learning the art of consoling
By gwenns
@gwenns (255)
Singapore
June 2, 2008 10:12pm CST
Help~ I'm seriously in deep trouble because I realise that I'm BAD at consoling people, be it if they are angry or sad or crying! Most of the times, I always made them feel angrier, sadder or make them stay away from me, in other words never approach me if they are sad..=(
Have you ever stuck in this kind situations before? How do you normally deal with family or friends who are facing difficulties in their lives? Or what to say when your friend cried in front of you? Sometimes even if you don't agree what they are thinking or don't understand what is so sad about it?
8 responses
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
It actually depends on the problem at hand. Sometimes tell them the truth hurts but you have to tell them what you think. Now tell them those are just your opinions and it is still with them in what decision they would want to go through. Do not over power their decision with yours. Tell them the truth but don't make a decision for them.
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
4 Jun 08
Heh, p3halliwel, I had a similar advice from another friend of mine regarding my opinions. He said to me I should NEVER try to force my opinions and thoughts on to people, we all are different. I find that very inspiring lol. From then on, usually I just tried my best not to say out my thoughts in case of sensitive issues like relationships. Unless it's really wrong and ridiculous on their part.. ermm.. so most of the times, like I've said, right words at the wrong times. =X
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
3 Jun 08
I don't like to see friends or family upset or crying. As for helping them even when I disagree with what they or doing or what is going on.
I offer whatever advice I can to help. It all depends on the situation and whats going on.
I know everyone has their differences. Many times a freind or family member will not listen to what you say, or it just seems this way.
I offer advice or my opinion and they can take it something from it or leave it forgetting about what I said. Either way it is their choice.
You alsways hope that you will be able to help though.
When a friend or family is crying sometimes they need a hug. I offer this first and listen to what they need to talk about. This is the first rule, listen. Be a good listener. If someone is upset they need someone to talk to. Even if you offer no advice for them. Sometimes this is best. You just have to feel out the situation.
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
4 Jun 08
Hi there moondancer, yup, none of us like to see friends or family upset. However, I'm at my wits end! Sometimes being a good listener, we need to stand in their shoes. It's a little difficult for me to visualise/feel in their viewpoints and stands... I guess this is what I shall learn ultimately. Thanks ;)
@wormzydaizy (202)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
I guess the best way to console a person is too just let him or her feel your presence, not necessarily through talking and giving out advice but through mere listening and holding his or her hand when that person weeps.. Remember that a person in his or her lowest moment is soo sensitive to even the slightest things so I guess in times like that you have to stop yourself from giving out too much comments & advice that would just make things matter worst.. In my case, kn times like that, I just listen & try to understand where the person's pain is coming from, then when she ask for my opinion, I make sure she understand my point of view.. I am sure that person will understand you especially if genuine concern & care is all that you've got. Goodluck!
@Srivastava_roli (269)
•
3 Jun 08
By Just offering your sholder to cry upon and keeping mum.Because if you will say anything emotional or sympathetic he/she will feel more touched and continue to cry.
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
4 Jun 08
Hi srivastava, yeah, I guessed I learnt my lesson =/ I will try to wait till they cool down then say something. It's a bit awkward feeling seeing them cry, I felt sad for them just didn't know what to say to them.. Thanks for the advise, now I'll just hope I can be able to be a better friend
@wormzydaizy (202)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
I guess the best way to console a person is too just let him or her feel your presence, not necessarily through talking and giving out advice but through mere listening and holding his or her hand when that person weeps.. Remember that a person in his or her lowest moment is soo sensitive to even the slightest things so I guess in times like that you have to stop yourself from giving out too much comments & advice that would just make things matter worst.. In my case, kn times like that, I just listen & try to understand where the person's pain is coming from, then when she ask for my opinion, I make sure she understand my point of view.. I am sure that person will understand you especially if genuine concern & care is all that you've got. Goodluck!
@wormzydaizy (202)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
I guess the best way to console a person is too just let him or her feel your presence, not necessarily through talking and giving out advice but through mere listening and holding his or her hand when that person weeps.. Remember that a person in his or her lowest moment is soo sensitive to even the slightest things so I guess in times like that you have to stop yourself from giving out too much comments & advice that would just make things matter worst.. In my case, kn times like that, I just listen & try to understand where the person's pain is coming from, then when she ask for my opinion, I make sure she understand my point of view.. I am sure that person will understand you especially if genuine concern & care is all that you've got. Goodluck!
