June 2, 2008 9:50pm CST
I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father.) As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on myfingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a wash cloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boysdo; only I did it on my tongue. Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . ."Poupon."
• United States
4 Jun 08
My husband thought it was hilarous. Only for the main fact when my youngest was just bearly a week old I was changing her diaper, I had her legs lifted up and then she pooped! It reached my hair!! LOL So, my husband couldnt stop laughing. I'm happy you enjoyed it. Thank you for your response.