What makes you happy might not make me happy.
By ShardAerliss
@ShardAerliss (1488)
June 2, 2008 3:06pm CST
Aerliss wants to rant... just go with it
I am sick and tired of being told what I do and do not want. I am fed up of people assuming what I need in this life just because I'm female.
Oh, you'll want children when your clock starts ticking.
I broke my clock! I dashed it on the craggy rock of my sanity.
"You'll regret it, when you get older.
Is that some kind of threat?
Every woman wants kids, it's in her genes.
And if it's in my genes to not want kids?
Children make a family complete.
"It's a fool that don't that his family's his crew."
You'll need someone to take care of you when you're old.
Is that all kids are to you people? They're still just little puppets to do your bidding until death?
God told us to be fruitful.
Oh shut up!
And don't get me started on St Valentine's Day, and weddings!
Someone actually had the gaul to tell my partner that I did indeed want to celebrate St Valentine's Day, that I secretly wanted him to surprise me with dying flowers and chocolates. Apparently me saying "pft, don't be stupid, why would I want to celebrate a Catholic holiday?" is my (and every woman's) way of saying "please surprise me."
Huh? 
Thank goodness he knew me better than that!
And people KEEP asking me when we're going to tie the knot! I don't want to get married!
But a wedding day is one of the most important days in a woman's life.
What a dull thought that is.
You get to have a day that is all yours.
Er... why would I want that? I have a very solid (small but well formed) ego, and it certainly doesn't need to be stroked with a piece of paper ensuring the government can tell me I'm not allowed to leave someone if I no longer love them.
/rant
If kids make you happy, that's great. If getting married makes you happy, wonderful. It will not and cannot make me happy. The very idea of pregnancy makes me shudder. The though of being the centre of that much attention (and wasting that much money!) horrifies me.
So, if you ever feel like telling someone what will make them happy... think twice, and consider what might actually make them happy, as opposed to what makes you happy.
Thank goodness he knew me better than that!
And people KEEP asking me when we're going to tie the knot! I don't want to get married!
But a wedding day is one of the most important days in a woman's life.
What a dull thought that is.
You get to have a day that is all yours.
Er... why would I want that? I have a very solid (small but well formed) ego, and it certainly doesn't need to be stroked with a piece of paper ensuring the government can tell me I'm not allowed to leave someone if I no longer love them.
/rant
If kids make you happy, that's great. If getting married makes you happy, wonderful. It will not and cannot make me happy. The very idea of pregnancy makes me shudder. The though of being the centre of that much attention (and wasting that much money!) horrifies me.
So, if you ever feel like telling someone what will make them happy... think twice, and consider what might actually make them happy, as opposed to what makes you happy.4 people like this
9 responses
@Henjin (81)
• South Africa
5 Jun 08
Don't tell me... half the people telling you this stuff still think that a woman's place is in the kitchen. All these things are a result of a very silly thing I like to call "tradition." People find ideas from their parents and make them their own ideas, they then believe that the world would be a better place if they stuffed these ideas down its throat.
In short: Tradition is bad and the cause of this little rant
On the flip side, and with reference to your title: no one knows what other people are thinking (even if you know someone for years, its just an educated guess) so if something makes them happy then they will want to share it with people they also want to be happy. So if someone tells you to have kids, they might just be saying it because they care about you, its if they tell you more than once... then there's no excuse.
2 people like this
@Pirate_Arg (472)
• South Africa
5 Jun 08
Well Henjin... thanks to your careless use of the word "Tradition", I now have Fiddler on the Roof stuck in my head. Thanks a lot.
Who must know the way to make a proper home,
A quiet home, a kosher home?
Who must raise the family and run the home,
So Papa's free to read the holy books?
The Mama, the Mama! Tradition!
The Mama, the Mama! Tradition!
And who does Mama teach to mend and tend and fix,
Preparing me to marry whoever Papa picks?
The daughter, the daughter! Tradition!
The daughter, the daughter! Tradition!
1 person likes this
@DallasFAN99 (210)
• United States
4 Jun 08
WOW! There was no question included in your rant so that puts me in unfamiliar territory. But, I just wanted to say - I understand. I've never heard a rant quite like that before, but your "irritations" were very nicely articulated!
I won't respond to everything you said, but I will say you're right. "What makes you happy might not make me happy." - A very true statement!
Learning this one sentence and practicing it would make the WORLD a better place, not just a few people.
Is there a story behind all this? Or was it the most recent conversation on the matter that "broke the camel's back?"
