How could i help my friend ........
By ramyashreesk
@ramyashreesk (1021)
India
June 3, 2008 6:15am CST
I happend to meet one of my old classmates who was very close to me during school days. she happened to tell her sad story.
She has been married for nearly 4years and has been very good to her mom in law. And in her house she had to obey her inlaws she tells. she was supposed to eat what her mom in law said and exactly the quantity she mentioned.
There were five of them in the house her inlaws husband and brother in law.As she tells me gradually as she got acquainted to environment she started feeling her in law is old and its her duty to take care of her she has worked enough and they should relax now.Likewise she started doing all the household chores.Her husband and his brother didnt have any mutual understanding he was always proviking and woould start a fight.He had superiority complex that he was best and would fight.
But as time went by her brother in law got married itseems. My friend didn't conceive at all because her husband didn't want kids for time being. Where as her cosister conceived soon after two months an had to take rest as she had conceived twins.
But my friend had to cook she would feel that atleast she is goind to have child and sincerely did her chores. Gradually she gave birth to twins was indulged in taking care of her kids and now my friend tells her kids are maybe near to 3 years she does'nt take interest in cooking and treats her like a cook. She tells that she talks politely and but never helps her to cook as their mom in law does'nt like her cooking due to some silly arguments they had earlier.
And her inlaws don't want to seperate the brothers as its their own property and not ancestral.
Though brothers are not in good terms is it fair to keep them together will they be able to live their lives as they wish? And her cosister she does all superior works and never does cooking part routinely at times even degrades her it seems as my friend is liked by all the members in the house . what decision should my friend take i;d like to help her.......
2 people like this
3 responses
@jillbeth (2705)
• United States
3 Jun 08
I think I understand your friend's problem, but there are some cultural differences between us, so this answer may not be what you need. In the US it is not as common for adult children to remain at home after they marry.
It sounds like your friend is being taken advantage of. It is wonderful that she wants to take the load off of her mother-in-law, but it would be nice if the sister-in-law would help her at least once in a while! Has she asked her to help? If MIL doesn't like her cooking, she could at least help do some of the preparation, like chopping vegetables, and let your friend do the cooking.
If the mother-in-law told her what to eat and how much, then she (MIL) sounds like a controlling person. And keeping both the brothers home is also controlling, if they would rather leave home.
Does her husband wish to move into his own home? If so, I think your friend should encourage him to do so.
From my American point of view, it sounds like everyone needs to stop taking orders from MIL!
@rsa101 (37969)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
I guess that she should convince her husband to separate living with them. I really think its not healthy living eith inlaws as it is always start of many conflicts at home especially if she also stays with them. I just don't know hoe tradition is taken there in your place. I hope she can find a place soon and hopefully her husband would agree with that.
