Parents and relatives disagree with the relationship

Philippines
June 2, 2008 2:07pm CST
Are you going to pursue the relationship if your parents and relatives were against it? I have a friend who was engaged to her boyfriend. they really love each other but the parents and relatives of the guy are against the relationship. She was having a hard time with it but still pursue the relationship. Until now they are having hard times with it. If it happens to you or to your friend, how would you react into it? what are you going to do? pursue or withdraw? I would like to hear your ideas and opinion about it.
2 people like this
24 responses
@anawar (2406)
• United States
2 Jun 08
celestial_ It's impossible to know what is right or wrong for another couple. Observations based on looking into a relationship from the outside differ from the actual dynamics between all the people involved. I married a man my parents and his parents objected to. My spouses own mother told my mom not to let her son marry me! My mom and dad advised against it. I was young and stupid and I married him anyway. I have the same story as a million other people. I have three blessings from that marriage. It's easy to guess I'm talking about children. The marriage was a nightmare after the first year right up until 14 years later when I finally divorced him. None of my kids resemble him, a gift I am most thankful for. Knowing what I know now, and factoring out kids, I would listen to the people around me. Because what I didn't admit was that I had the same doubts inside my heart.
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Very good sharing on this. At least experience is the best teacher. It pays to listen to the advice of others sometimes. Thanks for sharing.
@Gmdem13 (156)
• United States
2 Jun 08
i would stay in the relatinship, i would take in account what my family, friends ect. are telling me, but unless its somehting around the lines of abuse, or cheating... its my relationship, my choice and if i feel that i am in a good relationship that i enjoy being in, i dont think it should be there choice whether im with that person or not.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
what if they have good reasons for disagreeing? would you not consider it?
1 person likes this
@Gmdem13 (156)
• United States
2 Jun 08
As i said, unless for good reason such as abuse, or cheating, i dont see any other reasoning i would leave someone just because of my family and others.
@thaMARKER (2505)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
Yes, if the guy is responsible and willing to feed, love and would take care of me -- why not? It's my parents or my relatives that's going to marry him, it's me. What matters the most is that you're not stepping on someone's feelings, what I mean is no third parties. You both are ready to settle down and can live by your own.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
hahah you are right!! thanks for sharing.
• India
3 Jun 08
I will try to make my parents understand that i have chosen the right one for me. generally parents object relationships only coz they fear we will land up into troubles and they think that u have not chosen the right one. once you convince them with that then things will get going very smooth..good luck..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
yeah you're right!!! parents will object if they have seen something not good in the relationship and they don'd want you to be hurt. Thanks for sharing this,
• United States
2 Jun 08
I once was in a situation similar to this. His parents were very much against me for a laundry list of circumstances, that I could not control. He and I really loved each other dispite the family tension. But ultimatly it became to hard. He loved his family as much as I love mine, and I would never want to scarifice my family and my support system. So in the end I loved him so much I let him go. I believed that he did not deserve having to choose between us. To this day he crosses my mind, but I know that in the end the right decision had been made. Because if we would have forced ourselves to work out, we would possibly hate each other now. Because of the bridges that needed to be burnt for us to survive.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
Oh!! I;m sorry to hear that. I know how it feels. It is not an easy decision. Oh!!! that is really tough. Both of you really love your parents more than anything else in the world. Do you think both of your parents have good reason to be against your relationship? Oh!! well, sad expereince. I admire your strength. thanks for sharing this.
1 person likes this
@kerriannc (4280)
• Jamaica
2 Jun 08
When I went into this relationship, my father and couple of my close friends were against it. Well it was not love that makes my enter but instead I was lonely and tired to be a loner so I still pursuit. Now I regret it alot. They see something that I did not see a the time. It is not that the guy didn't love me. Yes he loves me alot. This month will be five years. It is just that he lack that drive to think for himself. At this moment I am at square one. Sometimes I wish I did not listen. If you know that you love someone and that person is working and trying to make it in life then you can continue and parents/relatives can go to hell. But if it is a loser then it is best to cut your losses and move on.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
Yes, I definitely agree with that idea. There are times that people wee what we do not see in our lover. But in your case, it is not love that makes you decide of it of course in your side. Even though your partner loves you but still you regret why you didn't listen to your father and couple of relatives? is that what you mean? well, I still admire you because you were able to reach that 5 years of being together in spite of the fact. Good thing!!! thanks for sharing this.
1 person likes this
@schummi (925)
• India
2 Jun 08
Well...sometimes we have to take some hard decisions then i have to go for it...it doesnt matter if the whole family of mine opposes me ...but doing right is my first priority...
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
You have good points in here. Maybe the right thing is to know their reasons why they disagree. then weigh things over, before making any major decisions. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@Gesusdid (1681)
• United States
2 Jun 08
you shouild go on with it , no matter who says what , cause its you and the other person thats in the relatioship , and yeah people might say " ohh well your disrespecting your parents " but oh well i say , i dont care , about their advice , i only care about my GF and her situation , i think that takes the relationship even higher where you ignore your parents advice
1 person likes this
@bubblz (15)
• United States
3 Jun 08
i would pursue da relationship its not like im dating the parents and relatives im dating the guy and if they dont like it and the relationship is strong and we love each otha' then why let some people get in between us????
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Ok, thanks for sharing.
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
3 Jun 08
I guess I am going to take a bit of a contrary position on this one. Yes it ultimately it is about two adults in a relationship who have to choose for themselves how they will run their lives and who they will commit to. However, there are other people surrounding those lives and those people will not simply disappear, even if we would like them to at times. Families remain part of the picture and when families take a position of dislike or mistrust regarding the people we love it is difficult if not impossible to sustain relationships. There will always be a push me pull you. So if there is a tug-o-war going on get to the bottom of it. Have a frank and honest discussion regarding the issues. Find out what is at the heart of your family members dislike of the person that you care for. If this is a relationship that you see as long-term than best to find out now if this is something that can be overcome and how, you do not want to get into a situation where you will have to make a choice, believe me someone will bet hurt and it will most likely be you. If it is friends, well this is a different story. Friends can sometimes see what we cannot. Ask for their reasoning. Sometimes though it is simply that they are jealous of your new found happiness or simply of your time. Here again you might have to make a choice if they cannot be happy for you. Make sure before you do this that this truly is a relationship and a person that will be standing with you over the long-haul.
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
I agree with your ideas. You have good points here. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
@jalucia (1434)
• United States
3 Jun 08
When I was younger I would just do whatever I wanted to. I might even stay with the person just to prove the point that I can do whatever I want to. But, now that I'm older, I would take my family/friends opinions into account. Usually everybody else can't be wrong and you be the only right. So, they might have a valid reason behind their opinions. But, ultimately I would make the decision for myself. I trust my judgment a little more now that I am older. But, sometimes when you're in a relationship looking out, it's hard to see the obvious things people on the outside looking in do. It's a good idea to at least listen to your loved ones concerns and then make the best decision for you.
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
That's right!!I agree with you. If you think they have good reasons.. well, you might consider and talk it over with your love, but if they have no good reason? well the decision is still yours. Thanks for sharing.
• United States
3 Jun 08
STAY in the relationship. If they are happy with each other, that is all that matters. Sometimes when family issues like this come up you just have to disassociate yourselves with thos family members. No one has a right to make you feel bad about who you are with. Ever. If they don't like it, too bad.
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Well, you have good points. Thanks for replying!!!
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
Love - A Heart Remembers

