Major parenting advice needed!!
By cyntrow
@cyntrow (8523)
United States
June 8, 2008 3:48pm CST
OK, this is going to be long winded so please bear with me.
I have five children, ranging in age from 21 to 6. This problem is with my 10 year old daughter, who is my most sensitive child.
Last weekend, we had a tornado touch down in our town. I live in Maryland, on the Chesapeake Bay and this is a rare occurence. We get hurricane threats all the time, but tornados don't come often. So, last Sunday, the younger kids were out playing and the winds suddenly kicked up and the sky turned dark. Both of my younger kids came inside instantly and I went out to put the dog in. Within a few minutes of the wind and the blackened sky, our power went out. We grabbed the flashlights and candles and turned on battery powered radio. The announcer said that all residents of Chesapeake Beach Maryland should get to their basements and stay there for at least 15 minutes. I took my kids, the dog and the rabbit down to the basement and lit a bunch of candles while my husband walked around the house with a camera looking for the funnel. LOL. Shortly thereafter, the radio told us that the threat had passed and we went back upstairs. Nothing had occured in our neighborhood.
I was informed that our power would be out for a couple of days and my brother suggested that we come to stay with him and his partner and kids so we did. Driving through town was scarey, although I did not voice this to my kids. It looked like a war zone. A local restaurant and bar had the roof "peeled" off and the roof was laying on a power line. all of the condos by the bay had roof damage. There was a tree on a car and the car was crushed. My kids were seeing all of this as we drove through town. Very fortunately, there were no deaths and only one serious injury.
now to my problem. My 10 year old is spending every day looking out the window. She puts on the weather channel first thing in the morning. This afternoon I saw her looking out the window with tears in her eyes. She said that the sky looked like it was getting dark. I've tried to talk to her. I've explained that 99.9 percent of all thunder storms do not produce tornados. I let her know that when we were in the basement, if something had happened, we would be safe and a physical house is just a building. We have insurance. I let her know that her fears are not something that I will push aside, but I am concerned that she is so fearful of any storm.
I'm going to call her pediatrician on Monday to see if he can offer any advice, but I am curious to know if the Mylot Nation has any similar experiences. It hurt my heart to see her crying over the weather. It hurts to feel so helpless about the feelings of my own child. Five kids and this is a first.
HELP!!!
6 people like this
13 responses
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
9 Jun 08
Bless her heart Cyn, I think I would get her some age appropriate weather books so she can read and do some research and be able to ask you questions as she reads. Its hard to dispel a child's fear once it takes hold. Well for that matter its hard for adults to over come fear if we give in to it. I think talking to her doctor is a good idea. I raised boys and they were all boy so I have never experienced this with one of my kids. How does she react during a hurricane warning? The storms really have been horrendous this spring already.
Bless her heart. I wish I had some idea of what you could say to her or how to talk to her.
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
9 Jun 08
Your daughter is frightened of the unknown. She doesn't know the facts and her imagination is running wild. Get information about tornadoes, show her what happens and what causes these terrible storms. Most importantly encourage her to talk about her fears. Do not downplay her fright. Its very real to her. Usually talking it out will help her come to grips with her emotion.
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@Stiletto (4579)
•
9 Jun 08
What a shame for her. Some people just are more sensitive than others and take a little longer to work through things in their own head. And you know I'm just thinking about it. I've never experienced a tornado or seen the aftermath of one at first hand either, and I imagine I would be pretty disturbed by seeing something like that for the first time. It was only a week ago wasn't it? In a few days time she may be fine and back to normal again. It's good that you are taking the time to talk to her about it and that you aren't just dismissing her fears. I do think you are right to call the pediatrician though because it can't do any harm to get some professional advice about it.
1 person likes this
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
8 Jun 08
Hi cyntrow!
I'm sorry to hear of you and your family's experience, thank goodness none of you were hurt.
Your daughter has been through something traumatic, and may need help getting back to normal.
Having not experienceing this before she doesn't know how to cope, and that's understandable.
Maybe she need's someone to reassure her that things will be alright. It's sad to know that she's going through this, that's to much pressure for a child her age, and i can understand your feeling of helplessness.
I hope you find some way of helping her and soon, so that things can go back to normal, and she can go back to enjoying her childhood.
1 person likes this
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
8 Jun 08
This was a traumatic experience. She may need to good to someone that she can talk to and learn some skills to help her cope. She may also listen to someone else better that you, after all you are her mother and she may be afraid that you are just trying to protect her and keep her from worrying.
@Remembering1996 (2219)
• United States
9 Jun 08
This is a scary experience like this for a kid and they don't let go of the feeling of it to quick I'm afarid to say. Some kids will always be wondering after hearing or seeing something like this. It's a good thing you got them to safety in the basement. I know you tried to talk to her and she still fears and probably the best thing to do would be talk to her doctor and see if there might be something you can do to help her w/ this fear. I hope she will understand that every storm isn't going to be like this and you will always make sure she is ok. I wish you the best of luck and may she be a little at ease after you talk w/ her doctor and he suggests what to do for you good luck and take care.
