How do I avoid remaining bitter after my breakdown?
By Norfolk_Jim
@Norfolk_Jim (214)
June 8, 2008 4:41am CST
In February, I had a nervous breakdown from the stress of work, debt, having a spouse who has OCD, the messy breakdown of my church fellowship and finally the sudden and unexpected death of my dad. For any friends here at Mylot who wondered where I went, well now you know.
Now that I'm able to function normally again, well more or less, the thing that has most struck me was the level of prejudice against mental illness that seems to exist here in the UK. As soon as I got sick, all but one of my friends deserted me. I saw one in the street a couple of days ago and the actually ran away rather than speak to me. My work place has treated me really well but the charity I was chairman off removed me from office without any consultation and no one from there has had any contact with me since - 3 months, and I live 1000 yards from the people who got rid of me. They did it with a cribbled note, not even a phone call.
I've been really shocked at the way people who I thought were my friends and whom I trusted have treated me. I suppose I have to be thankfull one friend has stuck by me, it could have been worse. I think its quite natural to feel some anger and some strong feelings when people let you down, but it isnt good to hang onto those feelings. Here we are nearly 4 months later and I still have the same angry, hurt feelings welling up anytime I'm reminded of it all. Other than moving away, I'm going to be reminded of it often and as I cant change whats happened I can only change myself - So, has anyone else faced anything similar? how did you deal with it? How can I avoid being bitter and letting it damage my inner self and wellbeing, as bitterness always does? Counting my blessings does help, but I do worry that some of my coping is due now to medication and how will I react when I'm off the pills? Will talking it over help or just keep feeding it? Advice please.
3 people like this
5 responses
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
8 Jun 08
I'm sorry to hear you had all this happen. Enough to make you think your whole world was crashing in on you. Nevertheless welcome back to myLot and you'll notice there is and will always be someone here for you. It's like any advice you have to sort through it but I have had some pretty good people stand by me here when I most needed advice and I think you'll do well to stay with myLot. My best advice now is just take each day one day at a time and gradually get off the medication because sometimes it can be the biggest problem down the road. I wish you happiness, good health and offering (((BIG HUGS))) Take Care.
2 people like this
@Norfolk_Jim (214)
•
8 Jun 08
Thanks for the hugs - pretty dog in your avatar, is it your pet? Dr will be helping me to get off the medication. It has helped but it also makes my situations seem unreal in some ways as I find myself either very agitated or else utterly indifferent to various things. I think these online communities can be a help for people like me as its a platform to express feelings and get advice without exposing onself too much. Theres a degree of anonymity.
The way my state of mental health has progressed has really been in line with the timescale as laid out by the various medical people which gives me a lot of confidence in them. Its really been very different from my wifes experience. I still feel a lot of anger and hurt and it isnt easy to live with those feelings. I wonder how I'd feel without the calming effect of the medication and that is a bit of a concern. All the best to you. Jim
2 people like this
@paid2write (5201)
•
8 Jun 08
I am so very sorry to read of your troubles since February Norfolk_Jim, I did wonder why you were no longer active at myLot. I hope you will start to post again now and maybe get some helpful advice from other members.
I am shocked that your friends have deserted you in this way. Mental illness is no different from physical illness, would they do the same if you had contracted a debilitating disease that affected you physically, rather than mentally! I hope the medication will help and when you come off the pills it will be because you have better mental health and can cope without medication.
I can understand your anger and distress at the way people have reacted. I really thought there was better understanding now than in the past. How can a charity dismiss you like that? I just hope you know that not everyone is like that. There are people who realize that anyone can suffer a breakdown and it can be caused by stress. You will come through this, you can become stronger inside. Do try not to let the bitterness overtake the gratitude you feel for the blessings in your life.
