Your Gonna Die If You Don't Change Your Ways...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
June 4, 2008 9:30am CST
Well, yesterday Hubby went to his VA appointment. I guess the guy that sees him, he’s a nurse practitioner, was in a bad mood b/c he had been having PC problems all day. Anyways, we saw the aide first who takes Hubby’s vitals, then he asks who does the cooking and I told him I did. Then he asked if I was a good cook and I told him I guess so. He asked me what kinds of things I cook. I told him whatever Hubby wanted…roasted chicken and potatoes, spaghetti, steak and potatoes, chili, pizza…just whatever he wanted. He then starts jumping all over me telling me that I need to quit cooking it that it’s not good for him. I told him he needed to tell Hubby this not me. He tells me well if you quit cooking it he can’t eat it…like I’m going to spend everyday fighting with Hubby over what he eats. He’s acting like I’m Hubby’s mom and Hubby is a child.
Then the nurse practitioner sees him and starts in on him about how he’s going to die within 10 years if he doesn’t change his eating habits. Also that he’s going to have a stroke or heart attack before long and he’ll wind up in a nursing home. He goes on and on and on and on for a good half-hour about this. Hubby’s on the verge of pasting him in the eye and he’s like yeah, yeah and he just keeps rattling on about it. I could also see that it was upsetting and depressing Hubby. I mentioned to him about how the aid got onto me about what I was cooking and he did say that it isn’t my responsibility to watch his diet…as a man of almost 53 it’s Hubby’s choice. I just hope this practitioner doesn’t run the suicide hotline…cuz he’d suck at it.
Hubby knows he should change it but at this point in his life he just does what he wants. His outlook is your going to die of something after all no one gets out of this alive. In truth, we don’t eat much red meat other than steaks and we do tend to lean towards potatoes, pasta, breads and such but then those are usually the most cost effective groceries to get.
Have you ever had a doctor that just insists on foretelling death and such if you don’t change your ways? How do you handle it when a doctor criticizes you continuously? Do you think if your doctor told you things like this that it would make you change your lifestyle, eating patterns or habits?
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
14 people like this
39 responses
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
4 Jun 08
I cannot believe that you both had to put up with that. I am all for docs telling us how it really is, but there are ways and means of doing it without treating folks like that.
I have never had a doctor be like that with me, but if they did then I would instantly go out and do the opposite of what I was told because there is nothing that gets my back up more than being told what to do. His attitude would not have made me change my ways.
2 people like this
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I would not have appreciated how I was told but if someone warned me that I would die before my time if I did not change my lifestyle. That would be a no brainer for me I would immediately change. I was also given a similar warning over two years ago believe me I took it to heart and now I feel better than I have in many years and do not need to take any type of medication at all. No more HBP, 60lbs lighter I am just sorry I did not listen sooner to mt doctor sooner.
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
4 Jun 08
not personally,but my mom's doc can't seem to make up his mind what she's allergic to,so we've radically had to change her diet twice this month already.first it was milk,then gluten.it's very annoying,because it affects the rest of the family.
some of these doctors i think,failed the "bedside manner" course.
@KarenO52 (2950)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I think that the aide and the nurse practitioner were out of line. A nurse's job should include assessment, patient and family education, and good communication skills. What you got sounds more like harassment. Even if you served only so called healthy foods, your husband would find a way to get what he would rather have. He has to want to change for himself. The nurse should have tried to implement some kind of workable dietary change, or maybe suggested a nutritionist to work with. Small changes over time can make a difference, and would be more doable than going cold turkey on all the "bad foods".
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Wow, this is unreal. I would truly never go back there again if I were you. This is not the way people in Health care need to talk to people. I would be also reporting them if I was you as well. This is unreal, and no wonder people have High Blood Pressure?
I seen a Doctor one time that yelled at me about my Blood Pressure, and seen another one just recently that did the same thing to me, and personally, I will NEVER go back to either of these 2, and tell people why. Where did they get their license to think they are God?
@Lifelight (130)
• Sweden
24 Jun 08
Is it possible that your doctor's were concerned about you????
I don't know but to me it sounds like you are hiding your head in the sand - or I could be misunderstanding it, perhaps you do not have a high blood pressure or you do and DO take good care of your self and the doctors were just screamnig at you beacuse they were in a bad mood that day?
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
4 Jun 08
It is a bit harsh of a doctor to tell it this way, but i seriously think it might have more of a positiv effect on patients...like my husband! He's been declared diabetic (type 2) about 3 yrs ago, and he's not doing anything to help himself!! He still eats exactly like he used to, takes his pills, when he doesn't forget, and very rarely takes his blood sugar level with his machine..last time he checked his blood sugar level was, in the month of december i think...he's been due for his bloodtests, for which he's got the paper request from our family doctor, since september of last year, and still, he didn't go!! We do get into arguments every once in a while about it, but i am sooooo fed up of asking him constantly "did you take your pills?" I married the guy, but don't want to be his mommy or his nurse (unless of course he was seriously ill and needed my help) and i even told him i worry about him and cried about it, it does not affect him at all!!! and we just had a baby boy in january, and i thought to myself, maybe he'll be more careful, considering that we have a baby now, he'll want to see him grow up, graduate, get married, etc.... NOT EVEN, he hasn't changed one bit!! I am seriously worried and don't know what to do to make this man understand that his life can be in serious danger if he keeps up this bad attitude towards his illness.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
4 Jun 08
No i have not and it would make me mad to rave on and on about it....My husband is also a diabetic but i cannot control his eating habits,and if someone told me that i would tell them that..My husband knows he is diabetic,and i try to cook things that go along with whats good for him,however when he goes and buys ice cream,candy bars and all the junk he should not eat,i am not going to harp on him and nag,hes a grown man and knows the dangers,if he refuses to follow these guidlines thats him,not me...I do try to fix healthy meals that is good for him,i do that,however past that its up to him.I am not his mother..I think that giving guide;ines is good but to go on and on about it is going too far,in my opinion...
