" So Why Have You Never Been Married"?

United States
June 2, 2008 12:05pm CST
I just read the results of a survey where single , straight men took about why they haven't married. The results are that most men aren't afraid of marriage but afraid of a bad marriage.Some of the reasons they didn't or won't get married were interesting too. some said they didn't have enough money to get married and others who had money were afraid how much a bad marriage would cost them.8% never want to marry, 62%want to marry but won't settle for less than perfection, and 30% are on the fence.But the best quote of this article was this: "This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressure." I guess I have something in common with these guys. I Never wanted to marry because I couldn't see being a mother and I didn't want to nag a guy to do Anything.Besides I am very old fashioned when it comes to marriage, It is for children and two families blending.And I guess at the core, I don't want to see love turn into anything else like resentment.So I am like the guys.I would rather be single than be stuck in a bad marriage.But I am worse. I know Any marriage I am in would be bad. What are your views on men remaining single?
1 person likes this
10 responses
• Romania
2 Jun 08
To remain single, it's not a really good option. You think You are happy, but You are not. You are just alone. When two people really love each other they can get past everything. But they need to stay together, and a marriage is a bond that should never be touched.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 08
Just because you never marry doesn't mean you are alone. Here in the States you can live together.In fact I would do that way before I marry.I van see meeting the right person and being together but not marrying.I guess here in the states marriage isn't forever.I believe love is forever , but marriage isn't.
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• Romania
2 Jun 08
Living before choosing whether to get married or not together is a logical choice. But living together alone does not strengthen the bond which must be created between 2 partners. You have to let go of Your ego and think of You and Your partner as one.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 08
I am saying that I would think more of a boyfriend, a man I choose to live with,as one with me more than any husband.The act of living together isn't that important. The true connection is the key. I just don't think the true connection and marriage can mix for me. I can only speak for me.I know there are many who have the connection and the marriage , for me it would be either or but not both.
@CarlHalling (3627)
• United Kingdom
2 Jun 08
I admire your old-fashioned views on marriage, and you are right. I also admire your uncompromising honesty. I think it would be good to see the stigma regarding single people vanish.
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• United States
2 Jun 08
Here in the States, it is almost gone.Unless your mother is waiting for grandchildren, there isn't any social pressure to marry. Then again , there are more people choosing to live together and then have the children and Never marry. And then there are people who are having the kids and choosing to be single parents. And then there are a want-to-be grandparent's nightmare, they are choosing to marry but not having kids.Here we take our birth rite of "pursuit of happiness" literally.
• United Kingdom
3 Jun 08
Thank goodness. Way I see it, singleness isn't perfect; neither is marriage. But both lifestyles can be good.
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
3 Jun 08
In the Bible, Paul himself was single and recommended it; but he also said that marriage is honourable for those who find singleness hard which in Paul's case involved celibacy.
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@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I've seen the damage it can do. From a legal standpoint, I have to invest a lot and I have the most to lose in the case of divorce. I believe you've seen some of my thoughts on this in other discussions I've created Sarah. I still entertain the possibility of marriage, but I've seen some very dark things (and been through several of them myself) If you want to see some reactions to the topic itself or comments to the topic, try some of these http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=2250#comments http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=2267 http://mensnewsdaily.com/2007/11/14/do-not-marry-do-not-have-children/ http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/ask_dr_helen_8/
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jun 08
Thank you for the sites. I loved all of them. It is what I have thought about marriage.It doesn't have enough positives to get me to do it.And I can understand why a man would rather stay single. Any woman wondering why her man won't get married should look at the role of the husband. he is suppose to want to work for a family he may or may not want.And work long enough that he is a stranger to both his wife and child or children.So when his wife wakes up and finds she is married to a stranger and she wants a divorce, he is the one who will pay.Now why in the H@ll would you willing do it? For me, I always looked at marriage as prison. The wife was owned by the husband. and therefore I would have to find a man I could hate without thinking about it but there isn't anyone so why marry? I never thought about the true prison the men are in. Thanks for showing me their point of view.
17 Jun 08
I have the same opinion with you.I was desperate about love.Before getting married, you should guard your love but when getting married,you are afraid that he would have affairs with other people. Maybe you are still sleep on the same bed,but you two dream the different dream. Is it useful to watch such kind of marriage.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jun 08
I must be the only person who would expect my husband to be inconsiderate and to have affairs.
@Qaeyious (2361)
• United States
8 Jun 08
My favorite answer to such a question is: "Because I prefer to be merry."
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• United States
8 Jun 08
I love it!
7 Jun 08
I think taking that big step is a challenge and ofcourse a risk. It is a challenge because you have to face your own demons,be willing to compromise,share your life and commit to making the other person happy.You get what you give! It is a risk because we change everyday,somethings do not work out,somethings do,so you take a chance to be with the one you love.I am fuller because i am married
• United States
7 Jun 08
I am so happy you are happily married.For me, I wouldn't be fuller, I would be less of a person.I can and will " commit to making the other person happy" more if I weren't married to him.That way it wouldn't be a chore,I would do it because I wanted to.
@jillhill (37377)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I think it's fine if someone doesn't want to get married...men or women. That's a personal choice and it doesn't matter what the decision is based on..if you don't want to get married then don't! I know I had a friend that didn't want to get married....and then started dating someone. She was upfront right away they he thought he could persuade her to change her mind...ends up he's all hurt and upset when she says no...I can't figure out why people think they can or even should try to change someone. If you do fall in love with someone it's because of who they are...they why change them? Dah!
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jun 08
I agree. I can't understand the " I will be the one to change him/her" mentality.It is a waste of time. The person Has to want to change. And if they don't want to change , it isn't going to happen.
@michael13 (160)
• China
4 Jun 08
teenages haven't married mostly because it is too costly for the wedding celebration and too more social presures for their baby and too more responsibilities as parents. single is more and more easy for freedom life, and teenages love to do so more and more, society is changing like climate changing, I have a topic "people have kids for what..." has the one of idea for freedom. good post.
• United States
4 Jun 08
Thanks.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
3 Jun 08
sarahruthbeth_ At first I didn't see how your feelings related to the men's reasons for not marrying. After some thinking (a lot of thinking) I see how your situation parallels with single men. If men don't want to get married for whatever reaons and neither do you_ the correct choice, based on individual needs has reached a natural conclusion. Today, it's not as widely expected for people to settle down and have children. Our relationship models are in flux. There's nothing wrong with a woman or a man to stay single. It's a sociatal change, that's all.
• United States
3 Jun 08
I agree.As long as you live a happy life, it shouldn't matter if you marry or not. Or even have kids or not.
@myliezl0903 (2730)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
single is not a bad thing for me.,but we all know that when we get into a relationship we also expecting to get married sooner or later right? and if you don't wanna get married at all just be single forever..don't enter into something that you can't be responsible of in the end.,don't give your partner a false hope or let them wait for so long and in the end or at the back of your mind you don't really intend to go on a deeper side of it.,just be careful in anything you do..,
• United States
3 Jun 08
I never expect to marry but that doesn't mean I don't expect to have a deep love with someone. I never thought that marriage or children were the only ways to show that your love is deep. And I would Never, never play like I am marriage material and lead the guy on.That is just wrong. But he Has to be able to believe me when I say I don't want to marry, period. I will tell him everyday and twice on Sunday , but if he doesn't or can't hear me, we will have a problem.And I would break it off because if he can't hear me when I am trying to tell him something this important, then I Know he won't hear on the everyday things.