2 people like this
@Angelwriter (1954)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I love "I broke my clock." I'll have to use that line. I totally sympathize with you. For women who want kids, wonderful. But, why would people believe that all women want kids? That's a lot of people to all want the same thing. And the same things are supposed to make all women happy? Since when do all women share one mind and one idea of happiness? I thought women were individuals.
1 person likes this
@AnimeMom (516)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I know what will make you happy.... Tea! Maybe? Ah what do I know... I have to agree with you, i remember being pregnant and everyone telling me how horrible this and that was, and dont do this or ELSE! So annoying! And because it irritated me that much I make sure to keep my advice to others at an "ask and then receive" basis. I'm not all knowing and therefore have no right to tell others what is best for them. You know though, what makes me happy is candy! In multitudes!
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
2 Jun 08
I don't have the same feelings as you but I'm entitled to my choices and you are entitled to yours. People really need to learn to mind their own business and stop putting their expectations and wishes on everyone else.
And you know what...if by chance you find yourself 50 years old and wishing you did have a child, that will be your problem not theirs. 'They' aren't offering to be pregnant for you, or wake up every hour during the night, or spend thousands upon thousands of dollars raising a child for you so who are they to tell you what you 'need'.
2 people like this
@Pirate_Arg (472)
• South Africa
5 Jun 08
It just occured to me that one day I hope to meet a girl similar to you. I say similar because I don't really know you, I've just read some of the things you have posted. That and exactly the same would be creepy.
From what I can see, you say what you mean, you don't feel the need to use a relationship with a significant other to validate yourself (even though you can have one with no problem), you are able to have your own religion and belief system without pushing it on other people, you don't feel the need to waste money on something frivalous (in this case a wedding)...
I'm sure I was going somewhere with this when I started but now I can't remember where.
About the part about genes, it can't possibly be in every woman's genes to want children. However, those people carrying the not-interested-in-children gene are less likely to reproduce and so that gene would not be as common as the breed-like-bunnies gene. Assuming of course that those characteristics are controlled by genes (as people seem to be telling you) and not just environmental factors.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
6 Jun 08
Your ego and my ego are about the same size, and I totally and completely agree with you.
Now, I did get married, but tat was between my usband and I, and only for us. We eloped!!! We are going to have a "celebration" with family, but it will be more about us being CREATIVE, and a convenient opportunity for my husband to meet my entire family all in one place, so we don't have to go from place to place to find them.
It will not be MY day, it'll be our day with our families, and a day shared by everyone.
You left something off your list. Marriage or not, what do you think of women who take their husband's names?
"Oh, you get to share a name, and be unified!!!"
bull$hit!! When my immediate family all shared a last name we got along as well as babies and pitbulls!!!
@blahdeblah (17)
•
16 Jun 08
I think I'll have to completely agree with you!
It annoys me that just because I am female I am therefore going to go all glassy eyed when someone shoves a baby in my face...
My annoyance at gender distinction probably stems from gender assigned childrens toys. The thought being, as a female child, I would naturally gravitate to all things pink, sparkly and girly... well actually one of my first toys was a transformer, and I cut off all of barbies hair when I was given one as a child... (actually it was a Cindy... I used a magnifying glass to melt her feet)
My parents have been together nearly 26 years and they're not married and its done them no harm. If your relationship is as secure as it should be to get married then surely its just as valid to justify between you that getting married is not necessary... I really don't understand why its 'weird' to think so.
I don't need to 'rely' on my partner, he's there but he's certainly not someone I have to depend upon to survive and all that. We are independent but work together.
We have a pseudo-valentines day that we make up every year, there is no pink and we're more likely to buy each other a DVD than expect roses and chocolates.... Doesn't make it any less romantic and all that random jazz, just different...
It REALLY annoyed me when Sir Alan Sugar did an interview for BBC and said that he was less likely to hire a woman purely because they tended to leave a few years later due to kids... What a sweeping generalised statement!
@violetdreams (658)
•
16 Jun 08
Wow! How right you are! :¬)
Saying that I am happily married with 3 kids BUT, let me tell you they are ALL HARD WORK, and if you really don't want it - don't go there! You will just end up hating your life. At least that is how I feel about the whole things.
If you want kids - you don't have to get married either - not these days anyway. To me it is all about the relationship. If your relationship is strong then a piece of paper won't make much different - other than to make you feel tied to that person should things go wrong.
For some people marriage and kids just are not what they want out of life - and if you are one of those people (I used to be!) then DON'T DO IT and don't let others make you feel like you have to.
All the best - enjoy your life! You only live once after all.
Violetdreamslingerie