@Norfolk_Jim (214)
•
8 Jun 08
Hi Paid2write, somehow I thought you would notice this first post and respond. Its been a very difficult three months. You would think that by now there would be a more reasoned approach to mental illness. My employers have been great as have the staff there. they've fully cooperated with my Dr and the Mental health team to support me and I'm now on a rehabilitation to work phase where I am more or less free to work as much or as little as I feel able to and to do only the tasks I feel capable of. The aim is to have me back at work properly by September. I was really shocked by the behaviour of my friends and the charity I worked so hard for. That was a real kick in the guts and really set me back. They've not even checked to see if I've recovered - a real panic reaction. People tell me its because people dont know how to deal with a mentally ill person but I wonder just what they thought I was going to do to them? In the main, life just came to standstill and I was terribly slow speaking, deciding (if I could) and acting, but it wasnt as if I was violent or dangerous. Now that I feel sufficiently well that I'm thinking of taking part in hobbies like this one, I find that life is somewhat empty as so much of that which I worked to establish and my relationships are just like gone! I dont see how it could ever be the same, so I suppose I have to start over and thats a bit daunting. I think the bitterness really comes out of hurt and a feeling of betrayal, but at least I have my job still and my family, so thats good stuff.
Yes, I do hope to spend time on Mylot again. pity it doesnt pay better!!! The debt is still there - worse than ever, but on my tablets I find it doesnt really worry me in the way it once did, LOL. Silver linings.
My daughter says I look furry - must have a shave.
Keep writing!
2 people like this
@paid2write (5201)
•
9 Jun 08
I think some people do associate mental illness with violence, but that is no excuse for the way you have been treated. Whatever happened to compassion? How can people involved in charity not be charitable towards you?
Anyway I am very pleased that you are back at myLot and wish you a full and speedy recovery.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
9 Jun 08
Oh My GOd!. its really nice to know taht you are back and also functioning as normal again. i would not say something like this happened. but i have seen many times friendship is broken like a fragile glass. it shard to believe in people. maY be its your story which will motivate me and others.
@Norfolk_Jim (214)
•
11 Jun 08
Times have changed but some things are taking longer than others. Its like people who look different from the norm. Gradually more and more people are looking past whats on the surface of someone and the world is often a better place for that. With a mental illness, the person still looks the same but acts and speaks differently. I think its important not to reject your friends in these circumstances because when their world has collapsed they need every anchor they can find. Even when people dont know what to say, who ever said that its necessary to say anything. Just being there is sometimes enough of a help in itself. Now that I'm rehabilitating its still hard to deal with the rejection. Thankfully our pal Tracey stuck with this family and has been a great help. You do find out who your friends are when this sort of thing happens.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
8 Jun 08
Hi Norfolk_jim, Prejudice towards those with mental illness is common everywhere, I wish we could say it wasn't. I can understand your frustration, and it is very easy to give in to bitterness at a time like this. You seem to have thought things through very well, since you know that counting your blessings is helping. I am sure that the medication is helping you cope, but being grateful is also very good for you. It is never easy to forgive those who have let us down, I've had to struggle with it for years, but I also believe it is very important for our well being. Talking about it too much will only cause you to become more bitter. Get it out of your system, find one person that you know you can trust, and ask if you can talk about it one last time, and then put it behind you. Go to places where you will be sure to meet your old friends, and approach them as though nothing had happened. Let them know that you are still here and every bit as much a human being as they are. Most will respect you for it, and you will fine that many of them will be happy to see you. You can be sure that some of them just don't know how to handle the situation now, they honestly don't know what to say to you. I'm not saying that this is going to be easy but it will work. I wish you only the best as you endeavour to put your life back together. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@Norfolk_Jim (214)
•
11 Jun 08
You sound like a genuinely nice person to have such a giving attitude. Thanks for sharing that
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
8 Jun 08
Find someone to talk to. A professional can help you learn coping skills that can help you handle not only this but issues that will come up later in life. I have never had a breakdown but i have been on antidepressants most of my adult life and saw a therapist for a number of years. I still use the knowledge and coping skills in my everyday life that she taught me. Most people really just simply do not understand an illness if it is not physical, but you don't have to let this make you ill from the anger, stress and hurt that their ignorance has caused you to feel. That is where learning good coping skills will come in handy. Also don't discontinue your medication until the Doctor tells you to as this can cause side effects that you really don't want to have to deal with right now. Good Luck and best wishes!
