other more. just like dating. just like you said you never really dated... then why not date now learn to know each other better. it might work.