Pregnant and smoking...shouldn't the father do something???

Uruguay
June 3, 2008 5:55pm CST
My brother-in-law's wife never quit smoking while pregnant, she didn't even try to cut down on it. Everytime they visit us, i told her that her smoking was harming the baby, a lot! She just ignored my comments, so I moved on talking to my brother-in-law, telling him that it was his baby he should take care of, but in the end he politely told me to mind my own business. I'm a smoker myself, and when I unexpectedly got pregnant I quit the very moment I knew it. I even forced my husband to smoke outside the house while and way after the pregnancy. I don't smoke near babies or small children, or people who don't like it. I think they took a very bad decision, he decided to let her do her own will, but the baby has two parents, right? What do you think about it?
4 people like this
16 responses
@grammasnook (1875)
• United States
3 Jun 08
I just wanted to ask one thing how was he suppose to make her stop? I was also a smoker and I had a very difficult time stopping when I was pregnant the doctor just told me to do the best I could but I still smoked. I had 5 children and I thank god they are all very healthy, actually so healthy I think I have made a total of maybe 10 trips for sick calls. My 16 year old has never been on a sick call. All my children weighed over 8 lbs. Trust me I know I was one of the lucky ones.
1 person likes this
• Uruguay
4 Jun 08
The thing is, she didn't even try to cut down, she smoked a packet a day and I know it's sensible if you're a heavy smoker to cut down at the beginning instead of quitting completely! Besides, he's also a smoker and smoked in front of her. The baby had a little problem with his uretrha and he's going to have surgery for that now that he's one year old. You were lucky, but some aren't. Thanks for sharing.
@nupats (3564)
• India
4 Jun 08
m sorry if i sound rude but i cant really help...i feel u have done the right thing by speaking to them as tht was ur duty and ur care for the unborn child...it is sad if they take it as totally their own business...i hope all goes well for her and the poor kid who has a smokey womb...but if something does go wrong with the kid cool enough tht is also their problem it is a big risk and they r ready to take it...if the doc tell me it may b harmful i wud never take anything risking my child well being..finally it is there life and they have to decide sad tht the babies parents cannot sacrifice a small habit fot its well being..ur bro probably is spineless in front of his wife so is not interferring
• Australia
4 Jun 08
I think you'll find the smoke goes in to the lungs NOT the womb. Unfortunately - unless you're a smoker you wouldn't know how difficult it is to quit - the unborn child is no-one's business but the parents (i know she's the Auntie but still - she's not the parent). Maybe the brother in law isn't spineless, maybe he just didn't see it as being such a big deal, he knew she was a smoker when they got together & if he said nothing then maybe he wasn't as concerned as some other people were.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
4 Jun 08
ROFL! I have to laugh.. What do you mean the smoke goes into the lungs not the womb? And I am an xsmoker and I do know how hard it is, but I also know how easy it was to quit if you put your head to it. More so for the baby. But I'm not here to judge because I was in the same situation twice. With my first I quit cold turkey and with my second, I had a harder time, but did end up doing the RIGHT thing and that was quiting.. And by the way, our lungs are not the only thing effected by smoke.. the womb is not protecting the fetus 100% and yes the baby could be effected by the mother smoking. Maybe not in all cases, but why chance it?
@nupats (3564)
• India
4 Jun 08
hi it may be funny but i stongly believe in the safety of a child..one shud plan a kid when one actually is prepared for all the other responsibilities attached to it..i guess it may b tough to quit smoking but wt is more important r u ready to risk the well being of the unborn for a habit of smoking?...i find it tough to relate to...u may b right in wt you said but i have only said wt i think abt this...smokey womb was just a humor..Good luck
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17850)
• United States
4 Jun 08
Well, the baby has two parents, but it is none of your business. I had a friend who smoked during her entire pregnancy because the doctor said it was bad for the baby but there has never been a scientific study to prove that it is bad for the baby.
• Uruguay
4 Jun 08
I am sure there are scientific proof of that.
@sedel1027 (17850)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I thought so to, but when I checked it out all scientific studies come out to be inconclusive when it came to smoking. This was 2-3 years ago, so maybe new studies have been done. Either way she had a healthy 7 lb baby girl even though she smoked about 1/2 a pack - 1 pack a day and ate only when she had to. She was not a big eater before pregnancy, she would eat maybe once a day and only vegetarian meals.
@ersmommy1 (12595)
• United States
4 Jun 08
He is her husband. Not her master. Ultimately it is her choice. I of course don't agree with her. But short of locking her up and keeping her in the basement, what should he do? You made different decisions that are healthy for those around you. Good for you. She made different choices. It is a shame.
• Uruguay
8 Jun 08
It's not a question of being her master or not, and it's not her decision only! The baby has two parents! That's what I wanted to discuss actually, if he made the right choice by not saying anything. I know my husband would drag me to the doctor if I make the same decision.