1 person likes this
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
4 Jun 08
You know that old saying "It's not what you say but how you say it" that nurse was out of place. My doctor got on me about eating carbs and as soon as I seen that he was not going to stop anytime soon I told him - OK you made your point now drop it, we are not going to discuss this any more. Like I told my doctor and I would tell the nurse too - you just can't stop many foods all together, I will reduce my portion size eating less carbs and increase the salads and vegetables. Some of these health care providers are so burnt out that they go on the attack and they need to be told to just chill out.
1 person likes this
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I haven't had it that bad but I remember when I was pregnant with my child I had extremely high blood pressure. The doctor did not try to scare me but I got put in the hospital because he was afraid I would have a stroke. I had to change some of my diet especially salt. Ever since then I have not cared much for salty food. It would be a good idea for you to try to find healthier ways of cooking things. I am not a fish eater, I can't even stand the smell of it, but it provides the good fat of omega 3. Since I don't eat much fish I try to take caplets of the omega. I have seen a lot of books on healthy eating. Maybe you could find some simple recipes that you could sneak in on your hubby. Some of them are quite good. If the doctor is blunt then maybe he feels the need to be so in order to "scare" a patient into changing habits.True like your husband says we are all going to die of something, but it is the quality of life that is important to me. Get sneaky, he might like it. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@girlgonefishing (2174)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I think that if a doctor was talking like that to me, I would change doctors. He should have just casually handed your husband a diet plan with meals and items that are ok to eat and the portions of the items that he is allowed to have. You should have been left out of the whole thing. You are not his Mommy.
@JanetBRudman (158)
• United States
26 Jun 08
You have to realize the VA clinic is run by the State and federal gov'ts. Their job is to try to keep patients ages 40/over from getting sick (preventative maintenance). So when the doctors told us the diet rule - which is: low fat, low cholesterol, no salt, no sugar, etc. - we try to follow it! However, eating out is very difficult because of having to eliminate sauces, deep-fat fried stuff, etc. So it's up to you and your family to control your intake if you know what's good for you healthwise. Otherwise, you all could end up with high blood pressure, clogged arteries, gout, diabetes, etc. That's what happened to me and my husband. Matter of fact, I even have ulcerative colitis when I don't watch what I eat. Now we have to eat bland stuff during the week, and only splurge on the weekend or holidays.
@lucy02 (5016)
• United States
12 Jun 08
This reminds me of my mom. She eats what she wants to and has high bp, diabetes, and has had a couple of small strokes. She's 81 y/o and she's not going to change her eating habits. I get onto her occasionally but I've come to realize she is an adult and at 81 food is one thing that she still enjoys. Being happy is also important for your health. She has lived this long and I hope she lives a lot longer but I want her to enjoy life too. The doctors don't even fuss at her anymore so I've quit too. If I say anything to the doctor about her eating too many sweets they just laugh.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
12 Jun 08
I can understand how these practitioners get frustrated when they are trying to help people who won't help themselves. I'm afraid I believe that the onus is on the person in the household who does the shopping and the cooking.
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
13 Jun 08
The doctor's and nurse practitioner's methods were not the best, but they were both telling you both the truth. It is never to late to change eating habits. I am 53 and decided to change a couple years ago for a diabetic condition and it has made a world of difference. I am not sticking with it now as well as I once did, to be honest, but it is never to late to change bad habits and take better care of your health. Sometimes it isn't what you eat but the amount that you eat and what is eaten with your favorite foods. Even though I am a diabetic, I still eat sweets, which is something that is very difficult for me to give up. I just eat fewer and in smaller portions. SO if living a longer and healthier life is important to both of you, you can make some changes in your cooking and he in his eating habits and not give up all the foods that he likes to eat and sometimes it can be in the way that the food is prepared, as well. Think more about your health and being around your loved ones longer than with how the health professionals approached you with telling you.
@Gargoyle0134 (1257)
• United States
11 Jun 08
What do doctors and nurse practitioners really know about human nutrition? They are not even required to take a single course in that in their years of schooling. Tell the nurse that if they feel that way, send the hubby to someone who knows what they are talking about and make sure an appointment is made with a REAL nutritionist, and not just a nosey nurse with opinions.
Otherwise, report this mouthy behaviour to their nurses supervisor, or hospital supervisor, INSIST then on a nutritionist appointment from someone who KNOWS what the heck they are talking about, but make sure this nurse gets something in their file, as they are practicing outside their scope of medical expertise and should learn to SHUT UP about what they don't have an education in.
Just becasue you are at a VA hospital, it does NOT (and I soeak as a veteran who knows,) mean you have to put up wiht being treated inn this manner. Ask for a different nurse to tend hin in the future. And ask for a different doctor, as this one can't seem to control their nurse!
@setroc (853)
• Philippines
12 Jun 08
i havent encounter a doctor that is like that yet, and i hope i wont, if i do encounter someone that critical i would still listen to the content of what hes saying, not the way hes saying it, and change the things that he said are harmful, umm..but i would probably never go to that doctor again
@slyvixen42 (926)
• United States
11 Jun 08
That's kinda scary because I cook whatever my guy wants too. I know it's bad for us (I eat whaever he eats) but he is set in his ways. It's funny to say that because he's only 23. He feels fine now but I know that as we age he'll get very unhealthy and wish he had eaten better. I don't know if it's my responcability to get him to buy better food or if he has to figure it out for himself. I hope we both get our act together before we die prematurely.