1 person likes this
@ivyoon (673)
• United States
9 Jun 08
I have a 10 yr. old son who is very emotional like this.
He has always been terrified of thunderstorms too.
I have found, as difficult as it is, that it is best to let these emotions work themselves out. They always do.
I try to be supportive, and give the best explanations I can in every scary/sad situation, but the feelings usually subside over time.
I also find that educating helps a lot. Maybe you can find a good book about weather that is designed with the 10 yr. old in mind and sit with your daughter and read it together with her. It helps to learn about the things that we are afraid of or emotional about.
All in all, however, time is the best healer. Hang in there, and just try to be as supportive as you can.
@mmiller26 (1930)
• Canada
9 Jun 08
I know exactly where you're coming from, Cyn. On Memorial Day, a tornado ripped through my former home town and destroyed nearly half the homes there and about 25 businesses. There isn't much left of the town. My grandma and great-aunt lost their homes and my grandparents have been staying with my mom and dad for the time being. We explained what happened to my 6 year old son, and he saw some pictures of the wreckage that my mom sent me (which I posted in another discussion that I started, if you want to check my profile). He seemed more concerned that everybody was OK. We told him that tornadoes don't happen very often where we live, and that he shouldn't worry.
Well, yesterday we had a thunderstorm in the afternoon and all across Ontario they were calling for tornado watches. My son heard this, and started worrying. Next thing, he was telling me to shut the A/C off because he was cold. I turned it down, and he huddled in a blanket on the couch. I asked him if he was OK and he said yes, but he was swallowing repeatedly. (I know from experience that this means that he's about to throw up). So I took him to the bathroom, and sure enough, he vomited. He'd worried himself sick. Once he was done, I explained to him that it was just a watch, not a warning, and that if there was a warning we'd run next door to my landlord's house and go into his basement. And in the next hour, the sun was shining again, and he was fine so it was a short-lived thing. But I wonder if this isn't going to happen every time it storms.
@mummymo (23706)
•
9 Jun 08
That must be so hard for her to cope with and you to watch honey! I haven't had an experience like this and I guess I would be lost too. I know you have most likely done this but have you been able to point out that there were warnings before this happened and they can usually tell you beforehand that this is going to occur! The whole thing has obviously made a big impression and sounds as though she has been left a bit traumatised! i would get in touch with your doctor as you intend and see if he can help or refer her to a counsellor! Hugs to you all and I do so hope she feels better soon! xxx
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Jun 08
the first order of the day is for you yourself to be
calm.that willhelp your ten yearold. then talk to her
and let her tell you whats bothering her. You could
even get some childrens books on nature and find
things about tornadoes. I grew up in tornado alley
'so learned early about tornadoes and what to do if
you spotted one and I was never really frightened as'
I had the knowledge to help me.kids have to learn about
nature and cannot be protected all the time but must
face the facts.just make her know that you will protect
her at all times.
@SusanLee (1920)
• United States
9 Jun 08
I'm glad your going to act on this right away. My 12 year old son is very afraid of bad weather and he has never seen anything like what your little girl has seen.
When my son was little, he would watch the weather channel. We didn't think much of it at first, I mean how many three and four years watch the weather channel and actually get anything out of it?
We must have under estimated his intellegance or something because then he wanted to watch 'Storm Stories' I think he absorbed more than we thought he did. I really think that is where his fear of bad weather came from.
If he were to ever experience what your little girl has, I would be beside myself with worry too. And I would make arrangements for some professional help ASAP, someone that understands how childrens little minds work and who'll better be able to diffuse this fear before it really gets to deep rooted.
I wish you the very best
@ramyashreesk (1021)
• India
9 Jun 08
Awww so sad for your baby she is after all a child, she is sensitive so it happens.
I suggest you try to deviate her mind when she is undergoing such recurring symptoms. Thats the best way to get her out of it. Try to please her by doing what she likes.
Try to keep happy by making her to laugh, she has got to realize by herself that no tornado will come , you all are completely safe now.
Best Wishes.
@ShealM (388)
• Canada
8 Jun 08
Would therapy help? It sounds like she has post traumatic stress syndrome or the beginnings of it.
Try sitting with her and having a discussion with her about it - say things like "I've noticed you are stressing out over the recent events we've went through and seem very scared and upset about it - do you want to talk about it"
Get lots of information on tornadoes and hurricanes and weather patterns like this and sit with her and go over the material with her and have a discussion about it. The more information she can gather about the incident and the cause of this incident, the more it helps to know how it works. It may ease her mind to know about the way the whole thing works.
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