@Gemmygirl1 (2868)
• Australia
4 Jun 08
Ok, this is a touchy subject because the only people that can make the decision about something like this are the parents to be. If you'd been hounding me to stop smoking while pregnant i'd have been likely to tell you that it's none of your business & would you mind butting out. I know that sounds harsh but honestly, mothers to be that smoke, don't want other people telling them what is best for them &/or the baby. I guess your BIL wasn't as fussed about the situation as you were which may have been why he didn't try & get her to stop or anything. It's a hard one to answer without actually asking him why he never wanted her to stop or if he did want her to stop, why he didn't say anything. You're right, it's a bad habit but i didn't quit when i was pregnant, my partner didn't either - my Dr just told me to cut back, which i did & everything was fine from then on. I don't smoke around my daughter or anyone elses kids, nor do we smoke in the cars or house but i think it's not really up to others to tell us the risks - smokers already know them & if they don't want to stop, then there's nothing anyone can really do about it. It's always a hard subject coz i agree that smoking when pregnant is harmful but unless you're the smoker who is pregnant, then it's no-one elses business or problem (except the S/O). Take care :)
• Uruguay
4 Jun 08
You did your best, you cut down at least and don't smoke around kids. She didn't.
• China
4 Jun 08
What you do are right. Smoking is bad to babies especially smoking during the early pregnancy. It will do great harm to babies. We often hear stories of deformity at birth. Some of the deformity should undoubtly imputed to parents' bad habits during pregnancy, such as smoking, drinking heavily, etc. I don't smoke myself and my husband is a light smoker. But I will ask him to stop one year before I'm pregnant. It should be done this way if we want our babies to be healthy and happy.
• Uruguay
4 Jun 08
Yeah, that's good, but just by asking him not to smoke in the house it's enough. Good luck!
@msmamaof3 (244)
• United States
3 Jun 08
I have a friend who smoked all through her pregnancy. Her doctor actually told her that since she has high blood pressure, it would be worse on her to quit smoking, as it would cause her blood pressure to rise...crazy huh?
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
4 Jun 08
LOL! That's funny you say that... Or it's funny how doctors say different things... With my second, I was smoking before I found out I was pregnant and when the doctor asked me if I smoked, I said yes and he told me I needed to quit and I said well should I wing myself off because of my blood pressure, he said to stop smoking would actually help my blood pressure and that smoking doesn't lower blood pressure, people just feel it's a stress reliever and he advised me to quit cold turkey.. as I did with my first.. So yeah, it's crazy... crazy how every doctor has a different theory...
• Maldives
10 Jun 08
Smoking cuts down the amount of blood that is sent to the embryo(baby),so there is a chance that the baby might die in the womb or a chance that the baby might be abnormal.IF your brother in law's wife keeps smoking like that at the end of the nine months, she might have to face a lot of sorrow.My advice is take her to a doctor who can explain the ill effects smoking can have on the unborn child.Already the baby might be affected.It's very important she stops it right away.
@lingli_78 (12834)
• Australia
4 Jun 08
i am not a smoker and i never like the smell of the smoke... just can't stand it... but i know that smoking can definitely harm the baby and the doctor should tell your sister about the consequences... i am also amazed that your brother-in-law seems does not care about it... well, they will regret it when the baby comes out and something is wrong with the baby... but it will be too late by then... anyway, it is their decisions and you can't really interfere too much if they don't want to listen to your advice... take care and have a nice day...
@makingpots (11916)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I've heard people say that they are worried about the withdrawals and other general poor health issues the mother would experience, being worse for the child than the smoking. I can't understand that at all and I'm no doctor. I don't smoke but most smokers I know say it was actually easy to give it up for their baby. You did what you could in this situation.
@Babymycah (166)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
I don't think she loved the baby that much... I am a smoker but I quit when I got pregnant. It was hard but I just think of the harm it will do to my baby and it is enough to make me think of taking another puff... Maybe you should make her read articles that talks about the effects of smoking to babies... maybe that will make her realize what she's doing... make your brother in law read it as well. :)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
sometimes onlookers are more concerned for the unborn child than its real parents. maybe the perceived harm is more academic than real. but by speaking up for the unborn child, we reinforce our nurturing spirit and protective nature, in hope that we might influence those around us. In the end though, we still have to carry each one our load, and live with the consequences..
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
the father should be aware and beware.Smoking can lead to abruptio placenta and uteroplacental insufficiency
• India
4 Jun 08
my answer to your discussion is a big affirmative. it is well known to the world about the bad effects that smoking has on growing fetus. it retards growth, causes hypoxia and leads to a number of problems. as a husband, he must check his wife from going astray, at least till the pregnancy is complete. he must keep an eye on her. go on and destroy the packs, throw away the lighter and do all the like. but yes, first he should talk to her, make her understand that this is wrong, this should not be done. but if still she persists with the wrong habit, resort to violent ways in the end.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
4 Jun 08
Well as bad as it is to smoke while pregnent, it is her choice. I believe the father probably behind closed doors does ask her to stop. Maybe he has an everyday battle with his wife. We don't know, so it's not right to judge him. He could be trying. She has to want to quit on her own. Maybe she wants to quit, maybe she just can't. Could be hard on her. I was a heavy smoker for year, but the minute I got pregnant with my first child, I quit cold turkey. So I do know it can be done, but some people have a harder time on it. I started smoking again about 3 years later and I was smoking when I found out I was pregnant with my second child. I tried to quit, but didn't have as easy as a time as I did with my first, but I did quit and it's almost 3 years later and still not smoking.. It all depends on the person, but only the person smoking can make that choice. I also don't like the smell of smoke around me or my kids and don't think I'll ever pick it up again because I don't want it around my kids. I don't like when people smoke around small kids or while pregnant, but once again, it has to be her choice.
@youless (104226)
• Guangzhou, China
4 Jun 08
Smoking is so harmful for the baby. For the baby's sake, mother shouldn't smoke when she is pregnant. As a father, it's his responsibility to help her wife to get rid of smoking during this time. I love China