Expectations Hurt !!!

India
June 2, 2008 6:32am CST
Have you ever thought, why people who are close to us Hurt us ?? It not that they hurt us, it is that we expect too much out of them! People who you are close to, you start to expect a certain kind of behaiour,things etc. And when yu dont get that from them you get hurt. Instead it is good not to expect anything from anybody. But it is quiet difficult thing to do! From the time a child is born, parents expect him to say Dada, mumma and the list of expectation starts !! It is as simple as, you WANT your parents to Fulfill your each wish, BUT you dont actually WANT you EXPECT them to fulfill your wish. Each and every human being has expectation from somebody or the other, and they would be lying if they say 'i dont expect anything from anyone'!! I bet expectations hurt,what do you say? Have you been hurt by anybody ?? Are you in the Expectation free Zone ???
3 people like this
23 responses
@DANDOY (9)
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
i've been hurt by someone...but it is not their intention... it is the expectation that really hurts..it happened to me with my ex-gf..i want her to act the way i want it..to respond to my love the way it should be...because before my philisophy goes like this,," a thank you deserves a welcome"..what i meant is there is an oppisite reaction or counterpart on things..but i realized that in love it doesn't apply..well im still moving on.. =) as of now i am keeping my self not to expect MUCH on people,it is not healthy and it will not bring anything good expecting too much.. =)
• United States
2 Jun 08
yeah it is not a person intension. That is what maks it easier.
• India
3 Jun 08
Good you understood that. You love somebody for the way they are and not for the way you want them to be.
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
In life, we can never avoid expectations. We have different points of views, thoughts, dreams and goals. These are the factors why people expect. Then again, assuming/expecting is different from hoping. When you expect or assume, it is possible to get hurt or hurt others. I have been hurt and i have hurt others because of this. The only way we can deal with it is by talking heart to heart with the person(s) involved. For their part, they should appreciate you for what you are and what you can do, and for your part, do your best to fulfill your dreams and wishes, and try hard to be a blessing to others.
• India
3 Jun 08
Your thought process is very right!!
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Thank you. So how have you been doing? ^^
• Australia
2 Jun 08
I think it would be almost impossible not to have expectations of one another. It's just part of human nature. Problem is that the expectations of some people are easier to live up to than the expectations of others. Personally, I find that I expect a lot more of myself than I do of other people. And I can be really harsh on myself when I don't meet those expectations. But you are correct that this is the reason why we get hurt by others.
• India
3 Jun 08
Same with me too,i use to push myself too hard to meet my own expectations. But later i realised that pushing myself didnt give me the desired results coz i didnt enjoy what i was doing. Now i take things slow and enjoy what i do so the resuls are better.
• Australia
3 Jun 08
Yes, I think that is an important lesson we have to learn... not to expect too much of ourselves. It's hard enough meeting the expectations of others without expecting ourselves to be perfect.
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
yeah, once you begin to expect you're just in for pain. expectations make life complicated. Because whenever these are not lived up to, you end up hurt and unsatisfied.
• India
3 Jun 08
A very realistic thought!!
@metschica25 (5405)
• United States
2 Jun 08
It is true the ones we love most seem to makes us cry the most.I never thought my fiance would make me cry and he does from time to time.That is just life and no one is perfect.Expections is a huge part as well. I would love to see if no one got hurt by the people they trust and love most.
• India
3 Jun 08
That would ever happen. Life is a roller coster, there are ups and downs and we have to go with the flow.
@dragon54u (31644)
• United States
2 Jun 08
After a lifetime of being disappointed and hurt, I'm not in the Expectation Free Zone! I say that in a cheerful way, because it's a happy thing to have grown beyond expecting people to act in a certain way. We must accept people as they are and not expect them to satisfy our wishes as to how they will behave. My expectations of people are what hurt me, not the people themselves. They were just being who they were, I didn't accept them as they are.
• India
3 Jun 08
We alwas dot get what we want in life....that is life. Nobody is free from expectation, for eg. now you are expecting yourself to not to expect anything from anybody and let them be the way they are. It is in us to expect, so if you didnt accept the people who you are close to you the way they are,is not your fault.
• India
2 Jun 08
Yes we expect more from those who are close to us. It is the intimacy towards them make us feel hurt. We keep these people in the inner core of our mind and then if a minute change in attention or a very unexpected turn from their part happen we feel very intesive hurt. The level of hurt shows the attachment we have towards them. Even if we know all these things, we can not live with out expecting anything from our intimate ones. I think common people like me can not live in an expectation free zone. Only siddhas can do that.
• India
3 Jun 08
Seeking attention is a very difrent thing all together. It simply means that you only want that paticular person to concentrate toward you and nobody else. You dont know me, but even i can hurt your feelings! So it dosnt always have to be the ones who you know ver closely. Nobody, and i mean nobody is free from expectations not even siddhas or sage or hermit if that is what you mean.Dont they expect to get closer to God, dont they expect to get certain blessings from God. it a diffrent thing that they dont expect material things. Think about it, you will gt the answer yourself.
