of relationships and "closure"

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i guess many of us don't just have one romantic relationship in our lifetime... some end amicably, some so abruptly and somehow mysteriously that we somehow feel that there were unresolved issues involved in the relationship. i was in a fairy tale relationship once. he was my high school crush (well,almost like an obssession, really... LOL) yeah, i guess it was puppy love, me being young ang naive.. but still, i felt that i would never be this "into" someone again.. he was 2 years older than me.. i attended his graduation, just so i could watch him celebrate a milestone in his life.. of course, i only watched from afar since i never got the courage to come up to him and at least make friends.. and as the graduation drew to a close, my heart broke.. i felt a sadness i was unfamiliar with, knowing that i may never see him again.. but, fate had a way of spinning things around.. on my senior year in college, i saw him at my school.. man, did i freak out! LOL i think i turned bright red, blue, then white all at the same time when i saw him.. LOL yeah, i must have been a weird sight at that time.. i could still remember that day clearly.. and through a mutual friend, we met.. one thing led to another.. before i knew it, my highschool crush became my boyfriend.. after college, i left home (for the first time in my life), and moved into the "big city" just to be near him. i had friends and relatives there, but they were in the far parts of the city. my world revolved around him. after a year, i had a nagging feeling that something wasn't quite right in our relationship... true, he was as loyal and as loving as ever.. he was the perfect guy, and he would be a perfect husband.. still, i felt that something was wrong.. eventually, i came back home, and our relationship ended over the phone. it has been 5 years since that phone call. we've talked again after that, also over the phone, but it was limited to hi's and hello's.. i know i really hurt him because he had the idea that i ended our relationhip because of another guy (who is now my husband).. i knew then (and until now) in my heart that although i loved him, our relationship wouldn't have ended up at the altar. i feel like i haven't been all that fair to him because i didn't exactly explain what i felt was missing in the relationship.. i can't bring myself to contact him because he already has a wife and i can't afford to stir things up since that wouldn't be fair, would it? yes, i have moved on, but still i feel that i haven't made my peace with him yet. i don't know if he feels the same way, and i'm afraid to find out... and so here i am, left with fond memories of a great love, yet still trying to find that closure i feel i need to have in order to finally leave that chapter in my life.