A memory burned within, from a heartfelt second long ago
a moment... one single moment, that only a heart can remember
a fleeting thought, gone astray, but the feeling looms inside you
a boy and a girl... so far apart, so long the days
that it took their hearts to remind them...
how fortunate they are, that a heart...
can return a fleeting thought,
one single moment, or a memory burned within...
so they can now live as one
as only inside true love, can such a past remain
until... it's found again

- Desi D. Williams -
If I love someone no matter what other say I will go with what I feel. These people who oppose of the relationship don't have any right to do so they are not the one who is in love with this person and they don't have the right to jeopardize a relationship because they don't want it. It's like Romeo and Juliet. Both their families are in war with each other but they fought for their love and in the end their love conquered all.
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
hahah!! ok that is fine.. your choice. thanks for sharing.
@jesus777 (662)
• Bermuda
3 Jun 08
to heck with parents and family if you are grown and you love someone then it is your life not there to choose who you date or who you dont date it is not up them it is up to you and i feel that you are an adult you have a head on your shoulders and i feel that you should be able too decipher what is good for you and what is not good so i say the ball is in your court not there so live your life how you want too live it be with whomever you choose to be with and dont worry about what anyone says about it if you spend your life trying too please people then you will loose out everytime live life for you and not for any one else!!!!
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Ok that's fine!! good luck and thanks for replying!!
@Arphoe (50)
• China
3 Jun 08
i will, if i really love her and i will give her a family
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Good!!! thanks for the reply.
@Samanthavv (1383)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Simple answer. Its your life, not theirs. You only get one life. Live it how you want to and don't let anyone else control it or you may end up regretting it until the day you die. Carpe diem. Seize the day.
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
some good points and just hope that when problem comes relatives and parents would not be bother to hhelp out. Thanks for sharing your thoughts,
@subha12 (18449)
• India
3 Jun 08
actually it is seen in most of the relationship some relatives and parents are always against it. if true love is there, they should continue. actually its their lives. not the parents' or relatives. she should know bettr.
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Well, you have good points but if this will be the case, one must be sure that he/she will not regret with the decision.
@lingli_78 (12833)
• Australia
3 Jun 08
i actually experienced it myself with my mum... she disagrees strongly with my relationship and i have to give it up... i choose to withdraw even though i am hurt... but i get a better man in return from God and i am happily married now with a man who loves me... take care and have a nice day...
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
wow!! that sound very interesting. It pays to listen to mother's advice sometimes. Good for you!! thanks for sharing this.
• United States
3 Jun 08
pursue dont let anybody stop u from who u love im dealing with the same problem except its my boyfriends family who doesnt like me my family lves him u just gotta stay strong caue me an my boyfriend moving away and clearin our minds in august. if they go the other way around they will regret .family who does that for all im concerned must not love there child that much if they dont support there happiness.
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Ok, thanks for sharing this.
@Odamashin (434)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
I know it is hard to pursue that kind of relationship but if you really love each other and as long as your love is solid,I think it's more than enough...and the most important..it's just a trial in your relationship..maybe they're just being protective..just continue proving to them that your relationship is against all odds and no matter what happens your love will never change... both of you have to exert an extra effort for it,what your doing now maybe is not enough so you have to work for it..You have to be responsible.
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
well, correct!! if there is no valid reason for the objection, and both of you can bear it together no matter what? well who else has the reason to separate you? Thanks for the reply.