@karlag (61)
• United States
2 Jun 08
I usually get hurt expecting people to handle things the way I would. For example, I have lent friends money and I just expect them to pay me back. I don't feel that I should remind them 100 times. They know they owe me, and they should just pay. It especially hurts when you do ask them and they act like you are bothering them. I have a hard time telling people no, but I am working on that.
• India
3 Jun 08
All the best to you,coz it s a must these days to know how to say no to people. And let me tell you,that saying a no also would hurt, if you are saying it to your friends!! But dont let anybody take you for granted. It is you who has to decide what to do. And if it hurts for the first 10 times, let it hurt you. if you lose friend becoz of saying no, they were never meant to be your friends anyways then!!!
• India
2 Jun 08
yes expectations do hurt, if we expect something back from them then our love towards them in conditional. I think we are more sensitive towards the people we love most, they can hurt us, I think it have nothing to do with expectations, it is the sensitivity towards the person that hurt us ( the things like we cant satisfy them etc )
• India
3 Jun 08
Yes, want and desire is a part of life. We all want and expect something from God, from life! And when we dot get our way around it, we get hurt.
• Philippines
22 Jun 08
Your right, expectations hurts you the most, especially if the failure comes from the person whom you thought that are always on yourside through thick and thin of your life. That who understands you of what you are. I had hurt by the person close to me... with that incident, i change the way i get along with that person. Thus, it is painful if your expectation was not achieve or broken by some else close to you...
3 Jun 08
No ,I am not,as I am normal human being.I agree with the fact that expectation are the root cause for pain .....
@iamnes (325)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
i could also never understand a person's inevitable nature of having expectations, with friends, family and that special someone. i have experienced a lot pain also because i'm the person who believes in what you say and expects you to do it, so even if it's just a non-sense to you, it would really be painful for me if you wouldn't do it. there are times also that i would expect that person to act in a manner that would please me. again, it does hurt a lot if what he acted is different from what i wanted. in the end, i will just blame myself for expecting since every person has their own mind and personality different from me. you can't expect him or her to act exactly the way you wanted. i agree, expectations hurt but i really think it is our fault for expecting when we shouldn't be...
@salonga (27835)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
Give as much as possible and expect less in return. That is the secret to avoid disappointments! But there are cases you need to expect the best especially from your children because you want them to emerge the best child they could ever be. But before expecting the best from them, always do first all your best for them.
@roanne05 (1291)
• Oman
3 Jun 08
yeah..even if you are saying or feeling that you are not expecting anything at the back of your mind their are certain expectations...i don't think anyone can say they are in expectation free zone you said...
@Samanthavv (1383)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Expectations are a good and a bad thing all at once. It's good to have some expectations, but if you have too many, too particular or too specific ones, then odds are, no one is going to live up to them and you'll always be hurt. Be flexible. I've learned people tend to exceed your expectations when you don't have many.
• India
3 Jun 08
its hard to be in Expectation free zone... i m not in there, bt it is said, "Dont Expect anything from Life, Expectations hurt, when u dont expect anything every moment is surprise, and surprise brings happiness"
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
3 Jun 08
oh yes... i have to agree on that... expectations does hurt me a lot of times already... i tend to expect too much from people... that is, i expect to be treated in the same way as i treat other people... i had learnt that it is impossible... when you do something, you do it willingly and you don't expect to be rewarded... that way, you will be less hurt... i learn that in a hard way actually... so i try not too expect too much from people anymore... take care and have a nice day...
@coffeeshot (3786)
• Australia
3 Jun 08
I never thought of it like this. It is true that we expect so much of people who are close to us that maybe on the odd ocassion when they don't live up to our standards we can take that the wrong way and instead believe that these people don't really love us, are mad with us, don't care for us etc. However, if you're not asking for too much, the people you love should help us out as much as they can and we should do the same in return.
@ahna09 (106)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
i agree to that... we really have certain expectation to some people.. especially those who are so close to us... and even if we realize that fact that "expectation hurts us" we keep on expecting...what can we do..??we cant help it.. its hard not to expect...its like that its a part of our routine in life.. I.,myself..experienced this situation... in my bf...he's kinda so..so..not a romantic type of person... and i feel so not appreciated...because the way he always act.. and later on i found out that he is just like that... that deep inside he appreciate me...and love me a lot... thats why I'm trying not to expect too much from him... because thats where conflicts begins... and we get hurt... its not bad to expect just have limits...
@Sherry12 (2475)
• United States
2 Jun 08
Very good discussion. I do think you are right, I'd never thought of it like that before. That sounds exactly what happens, we expect to much and make it impossible for the other person to do it.