child abuse

Philippines
June 8, 2008 1:39am CST
I had a friend from childhood who told me that when she was about 6 yrs. old she was abused sexually by a boy member of their household, and no one knew about it. she kept it to herself all these years. she's now in her late 30's, successful, and unmarried. I didn't know what to tell her then, but i hugged her tight in silence. I guess there are a lot of us who have experienced abuse of whatever kind in our lives, but how we handled it really depends on so many things. Tell me how would you handle abuse of this kind?
4 people like this
8 responses
@SusanLee (1920)
• United States
8 Jun 08
Me, my siblings, my cousins and I don't know who all fell victim to that very thing for many, many years at the hands of my dad. Back in those day's thru the 60s and 70s, people just didn't tell. And if you did, no one would believe you. I think it was such a well hidden secret. Children suffered in silence, you usually felt you were the only one suffering at the hands of this person. I think it's good that your friend has finally been able to open up. I hope they continue to move forward and get all her feelings out in the open about this abuse. And to realize that IT WAS NOT HER FAULT!!!!
2 people like this
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
yes susanlee! opening up was a courageous act that was hurtful but the relief it brought was immense!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jun 08
I would tell if I saw it. My brother and I were both verbally abuse by my mother's boyfriend, I never reported him, but then again, we did not report abuse back then. I did not want to report him because he was my brother's father. I did not have my father and I did not want my brother to be without one. I had a lot of friends and family members who were also abused, some of them reported their parents and some did not.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
yes rogue, you had a reason why you felt that reporting the abuse back then won't do good for your brother. But times have changed, and the abuses have become complex, more so in families. Lets all be vigilant against abuse. Thanks rogue!
1 person likes this
• China
8 Jun 08
Hi! I hope your friend well . I think it 's very normally in friends ,I with my friend often abuse ,but we just kidding ,we don't want to hurt any one .We kidding only in my friend. We don't talk to anyone we don't know . In life ,if someone abuse me ,I often go away ,I don't want to dispute with him, but he or she abuse my family ,I will angry with them even fighting.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
thanks Icewaterwarm, i guess we all want to protect would be victims, especially those in our families, from abuse of whatever kind.
1 person likes this
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
8 Jun 08
Unfortunately, this happens far more often than we like to think. Most do keep it quiet for fear of retaliation by the abuser, or that no one will believe them or for fear of causing hurt and disruption in the family. I'm not surprised to hear she is unmarried. I also wouldn't be surprised to hear if she had homosexual leanings. Many women who have been sexually abused by a man subsequently reject all of them. It probably did her a world of good to tell you her "secret". I think you handled it correctly. You could offer to listen if she ever wanted to talk more about it. Sometimes it's good just to get it all out. If she is experiencing any problems from it, encourage her to get some counseling.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
yes susie, i'd tell her that. Thanks!
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Jun 08
This is an awful thing anyone let alone a child to go through. So many people don't say anything because they don't think they will be believed and that is so wrong. If either of my kids came to me and said someone was hurting them this way or any way I would definitely believe them and charge the person responsible to the full extent of the law.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
you're a great mom strawberry for feeling that way!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 08
I went through this as a child and it wasn't just one incident with one person.Often when there is an abuser in the family it is not isolated but either way the child loses their innocence. Personally as an adult I still have problems that stem that among other things.I still can be brought right back to that time and feel the same feelings I was feeling then if I smell something that reminds me,or see someone that reminds me,even certain songs from back then will bring it all back to me.I have been known to lose touch with where I am and what I am doing when this happens,I have gone so far as to pass out.I do see a counselor but I am sorry I don't think that this kind of abuse is something that is easily put in the past and left there.It leaves scars on the inside that just don't go away,the feelings of how can this person who I love do this to me,the guilt,the fear it just doesn't go away. People can say don't feel guilty it wasn't your fault but that don't help because you feel the guilt anyway its like an imaginary crime.There is a sort of distortion in the way you look at people and life in general that sometimes makes it very difficult to function in the world properly.Especially when the people who know about it tell you it didn't happen.As a child I was told it didn't happen and really believed I must be having these disgusting dreams about my family members,it made me feel there was something wrong with me for dreaming such things.I learned to shut my mouth I didn't want anyone to know I was having these dreams.It is a terrible form of child abuse that has long lasting effects. Jas
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
oh jas, i can almost feel the hurt you're still going through as I did with my friend. You just got to be strong. I know it won't be easy but you also have to help yourself. Counselling is good, but the rest of it is yours to handle. As you said, it will really take time to heal the scars. Remember that you're not alone in this. So just go and pick up the pieces. Thanks Jas for sharing your pain..I will be praying for you.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32255)
• United States
8 Jun 08
I have not been sexually abused, and I am happy to say that. However, a cousin of mine has and it's had a bad effect on her and her esteem. It's sad that these things happen. Now, I do not like my cousin but I cannot say that her actions are truly her own fault. I hope that those people who are abused come out to the open more and more each day. I can only imagine that telling someone that they were sexually abused can be hard, and going to a parent and being told that they are lying, has to be worse. Sadly, these are one of these things you truly don't know about until you experience it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
its indeed an eye opener to all of us that this thing happens to families, regardless of race and status.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164222)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jun 08
when I was molested by my own father at age eight I went to my pastor for help.some help he did not believe me and said I was lying. that my dad was a prominent member of society as a family doctor and would never do such a thing. so I kept quiet but never let myself be alone again with my own father. I did tell my husband just before we got' married and that felt good as then there were no secrets between us.I have not let it ruin my life at all.But I have forgiven but not forgot for one second. I did not want to let my hatred poison my life.
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
oh hatley, its good that you have moved on from that episode in your life! Its true that to forget is not as easy to forgive, because the pain it brought lingers on.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164222)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Jun 08
thanks for best response